Chapter 2 – Kaede Quest
1
He could hear the sound of waves.
They rolled up the sands and then pulled out with a noise like someone gasping aloud.
This was the beach at Shichirigahama.
Sakuta was standing there, surrounded by familiar sights—younger than he was now.
There was no color in this wave-lapped scene. The sky, sea, and horizon were all shades of gray.
Even with a foggy mind, Sakuta knew right away this had to be a dream.
A dream of two years ago, when he’d been in the last year of junior high.
A dream of the time his heart had shattered to pieces.
And a dream of the time he first met Shouko Makinohara.
“Did you know?”
Once again, she was suddenly next to him, talking like she was sharing something deep and meaningful.
He stood quite close, maybe three yards away. He could see Enoshima behind her.
“Shichirigahama is actually one ri long. Weird they named it ‘seven ri,’ huh?”
“You always make a habit of interrupting people when they’re thinking, Shouko?”
“I make a habit of giving you the advice you need, Sakuta.”
She grinned at him.
“……”
“Ah, just now, you thought, ‘She’s so obnoxious!’ didn’t you?”
“Absolutely.”
“But about two percent of you was thinking how nice it is to have a nice older girl helping you.”
She nodded to herself, like it was obvious.
“That’s even more obnoxious,” he growled, glaring at the ocean.
“There it is! You’re so easily embarrassed.”
His grumbles had no effect on her. None. She just looked at him like a mother would an angry toddler. Protesting felt like a waste of time.
“Thinking about your sister again?”
And the moment he let his guard down, she spoke softly, cutting right to the heart of the matter. With all the sensitivity she’d seemingly lacked a moment before.
“I was thinking about you, Shouko.”
“Oh, so you were thinking about sex. You are one hormonal teen! I’ll allow it.”
He really wished she’d stop willfully misinterpreting these things. Or accepting them at face value.
“No,” he said, a tad forcefully.
“So it was about your sister, then.”
This was true, but he didn’t want to admit it, so instead he said, “I was wondering why you believed me.”
He’d been wondering that since they first met.
“Mm?”
“Nobody else would listen at all. Not about Kaede’s cuts and bruises, or about Adolescence Syndrome.”
The bullying had eaten away at Kaede’s heart. Eventually, it turned into full-blown Adolescence Syndrome, and the pain in her heart became cuts and bruises on her body.
You suck.
A post online that made her arm split open like a knife had cut into her.
Die, creep (lol).
A text she got that left a huge bruise on her thigh.
No matter how patiently he explained, nobody believed him. His mother saw it with her own eyes but couldn’t accept the truth, distancing herself from Kaede instead. The doctors they saw were convinced it was self-harm and wouldn’t hear a word about Adolescence Syndrome. They dismissed Sakuta’s claims as the prattling of a child.
The more he explained, the more desperate he got, and the more hostile everyone involved became.
They all thought the same thing.
They all thought he was full of shit. No matter how much he begged for help, all he got in return was contempt.
No matter how loud he yelled “It’s true!” nobody heard.
And it created a vicious cycle. Even his closest friends started keeping their distance, one after another.
Before he knew it, he was all alone.
Azusagawa’s lost it.
Once someone posted that online, it spread like wildfire, and everyone in class started avoiding him. No one at school, not even the teachers, wanted anything to do with him.
No one tried to find out what was really happening. None of his friends asked what had happened. Everyone would rather believe a lie. Because “everyone” said it was true.
Looking back, he understood. Going along with the crowd and sticking with the general consensus was important. That was what years of school had taught them to do. Even if you were sure you were different or special, you’d been taught the smart play was to hide those feelings and avoid standing out.
So for the majority of students, what others said about Sakuta was truer than anything Sakuta himself had to say. After all, “everyone” said it. Popular opinion carried far more weight than the truth of the matter. For classmates who didn’t know Sakuta well, that was all there was to it. Plain and simple.
But the result was that “everyone” had a negative perception of him, and he found himself facing what felt like a monster.
No amount of struggling would lead him to victory. It had no tangible form, so he had no way of harming it. It didn’t take long for him to realize fighting was futile.
And when he realized that, something inside him snapped. He could feel it happen.
He was right, he knew he was right, but they’d made him “wrong.” The world was just not fair. It was so stupid and messed up, he just started laughing. A hollow, empty laugh.
And all the color drained from his world.
The world became a gray place.
“There are as many worlds as there are people,” Shouko said, staring at the horizon. “Just as the horizon I’m looking at is closer than the one you see.”
