Kuzu to Kinka no Qualidea - Volume 1 - Chapter 7.1

YUU-1

Why, this bond is forfeit;
And lawfully by this the Jew may claim
A pound of flesh, to be by him cut off
Nearest the merchant’s heart.

– Judge

By my soul I swear
There is no power in the tongue of man
To alter me.

– Shylock

That light we see is burning in my hall.
How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

– Portia

The Merchant of Venice (a Shakespearean tale)

Yuu-1

Whenever I walk to school, I pass through a quiet residential area. I am fond of quite a few places on that road.

The cockatiel in the cage in front of the drycleaners, which had only been taught vulgar words. A cute poster on the block wall at the corner end of the street, depicting a pass where the road safety rules had run amok. A private street one could say was dedicated to illegal parking, full of trucks leaking exhaust fumes. Dilapidated houses whose windows were swamped from top to bottom with slips of paper declaring: “Repent, for Judgement Day is near at hand!”

My world, built from my subjective experience, was filled to the brim with wonderful things that took my fancy.

“…Wow.” I gasped.

The wind, thick with the scent of fresh green foliage, whooshed around me and returned to the sky.

What lovely weather today. There was not a cloud in the sky as far as the eye could see. The sun, which was the colour of a smelted garnet, painted the sky faint blue like a fancy necklace. If it were on my hand, it would be a graceful accessory anyone could obtain.

Something good was bound to happen on a day like this, I thought.

The closer I got to school, the more students I saw on the road, chatting away amongst themselves. Within that crowd of people who effortlessly exemplified the concept of youth, I alone gazed up at the sky with a smile on my face.

As I hummed the cool lyrics of my beloved Jukensei Blues to myself, I slipped into the crowd and passed through the gate. That was when it happened.

“Chigusa-san. Can I have a moment with you?”

There was a hand on my shoulder. I wondered why. The only person who can touch me unequivocally is the partner I have chosen. That or an elderly person starved of human warmth and affection who had only three days to live.

When I turned around, a handsome villain stood before me.

“Um… excuse me, I’m in a hurry right now,” I said.

It was Suzaku, the student council president. I wondered if he had three days left to live.

His lips were drawn into a thin line, and he had a bitter sort of expression on his face. Perhaps he had something on his mind. I could not lend him my wisdom, but I could lend him money afterwards. Thirty per cent interest every ten days was sufficient for Suzaku-san. He was welcome to come to the rooftop anytime.

“Sorry, I’ve got something important to discuss.”

Suzaku-san simply would not let go of my shoulder. Was this some kind of proposition I could not back out of? I’m sorry, I’ve decided I won’t become a model until my sister is grown up.

A number of girls around him appeared to be visibly restraining themselves.

“Suzaku is being so nice to you, so why don’t you ask him what he’s trying to say?”

The cake-faced girls smirked at me, looking rather like a bunch of oinking pigs. Their hollow gazes made my skin crawl somewhat.

As this was all sinking in—

“And hey, wasn’t the evidence we gave enough?”

“Right, right. Have you heard what we have on you?”

What was going on? Before I could even resist, they knocked my schoolbag away. The zipper came undone, and a bunch of files came bursting out through the gap.

“What on earth are you doing?! Sorry, Chigusa-kun. Now apologise, you!” the man from planet Cool changed colour and berated the girls.

Yet the grinning faces of his followers did not change. With a petulant attitude, they snuggled up closer to the student council president and showed him the files.

“…Ah. I didn’t want to believe it, but the rumours were true.” Upon seeing the files, the student council president’s eyes narrowed into slits. “How many are there?”

Inside the files were notes written by my friends detailing how much they had borrowed or what they had promised to pay back and plenty of other things like that. As long as I had those, they would pay up smilingly. I, too, smiled like a million dollars.

It seemed that walking around with these things on my person had come back to haunt me.

“…And what do these documents prove?” I protested vehemently.

It is possible to forge dozens of documents showing how much one had borrowed. There’s no point in a minor signing such documents. After all, a contract that belied the public order and morals was completely null and void. That’s why it doesn’t count, I swear…!

