Chapter 2
May There Be an Invitation for This Brazen Layabout!
1
I sat on the sofa as a meek-looking Megumin pleaded with me.
“I apologize for the other day, so please, go back to being your usual self, Kazuma!”
She bowed her head, kneeling formally on the carpet. I was sprawled on the couch wearing a fuzzy robe.
We had been like this ever since Megumin had returned from her friend’s place.
The other day…?
Oh, she means when she scrawled all over my parts.
“Such a minor thing wouldn’t trouble me anymore. They say the rich don’t bother to fight. Won’t you have some tea, Megumin? We’ve got some very high-quality leaves.”
I smiled at her as I spoke.
Megumin appeared ready to burst into tears, perhaps overcome by my show of magnanimousness.
“I am so sorry, truly! I was wrong—so please return to the Kazuma I know! This performance is disgusting! Please! I beg you!!”
“What’s all this nonsense about going back to my usual self? I’ve always been this way.”
I smirked, basking in the heat of the fire. Aqua held out a teacup to me with an elegant gesture.
“I made a cup of the finest black tea, Kazuma, my friend,” she said, cradling her own cup as she sat down beside me.
I took a sip of the fresh tea…
“…This is just hot water.”
“Oh my. What a silly thing I’ve done. I’m sorry, dear Kazuma.”
“No worries. You can just try again. Thank you, Aqua. I’m happy with this.”
“What is wrong with you?! What happened while I was out of the house?! I am begging you! Will you both not return to your right minds?!”
I instructed Megumin to calm down as Aqua went to make more tea.
She must have accidentally turned the tea into plain water while she was preparing it.
But I was feeling as beatific as the Buddha and was hardly going to get upset over something like that.
Darkness beckoned Megumin, who was now utterly confused.
The Arch-wizard approached with a weary expression, and Darkness proceeded to explain the events of the last several days…
2
It was the morning of the day after Megumin had made her escape.
“Curse that jailbait scum! The minute she shows her face around here again, I’ll skin her alive! I swear I will! I’ll make that self-righteous squirt beg for mercy!”
I was hopping mad. Darkness, her face flushing slightly, said, “I-if you do that, Kazuma, the cycle will just continue. But, uh, tell me more about how you plan to make her beg for mercy…”
We were in the living room. I was doing all my shouting from under the kotatsu, while Darkness sat next to me, hugging her knees and inquiring with great interest.
From her place in front of the fire, Aqua said to us, “It’s too early for all this noise. Gosh, all you ever do is fight. You should learn to be a bit mellower, like me. Except for my bath, I haven’t moved from this spot since we got home yesterday.”
“Yeah! You’ve eaten there, you’ve slept there—that’s not what I would call mellow. More like lazy! Damn it alllll! Once that stuff dried, it was almost impossible to get off! I’ll never forgive her! I can see her weeping, pleading face now!”
“So, uh, tell me more about this weeping and pleading…”
In the middle of all this, we heard a knock at the door.
“Megumin?! Is that you? Have you come crawling back?!”
“Tell… Tell me more…”
I crawled out from under the kotatsu and stormed toward the door.
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Did you think I was a strange-minded girl of the Crimson Magic Clan? I am sorry to disappoint, but it is I! My dear shopkeeper is brilliant enough to know that she herself has no idea how to tell a winning innovation from a pile of rubbish, so she has enlisted me, a demon with highly regarded powers of discernment, to come and talk business on her behalf. Good fortune will come if you fall on your face in joy and gratitude for my visit! Now, show me what it is you intend to display at our shop! …Hrm?”
A suspicious-looking masked demon greeted me.
Aqua rose unsteadily off the couch at the sight of him.
“Hey, hold on. How’d you get in here? I put a holy barrier around this house exactly so slime like you couldn’t get anywhere near us!”
“Ah, that bothersome trifle? Was that supposed to be a barrier? It was so weak, I assumed some novice priest put it up mistakenly. Oh, and please pardon me. It seems I shattered it merely by passing through it.”
Aqua was now standing smack in front of Vanir.
“Goodness gracious, did you know parts of your body are missing here and there, O powerful demon? And here I’d heard that you were the Duke of Hell or something. Surely such an exalted personage wouldn’t be reduced to such a state just because of my paltry barrier.”
With an innocent smile, she began to poke interestedly at the damaged bits of Vanir’s form.
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Well, this body is simply a bit of earth. I have plenty more where this came from. I was just curious about that veil around this house. For the work of a village neophyte, I’d say it wasn’t bad. A human! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
Vanir laughed merrily, but Aqua furrowed her brow in anger and got up in his face like some two-bit gangster trying to be intimidating. Vanir stared evenly back at her.
“H-hey, this looks bad. Darkness, help me break these two up…! …What are you doing over there? Why are you ignoring me?”
“…No reason.”
Maybe she was sulking because I had ignored whatever she was trying to ask me earlier.
Darkness was sitting in the kotatsu with her back to me, paying no attention to the commotion at the door.
“Hey, you two. I know you want to fight, but we’re indoors here. Take it easy.” With no other options, I tried to worm in between them. At least they each took a step back.
“Hey, Kazuma. I don’t really get what’s going on here, but is that kotatsu or whatever the thing you’re going to sell? Don’t tell me you’re going to do business with this slime! Are you seriously going to sign a contract with this parasite on mankind, this insect who feeds off negative emotions and only ever thinks about how to upset the humans around him so he can steal their souls? What an awful joke! Pfft-hee-hee-hee!”
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, we demons find contracts an annoyance. We prefer to work on the basis of trust. And not the kind practiced by those deceitful groups who attract the gullible with talk of ‘just trusting God’ and then take all their money in the form of ‘tithes.’ What was that pitch, again…? Oh yes: God is always watching over you, wasn’t that it? You know, I think I saw that in practice just the other day. That man they arrested for ‘watching over’ baths and toilets a little too closely—was he God? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
Both of them laughed uproariously, and then…
““………””
…suddenly fell silent.
“Sacred Exorcism!”
“Brilliantly dodged!”
At Aqua’s shout, a pillar of light appeared at Vanir’s feet, but he immediately tossed his mask aside. The light swallowed and destroyed his former body, but his true form, the mask, neatly avoided the demon-quelling magic.
Another body bubbled up under the mask right away, despite the fact that it had landed on the carpet.
Aqua launched herself not at the developing body, but at the mask, and tried to rip it off the body’s face. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! So this is it! This is your true form, right?! I’ve got you now! There’s no getting away! The only question is what to do with you!”
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha, even if you destroyed this mask, there would soon be another and another for me! H-hey, stop trying to take my mask off while I’m talking! My mouth will disappear along with the rest of me! At least wait until I’m done trying to…”
“Okay, enough already. Calm down, you guys.” I stepped once more between Aqua, who was gleefully trying to tear off the mask, and Vanir, who was less than gleefully trying to fight back.