She crouched a bit so she was looking up at his face from below.
Like she was emphasizing that his height advantage let him see farther than she could.
“And this sea breeze!” she said, straightening up and throwing her arms out.
As if trying to hug the wind. Her hair streamed out behind her.
“Some people will think it feels good, and others will hate it for making their skin and hair all sticky.”
Shouko was clearly the former. She closed her eyes, seeming to enjoy the sensation.
“My point is…”
“Everyone has a different idea of justice? I know that.”
He was being a bit curt, but Shouko just laughed.
“As if I’d say something that sounds like it came right out of the mouth of a teenage boy. Doesn’t just saying the word justice feel embarrassing?”
“Then what did you mean?”
“You’re agonizing over a monster you can’t defeat. But I say that means you have potential.”
“Patronizing.”
“I am older than you. I have a right to be.”
She shot him a triumphant look as she puffed out her chest.
“……”
“Ah! You just thought ‘You’re older? With tits that small?’ right?”
“No. And I dunno about ‘agonizing,’ either. I just know life is devoid of dreams or hope, and I’m feeling shitty about it. Leave me alone.”
“Never!” she said. But her tone was soft, so it didn’t feel aggressive.
“Huh?”
“I’m not gonna leave you alone.”
Her eyes caught his. She was serious, but there was also a trace of a smile. An expression of great kindness.
It left him speechless.
“We met like this for a reason. You may have no dreams or hope, but I’ve lived a little longer than you have, and I’ve got some gorgeous advice to offer.”
She was sounding increasingly theatrical.
“Whoever heard of gorgeous advice?”
Shouko ignored that, turning back to the ocean.
The look on her face was so beautiful that he found himself looking out to sea as well. A horizon slightly farther than the one she saw. Was there something out there?
“My life hasn’t had a lot of dreams or hope in it, either,” she said.
What did that mean? He couldn’t bring himself to ask. Shouko had turned back to him, and their eyes met—and she shook her head.
“But I have found meaning in my life.”
“……”
“You see, Sakuta. I think living makes us kinder.”
“…And that’s the point?”
“I’ve lived this long so that I could become as kind as I am now.”
“……”
“Each day, I try to be just a little nicer than I was the day before.”
“……”
He didn’t know why.
He didn’t know, but her words sank deep inside him, warming him from within. The feeling enveloped him like a blanket warmed in the light of the sun.
Sakuta felt a burning heat well up at the back of his nose. Gushing upward with considerable force. He had no way of stopping it. The tear levees burst immediately, and drops started spilling from his eyes.
They fell like rain on the sand at his feet, like a warm shower of tears.
A ray of light appeared in his gray world. Sakuta looked up, drawn to it. Color was returning to his world, centered around Shouko. The deep blue of the sea, the pale blue of the sky—all the colors were coming back.
He gritted his teeth, not even trying to wipe his tears. “Shouko,” he said.
“What?” she said with a smile.
“I hope I can live like you do.”
She looked pleased. “You can.” She accepted his feelings, grinning ear to ear. “You know how not being understood makes you suffer, Sakuta. That will make you nicer than anyone. You’ll find someone to help in no time.”
His tears left his vision blurry. He couldn’t quite make out the look on her face. But it was Shouko, so he was sure her smile was as bright as the sun above. He never doubted that.
That was the last time they ever spoke.
When he woke up, his eyelashes were stuck together.
He’d been crying in his sleep.
He tried to reach up and rub the dried tears away, but his arm wouldn’t budge.
It was too heavy—no, there was a weight on it. Someone was lying on top of him.
He looked down.
As suspected, his sister was resting there, sleeping peacefully.
“Yo, Kaede,” he called.
No response.
Just the sound of her breathing.
“Yo!” he said again.
“Your amberjack is jacked up,” she said. Awfully specific for talking in her sleep. He would have to ask Mai for a few tips so he could make that dish better.
“C’mon, Kaede. Wake up.”
“…Jacked?”
“You’re still saying that?”
He wasn’t getting anywhere.
He forcibly yanked his arm out from under her and shook Kaede’s shoulder.
“Mm? Hmm…”
As she grumbled, her eyes fluttered open.
“Morning, Kaede.”
“Good morning,” she said and yawned.
“Get up, would you? You’re heavy.”
“I am?! But I’m your little sister!”
“That has nothing to do with your weight.”
“But I’m aiming to be the kind of sister you treat like an emotional support puppy!”
“Suit yourself, but size-wise, you’ve already failed.”
