4
“Are you all right, Asuta...? You’ve got a real gloomy look on your face,” Toor Deen said as we were parting, looking rather concerned.
“I’m fine. Just a bit tired... And you’re pretty tired out yourself, aren’t you, Toor Deen? Be sure to get plenty of rest.”
“Right. I’m so embarrassed about falling asleep like that,” the girl replied with a bow, her cheeks clearly red. “I look forward to working with you again tomorrow.”
“Yeah, right back at you. See you then.”
After giving Gilulu a quick smack with the leather whip, I left the Deen house and started back down the path through the forest’s edge. All the while, what Raielfam Sudra had said to me was swirling about in my head. He was right: there was no need to fixate on where I came from. There was no real difference between not knowing when I might disappear and not knowing when I might die, so my situation was hardly unique or special. I’d thought it over again and again by now, and I could see it was true.
As for the question of whether an outsider like me would be permitted to leave behind children... Well, I had meddled so thoroughly with the affairs of the forest’s edge and Genos as a whole by this point that there was certainly no point in worrying about that now. If I did happen to have children, they’d be hard pressed to match my ability to cause trouble.
Still, I can’t even imagine having kids...
Back in my home country, I hadn’t been at an age to worry about that yet. But this was the settlement at the forest’s edge, where you could get married at the age of fifteen. I had to follow the customs here and give the matter some serious thought.
With that in mind, though, my concern was focused on one point in particular.
There’s no way I could ever take a bride from some other clan. Even if I’m going to stop worrying about my potential fate, that’s something I just can’t do.
As I gave Gilulu another smack with the whip, I breathed a deep sigh. While I was worrying about everything, the Fa house had come into view. That was no surprise, though, as the Fa and Deen houses were only a few minutes apart when using a totos.
I hopped down from the driver’s seat, wondering whether or not Ai Fa was back yet, and reached out for the door to the house. As I nervously strengthened my grip...there was a sudden rustling sound from overhead.
“Oh, Asuta, you’re back early today.”
As I placed a hand over my pounding heart, I turned toward the voice. From atop a tree right next to the house, I could see the face of a familiar woman peeking out.
“A-Ah, it’s you, Lem Dom. You surprised me. What are you doing up there?”
“I’m training in moving from tree to tree. It’s a necessary skill for chasing giba or scouting,” she replied as she hopped down from the tree, dropping farther than her full height to the ground. It was like the elegant movement of a wild leopard or something. “What’s with the long face? Did something happen in the Daleim lands?”
“No, nothing like that. I’ve just got a lot I need to think about.”
“Hmm?” Lem Dom questioned with a tilt of her head.
Lem Dom had a rather wild appearance to start with, but over the past several days she had seemingly gotten even tougher. Her nearly 180-centimeter-tall frame was brimming with power, and the look in her eyes was growing sharper too. “There’s actually something I’d like to consult you about, but it seems like it’d be better to save that for another day.”
“With me? Is it about work in the morning?”
“No. It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“It’s fine. I want to give my head a bit of a chance to cool off by thinking about something else anyway, so go ahead, we can discuss whatever.”
“Really?” Lem Dom asked back, then she approached me with a firm stride. Was it something she didn’t want anyone else overhearing? Her plump lips came in close to my ear. “Well then, I’ll take you up on that offer...but it’s a bit crazy, so try not to be too shocked, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Would it be possible to have you take me as a bride?”
I was so shocked that I stumbled backward, banging the rear of my head against the door.
As I silently cradled my head, Lem Dom once again came right up next to me.
“What are you, a fool? That’s why I told you not to be shocked. Are you all right? You weren’t injured, were you?”
“D-D-Don’t just say that out of nowhere! Are you teasing me?!”
“Considering all I owe you, I would never tease you. Do I really seem like such a dishonest person?” she asked, sounding upset as she crossed her robust arms in front of her chest. “I’m serious. Naturally, I’m hoping such a future won’t come, but it’s important to prepare for the worst, right?”
“Just what sort of situation are you preparing for that you’d ask to marry me?”
“One in which Deek and I never come to an understanding, of course.” With her arms still crossed, Lem Dom shrugged her hearty shoulders. “I don’t have any desire to abandon the Dom clan. But I also refuse to cast aside my desire to be a hunter. Though I have every intention to try as hard as I can to reach an understanding with Deek, I still don’t know whether or not he’ll come to accept my wish.”