Vanir was sitting on the carpet and inspecting several of the items I’d made.
“Mm. It seems my judgment of you was correct, boy. These are quite marketable. I’m sure they will sell. And this—kotatsu, did you call it? What a fine way to stay warm.”
“…” Darkness, sitting under said device, slapped away Vanir’s hand as it explored the blanket covering the table.
I still didn’t know what she was pouting about, but I hoped she wouldn’t interfere with business.
“All right then, let’s talk terms. Currently, our agreement is that we will pay you one tenth of the profits on the items each month. But perhaps you would be interested in selling the actual intellectual property rights to these devices, boy? I would give you…three hundred million eris for all of them together.”
“““Three hundred million?””” we all exclaimed in unison. Vanir was eyeing with particular interest a rubber object I’d produced.
Three hundred million…! That was enough money to never have to work another day in your life, assuming you didn’t overindulge.
Before we had recovered from our shock, Vanir kept talking.
“Or you could take the monthly profits. Either is fine with me. With something like this, I think as soon as we can set up a means of production, we’ll be looking at more than a hundred thousand eris in sales every month. We can wait to settle the details until we’re ready to sell it… Incidentally, what is it for?”
A hundred thousand a month, or three hundred million in a lump sum.
Uh-oh. I was about to start playing the game of life on easy mode.
There were no guarantees it would keep selling forever, so maybe I should just take the lump sum?
Or, no, maybe I should take the monthly amount. Then I wouldn’t have to worry if my savings started to dwindle.
But now that I thought about it, it was this demon who was going to do the selling. Couldn’t he get arrested wandering around town in that mask?
“It’s called a balloon. It’s a toy that expands when you fill it with air. Give it here.”
Aqua took the rubber object from Vanir and began to blow it up.
“Ooh, let me have one.” Even Darkness showed an interest, putting one of the balloons to her lips.
…I guess it was too late to tell them that it was for contraception, and that it had been awfully hard to make it thin but durable.
“A-anyway, are you going to walk around town like that? Don’t you think someone’s going to notice you? Someone might be like, ‘It’s the Demon King’s general!’ and attack you.”
“? What nonsense is this? This is not the mask I had before. Can you not see the glowing numeral II on it?”
What about it?
I was going to argue with him, but Darkness gestured me over.
“Kazuma. That demon may have a deeply flawed personality, but he’s not the type to kill humans. He’s not even helping to maintain the barrier around the Demon King’s castle anymore, so the higher-ups at the Adventurers Guild just want to keep an eye on him. He’s staying at Wiz’s shop, and she used to be a famous adventurer. I’m sure she could handle him if anything came up,” she whispered to me as I worked my way under the kotatsu.
I got it. As long as he wasn’t causing any serious trouble, they figured that rather than antagonize him, it was smarter just to leave him alone.
However outrageous he might be, this demon was still a former general of the Demon King’s army. There was no telling how much destruction he could cause if he got it into his head to turn hostile.
“So from a bureaucratic perspective, the Demon King’s general Vanir is defeated and gone. They won’t even ask us to return the reward.”
Well, I was glad to hear that.
I would hate to get mired in debt again just when I was on the cusp of becoming a rich man.
…You know, it’d be great if you could give me your serious explanation without playing with a condom like a balloon.
“Mm. It will take some time until we’re ready to sell. You can let us know which form of payment you prefer later. Now, I am worried about the shop, so I must be going.”
“I think you should. Or my pure, holy house is going to stink of demon. Get out of here. Go on, get!”
Vanir left, grinding his teeth, with Aqua making shooing motions behind him.
—Man, a hundred thousand a month or three hundred million at once…
3
“…And they’ve been like this ever since.”
“I see. Now I understand why they are putting on such airs,” Megumin said, glancing at me as Darkness concluded her explanation.
Incidentally, my beloved kotatsu had gone with Vanir.
I had expected to go back to fighting with Aqua for a place in front of the fire, but apparently, a fat wallet makes for a big heart.
Aqua and I were both seated on the sofa together, perfectly friendly. Megumin eyed us for a moment with some exasperation and then finally stood.
“Well, I’m certainly glad we have money. And that we can rest assured that we will have no trouble with resources in the future… Very well, let us go defeat something! Kazuma, you have more levels to gain!”
She lifted her staff high and smiled brightly.
“Huh? What are you talking about? I just got a huge windfall, and you think now I should work? Forget my level. Who needs it?” I said curtly as I sipped the second cup of water Aqua had brought me.
…You know, it would be nice if one of these cups contained actual tea at some point.
“…Wha…?”
Megumin seemed put out.
“Look,” I said, “last time, we had equipment, we had a plan, and I still wound up dead. I’ve decided. No more defeating anything for me. I’m going to make my living as a merchant from now on. I’ll have a nice, easy life with no dangerous adventuring work.”
“Umm, Kazuma…friend, I’m kind of with Megumin on this one. Don’t we have to get rid of the Demon King?”
…Hmm.
“Then let’s earn even more money and hire a bunch of powerful adventurers. They can help me raise my level and even lend a hand in taking out the Demon King. That’s the strategy. We attack the Demon King’s castle with an army of high-level adventurers. What do you think? Can’t you just taste it?”
“That’s perfect! You’re full of good ideas. We’ll ride those adventurers’ coattails right to the gates of the Demon King’s castle, then when he’s weakened, you can strike the final blow!”
“Exactly. It’s obvious you’ve known me longer than anyone else here—you know just how I think.”
As Aqua and I sat there grinning at each other, Megumin was visibly trembling.
“Y-you would defeat the Demon King with the power of money? No! I will not have it! What do you think the Demon King represents? He is a great and terrible enemy whom you confront with your friends after pouring your heart and soul into raising your level to discover the power hidden within yourself or whatever, and whom you finally defeat in a climactic ultimate battle! And you would send hired thugs after him?!”
“Look, that sounds great and all, but be realistic. You really think it would help to raise my level? I’m pretty sure I could get all the levels I wanted, along with lots of nice equipment, and His Majesty could still snuff me out in a single attack. So instead, once we’ve taken care of enough of his generals to bring down the barrier around the castle, we get some high-level Thieves to sneak in with Ambush…”
“What an untoward tactic! Worthy of the enemy himself! Darkness, say something to them! They get worse and worse every d— Darkness?”
Darkness seemed to come back to herself with a start.
“Oh, I…I was just wondering, if you let Kazuma just go on getting more and more corrupt, just how scummy do you think he’d become…? He’d never work, just sit around drinking, and pretty soon he’d become profligate with his money… Eventually, he’d say to me, ‘Hey, Darkness! Go do whatever you have to do to get us some money!’ And then I’d start selling myself, convinced that one day Kazuma would have a change of heart…”
“You are getting worse, too! Oh, what am I to do?!”