Kaede was certainly growing up. The latest data available had her another half inch taller, and she was now a little over five foot four. Not exactly cute puppy sized. More like cute large dog sized.
“What a shocking discovery…”
“Also, that goal wasn’t in your notebook.”
“That’s because it is the little sister ideal I was secretly gunning for.”
“I see. Shame.”
“Yes, it really is. I’ll have to use this failure as a springboard to step up my practice for going outside.”
A humble, optimistic statement like a young athlete interviewed after a loss. He wanted to throw his support behind her, but first he had to assess her physical condition.
He put a hand on her forehead.
“……”
It was still hot. She’d been lying on him a moment before, so he’d already had his suspicions. It would probably be better to leave going outside for a later day.
“When your fever subsides and you’re in better health,” he said.
“Okay. A famous person on TV said if you have health, you can do anything!”
“Famous people say good things sometimes.”
“I thought so!”
“But for today, get some rest.”
“Okay! I’ll try real hard to rest so I can try real hard tomorrow!”
2
She’d said tomorrow, but the next day—Wednesday—Kaede’s temperature was still running high.
The thermometer showed 99 degrees.
A mild fever, though one that would still leave you feeling pretty worn out.
She had no other noticeable symptoms, so she probably wasn’t sick, but her fever failed to subside when he checked Thursday morning, and again on Friday morning.
This was frustrating. Since it was likely caused by psychological instability, taking fever reducers wasn’t going to help much. They did seem to temporarily drop her temperature, but the moment the medicine wore off, she went right back to hovering around the 99-degree mark.
Each time he checked the readout on the digital thermometer, Kaede looked frustrated. She felt slightly tired but had no problems moving around, and being forced to stay in bed was boring her silly.
Trying to respect her positivity, Sakuta suggested, “Maybe think up some strategies to use once your fever goes down.”
“Strategies?”
“Or even just rehearse it in your mind.”
“That sounds cool! Like a professional operating on a global scale!”
“The top players all do it before any big match.”
“I want to be a top player!”
“Then you’ll have to imagine yourself going outside.”
“First, I open the door!”
“With no shoes?”
“First, I put shoes on!”
“Maybe you should change clothes, too.”
Kaede usually wore her panda pajamas around the house.
“First, I want to change into the cutest outfit I have.”
“Fashion is vital.”
“Very.”
“That’s the spirit. Visualize yourself winning this battle, Kaede.”
“I will!”
They had a lot of conversations like this.
After talking to her like he usually did, Kaede seemed to be in high spirits. He detected no signs of any anxiety. Which meant he had no clue how to help.
The fever was caused by something inside her that Sakuta couldn’t see.
All he could do was cheer her on.
But telling her to try harder would just put pressure on her, and he didn’t think this was a problem that willpower could solve.
Perhaps other grown-ups would look at her situation and say she wasn’t putting in enough effort. A lot of old-fashioned teachers had said as much when she was getting bullied. As if a Showa-era talk of gumption would be able to help a Heisei-born junior high school girl.
The question remained—what should he do?
With no effective medicine, all he could do was wait patiently.
Friday, October 17, after school, Sakuta worked his shift at the restaurant with all the enthusiasm his wages deserved. He finished ringing up a couple of male students and muttered “Now what?” under his breath.
Voicing his uncertainty this way was a minor thing, but it helped relieved the stress mounting within.
It was after eight, and the number of customers was on the downswing. More and more seats were emptying up.
They were most likely through the worst of the dinner rush.
Sakuta left the register, bussed the empty table, and ferried the dishes into the back.
He put the hamburger steak platter and rice dishes by the sinks.
“More for you,” he said.
The college student washing the dishes said, “Got it,” and Sakuta returned to the front of house.
As he did, he heard a dramatic sigh.
“I just dunno…”
This was coming from a petite girl.
“That was one huge sigh.”
“Whaaa—?! Senpai?!”
Tomoe Koga jumped a whole step backward in surprise. She was his junior both at school and here. A very fashionable, modern schoolgirl, she wore her hair short and woke up at six every morning to get it perfect. It looked great today, too.
“Worried because your butt got bigger again?” he said.
Her hands snapped around behind her. She glared up at him.
“I-it hasn’t gotten bigger, and why’d you say again?”
“Depressed about the tests next week, then?”
“Well, you’re not wrong, but…”
“But what?”
“The culture festival,” she muttered, scowling.
“What about it?”
“It’s coming up next month!”
“Where?”
“At our school!”
“Huh.”
“Have you completely lost it, senpai? It’s, like, a critical event in any high schooler’s life!”