“Uh-huh, I have no problem with what you’ve laid out so far.”
“And if I’m not able to return to the Dom clan for years, what will become of me? If I keep building up my skills but I’m never permitted to head out into the forest, I’ll just die a pointless death, so my only option would be to join some other clan.”
“I can understand that much. But I can’t understand why you would need to be my bride.”
“The Dom are one of the closest clans to the leading Zaza. Because of that, I would imagine the Fa are just about the only ones at the forest’s edge who would take me in after I earned the anger of the Dom clan head,” Lem Dom stated with perfect calmness. “And if I simply become a clan member, isn’t it possible the Fa clan could earn Deek’s fury as well? But if it were as a bride, that would be something that all people of the forest’s edge would have to accept. After all, it is an important duty for women to take a husband and have children.”
“But don’t you want to become a hunter? You can’t do that and have kids, can you?”
“And with that in mind, you’re the only one I could take as a husband, Asuta. After all, you don’t intend to marry anyone, right?”
“Wh-Who did you hear that from?”
“It was just a rumor that caught my ear while I was over in the Ruu settlement. That’s why you turned down the Ruu women, right?”
I gulped at the thought of such rumors flying about. It wasn’t like I had received any official marriage proposals, and I didn’t think Vina or Reina Ruu would spread that information around on their own, so where exactly had they come from?
“Oh, it’s not like it was being openly discussed or anything. To be more accurate, I just happened to overhear a private discussion.”
“For reference, just who exactly was that discussion between?”
“I don’t know their names, but that red-haired girl from the main house, and a young man from the branch houses.”
She might have meant Lala and Shin Ruu. Lala Ruu had picked up on our complicated relationship with her formidable insight, and if the other person was Shin Ruu, I could see her sharing something that was embarrassing to her family.
“So, was that the truth? You really don’t intend to marry anyone?”
“Yeah, well... It’d be difficult to explain it all briefly, but there shouldn’t be any misunderstandings if you think of it like that. I can’t marry you either, Lem Dom...”
“Don’t worry. For my part, I would just be asking for a marriage in name only. Then everyone else will stop pestering both of us to get married, right?”
So Lem Dom had come up with the idea of a sham marriage with me. For a person of the forest’s edge, it was an absurd and outrageous plan.
“That’s a pretty crazy idea you came up with, Lem Dom...”
“You think? I figured it was a clever ploy that wouldn’t hurt anyone, myself.” As she spoke, Lem Dom uncrossed her arms and came in close to me again. Her big eyes that were slightly upturned seemed to have a bit of a suspicious glint in them. “Plus, this isn’t something to be speaking about too loudly, but...there are plenty of methods out there for having fun while taking care not to have children. There are even people who make a business of it in the post town...”
“Th-That certainly is a shock to hear.”
“Really? Well, it’s a firm taboo here at the forest’s edge for people to share in such pleasure without being married...but I could teach you those methods if you want, Asuta.”
“I don’t! It’s not good to go around breaking taboos!”
Lem Dom was taller than I was, and burlier too. If she got an improper thought in her head and tried to act on it, with my strength, I would never be able to stop her. My back was pressed firmly against the door, so all I could do was gesture to her to show my surrender.
Looking very much like a carnivore, she licked her lips and with a throaty voice said, “Oh really? How unfortunate. I owe you so much, and I’d love to return the favor...”
“I’m asking you to please respect my feelings about this! I can’t marry you!”
“You’re being pretty loud there, Asuta...” Lem Dom said, pulling back with a look of disappointment.
In the same moment, I heard the sound of footsteps on dirt and gravel. Completely flustered, I turned my eyes toward the direction of that sound, where I found exactly who I expected coming over from the rear of the house.
“What exactly are you two doing? If you’re done with your work, shouldn’t you unhook Gilulu from the wagon?”
“Y-You were here, Ai Fa?”
“I was in the rear of the house, skinning the pelt from a giba. You didn’t notice?”
Ai Fa strode straight toward us, her eyes half closed with a look of displeasure. Lem Dom must have noticed my clan head’s presence from the start, since she shot her a smile without any hesitation.
“Don’t scold Asuta for that, Ai Fa. I was the one who called out to him and distracted him from what he was doing.”