“Don’t lump me in with that perv, Megumin. You might remember I just died recently. Lizard Runners? Broken neck? At least leave me alone until I’ve recuperated a bit.”
“You fell out of a tree. Yes, you need rest, but I fixed you up so well that there shouldn’t be a scar or any pain,” Aqua interjected from beside me. I ignored her, pointedly rubbing my neck.
“…I understand,” Megumin muttered, looking down.
“You do? Great. In that case, I’m going to go take a nap—try to help this injury heal and get back to the field of battle, you know? Oh, and could somebody wake me up later? I’m going out with Dust and the guys for a drink.”
I started making for my room even as I spoke.
“…I understand. Let us go to heal your wound,” Megumin said, still staring at the floor.
“Go to heal it? It’ll be fine if I just hang around here for a while.”
“A good bath will bring your strength back even quicker. Let us go to Arcanletia, the city of water and hot springs.”
“You know what, forget my injuries. What did you just say?”
I was sure I had just heard her say something like hot springs.
Let me stress how important this was.
I had just heard the words hot springs.
“Hot springs?! Did you just say Arcanletia? Did you say we’re going to Arcanletia, the city of water and hot springs?!”
Aqua seemed even more excited than I was.
I guess it only made sense. She did claim to be the goddess of water.
And speaking of hot springs…
Speaking of hot springs…
“H-hot springs… You’re right. We’re all tired after so many difficult battles. And we’re not in debt anymore, so why not treat ourselves sometimes?”
“What’s with the monotone, dear Kazuma?” Aqua was staring at me from inches away, my face illuminated by the fire.
I wish she would stop looking at me so intently and from such a short distance.
Suddenly, I thought I could sense Megumin’s downcast eyes gleaming.
“May I take it the two of you agree with this plan, then?”
I couldn’t see her expression, but I thought I could catch a hint of a sinister smile…
“And Darkness…?”
“—And when I’ve finally fallen as low as I can go, I’ll say, ‘Don’t leave me! I—I will do anything, Masterrrrr!’”
She was completely lost in her own little world, blushing furiously and writhing around. Megumin stiffened.
“…She could stay here and watch the house,” I said.
“…W-well, but without Darkness, we may get in trouble on the road,” Megumin said with a hint of reluctance.
On the road…?
4
The next morning:
“Rise and shine! Come on, how late are you gonna sleep?! Is everyone ready to go? Wake up! Wake up! Come on!”
Aqua’s shouting reached every corner of the house despite the early hour. She must have been awfully excited about our trip to roll out of bed this early.
As for me…
“Of course I’m ready! Gosh, and those two call me human trash. Are they ever going to get up?”
“Totally! I’ll go get them up and at ’em. You go to the carriage station and reserve the best seats.”
“I’m on it. Actually, there’s somewhere else I’d like to drop by first…”
Trusting a slightly puzzled Aqua to wake the others, I gathered up our bags and left the house.
Arcanletia, the water and hot-springs capital.
It was about a day and a half’s carriage ride from Axel Town. If you got the first carriage out in the morning, you’d only have to camp once.
We didn’t know yet how long we were going to be gone, and I wanted to let my business partners know we would be out of town.
I went in the door of the cozy little magic item shop, which opened early each morning.
“Welcome to— My, my. It’s the nocturnal boy who keeps the waking hours of the undead. What brings you here so early? If you’ve come to talk to the owner, she is within, albeit a bit tanned by my heat ray.”
Inside the shop, Vanir was hastily stuffing something into a box. Farther in, I could see a scorched Wiz lying on the ground.
“…Isn’t she your employer? Can you get away with that?”
“Naturally. If I let this know-nothing owner do as she liked, we would be stuck in the red even after a thousand years of work from me. As soon as I take my eyes off her, she’s ordering absurd stock that throws off all my profit calculations.”
I was exceedingly curious about what had happened, but my business today was not with Wiz but with Vanir.
“I’ve actually come to see you today. I’ve decided to go on a little hot-springs vacation. Can our business discussions go on hold until I get back?”
“Oh, I see. We still don’t have a plan in place for production, so please, take your time. Best wishes that you’ll get to enjoy a mixed bath.”
“M-m-m-mixed bath?! No way! We’re just going for my health—to help my neck! …Anyway, what are you putting in that box? And why is Wiz all…charred?”
Vanir showed me what he was trying to pack away.
“Our half-baked proprietor brought this to me in a tizzy just moments ago. As I recall, her exact words were: ‘This is a wonderful item! It will sell for sure! No question! So, Mr. Vanir, please get out of your death-ray stance… Please…?’ I was going to simply send it back, but…do you want it?”
“…? What is it? Some kind of magical item?”
“Allegedly, a solution to the perennial adventurer problem of how to deal with bathroom business while in the field. It’s a magically compressed toilet that constructs itself the moment you open the box. It even makes the sound of flowing water for privacy.”
“Awesome. That sounds really convenient.”
After all, bathroom needs were a serious issue for adventurers, whose work often kept them outdoors overnight.
“Its drawbacks, such as they are, are that the flushing noise is loud enough to attract monsters, and the mechanism that creates the water is too powerful and has a tendency to flood the immediate area.”
“I-I’ll pass, thanks. Any other magic items you recommend?”
In response, Vanir took a potion bottle from the shelf.
“A recommendation, is it? How about a potion that explodes when you open it, which our penurious proprietor stocks for reasons I cannot fathom? They cost three hundred thousand eris each, but imagine how much you could make if you took one to the bank and threatened to open it in front of one of the tellers. How about it?”
“Not for me. Aren’t there any useful items in this shop?”
At that, Vanir heaved a sigh.
“Our senseless shop owner has a singular talent for stocking items that cannot possibly be of any use. If I so much as take my eyes off her, she starts ordering things I’ve barely even heard of…”
But then he stopped.
“…Oh yes. Boy, you said you were going on a hot-springs vacation?”
“…? Sure, but…so what?”
Vanir flitted nearer to me.
“Perhaps you could take my senseless shopkeeper with you. I’m going to need some capital to start production on your items, but with her around, who can say what bizarre trinket she’ll waste our resources on next? This girl’s a much better Lich than she is a businesswoman. I see all, yet even I cannot judge the outcome if there were to be a power struggle between the two of us.”
“…Are you telling me to take Wiz for her own protection? I mean, I don’t mind, but Aqua hates the undead…”
“For such a slender shopkeeper, she has a surprising preference for large baths. Receive this prophecy from me, the all-seeing demon: At your destination, there shall be an opportunity for mixed bathing.”
“Leave it to me! I’ll be careful with her.”
When I got to the meeting place by the carriages, Aqua and the others were already there.
“I thought I told you to go ahead and save us some seats. Hey, what’s that on your back?”