She seemed as baffled as she was surprised. Like it was unbelievable he didn’t care.
“Culture festivals are something a small percentage of in-crowd kids get all worked up about. They hit peak giddy, pair off into couples, and make some precious memories together. Not my scene.”
Come to think of it, when second term started, there had been some chatter about what their class would do. He was pretty sure Yuuma’s girlfriend, Saki Kamisato, had seized control of the whole shebang. Sakuta mostly slept through homerooms, so he didn’t really remember the details.
Plus, he’d spent most of last month dealing with a round of Adolescence Syndrome that had left Mai and Nodoka in each other’s bodies, so he definitely hadn’t had any bandwidth to care about what his class was doing for the culture festival even if he wanted to.
“You never disappoint, senpai,” Tomoe said. This sounded like praise, but her eyes were filled with pity. He took offense to that. “It’s impressive, really,” she added.
“How so?”
“You’re dating Sakurajima, which oughta instantly put you in the winner’s circle, but somehow you still can’t fit in, as per usual.”
“And as per usual, you’re worrying yourself silly about what to do for the culture festival or who’s gonna take which shift, right?”
“O-our class knows what we’re doing! We’re still arguing over the other thing, though…”
He’d been talking off the cuff, but it looked like he’d hit the nail on the head. Tomoe shot him a baleful glare, puffing her cheeks out. She must have thought he was making fun of her. That probably wasn’t inaccurate.
“So what is your class doing?”
“A haunted house.”
“Pfft, with a face that cute?”
“God, you’re obnoxious sometimes. My face doesn’t have anything to do with it! A-and I’m not cute!”
“I think it’s highly relevant. You dressed as a ghost would never be scary.”
If she tried dressing up as a nekomata, she’d just look like she was doing some cute cat-girl cosplay.
“Th-then show up on the day! I promise I’ll get a scream out of you.”
“Nah, I’m good. Never been into classic horror. That stuff just doesn’t scare me. I mean, look, there’s a long-haired girl ghost behind you right now.”
He pointed over Tomoe’s shoulder, then smiled, bobbed his head, and waved.
“E-eep!” Tomoe shrieked and leaped a foot in the air.
“I’m kidding, but…mm?”
He must have spooked her good, because Tomoe had fallen on her backside next to the register. And she’d screamed loud enough that all the customers had turned to stare.
“S-sorry,” she said, scrambling back to her feet. She gave Sakuta an accusative, teary-eyed glare.
“Are you even capable of working in a haunted house?”
“A mite too late ta go askin’ that!” she howled.
“Uhhh, right. I guess so.”
She was so rattled, she’d lapsed back into her native dialect, and he barely understood a word she said.
“I can see why that would have you all depressed.”
“It’s not the ghosts that are bothering me. You said it yourself.”
“Mm? What did I say?”
“We’re taking turns being the ghosts, but figuring out the shift schedule’s got everyone on edge.”
Such a typical source of conflict.
“You can’t just split it up so everyone’s working with their usual crowd?”
The number might vary a bit, but that method would make everything straightforward.
“Yeah, but once you start pairing groups of girls and guys up, it all goes to hell.”
“Seems like the popular folks should just stick together to settle things quickly. Like I said.”
Classroom groups tended to naturally form without anyone actively saying or doing anything. The organic hierarchy was strangely compelling, and neither the top- nor bottom-tier students could ignore it. Try to go against the flow, and people would be all, “What’s your problem?” and then you’d be outcast.
In Sakuta’s view, people who said “What’s your problem?” were the ones with the problem, which was why they looked down on anyone not like them.
Exactly when had Japan reverted to feudalism anyway? Sakuta was a citizen of this country and felt he ought to have been informed.
“If it was that easy, I wouldn’t be griping. But somehow we ended up drawing lots…”
Tomoe looked very shifty suddenly. That seemed like a clear sign of guilt. Sakuta instantly knew who’d proposed this plan…
“So your group ended up paired with the hot guys?”
“Urp…”
“And now the hot girls are mad at you?”
Tomoe gave up and admitted it. “…Y-yeah.”
“You always have the most typical high school girl problems, Koga.”
“That’s because I am a high school girl.”
In Tomoe’s case, things were made even more complicated because she had originally been part of the popular girls group. She’d left after a quarrel. Following a brief period of isolation, she’d wound up with her current group of friends. So this was all really unfortunate.
“If only the guys were complaining, too, but no, they’re all cool with it.”
“Meaning they’re all, ‘Koga’s pretty cute, so whatever,’ I take it?”