“That’s still Asuta’s responsibility. He should be able to carry out his work just fine while talking,” Ai Fa said as she released the clasp for the wagon and set Gilulu free. She kept glaring my way, even as she was tying the totos’s reins to a tree branch. “So, what were you discussing? I thought I heard something about marriage.”
“I asked Asuta if he would marry me, if worse came to worst.”
“H-Hey, Lem Dom!”
“What? If I wish to be taken in as a bride then I need the clan head’s approval, so we couldn’t move forward without Ai Fa knowing about it anyway, right?” Lem Dom started telling Ai Fa everything she had said to me. All the while, my clan head remained silent, her expression unchanging. “And in the end, Asuta turned me down. I thought it was a pretty clever plan, myself.”
“I can’t say how clever it might have been, but Asuta has his own thoughts and feelings. Rather than preparing for some off chance, you should be thinking first and foremost about how to get through to your clan head, Lem Dom.”
“Of course I’ve been thinking about that. Each and every day, until it feels like my head’s going to split open. But I can’t see any way to make Deek accept my actions,” Lem Dom said with a sigh. “The only way I can come up with to prove I’m right is to demonstrate my strength as a hunter like you, Ai Fa. But I can’t work as a hunter without my clan head’s permission. And if I can’t even go out into the forest to confront giba face to face, I’ll never be able to foster the soul of a hunter. It’s just like the three-way deadlock of Morga...”
“It’s true that you cannot develop the soul of a hunter without entering the forest. But you can at least gain the knowledge needed to hunt even without chasing giba.”
“But how? Women are only permitted to enter the forest between dawn and when the sun hits its peak, when the giba are still sleeping, right? What can be learned from a forest without any giba?”
“I already told you the answer. Not that I expected things to go the way they have when I said it.”
Lem Dom suspiciously furrowed her brow, and then she quietly murmured, “You mean Bartha, right? She and her son head into the forest in the morning to hunt wild birds. That’s it, isn’t it, Ai Fa?”
“Whether you’re after birds or giba, you cannot accomplish anything as a hunter without becoming one with the forest.”
Lem Dom gave a big nod and moved closer to my clan head, but when faced with a piercing, intimidating glare, she wrapped her arms around herself instead.
“I understand, Ai Fa... It’s not like it’ll solve everything, but I’ll start by trying to gain the knowledge needed to be a hunter. Then I’ll talk to Deek after that,” Lem Dom said, shooting a seductive smile at my silent clan head. “Thanks, Ai Fa. If you were a man, I might have forgotten all about my desire to be a hunter and fallen for you instead.”
“Don’t speak such nonsense, you fool.”
“I’m going to go run over to the Ruu settlement. If I go now, I should be able to make it back before the sun sets... Ai Fa, Asuta, thanks so much for the talk,” Lem Dom said, and then she took off like a bullet.
Feeling completely dumbfounded, I turned toward Ai Fa, my feelings still not in order.
“Um, Ai Fa...”
“If your business is done here, then you should get to work. You still have to prepare dinner, don’t you?” she snapped at me, turning away in a huff and then moving back to the rear of the house.
“Hold on,” I called out to her from behind. “There’s actually something I want to talk to you about... Well, it’s actually a bit complicated, so maybe it would be better to take our time discussing it after dinner...”
“Then you should wait till then to call out to me. Don’t stop me without good reason.”
“Yeah, sorry. I just wanted to let you know beforehand.”
At that, Ai Fa turned around and shot me a firm, suspicious stare. “It certainly sounds complicated. Did another woman ask to be your bride?”
“I-I’m surprised you figured it out. But, well, it wasn’t actually an official request...”
“If you cannot make a decision on your own, then I shall give my judgment as clan head...” Ai Fa responded coldly before disappearing.
Thinking to myself that this was going to be a long night, I gave another sigh.
◇
“Well, it’s not like I confirmed Yun Sudra’s feelings directly, and it wasn’t an official marriage request or anything either,” I confided under the candlelight after cleaning up dinner.
Her golden hair now down, Ai Fa snorted. “Hmph. Wasn’t it clear how that girl felt about you from the very first day she showed up alongside Lem Dom?”
“Y-You think? I couldn’t tell at all, not that early...”
“That’s because you may as well be blind,” Ai Fa retorted without the slightest mercy. But as she did, her piercing gaze softened somewhat. “So? If your feelings are set in stone, then I don’t see any need for me to step in. But seeing the way you’re fretting about it...could it be that you actually wish to take Yun Sudra for a bride?”