It was, in fact, Wiz—blackened, unconscious, her eyes rolled up in her head. I explained my discussion with Vanir.
“Huh? Fine, I guess,” Aqua said with surprising calmness, “but did you notice she’s starting to fade a little?”
She was right. Wiz was looking a little more transparent than usual.
“Oh no! Is she okay?! Quick, healing magic—I mean, no! Not on an undead!”
“Calm yourself, Kazuma,” Megumin said. “Now is the time for Drain Touch. Use it to transfer some vitality to her!”
“Going out of town…,” Darkness murmured. “The last time I did that was when I was a girl and Father took me to the Capital for the princess’s birthday… Hmm? Kazuma? What are you doing, taking my haaaaand?!”
I grasped the Crusader’s hand as she sat there lost in her own little world and Drain Touched her.
I transferred the vitality I took from her into Wiz, who started turning a bit more solid and finally opened her eyes.
“Huh…? Mr. Kazuma, is that you? Where are we…?”
Darkness was busy wringing my neck as Wiz scanned her environs in confusion.
“D-d-drain me, will you?! Here I was finally enjoying some old memories! Why is it always an ambush with you?!”
“Hrrrgh, what else could I do? It was an emergency! You’ve got more HP than anyone else here, right?!”
“Sir and ladies! If you don’t get aboard, we’re going to leave without you!”
5
As adventurers, we might have been able to get ourselves hired as guards, but I wasn’t actually keen to do any battles, on the off chance something did happen. So we just paid the fare like everyone else and traveled as simple passengers.
I didn’t want to fight.
I had been killed just dealing with some of the weak monsters right near town. What chance did I stand against anything big enough to want to attack a crowded carriage?
Luckily, the reward from our battle with Vanir had been almost ten million for each of us.
We were finally taking a vacation. Why not enjoy ourselves a little?
“Hey, Kazuma! Let’s take that carriage! I can tell it’ll be the smoothest ride! I call the window, by the way. Be sure to pick seats where we can get a good view of the scenery. Come on, Kazuma, go buy our tickets. Hurry up, you don’t want everyone else to get all the good spots.”
Leave it to Aqua to set her heart on the most expensive-looking ride available.
It was a smallish carriage; the driver’s seat and the passenger area were joined, with room for luggage at the back.
And the luggage rack already had plenty of luggage on it.
The wooden passenger seats behind the driver should have had room for five people, but…
“…Hey, mister, why is one seat already taken? What’s this? It’s kind of in the way…,” I said.
One of the five places was already taken.
And not by a person. A small cage sat there with a lizard inside.
It was about the size of a cat, with red eyes that had a nasty glimmer.
No. It couldn’t be…
“That, sir, is a baby Red Dragon. Its owner is riding in the other carriage, but they paid for the dragon to have a seat in this one. I’m afraid someone in your party is going to have to ride with the bags. Although I know it won’t be comfortable…”
“I see,” I said, accepting the explanation.
So this carriage would be cheaper by the price of one ticket. We wouldn’t want to ride with just one stranger, so I decided to stick with this one.
“So the only question is, who rides in the back—?”
“Let’s play rock, paper, scissors!” Aqua interrupted me. “I think that’s the best way to decide these things.”
Apparently, she was starting to learn that she always drew the short straw when it came to things like this. Maybe she had sensed that somehow she would end up with the luggage if she didn’t do something.
“U-um, I know you weren’t expecting me to come along, so how about I take that spot?”
Wiz was raising her hand hesitantly. I had explained that we were bringing her along at Vanir’s insistence.
But Vanir had already given me money to cover her travel expenses.
We couldn’t do something so unfair to one of our number.
“No, Wiz, we’re going to play it fair here. Rock, paper, scissors it is, Aqua. I don’t mind.”
“Huh?” Aqua seemed thoroughly nonplussed by my quick, sure answer.
…Rock, paper, scissors? I was in.
I hadn’t realized it existed in this world, too.
I guess the Japanese guys who got here before me must have spread the good word.
Darkness and Megumin didn’t object, either, but just got ready to play.
With a shout, Aqua made a fist…
“Okay then, here I go! Rock, paper, scissors!”
I pulled scissors while everyone else had paper. I won this round.
I made to board the carriage, but Aqua stopped me.
“Who said we were doing it elimination-style? All five of us play together, and we keep going until there’s one loser.”
“You’re kidding.”
I should have known there was something funny going on when she brought it up.
…Fine.
“Okay, Aqua. How about you and I go one-on-one? Three rounds. If you win even one of them, I’ll sit with the luggage.”
“No way, seriously? You must be even stupider than you look. Don’t you even know about probability? The chances of you winning three times in a row are, like, nothing.”
I simply faced her down, gesturing to the other three to get on board.
“I’ve never lost a game of rock, paper, scissors.”
Three rounds. Rock, paper—!
“—No way! This makes no sense! You must have cheated! Come on, one more time! If I lose this time, I’ll sit in the back for real!”
Aqua, half in tears, kept accusing me of suspicious behavior. She sure could be persistent when she wanted to.
“For real? If you keep pestering me after this, I swear I’ll tie you down there with a rope.”
Aqua gave a confident little chuckle at that.
“You’re on. I don’t know how you’re cheating, Kazuma, but if that’s how you want to play, I’ve got a few tricks of my own! Blessing!”
“Hey! That’s playing dirty!”
Aqua had cast a buff on herself that bestowed the luck of the gods. The exact effects varied from case to case, but basically, it raised your Luck stat for a while.
“They say luck is a kind of ability—well, my magical ability is a kind of luck! Now, here we go! Rock, paper—scissors!”
I won again.
“But howww?” Aqua whined as I made a shooing motion toward the luggage rack.
“It’s weird, but I’ve never lost a game of rock, paper, scissors, ever since I was a kid.”
It was the only case in which I believed in my allegedly excellent Luck.
“You’re awful! That’s cheating! You were basically born with a special ability! So you don’t need my blessings—just send me home! Right back to Heaven, you damn cheater!”
This goddess!
“You dumb jerk! Are you saying my unique special ability is playing rock, paper, scissors? How stupid are you? How is that supposed to help me survive around here? Do I just walk into the Demon King’s castle and tell him, ‘Hey, how about if I beat you at a children’s game, you stop bothering everyone’?”
“But— But—!”
As Aqua stood there, still protesting, I finally just grabbed her.
“But you know what ticks me off the most? That you think you’re a blessing! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! What’s a blessing about you? If I could send you back and get an actual special ability instead, you’d be in Heaven so fast—!”
“Waaaah! How can you say that, Kazuma?! Hey, thoppit! Leggo ob by cheeks!”
6
I lost track of how long we’d been traveling in the rumbling, rattling carriage.
Our hometown was completely out of sight, and we were surrounded by unfamiliar countryside.
