Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 4 - Chapter 2

LEVEL 4: Chapters of the Chosen and Choosers

Chapter 2: Feelin’ Funya-funya

Yume was feeling real funya-funya.

What was funya-funya?

Yume didn’t really know that herself, but she was feeling funya-funya, so funya-funya was all she could call it.

Because she was feeling funya-funya, she didn’t even want to get up. That was why Yume was lyin’ face down in the bottom bunk of the bed in her room at the volunteer soldier lodging house.

Once in a while, she’d roll over. But because she was feeling funya-funya, even turnin’ over was a chore.

In fact, for a long while now, she’d needed to pee and had been holding it in. She knew she should go to the bathroom. Actually, she had to. That was something she knew for sure, but because she was feeling funya-funya, she couldn’t motivate herself to go.

“Yume,” Shihoru called out to her.

Yume wanted to respond. But she was feeling funya-funya, so even raisin’ her voice took a lot of effort.

In the end, she just went, “...Mmm?”

“...Are you hungry?” Shihoru asked.

“Nnnn...”

Yume wonders about that, she thought. Yume doesn’t think it’s that she’s not hungry at all. If Yume was gonna eat, she could probably eat a whole lot, y’know? She just doesn’t really want to eat. Well, if Yume doesn’t eat, Yume’s fine with not eatin’, I guess.

“...Nnnn,” she said.

“You have to eat,” Shihoru protested. “Not eating’s bad for your health, I think...”

“Nnnn...”

“Yume?”

“Mmm?”

“Are you listening?”

“Mmm...”

This’s no good, Yume though to herself while feeling funya-funya. Yume needs to give her a proper response. Yume knows that, but she just can’t do it.

Yume’s not doin’ this to mess with her. Yume just doesn’t have the energy. It’s not just her body, y’know. Yume’s feelings are all funya-funya, too.

“...Give me a break,” Shihoru muttered, in a real tiny voice. It was a real tiny voice, so it was hard to be sure if she’d meant for Yume to hear it or not.

Either way, Shihoru was definitely irritated. She sounded angry, the way she said it. It was the first time Shihoru had spoken like that. At least, Yume had never heard her do it before.

Yume rolled over to look at Shihoru, who was sitting on the bed next to her. Shihoru was looking downwards, hanging her head.

“...Sorry,” Yume said.

Hearing the apology, Shihoru shook her head back and forth. “...No... I should apologize.”

“But you’ve got nothin’ to apologize for, Shihoru,” Yume said.

“But....”

“Shihoru, you’ve done nothin’ wrong.”

“That’s not... true.”

“You haven’t.”

“I can’t say... I agree.”

“Oh, yeah?” Yume asked.

Shihoru hesitated. “...From here on... what are we supposed to do?”

“Hmm...”

Yume tried thinking. But she couldn’t think straight. Her thoughts would just suddenly stop.

Still, she kept thinking. Yume was thinking desperately, at least by Yume’s standards. She tried to find the words.

“Hey, Shihoru.”

“Yeah?”

“Yume, she’s not good at handlin’ this sort of stuff,” said Yume. “What do you call it...? Hard stuff, painful stuff, she really hates it. Everyone does.”

“...Yeah.”

“Well, listen, this is just an example, but imagine it rained really hard.”

“Okay,” Shihoru said slowly.

“So, it’s rainin’ real hard, and you can’t walk around outside, so you’ve gotta stay indoors, y’know. Well, the thing about rain is, even if you ask it to stop, it’s not gonna.”

“Yeah,” said Shihoru.

“It’s like, who would you even ask?” asked Yume. “So, at times like this, there’s really no helpin’ it, y’know?”

“There’s no helping it...” Shihoru murmured. “You think so?”

“Hmm, well, you could say we couldn’t help things turnin’ out like this, and now that they have, there’s no helpin’ it. That’s what Yume meant. It all feels like it’s gotta be a lie, though. Yume never thought things’d turn out like this, y’know.”

“Yeah... same here,” Shihoru said sorrowfully.

“Why didn’t Yume think of it?” Yume asked. “It’s not weird at all that it happened, y’know. Yume should’ve known that.”

This wasn’t the first time it’d happened. It was the second.

But, still, she hadn’t even imagined it, that they could lose a comrade.

That Moguzo would die.

“Yume’s so stupid.” Yume lay on her front. Her whole body felt funya-funya, and awfully heavy. “...Yume, she’s too stupid, y’know. Because Yume’s too stupid, that’s probably how things ended up like this.”

Shihoru didn’t say anything.

Yume was gettin’ kind of tired. But she was sure she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. Yume tried lyin’ on her back. Her body felt even more funya-funya than before, and heavy.

She didn’t want to move. She didn’t think she’d be able to move for a while.