A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Volume 3 - Chapter 6.3

V3C6.3
On the second night, everyone went out to eat together. We spread across three tables, twelve to thirteen people on each, and I was unfortunately seated with Zhang Jun again.

Master Zhen easily controlled the atmosphere, and everyone talked and talked, breaking into laughter from time to time. I knew they all despised me, so I didn’t speak a word, lowering my head to eat the entire time. I didn’t even dare move the dishes around, eating only whatever was in front of me.

When I finished the tea in my cup, I lifted my head to look around. The teapot was by Master Zhen though, so I lowered my head again and continued to eat quietly.

Zhang Jun lifted the teapot and refilled everyone’s cups, to everyone’s jubilant thanks. When it reached me I used my hand to stop it. “No need.” In reality, I wanted to drink, but he had been so over the top cruel these days, I didn’t want to accept his goodwill, even if it was just a passing favour.

The entire table of people turned to look at him, embarrassing him. He stood with the teapot for a moment, then smiled faintly and turned to fill the next person’s cup. Master Zhen snorted coldly. “Some people just can’t take a favor.”

I pretended that I didn’t understand, lowering my head to keep eating. Master Zhen kept taunting me; no wonder he was introduced as having a sharp mouth.

The atmosphere turned awkward. I endured for as long as I could, and when I couldn’t anymore, I slammed my chopsticks onto the table, met Master Zhen’s eye, and asked, “Are you done yet? Is Zhang Jun your brother, your sister, or mute? Do you need to speak for him?”

I didn’t expect Master Zhen to smile with squinted eyes and reply, “Zhang Jun is my brother, so? He’s not bothered to deal with you so I’m just helping out my big brother. What’s wrong?”

Master Jia also joined the fray, “If the road is not flat, the crowds will step on it. Will you not allow us to help our dear friend? Who do you think you are? Even landlords are not as unreasonable as you.”

Shen Yuanzhe intervened. “Everyone, stop it, it’s not a big deal.”

If a man truly started taunting, even a woman would fear it. I stood up and sat outside the restaurant. Shen Yuanzhe followed me. “I’m only here because I’m fully already,” I said. “You don’t need to bother with me.”

“I’m also full.”

He sat beside me, asked for two cups of cold drinks and passed me one. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how to start.

I knew that their hypocrisy would grow and grow between me and Zhang Jun, growing to hate me more and more. With Shen Yuanzhe defending me, the situation would only become more difficult.

“You don’t need to help me, I don’t actually care how others treat me.”

“I know that you’re not feeling very well inside.”

I stared at the little droplets that had formed on the cup, my eyes stinging. My sadness did not come from the isolation of the crowd – those had no effects on me whatsoever – but rather, Zhang Jun. I had no idea just how I had managed to upset him. Why did he keep making things difficult between us? Forcing me so much that I don’t even have a corner to back into.

Lin Yiran came out, sat by me, and said with a lowered head, “Qiqi, I want to say something to you, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Am I that narrow-minded?”

“You’re not narrow-minded, but because you’re not narrow-minded, I can’t understand why you’re treating Zhang Jun like this. I don’t think this is a good way for you to live. This chance is very precious for everyone, to play around together, but because of you and Zhang Jun, everyone’s feeling stressed and awkward. Back then, when Zhang Jun was pouring you tea, why did you reject him? Even though some conflicts had happened before, and Zhang Jun had said some bad stuff, you had always been so generous. Even though Ma Li kept scorning you, you were never angry, and Yang Jun always pulled pranks on you but you’ve never minded either, so why do you care so much about Zhang Jun?”

I lowered my head and replied, “I know, thanks, I shouldn’t affect others because of myself.”

Lin Yiran was really nervous, “Are you mad?”

“No, I know that you’re only saying this because you truly care about me and want everyone to accept me.”

　　Lin Yiran was relieved and smiled, “I know that you’re not full. I asked the waiter to pack up the leftover mantous.”

“Thanks.”

Lin Yiran smiled and shook her head but Shen Yuanzhe looked at me thoughtfully.

Back at the camping site, it was barely seven. Some people were playing basketball, some playing poker, some watching TV. I sat by myself in the dorm for a while and decided that I needed to talk to him, to solve the problems between us.

I found another guy and asked him for the whereabouts of Zhang Jun.

“Zhang Jun said that he was tired so he’s resting in the dorm right now.”

I knocked on Zhang Jun’s dorm, he said, “The door’s not locked.”

I pushed open the door and entered. He was standing by the window and when he saw that it was me, he stood there in amazement.

I closed the door. “I want to have a chat with you.”

He sat down on the only chair in the room and invited me to sit on the bed.

I remained silent for a long time, not sure where to start. He wasn’t anxious either and sat there quietly, not showing at all his normal appearance of cruelty.

After a while, I sighed and said, “I know that you don’t like me, hate me, even, but there’s no need to ruin this trip for everyone else because of us. I promise that I will never anger you, to try my best to not appear in front of you, to agree to everything you say, and in return I hope that you can let me go.” After I finished, I stood up straight away to leave.

He immediately grabbed my sleeve. “I don’t dislike you.”

“You don’t dislike me?” I froze in anger, swatted away his hand and pointed at him. “To avoid you, I made sure I climbed Xiangshan as fast as I could, and you said that I wasn’t being considerate to the slow walkers. Ok, fine, I’ll be considerate! At the forbidden palace, to avoid your ire, I walked at the very back, and you mocked me saying that I was dragging everyone back! When I’m talking to someone, if I say too much, you say that I’m stealing away everything that the other person wanted to say. Fine, I’ll be silent! Then you scorn me saying that I don’t have a group spirit, always hanging out by myself, playing hard to get and pretending to be deep! Even if it was just for taking a photo and I remove my glasses, you have something to say! Why do you care whether I take down my glasses or not? I’ve been trying so hard to avoid you already, just what do you want…”

I was still talking as he walked over, and I was too angry to notice at all and subconsciously took steps back until my back was against the wall and I was still glaring at him, angrily protesting, “At least we knew each other since childhood, and were both Ms Gao’s student. Even if you dislike me, there was no need to make everyone else exclude me as well…”

He suddenly lowered his head for a kiss and I instinctively dodged. He wasn’t able to kiss my forehead but instead touched my hair.

My voice vanished immediately and I gaped at him in horror. His arms were propped up against the wall and he looked down at me. Even though he was expressionless, his face changed colour from red to white, obviously also extremely surprised and nervous.

My brain blanked out and after standing there, stunned, for a moment, I suddenly ducked and slipped out from under his arm, and ran as if my life was on the line back to my own dorm and slammed the door shut, leaning against it, my heart still pounding.

After a long time, I finally regained my senses. As if drunk, I tripped my way towards my bed and lied down. The more I thought about it, the sadder and angrier I got. Zhang Jun probably really thought of himself as the school heartthrob, as if as long as it was a girl, they would like him.

I thought in sorrow. I should’ve given him a good, solid slap and woken up this bastard, or just returned the kiss, I’ve liked him for so many years now, it was hard to tell who would be getting the better end of the bet if I actually did it.

But I fucking ran away like some useless wench! Luo Qiqi, I really want to slap you right now!

Lin Yiran came back and asked me, “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat those mantous?”

I wrapped myself in a blanket and said in a muffled voice, “No.” I had already filled my stomach with anger.