There was a small window mounted in the side of the carriage, and having never been very far outside town, I was watching the scenery roll by. Even though I was supposedly an adventurer, this was the first chance I’d had since coming to this world to travel and really take in what was around me.
Darkness was sitting next to me in full armor, glued to the window, watching the world go by with the wonder and curiosity of a child. Since she was the daughter of a noble house, maybe it was her first time outside the area, too.
Only Megumin was more interested in the cage with the dragon in it than she was in the sights beyond the window, perhaps because she’d had more experience of the outside world than we had.
I thought I heard her mutter something about Chomusuke being cuter, but she must have wanted to feed the creature anyway, because she had stuck a hand in her pocket and started fumbling around to see if she had anything to give it.
Then there was Wiz, who was smiling and petting the strangely affectionate Chomusuke on her lap.
—An altogether quiet ride. Until…
“Kazumaaaa! Dear Kazumaaaaa! My butt hurts! A lot! Could somebody trade places with me soon?”
Aqua called back to us from the lurching luggage rack.
Sheesh, all right.
“Fine, I’ll switch with you at the next rest stop, so just hang in there till then.”
Aqua was overjoyed at that and began humming happily among the cargo, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to change with her?” Wiz asked. “I wonder why Mr. Vanir said I should go on this trip, anyway. Hee-hee… He’s been so thoughtful to me. ‘Wiz!’ he’d say. ‘You just sit at the counter grinning. No need for you to do any work.’ So thoughtful…”
She related this to us with a smile.
I hadn’t told her the real reason Vanir had asked us to bring her along. How could I?
“Huh,” Aqua said, “who knew that masked weirdo could be so nice? Are you sure he’s not planning something?”
“Aqua, milady, Mr. Vanir does have his good side. Lately, he’s been chasing away the crows that flock the local trash pile. All the women in town call him Vanir the Crow Slayer.”
What is a demon doing just hanging around the neighborhood, anyway?
Our carriage was part of a whole caravan of vehicles stretching down the road. They carried travelers, adventurers hired as bodyguards by the merchants, and all kinds of cargo.
A large contingent of people and carriages meant weaker monsters were likely to keep their distance. With a group this size, we would probably be fine.
That was what I kept telling myself, anyway.
Even though I knew perfectly well by now how this worthless world worked.
—I was the first to notice it, too.
Since my Second Sight skill was active as I gazed out the window, I spotted a cloud of dust in the distance.
And it was headed straight toward the road we were traveling on.
It was still a ways off, but it was getting bigger and bigger at a rate that suggested its source was moving at a pretty good clip.
“Hey, what’s that?” I indicated the cloud to Darkness, who had been busy looking through the other window. But without the Second Sight skill, it seemed she couldn’t make out the dust cloud, and she only looked at me in confusion.
As an ominous sense started creeping over me, I called to the driver.
“Excuse me, there’s some kind of dust cloud coming this way. Pretty quickly, too. Do you know what it is?”
The driver had an easy grip on the reins. He replied:
“A dust cloud? Moving fast? Around here, the only thing that would account for that would be a herd of Lizard Runners. But word is the Princess of the Runner herd was taken down just the other day, so maybe it’s a Sand Whale blowing out some sand. The only other thing I can think it might be is Dashing Hawkites.”
I’m not a big fan of monsters with bad puns for names.
“Heh, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t come up with the name. It’s a kingly avian, a crossbreed of a hawk and a kite. It can’t fly, so instead it runs at high speeds using its powerful legs. When it finds prey, it leaps on it. Very dangerous creature.”
I would really prefer not to be attacked by a monster with such a stupid name.
The coachman must have been able to tell what I was thinking, because he chuckled and said, “It’s all right, sir. Spring is their mating season, just like the Lizard Runners. To attract the attention of the females, the male birds put on a display of courage called a chicken race. It’s very strange. They pick something hard, something that would be very unpleasant to run into, and then they sprint straight at it, only dodging away from it at the last second. Apparently, some overzealous birds actually collide with the object and die. But they generally seek out tough, durable things. I’m sure they’re just over there flinging themselves at trees or rocks or something.”
I see. That’s reassuring.
Satisfied, I returned to my seat.
But when I looked at the cloud of dust again…
It’s even closer.
There was no mistaking. It was nearer than it had been before.
And it was clearly headed straight for us.
“Excuse me. Excuse me! I swear it’s coming this way, and fast. Are you sure we’re all right?”
At my words, the driver tugged on the reins, slowing the horses in an attempt to get a good look at the oncoming haze.
“…Ah, that’s certainly some Dashing Hawkites. No question about it. But why would they be coming toward us? I wonder if the merchant carriages have anything exceptionally hard in them, like Adamantite. Those birds do love tough substances. The merchant caravan seems to have noticed them. Don’t worry about… Hmm? They… They do seem to be coming this way. They… They seem to be coming for this carriage…!”
They were definitely headed directly for the passenger seats of our vehicle.
Meaning…!
“Kazuma! Some extremely fast animals are approaching! I think… They’re focused on me! Wh-what intense stares! Pant…pant… Th-this is bad, Kazuma, very bad! I’m afraid they’re going to run right over me and trample me into the ground…!”
“You?!” I had the sudden urge to grab my head with my hands.
“I’ll stop the carriage, ma’am! The adventurers riding in the other vehicles will dismount and protect you—and us!”
…Gee. Sorry our Crusader is so tough.
I whispered to Darkness, “Hey, Darkness, those monsters are after you. They like running into hard objects. They want those rock-hard muscles of yours.”
“Kazuma, I do have some shred of womanliness. Don’t describe my muscles as rock-hard. Anyway, my armor is a special-order item with just a bit of Adamantite in it. And with my defensive skills… I’m sure that’s what’s drawing them… N-no, seriously. Stop looking at me like that. My body isn’t that tough…!”
The carriage came to a halt, and Darkness and I got ready to jump out of it.
“Megumin, Aqua, we’re up! I know we didn’t want to fight, but we brought these guys on the caravan, so we’ll clean up our own mess.”
At that, the four of us dismounted.
“I’ll help, too!” Wiz called, following us out.
“Vanir trusted me to take care of you,” I said. “I know how strong you are, but stay in the carriage for now. Look after the driver!”
Wiz nodded. The coachman, who didn’t fully grasp what was going on, shouted, “Sir! We didn’t take you on as bodyguards—you paid to come along, so please simply wait somewhere safe!”
I’m sorry, man! I’m pretty sure my party is the cause of this problem!
Not that he could hear my mental apology.
“Adventurers! Come to our aid!”
His voice signaled the adventurers guarding the caravan to leap out of every carriage, weapons in hand.
Darkness began walking straight toward the flock of Dashing Hawkites that were charging us.
I’m embarrassed to say I was making sure to stay safely behind her.
Even if I’d been out front, those monsters would have run right over me.
I had Aqua chanting support magic and Megumin ready to let off Explosion at any time.
