A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Volume 3 - Chapter 6.2

V3C6.2
When it became night again and Zhang Jun had left, I started to regain my liveliness. Both Lin Yiran and I had enough sleep during the day so we pulled an all-nighter playing cards. 

In the early morning, Zhang Jun gave the ticket to Shen Yuanzhe again, who passed it to Lin Yiran again. Lin Yiran left to rest in the bed compartment and I curled up on the seats and slept. The temperature was even higher than yesterday and the compartment was stiflingly hot. My back got sweaty from sleeping and despite how tired I was, I was unable to sleep deeply.

Whilst drifting in the haze of half-sleep, I suddenly felt a gentle breeze chasing away the heat, and I fell deep into dreams.

It was only when I returned to that half-awake state that I realized it was because Shen Yuanzhe had been sitting opposite and fanning me for the entire time I was sleeping. I was both touched and uneasy and got up hurriedly. “Thank you…”

He smiled gently. “It was just a passing act, there’s no need to thank me.”

The class captain of Class 6 joked, “Next time I also want your passing act.”

Everyone laughed loudly and said to Shen Yuanzhe, “Me too, me too!”

Zhang Jun also smiled, cards in hand, but his eyes were on me.

I was laughing as well but when I saw his expression, the feeling died down. Avoiding his gaze, I quickly got out my toiletries and when I came back from the bathroom, Shen Yuanzhe was sleeping on the table. 

To repay his kind act, I looked for fans and saw that there was an unused fan lying on the card table. I walked over and was about to take it when another hand covered it.

Zhang Jun grabbed the fan and cracked it open. One hand looking at his cards, one hand fanning, he acted as if he hadn’t noticed me.

I silently walked back.

Afterwards, the train crew came to sell cards and fans. I spent five yuan and bought one. Although it was quite expensive, it could be useful in the future. Sitting next to Shen Yuanzhe, I fanned him whilst reading.

When Shen Yuanzhe had woken up, we had arrived in Beijing.

In the stuffy train compartment, everyone soon became familiar with each other. Everyone liked Shen Yuanzhe, and even those that had negative feelings towards him from the rumours changed their mind.

He would always pay attention to those quiet, introverted students, taking care of them. He would call them over when playing cards, and remember them when passing around the bed tickets. He wouldn’t ignore anyone just because they weren’t lively enough, or fun enough. Everytime Zhang Jun and Master Zhen passed their tickets to Shen Yuanzhe, he would always give the chance to another person; he had never taken a break in the bed compartment even once.

Ms Xing marveled, “No wonder why your class teacher never seems to worry for your class; you’re taking up all the worries.” She saw that everyone was looking at Shen Yuanzhe and immediately added, “But, Zhang Jun is also quite amazing. Thank God I had him this year, otherwise I really wouldn’t know what to do with those little idiots like Song Peng.

Ms Xing said it through gritted teeth and everyone laughed. The two most undisciplined students were both in Class 4, and they went above just the pranks of normal bad students. Ms Xing had it hard, but she was smart and knew to fight evil with evil. She did not worry over the bad records that Zhang Jun previously held and made him class captain to control Song Peng and friends.

In Beijing, we were divided into two people per room. I was in the same room as Lin Yiran, Master Zhen with Master Jia, and Zhang Jun with Shen Yuanzhe.

Everyone ate together, played together, and listened to the lectures on astronomy from the professors together.

A group of young people of the same age could get along very easily; the only bad came from me and Zhang Jun.

The relationship between Zhang Jun and Shen Yuanzhe became better and better. They swapped their cameras and would constantly take photos for each other, practically inseparable.

Neither Lin Yiran nor I had a camera, so Shen Yuanzhe would often take photos for us. Lin Yiran was happy to record down the places that she visited to share with her parents at home, so she stuck next to Shen Yuanzhe. I, on the other hand, was uncomfortable because it would mean that I would have to be next to Zhang Jun. I wanted to run away, but Shen Yuanzhe and Lin Yiran would drag me along, stopping me from even that.

Because we four often played together, even the quiet Lin Yiran began to talk with Zhang Jun, leaving me to my silence alone.

Shen Yuanzhe noticed that me and Zhang Jun hadn’t talked throughout the whole trip, and though that it was because back on the train, one of us slept in the morning whilst the other slept at night and we had no chance to get familiar, so he purposefully ‘introduced’ us to each other. “This is Zhang Jun, the class captain of Class 4 and a good friend of mine; this is Luo Qiqi from my class, also a good friend.”