“No, that’s not it. I feel bad for her, but I’ve got no intention of marrying anybody.”
“I see,” Ai Fa said, closing her eyes.
Normally, that would be the end of the conversation. However, today I had to push on just a bit further. I gathered up my resolve before my emotions could sweep me away and continued, “But I believe what Raielfam Sudra said was perfectly logical for a person of the forest’s edge. I’m sure it wouldn’t be acceptable for me not to carry out my duty just because of some intangible fear about how I may disappear at any time.”
“You mean the duty for us people of the forest’s edge to birth and raise children?” Ai Fa emotionlessly asked back, her eyes still closed. “It’s only natural, though I hardly have any right to talk about it, considering I’ve cast it aside as well.”
“It’s fine in your case. I mean, according to Raielfam Sudra, you do more than enough as a hunter for it to be permitted. And Deek Dom said it too, didn’t he? You’re a special case.”
“But you’re a chef rather than a hunter... I see. So regardless, you are expected to have children and raise them?” Ai Fa stated, brushing up her long hair. Even still, her eyes remained closed. “Right... I once said my feelings about the possibility of the clan growing further were complicated. But if that caused you concern and made you feel a need to take a wife...”
“That’s not it. I told you if you suddenly said you were taking a husband, I might just lose all hope then and there, didn’t I? And those feelings haven’t changed at all...even now.”
As I stared at Ai Fa’s calm face, I could feel my heart start pounding like a jackhammer. I couldn’t afford the slightest mistake. It was important I didn’t muddy my words either. After all, this was probably the most delicate, precarious thing to discuss for the two of us.
“It hasn’t been any kind of issue so far, but if the Sudra and the other clans get involved, it wouldn’t be just an internal Fa clan matter any longer... Or at least, that’s how I see it.”
Ai Fa remained silent.
“You’re the Fa clan head. With that in mind, even if you say you have no room to talk, you’re still in a position where you have to take responsibility for the actions of your clan member. So if I turn down a marriage proposal from another clan, it’s important for you to at least know the reason why, right? That’s why...as a person of the forest’s edge, and as a member of the Fa clan, I feel the need to properly explain my thoughts and feelings to you.”
“A rather grandiose way to put it... Just what exactly is it that you intend to explain to me that you haven’t before?”
“The reason that I won’t take a bride.”
It felt like my heart was going to leap right out of my chest. However, I had to come out and say it... My true feelings that Raielfam Sudra and Vina Ruu had sensed, and likely Reina and Lala Ruu as well.
“You see, Ai Fa, I have no intention of taking anyone as a bride.”
“How many times are you going to repeat that...?”
“My background has nothing to do with it. Even putting aside the fact that I’m some mysterious weirdo who came here from another world, I still don’t plan on getting married.”
My clan head offered no response.
“Because...you may get mad hearing me say it, but...” I took a deep breath, trying to keep my heart from leaping out of my chest, and then I came out with it. “It’s impossible for me to think that there’s a more amazing woman out there than you, Ai Fa.”
Even still, Ai Fa’s expression didn’t shift.
As I stared at her face lit by the orange light of the candle, I pressed on. “I can’t imagine marrying anyone but you. That’s why I don’t feel like taking any other woman as a bride, and I don’t want to picture you taking some other man as a husband. That’s...how I truly feel.”
“So...you’re saying you wish to marry me, then?”
“No, that’s not it. Well, actually yes, but still... I mean, I would be incredibly happy if I were able to marry you.”
I was almost overwhelmed by the feeling of blood rushing to my face. I thought the veins in my temples might literally burst. It was a stroke of luck that Ai Fa’s eyes remained closed even now.
“However, I want to respect your feelings above all else. It’s just like I told you before, and that hasn’t changed in the least.”
Still, silence.
“Though I’m still inexperienced, I’m a chef. I’ve decided to keep on cooking till I die, and that’s the one thing I won’t give up for anyone. So...I figure you feel every bit as strongly about being a hunter.”
Even now, Ai Fa just kept on quietly listening.
“If I was told I had to cast aside my life as a chef in order to get married, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to obey, so I can’t ask you to stop being a hunter in order to marry me either... That’s how I truly feel.”