The birds coming at us had heads like hawks and bodies like ostriches. They ran faster than a horse and were larger than a cow.
And they showed no sign of slowing down.
“Hey you, Crusader! You’re not part of the defense—fall back!” one of the warriors called.
But Darkness kept advancing.
“Look! They’re heading straight for her! That’s the Decoy skill! That Crusader isn’t even one of the hired guards, but she’s using Decoy to draw the enemy to her!”
That was one of the archers speaking.
No, actually, she’s not using any skill. I’m sorry.
“Wow, that Crusader’s not budging a step even with all those enemies coming at her! S-so cool…! So… So brave…!”
This came from a female spell-caster.
I’m sorry. I suspect you’ve totally misunderstood why she’s doing this. I’m so sorry.
As Darkness stood there, blushing and trembling, an adventurer who looked like a Thief boldly came running up behind her with a rope.
“Do you think we can let a regular passenger, someone who paid money to ride with us and isn’t even getting a bodyguard fee, put herself in danger on our behalf?! Leave the fighting to us! Take this—Bind!”
“What?!”
Darkness reacted instantly to the words.
I recalled Chris telling me about this skill. Bind was a Thief ability. Chris said when she and Darkness had adventured together, she would use this skill on an enemy to keep it from moving, and then Darkness would finish it off.
That explained it.
Hearing the name of the skill, Darkness reacted with speed I’d never seen before from her.
Into the path of the Dashing Hawkites— No, into the path of the Bind skill, as if to protect the oncoming monsters…
Darkness joyfully hurled herself between the man and his target.
She was instantly bound hand and foot by the rope and fell to the ground, where she rolled about like some kind of giant worm.
The thief stared dumbly at her. Blushing, Darkness shouted passionately at him:
“Hrrgh! What is this?! To be captured and bound with the enemy before my very eyes! Now… Now I am sure to be trampled by all those monsters!”
I’m sorry. I am so sorry for our resident pervert.
The monsters raising the cloud of dust kept right on coming at Darkness.
The Thief guy raised a shout.
“I don’t believe it! You were afraid that the flock would target me when I used Bind on them—so you took the hit instead?! I am so sorry! Here I was trying to defend you, and instead I just got in the way! Please forgive me!”
No, I’m sorry! I’m sorry for my party members! I’m the one who should be begging for forgiveness!
7
—A game of chicken.
It’s where you make a mad dash at a cliff or some other life-threatening object and stop only at the last possible second.
Right now, the object of that game…
“Kazuma! Kazuma, they are upon me! They’ve come! Now I’m really done for! It’s hopeless! Oh, I shall be traaampled!”
…was Darkness, bound hand and foot.
The Dashing Hawkites advanced with their heads lowered, charging Darkness as she writhed on the ground, just about to stampede over her…except they didn’t. One did a sort of elegant high-speed backflip over her and then continued on at its furious pace.
The creature moved past me and the other adventurers as easily as the wind itself.
The next one almost ran over her, too, but then it did a forward flip. The next one, a kind of midair split, and the one after that, a barrel roll—each of them leaping over Darkness the instant before they would have made contact.
“Kazuma! Is this some kind of panic play?! This feeling, this last-instant reprieve…! Oh, these males are leaping over my head with such passion…!”
“Will you put a sock in it?! We’re in public here!”
Next to me, Aqua had puffed out her chest with a triumphant expression that all but begged for compliments.
“Yeah, fine, nice work,” I said. “When we’re done here, I’ll switch seats with you.”
That evoked a fist pump from Aqua.
I had had her cast Blessing on Darkness—a buff that temporarily raises the target’s Luck. It would make her chances of not getting stepped on just a little bit better.
While we had been standing there, the adventurer guards had set to work.
“They’re too fast for physical attacks! Use magic!”
This prompted a chorus from the spell-casters:
“Lightning!”
“Blade of Wind!”
“Fireball!”
They flung every spell they had at the onrushing monsters.
The creatures that took the magical blows lost consciousness but none of their speed, slamming into carriages and adventurers. Their tremendous velocity meant they were carrying plenty of momentum, and it was going to be hard to stop them.
The people and vehicles that fell victim to the hurtling Hawkites sustained serious damage.
The surviving members of the flock, having all jumped over Darkness, made a sweeping arc without slowing down.
The merchants and adventurers watching them looked shaken: Were they coming back this way?
But I was watching Darkness, still flopping on the ground and still the monsters’ target.
And then I got an idea.
I grabbed hold of the driver, who was watching the scene, dumbfounded.
“Hey, mister, are there any cliffs or anything around here?”
We could use Darkness as bait to get the flock to destroy itself.
We would get Darkness right to the edge of the cliff, using a rope or something so she wouldn’t fall. Then the Hawkites that jumped over her would find nothing but thin air underneath them…!
“No, nothing quite like that around here… What we do have is a cave you can take shelter in when there’s a sudden rainstorm, but not much else.”
Well, I thought, listening to him. Guess you can’t always have such a convenient solu—
A cave?
“Mister, is that cave nearby?! Please get this carriage over to it! Megumin, Aqua, jump on!”
After I’d given these orders, I ran toward Darkness. I started trying to undo the rope around her…
“?! What the hell?! There’s no knot! What am I supposed to do with this?!”
There was no way to untie her!
I turned to the guy who had used Bind on Darkness.
“I-I’m sorry!” he said. “That skill keeps the target from moving for as long as it lasts. The only other choice is to cut the cords one by one with a dagger or something…”
You’ve got to be kidding.
When I turned back to the flock of Hawkites, I found the lead bird almost on top of us. We were out of time!
“Kazuma, I don’t know what you’re planning, but just drag me along! This rope’s tough; it would take forever to cut through it! Don’t just stand there—do what you have to do!”
“You’re not wrong, but since this is all your fault, I wish you’d shut up!”
The carriage was ready to go, and I headed toward it, dragging Darkness (who was awfully heavy) behind me.
“The Dashing Hawkites are coming for you!” someone warned me.
At the same moment, I heard a series of magical blasts.
With the sound still ringing in my ears, I tried to climb aboard…
“What am I supposed to do now? I can’t get in; you’re too heavy!”
“What do you mean, I’m too heavy?! Have a care—say my armor is too heavy! Just tie me to the carriage with the rope or something! We’ve got no choice; this is an emergency! Come on, just do it!” she insisted, looking awfully fired up about this. We should call her Dorkness.
“Hey, if you need some rope, use this! Sorry for all the trouble!”
It was the adventurer who had used Bind on Darkness, throwing a length of rope to me.
I’m the one who should apologize…for our pervert.
I tied Darkness to the carriage…
“Sir, we can’t take any more! The carriage will break!” the driver said with a hint of panic.
“Don’t worry!” I shouted back. “Just go! Darkness, if it gets too rough back there, just shout! I’ll untie you in a hurry!”