“……”
Tomoe turned red. Half mortified, half mad. It seemed she was well aware of this. She always did know how to read a room. Maybe the dumb dudes had been a bit too happy when the lots were drawn. And oblivious to how scary girl group dynamics could be.
“I’m impressed, Koga.”
“Nothing impressive about this.”
“You’ve evolved into a being of pure evil.”
She was the petite devil. Totally living up to that nickname.
“This is a real problem! You’re such a jerk. Horribad.”
Tomoe turned her back on him, sulking.
This left her looking at a booth across the hall. A group of four junior high school boys occupied it. They were all staring at their phones or portable gaming consoles, chattering as they played. There was a burst of laughter. They were talking about an RPG they were into.
Levels, weapon upgrades, how unfair the last boss was…sounded like fun.
“Argh, I wish life was as easy as games,” Tomoe said.
“You play games, Koga?”
She didn’t seem the type. Or maybe she was the type who was hopelessly bad at them.
“Just on my phone. Nana likes ’em, so I keep her company.”
“Huh.”
“Senpai, that’s your ‘Stop being so desperate to fit in, you don’t even like it’ face.”
“I was wondering if you were actively trying to get guys to like you more.”
“Huh? Playing games does that?”
“Yeah, gives them an excuse to start a conversation with you.”
“……”
This notion silenced Tomoe. Something like that must have actually happened.
“But I get what you’re saying.”
The booth boys were still talking excitedly.
“Fighting monsters gets you XP. You level up, learn some skills, get better spells, try again if you die, and beat the Demon Lord to a pulp at the end, and bam, you’re the hero who saved the world.”
“I’m not being that cynical,” Tomoe said.
He ignored her. “But life isn’t that easy.”
Tomoe’s opponent was the classroom mood. Kaede’s was her own anxieties. Neither Demon Lord was visible to the naked eye.
They didn’t have the ultimate weapons or spells at their disposal. And a good old-fashioned beatdown wouldn’t solve their problems.
And worst of all, these Demon Lords were created by other people. An unconscious by-product of mob mentality.
He was pretty sure he’d played games where people’s fears gave the Demon Lord power, and that felt accurate to the real world. Demon Lords were created and sustained by human minds.
“……”
“Something on your mind, senpai?” Tomoe asked.
It wasn’t really a question. She’d gleaned the truth from his silence.
“Nah…I was just wondering, when’s the culture festival again?”
“You’re such a bad liar.”
She apparently wasn’t buying that one. But she didn’t try to force the truth out of him, either. Respecting his feelings on the matter.
“It’s November 3. Culture Day,” she said, dutifully answering his fake question. Such a good kohai. Guys liked her for a reason.
“You know what time you’ll be haunting yet?”
“Nope.”
She gave him a look, as if wondering why he was asking.
“Lemme know when you settle the shifts.”
“You’re gonna come?” She seemed skeptical.
“You want to try to make me scream, right?”
“Oh, that’s definitely gonna happen.”
She flashed him a cheeky grin. And as she did, the bell on the door rang. New customers. Tomoe went to seat them. “Welcome!” she called. No trace of her earlier gloom remained.
Pleased with that, Sakuta went back to work himself.
Sakuta worked the rest of his shift and punched out exactly on time at nine. His card emerged from the machine with 21:00 stamped on it.
“And we’re outta here.”
He quickly changed out of his server uniform and headed back home to Kaede.
The restaurant was located right outside Fujisawa Station, and their place was about a ten-minute walk away.
When he got to his building, he checked the mailbox before hopping on the elevator. There was a part of him that was still curious if any more letters from “Shouko” might show up.
It was empty again, though. Just a flyer for a pizza joint.
“Welp, if it comes, it comes.”
No point waiting for something without a reason to believe it was coming. This wasn’t something hopes and desires could solve any more than trying real hard. It was all up to her.
Waiting would just wear him down. He had to put it out of his mind until something actually happened.
Telling himself this, Sakuta stepped into the elevator.
He reached his floor and opened the door to his apartment.
“Welcome home!”
And was surprised by Kaede, who’d been lurking beside the front door.
“Uh, sure, I’m back…”
There was no denying that startled him a bit.
Kaede dashed off back inside.
Why is she in such a hurry? Is something going on?
“He really did come home!” he heard her saying.
It sounded like she was talking to somebody. But there weren’t any other shoes by the door. And Kaede was way too shy. If someone rang the intercom and Sakuta wasn’t home, she would entrust everything to the might of the answering machine. Even when he was home, the most she could manage was to watch him handle it from a distance. There was no way she could actually let someone in on her own.