At last I had said my piece, and silence fell over the room. All I could hear was the sound of the animal fat candle burning. It felt as if each and every second was a hundred times as long. My heart was pounding so fast that it was causing my chest to ache. With my fists clenched, I could feel the sweat coating my palms. The air was so heavy that I felt an impulse to start making random noises, just to break the silence.
Just how much time had passed...?
But eventually, Ai Fa’s pink lips slowly started moving.
“I...”
“Yes?”
“I’ve always thought how wonderful things would be if I were a man and you were a woman.”
“...Yeah.”
“Then I would have gained a beloved partner to marry, and the Fa bloodline would carry on. For a long time, I have felt that such a life would bring so much happiness, it would be almost blinding...” Ai Fa stated, finally opening her eyes.
There were powerful emotions that I found somehow hard to place in those blue eyes as she stared straight at me.
“I have never had someone so precious to me before. I find you absolutely irreplaceable, Asuta. If I were to lose you, I would surely never be able to smile from the bottom of my heart again.”
“I feel the same way, Ai Fa...” I replied, my voice growing unintentionally hoarse.
My clan head firmly closed her eyes once more, only to open them a moment later to pin me with her gaze.
“But I am a woman, and you are a man. If I were to marry you, I would no longer be able to keep on living as a hunter. So...”
“I know, Ai Fa. You’re more precious than anything to me, just as you are now.”
And I was sure it was because I accepted her as she was, as a hunter, that Ai Fa found me to be so precious too. She must have felt that I was irreplaceable because I cared so much about her and yet didn’t ask her to be my bride.
I intently stared back at Ai Fa’s face, my heart bursting with both joy and bittersweet sorrow. At some point, my clan head had broken out in a smile, and in it I could see the full range of my emotions reflected back at me.
“Sadly, the world doesn’t go along with our wishes, Asuta...”
“Yeah, isn’t that the truth.”
“But even so, I’m truly glad to have met you.”
“And I feel exactly the same way.”
Without me realizing it, my knees had moved closer to Ai Fa, and though she had been resting against the wall earlier, at some point she had leaned forward toward me instead. However, neither of us reached out to touch the other. If we did, something would break, and all that we were holding back would burst forth... I didn’t know how Ai Fa felt, but at the very least it seemed that way to me.
“Still, what an eccentric man you are, Asuta. The thought that you wouldn’t want to take a bride because of someone like me...it’s downright laughable,” Ai Fa murmured from less than a meter away.
As I watched her smile without restraint, I said back, “You think? There doesn’t seem to be anything strange about it to me. I mean, you had Darmu Ruu, Diga Suun, and even men from the Gaaz and Ratsu clans ask you to be their bride, right?”
“Well, you had those Ruu sisters, Lem Dom, and Yun Sudra wanting to marry you, didn’t you?”
“Lem Dom clearly doesn’t count. I don’t think Vina Ruu had actual romantic feelings for me either.”
“Hmph. And you have plenty of women pining for you in town too,” Ai Fa murmured, but her eyes were still smiling. It was possible that she was laughing at me inside.
“That’s a false accusation. Everyone in town just enjoys my cooking.”
“I’m not so certain about that. But, well, I suppose it’s true that your skills are enough to move anyone’s heart.”
“That’s the greatest praise I could imagine. Still...what makes me happiest of all is when I move your heart.”
Ai Fa fell silent for just a bit. The smile soon disappeared from her face, and was replaced by a very calm yet strained expression. “I can’t imagine there being a more excellent chef than you in all the world. It is a strength that has made so many people happy. I am truly proud to have you as a member of my Fa clan.”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“However...that is not the only reason I find you so precious. Even if you were to lose the ability to cook like that Mikel man...you would still be more important to me than anyone, Asuta.”
I felt a joyful tingle run through the back of my mind. “Thanks. Still, kind of an ominous thing to say. I plan to keep cooking as the Fa clan’s chef for the rest of my life, Ai Fa.”
My clan head seemed hesitant to speak.
“What is it? If you’ve got something to say, then go ahead, don’t hold back.”
Ai Fa’s eyes seemed to be tearing up just a bit. Or was that just the light from the candle? Either way, there was no doubt that she was being wracked by some powerful feelings. “Asuta, if...”
“Hmm? What is it?”
“If I were to someday lose the strength to hunt...would you still think of me as the most precious person in your life...?”
My heart brimming with emotion, I answered back, “Of course.”
Ai Fa’s eyes narrowed, and she gave her happiest smile yet.
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