Darkness already seemed oblivious to my words, blushing as she struggled against the ropes, apparently in anticipation of what was about to happen to her.
“Ahh… The horse is going to drag me along…! And those starving males are going to chase me…!”
She might actually be happier if I just leave her tied up.
The carriage set off at a furious pace, with Darkness relishing her ride behind it.
“Kazuma, Darkness is—! I always knew you were a monster, but this is beyond the pale!”
“It… It is too much…”
“No! This wasn’t my idea! Darkness said…!”
As I sat there in the carriage, enduring the slander of my friends, the driver gave a shout.
“What should we do, sir?! They’re coming this way! Right for us! Where should we turn?!”
I suspected he would have been happy to throw us out right then and there, but he had already taken our money and couldn’t very well get rid of us now.
“To the cave! Head for that cave we talked about earlier!”
The Dashing Hawkites drew closer and closer behind the fleeing carriage.
They were faster than we were. Damn. At this rate, they’ll catch us…!
“Bottomless Swamp!” A clear voice rang out in the carriage.
At the same moment, a huge swamp appeared between our ride and the oncoming monsters.
The bird at the head of the flock was immediately ensnared and began sinking in the mire.
The owner of the voice was Wiz.
Seeing that we were going to be overtaken, she had wasted no time in casting a spell.
But the rest of the monsters were taking a detour around the morass and setting to catch up again.
The Dashing Hawkites were almost upon us, and as for their target, Darkness…
“Nnggahh! Gods! My armor groans! All that covers me is about to shatter, leaving me in a state unfit for a daughter of nobility…! S-stop! Kazuma, don’t look at me—I don’t want you to see me debased like this!”
For someone burning red and begging not to be looked at, she sure was enjoying herself.
Once in a while, she found the time to glance back at us, and our collective stare only served to inflame her further.
Well, that was who she really was deep down.
Whatever happened to my cool party member who had been ready to sacrifice herself to take down Vanir?
“Heal! Heal!”
Next to me, Aqua was frantically casting recovery magic on Darkness.
“Kazuma! I can see the cave! I am prepared to use my magic at any time!”
“Perfect! Wait for my signal!”
Inside the rattling carriage, I gave Megumin her instructions, then pulled out my bow and readied an arrow…
“Driver, you see the cave? Stop the carriage right next to it! Aqua, give me a physical strength buff! …Hrk! Deadeye! Deadeye! Deadeye!”
I turned toward the flock of Dashing Hawkites, leaned out the window, and fired as fast as I could.
Thanks to the skill I was using, most of my shots found their marks, piercing the birds through the head.
Seeing their companions fall, the surviving Hawkites spread their wings and threatened us with high-pitched cries even as they ran.
“Piiiihyororororororo!”
So that was the “kite” part of “Dashing Hawkite.”
While I was feeling rather pleased at having solved this mystery, the coachman gave a shout.
“Sir, we’ve reached the cave! In dry conditions like this, I guarantee there won’t be anyone in there! Do whatever you want to it! …We’re going to make a sudden stop—hang on tight!”
Everyone grabbed hold of whatever they could, and the carriage came to a screeching halt just outside the entrance to the cave.
The flock of Hawkites was right behind us.
And unlike us, they made no effort to stop. If anything, they had picked up speed in their anger at being attacked.
—With my physical strength enhanced by Aqua’s spell, I jumped out of the carriage, grabbed the rope connecting it to Darkness, swung her around my head as if I were winding up for a hammer throw, and then flung her just in front of the cave.
“Whaaa…?! Not bad! I like where this is going! Leave it to you, Kazuma, to think of something like spinning me around and then hurling me to the mons— Hrk!”
She landed face-first in the dirt at the cave entrance and went quiet.
At the exact same moment…
“Piiihyorororo!”
The Dashing Hawkites zoomed straight toward her, screeching all the while.
They lowered their heads until they were practically on the ground, then dodged inches before they collided with Darkness.
Front flip, backflip. Barrel roll, split.
One after another, they leaped over her, as if of one mind. Straight into the cave.
And at the moment the last one had disappeared into the entrance…
“Megumin! Do it!”
I yanked on Darkness’s rope to get her away from the cave as I gave the signal to Megumin, who was all chanted up and ready to go.
“Explosion!!”
She loosed her ultimate attack directly into the cave.
A single ray of light flew from her staff, lancing into the darkness as if chasing the monsters that had run into it.
We heard a rumble well up from deep inside.
8
Long after the sun had sunk into the horizon…
Together with the members of the merchant caravan, we had made several large bonfires that served as our campfires.
The carriages were circled up around the fires like a barricade. Not only did this serve as a windbreak while we all camped, but if any monsters should attack, it would give us a modicum of defense, too.
The trade-off was that it wouldn’t be easy to get the carriages moving quickly, but that was next to impossible in this darkness, anyway. From that perspective, it was a very practical setup.
“Now, help yourselves! We’ve roasted all the best parts—dig in!”
The acting leader of the merchant contingent offered us some well-cooked meat.
As the ones who had helped deal with the Dashing Hawkites that afternoon, we were being hailed as heroes.
I figured this was no time to tell them it was our Crusader who had attracted the creatures in the first place. We felt guilty about that, and it led to a little reluctance on our part to engage in the festivities.
“What a display! Who knew there was a mage powerful enough to wield Explosion among our number? Not to mention a venerable Arch-priest capable of healing such grave wounds so easily and a gallant Crusader who could face down a flock of Dashing Hawkites without giving an inch! Delaying them with a swamp spell—that’s advanced magic! And you, sir—leading them to that cave to dispose of them was a stroke of genius! Truly brilliant!”
Aww, gimme a break…
It’s not what you think… It’s all our fault…
“Oh, hardly. It was just luck. Really, I keep telling you, we don’t need any reward for guarding the caravan…”
“How can you say that? Your party was almost entirely responsible for saving us from the Dashing Hawkites!”
That’s right. They wanted to give us a reward for protecting them.
“No, no, really, no. It’s really all right! Any adventurer would have jumped in to help in that situation. We don’t need it! Seriously!”
I started to get a little panicked as I tried to convince them to drop the subject.
Even I didn’t have the nerve to proudly accept a reward for solving a problem I had caused.
But for some reason, the leader of the caravan was absolutely transported with emotion.
“You precious people! You shining specimens of humanity! Oh, to know that in this bitter, cynical world, there are still purehearted adventurers like you!”
…Yeah. Great.
I think I’d better get out of this conversation before he discovers the truth.
Aqua was going around to the other campfires, doing her party tricks and receiving applause and wine in return.
For some reason she even had Wiz with her, dragging her around from one place to the next.
After I’d set her in front of the cave as bait, Darkness had been blown backward by the gust from the explosion, leaving her armor riddled with scratches and dents.