Zhang Jun and I forced a smile and nodded. “Hello.”

Both Shen Yuanzhe and Lin Yiran thought we had never met each other before. Neither of us said otherwise, unwilling to admit we were classmates in primary school.

Shen Yuanzhe would happily drag us to play together but he soon discovered that there is no sign of friendship between Zhang Jun and I; both of us saw each other as an eyesore and refused to act even slightly courteously.

Any event that Zhang Jun participated in, I refused; any places that he suggested to go, I didn’t want to.

Zhang Jun had no qualms about participating in the same events as me but he would always make sure to humiliate me to the best of his abilities.

Sometimes when I was chatting happily with Shen Yuanzhe, he would suddenly shoot out of nowhere, each sentence satirizing me, forcing the conversation to end awkwardly. 

By the time we climbed to the top of Xiangshan*, it was already sunset. The rosy clouds covered the sky above the treetops like a scene from out of a picture. I asked Shen Yuanzhe to take a photo for me and we were giggling as we took the photos. Zhang Jun, on the other hand, continued making disdainful remarks, either ridiculing my posture, or mocking my smile, making Shen Yuanzhe feel extremely awkward, constantly trying to ease the atmosphere to no avail, Zhang Jun continuing on with vigor.

(*otherwise known as fragrant hills, a small hills area in a Chinese imperial park)

If it was someone else, maybe I would have just let it go with a smile, but this person was Zhang Jun. Even if my face was thicker than the turn of the Great Wall, he could still hurt me easily. I felt embarrassed and disconcerted and told Shen Yuanzhe, “I don’t want to take any more photos. There’s no need to take any photos for me in the future.”

Shen Yuanzhe kept comforting me and asked Lin Yiran to persuade me. I shook my head, firm in my decision.

Zhang Jun saw that I stopped taking photos, finally shut his mouth. I asked him coldly, “Are you happy now?”

He remained silent.

Ever since Xiangshan, no matter where we went, unless it was a group photo required by the teacher, I refused to take any more photos.

But Zhang Jun still disliked me. When we went to the Summer Palace, Zhang Jun had lashed out at me, picking out the smallest mistakes, so much so that I didn’t even remember what the Summer Palace looked like, only that he was mocking me, mocking me again, still mocking me!

I never knew that Zhang Jun was such a cruel person. In my memories, he was the sort of person that would turn away from anyone he didn’t like; only knowing how to fight, not argue.

Sometimes I wondered just where I upset him. Why did he keep targeting me? Even though I didn’t want to fight with him and always tried to keep my distance and avoid talking to him, sometimes I would retaliate when I reached the peak of my anger, making the conflict between us deeper and deeper. So much that the instance we talked to each other we would mock and ridicule, as if wishing the other person would vanish immediately.

Master Zhen would watch on from the sides, sometimes adding more fuel to the flame. Master Jia was a more gentle person, but because his relationship with Master Zhen and Zhang Jun was quite good, he would also join in and attack me.

Even though our entire group barely consisted of thirty people, because we were from different classes, we had unconsciously separated into three or four little groups. Zhang Jun was part of the largest out of these groups, and because of the attitude of the three core members, I was slowly separated out by the crowd. No matter what they were doing, no one would call me over. 

Sure, isolate me! It wasn’t as if I had never been alone before!

I didn’t care about their petty tricks and continued to play around like before. Lin Yiran stuck by my side despite the battles going on between me and Zhang Jun; no matter what I did, she would follow. With such a loyal friend, I feared their isolation even less.

Shen Yuanzhe became the ham inside the sandwich. As the person in charge, he didn’t want to see this kind of opposition happen; as a friend to both me and Zhang Jun, he wanted to see this opposition even less. He kept trying to persuade us to get along. In front of me, he kept talking about the positives of Zhang Jun, and then ran over to Zhang Jun to tell him good things about me, hoping that we could fix this ‘antagonism’ between us, and treat each other in a more friendly way.

I didn’t know how Zhang Jun reacted to Shen Yuanzhe praising me, but I would never refute the praises that he showered on Zhang Jun. No, not only would I not refute, I would listen very carefully under my expressionless mask.