Before I knew it, we were surrounded on all sides. Even the old man watering the flowerbed was peering at us with interest. Since they were not bringing over any authorities to intervene, I would rather they stopped watching and vacated the place. Let us forget this ever happened!

“Could you cut it out with the jokes?” I could dimly hear the student council president berating me. “There’s proof you’ve been threatening people. There’s proof you’ve been lending out money. You have a duty to explain yourself right here and now. Is it true that you’ve been ripping people off?”

“R-Ripping people off is a matter of personal interpretation. I am not seeking the skin off their backs, and besides this is just something students do for fun, and since we both agreed to it, it’s not really—”

“They didn’t agree to it, and that’s why you resorted to this. What’s this rubbish about students having fun? We’re talking about human beings.”

I bit my tongue. This was why I despised this person.

“…B-But it was just a temporary measure, so don’t call it—”

My voice was drowned up by all the haughty voices around me railing down upon me.

“Lalala, can’t hear you, you ugly hag!”

“Speak up, you fat bitch!”

“Stop putting on airs, you slut!”

It is said that when a person with a limited vocabulary hurls abuse, it says more about them than the person they insult. When you put it that way, all those cake-faced girls were so hung up about, well, you know how it is. They described themselves perfectly.

Why did those girls have to use me as a mirror, I wonder?

The tip of my nose was burning. Tears sprang to my eyes, however much I fought to keep down my choked sobs.

That was the worst case scenario.

“Don’t get cocky! You think you’ll get a free pass by crying just because you’re cute, huh?” they spat at me as they shoved my shoulders.

It wasn’t as if I was crying because I wanted to. I have never once thought of using my weakness as a weapon.

Even if I were to argue back, I was trembling so much that I simply could not open my mouth. Instead, I found myself noticing how spiteful they appeared to me as they twisted their lips. It was as if someone had raised their hand and let the firing squad loose. They had started using my heart for shooting practice.

“Everything about you makes me sick!”

“Why don’t you get on your hands and knees and apologise, you scum?!”

“Hand over your wallet and give back everyone their money, you stupid piece of shit!”

“You should try selling that cheap-ass body of yours, you slutty whore!”

“You pretend to be all sweet and innocent, but you’re a rotten bitch through and through. We know you’ll try to deny it, but that’s the kind of shitty human being you are!”

Their sneering voices rang out like gunshots. Every time they hit me with abuse, the next shot was cocked and loaded. They shook me left and right and shoved me back and forth, eventually leaving me with as many holes as Swiss cheese.

A feeling much like heavy black tar came over me. It penetrated the walls of my outward persona, slipped into a gap in my heart and painted the interior black.

“Cut it out already! You’re overdoing it. If you keep this up, you’ll be just as bad as Chigusa-kun!”

The student council president’s voice, along with the buzzing from the spectators, sounded awfully distant to my ears.

My vision had turned blurry, and I was unable to control my throat, limbs or heart. Invisible chains constricted my body. My unceasing tears merely continued to dirty my face. All I could think of was how pathetic I was.

Why was I powerless to do anything?

I had worked so hard to consciously reform myself into a swan, hadn’t I?

For as long as I remained powerless, I was an unsightly being.

As soon as that thought occurred to me, I had the feeling of the ground slowly parting, causing my ankles to sink into a bottomless marsh.  The ice-cold liquid covered my thighs, then my hips and chest, before finally crawling up all the way to my mouth like a slug. Over and over, the liquid coated my body and hardened over me, until I could not move an inch from where I stood.

This was the bottom of the sea.

A pitch black scene etched with nightmares and nothingness, where no light would ever reach.

Unable to peer up at the sky, the only thing that remained beautiful to my eyes, I was drowned out by the harsh wind until I was the only person left in the whole world.

I could hear the clasp over my stony heart snap at the seams.

Dimly, I perceived that the weak-willed and timid person known as Chigusa Yuu was quietly being crushed by the deep sea of despair, as if it was all happening to someone else.