She herself had hardly been injured, and what minor scrapes she got, Aqua had already healed.
Now she was next to me, fixedly watching someone repair her armor.
And the one doing that work was me.
I hadn’t expected the smithing skill I picked up for R&D to come in so handy.
Megumin was observing me just as closely as Darkness while I worked. I had no idea what about this was so interesting to them.
To repair the dents, I temporarily removed the shock-absorbing material on the inside of the armor, pounded out the deformities from the inside, then used sandpaper to polish away any scuffs. When all that was done, I laced the cushioning back in…
“You know, it’s really hard to work with the two of you staring at me.”
At that, Megumin replied, “Oh, I was just thinking what skillful repair work you do. You could probably make a living as a smith if you wanted.”
“…Mm. It’s exciting, somehow, to watch my own armor being restored.”
Both of them had a sparkle in their eyes as they spoke.
There were more than ten carriages in our party and a proportionate number of people. The dozens of us were all camping out under the stars, feasting around bonfires—this was a fantasy world as I’d always imagined it.
Suddenly, there was a commotion around the fire where Aqua was showing off her skills.
I looked up. She must have shown them one of her more impressive party tricks.
The crowd was plying her with approbation and calls for an encore.
“Again! Aqua, milady, show us that trick again!”
“We’ll pay you! Please do it again!”
The people from the merchant caravan were insistent.
Maybe showmanship was her true calling.
The people in this caravan had come from all over to trade. This was the moment I finally came to accept that they really hadn’t heard of my party and its terrible reputation. After all the trouble today, people from our town, the ones who knew us well, might have suspected we were somehow behind everything.
…Phew. I’m getting tired.
Since we weren’t hired guards, there was no need for us to take a shift on watch during the night.
I informed the others I was going to sleep.
“…Yes. Sleep well,” Megumin said, “but be prepared to get up at any time.”
For some reason, she was smiling.
Midnight.
Some kind of sound awoke me. The people on guard didn’t seem to have noticed it.
I glanced over at my companions, who were all sleeping soundly by the fire.
Well, I couldn’t make out Aqua or Darkness, but Megumin and Wiz were asleep.
So why did I have such a bad feeling?
I heard the noise again, faintly, just beyond the barricade.
Maybe I should wake the others.
“Hey, Megumin, get up. You too, Wiz. Something’s wrong.”
I shook Megumin’s shoulder. But she went on sleeping happily, drool dribbling from the edge of her mouth.
“Megumin! Wiz! Wake up, will you? Wake up, or I’ll… I’ll do something so embarrassing you won’t even be able to look at me for days! Look, I don’t care if you don’t wake up. It’s no problem for me. I had a good reason for trying to get you up. But you wouldn’t. So I’m not gonna hold back, okay? Sure you don’t want to get up?”
“You think that’s an excuse? Just what are you up to?”
“Eeyikes!”
I almost jumped out of my skin at the voice from behind me.
Y-you’re gonna give me a heart attack!
“Geez, Darkness, don’t scare me like that. If you’re awake, then say something. You almost caught me doing something awful.”
I had thought she was asleep on the other side of me.
“…I really am curious what you had in mind. But hold that thought…,” she whispered, carefully looking around.
What had happened to the disappointment of a Crusader from this afternoon? The Darkness who was vigilantly scanning the campsite looked like a real adventurer.
…Huh?
I felt a twinge. It was my Sense Foe skill kicking in.
The adventurer on guard must have been the Thief from earlier. He probably had the same skill I did, because suddenly he was raising the alarm.
“There’s something here! Everyone, wake up!”
Adventurers and merchants alike came leaping to their feet.
I activated my Second Sight skill, peering into the night beyond the carriages. I could discern several squirming human forms.
…Were there…people out there? They seemed to be moving a little too sluggishly for that.
“Whatever they are, there’s a bunch of them! Humanoid forms, but moving slowly!” I called out, and the guards picked up long sticks, igniting the ends in the fires to illuminate the area around the camp.
Writhing in the torchlight were…
…terrifying figures, shedding patches of rotten flesh.
Zombies: major undead.
“““Ahhhhhhh!”””
The flickering light made the image especially horrifying, and everyone who saw them started screaming… Myself included, of course.
Darkness was standing there with her great sword in hand, although she didn’t have her armor on.
I indicated Megumin, who was still fast asleep, and said, “Look after her! I’m going to find Aqua—she might do us some good for once!”
And maybe this would be our chance to make it up to the caravan for this afternoon, even if they didn’t know there was anything to make up for.
The incident with the Dashing Hawkites that Darkness had attracted earlier had resulted in a number of injuries and damaged carriages.
At this point I was too scared to admit that the attack had been our fault and apologize, and I didn’t like it. Maybe now I could do the right thing and soothe my conscience.
My eyes swept the area for any sign of Aqua.
“Eeeeek! What’s going on?! Why did I wake up to find undead everywhere?! Kazuma! Dear Kazumaaaa!”
I looked toward the shout and saw Aqua, who had apparently been sleeping propped up against the carriage, faced with the rictus grins of the zombies.
Huh? Wait. No… No way.
“Stupid undead! How dare you try to attack me in my sleep! Lost souls, rest in peace! Turn Undead!”
At Aqua’s shout, a gentle white light covered the area. Everyone who saw it let out an ooh.
As the light washed over the horde of zombies, they crumbled away one by one, purified…
And everyone who saw it went from oohing to cheering.
I, however, could only think one thing:
I’m so sorry.
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! It was your mistake to show up when I was around! I’ll send you all to your final resting places!”
Standing proudly in the light of the fire, she really was the image of a goddess sending lost souls to Heaven.
Watching her, I muttered quietly:
“…so, so sorry.”
With Aqua hard at work, everyone else was already jubilant with victory. They heaped praise on my Arch-priest.
“What a beautiful priest…! Practically a goddess!”
“Look at her purify those zombies! She’s with that Crusader who risked herself to save us this afternoon…!”
I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry. I apologize for each and every one of my party members.
“Zombie attacks are pretty rare. Lucky for us that priest just happened to be along!”
Forgive me. If my goddess hadn’t been here, you probably wouldn’t have had this zombie problem.
“Easy as pie! How about that, Kazuma? Worthy of a goddess, wouldn’t you say? I’ve worked pretty hard on this trip. An appropriate offering or two wouldn’t go unappreciated.”
I understood she naturally attracted undead, and I couldn’t blame her for it. But when she sidled up to me looking so pleased with herself, I wanted to smack her.
“What?! Wiz, stay with me! Help! Wiz is—!”
I thought I heard Darkness calling frantically, but the leader of the caravan was already coming over to where Aqua and I were talking.
“You saved our necks again! Now I really will give you that reward, and I shall not take no for an answer!”
Deepest apologies, but you’re going to have to.
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