I kept trying to keep myself out of Zhang Jun’s world, but deep in my heart, I craved to know every tiny detail about him. I liked to hear Shen Yuanzhe tell me that Zhang Jun was very loyal and well-respected amongst the boys, that even Song Peng liked him; I liked to listen to Shen Yuanzhe praising his smooth yet honest way of dealing with people, knowing when to be soft and when to be unforgiving; I liked to hear that he was focused on studying, and worked with reason, I liked to hear Shen Yuanzhe saying how much he admired that friend.

I even enjoyed listening to him talk about Zhang Jun because I had never dared to discuss so openly about Zhang Jun. This was the first time that someone had talked about him in front of me for an entire two hours, and all about the good things. I listened quietly with mixed emotions of happiness, melancholy and pride.

But the instance we met, it was like fire meeting water. 

Shen Yuanzhe had a tough job, trying to keep up a peaceful relationship between us, speaking praises of me to Zhang Jun and of him to me at the same time, hoping that one day we would melt down the ice around us.

One night, Lin Yiran went to play poker. Because Master Zhen was also there on the card table, I avoided the gathering.

Whilst watching TV by myself in the entertainment room, Huang We came to find me with a pack of cards, “Want your fortune told? I’m actually pretty accurate with this.”

I was a bit surprised. Apart from Shen Yuanzhe and Lin Yiran, everyone had decided to avoid me. She appeared to get along pretty good with Zhang Jun, so why was she not with him, and instead came here for me? Nevertheless, I didn’t refuse her kindness and replied immediately, “Sure!”

Huang Wei asked me to shuffle the cards and say the names of four boys and four girls, and she would tell me the stories that they would hold in my life.

I shuffled the cards and randomly picked out a few names. “Shen Yuanzhe, Yang Jun, Xiaodao Yipilang, Ma Ti, Lin Yiran…”

Huang Wei helped read my fortune whilst chatting with me, “It says on the cards that your fate with Shen Yuanzhe is quite strong, are you two together?”

Together meaning dating. Back then, maybe because everyone was embarrassed, or trying to hide from the adults, we didn’t use the actual term. I replied immediately, “Ah? No.”

Huang Wei looked at me with an expression that said, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.” 

“A lot of people saw him accompanying you home after self study!”

The school forbade dating, but it wasn’t able to forbid the budding fires that lit up in secret. Nonetheless, there really wasn’t anything between Shen Yuanzhe and I, so I calmly explained, “Our houses were the same way.”

Huang Wei smiled and asked, “Do you like Shen Yuanzhe or not?”

I was slightly irritated; I wasn’t close with her. Those kinds of things might not even be revealed to close friends, why does she keep pestering on?

“As a friend.”

“Then do you have someone you like? Someone special?”

“No.”

“Really? I don’t believe it! You definitely have someone you like, but who? Is it someone here in the summer camp?”

“I’ve never liked a boy before.”

I denied it without a single change in my expression and was about to leave when I saw that without me knowing, Shen Yuanzhe and Zhang Jun had arrived and were watching the fortune-telling from the side. My heart jumped, a bitter feeling suddenly rising up, completely forgetting what I wanted to do and sat there, dumbfounded.

Huan Wei asked Zhang Jun and Shen Yuanzhe with an expectant smile, “Do you guys want me to read your fortune? It’s very accurate.”

Shen Yuanzhe said the names of four girls, including Lin Yiran and I. Huang Wei immediately replied, “Luo Qiqi also mentioned you for the four boys she chose. The card showed you as someone important in her heart and that you two will share an incredibly long fate.”

Huang Wei’s tone was awfully ambiguous, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Shen Yuanzhe smiled and replied, “We were in the same school for all three years of middle school, of course it would be a long fate.”

Huang Wei started to make jokes about me and Shen Yuanzhe, both as probing and match-making. Shen Yuanzhe calmly blocked all her attacks, dodging everything smoothly.

When it was Zhang Jun’s turn, he took out the cards from Huang Wei’s hands and randomly said some names, “Tong Yunzhu, Li Xiaowan, Lin Yiran…”

We looked at him in shock, was he that close with Lin Yiran?

Everyone was waiting for the fourth name but he suddenly paused.

I pretended to carelessly watch the television, but a strange feeling of expectation rose in my heart.

Zhang Jun’s hand paused on top of the cards, before taking one out and said the last name, smiling, “Guan He.”

Shen Yuanzhe and Huang Wei both laughed, and I joined in, my eyes staring coldly at Zhang Jun, hiding all the useless thoughts in my heart.