“You were right, Mai!”
Sakuta shucked his shoes off and stepped into the living room. Kaede was on the phone. She had the receiver cradled in both hands, holding it to her ear.
Naturally, he knew who she was talking to now.
Mai had left school after fourth bell that day. She had to film a variety show that afternoon. They must have wrapped already.
“Okay, I’ll let you talk to him.
Kaede held the receiver out to him.
“Mai?”
“Welcome back.”
“Glad to be home.”
“I was watching you from my balcony, but you didn’t look up.”
“Oh? Just now?”
“Yep.”
“Ahhh, that explains it.”
This was why Kaede had been standing at the door.
“How’s Kaede doing?”
He glanced toward her. She was—for some reason—happily watching him talk on the phone.
“Smiling a lot.” His reply was very literal.
“Good. Glad to hear it.” Mai sounded relieved. “I said I had that show to film at the studio, right?”
“Yep.”
“It was a medical-themed show, and this episode was all about stress, so after we finished, I asked one of the experts about Kaede.”
Sakuta could guess why they’d ask Mai to be on a show like that, given recent events. The coverage of their relationship had been intense. Mai would be able to talk about the stress of the public eye in an immediate, attention-grabbing way.
“He said attempting something new probably startled her mind and body.”
“I had a feeling, yeah.”
She could answer phones from someone besides Sakuta. That was it, but Kaede had gone way outside her comfort zone to make it happen. Even if she handled the challenge well, it left her heart racing.
This wasn’t particular to Kaede. There were all sorts of events and experiences that could leave you a wreck for days. In Kaede’s case, things just had a more dramatic effect.
Kaede caught Sakuta glancing her way, but she couldn’t hear what Mai was saying. She shot him a puzzled look.
“The body and mind will usually recover in time, but he said in a situation like Kaede’s, repetition is really important.”
“Oh?”
“A new experience becomes far less novel if you do it over and over again, right? Once it becomes a normal part of life, it won’t be reason for alarm anymore. So it’s better not to do it once and stop.”
“So that’s why you called?”
“Yes—and I saw you coming home from my balcony. I considered running this by you first, but…I figured it would be a good idea to have her make a second go at it while the memories of a successful attempt are still fresh. She seem okay?”
As far as he could tell, she was having a great time. Sakuta reached for her forehead.
She still had a fever, but she had it all day, so this didn’t seem like a major change. Sakuta propped the phone between his ear and shoulder, took Kaede’s arm, and rolled up her sleeve. The bruise running from her elbow to her wrist was still there, but it had been gradually fading over the last few days. Now it was almost gone.
“Thermometer,” was all he said out loud. Then he mimed pinning one under his arm.
“Got it.” She grabbed the thermometer from the table nearby, slipping it inside her pajamas.
“As far as I can tell, she’s fine. Better than this morning, even.”
“Whew.”
Kaede had the thermometer lodged in her pajamas. They waited a moment, and then it beeped. She pulled it out and showed it to Sakuta, like a cat offering up a catch.
The digital display showed 98.8 degrees. Still slightly elevated, but the lowest readout she’d had all week. Since the last phone call had immediately spiked her temperature, this was much more promising.
She’d done it not just once but twice now—each success stacked and eased Kaede’s anxiety. Every victory would slowly build the foundation for her newfound courage and confidence.
And the more successful attempts she had, the closer they’d get to Kaede’s ultimate goal of going to school. Sakura wanted to believe that anyway.
Mai had helped broaden his perspective, parting the dense fog that had been blinding him.
They still couldn’t see the road, the street signs, or the scenery around them, but by staring real hard at his feet, he felt like they could take one step at a time.
That was how Kaede was moving forward.
“Thanks, Mai. For thinking of her.”
“You’re welcome. I’m partly responsible here.”
Kaede had wanted it, but Mai’s actions had directly led to this fever. Naturally, Mai couldn’t just let it go. But that wasn’t the whole story. Anyone who knew Kaede’s situation would hesitate before even offering to help her practice talking on the phone. And seeing her collapse as a result of that would make it even tougher to take the next step. Most people would be afraid to keep going.
But Mai was choosing to involve herself with Kaede, fully aware of what she was getting herself into. That fact alone delighted Sakuta, and her help was a real source of comfort.
“Don’t push yourself, Sakuta.”
“Mm? Am I?”
He hadn’t expected her to shift this to him.
“Watching over something like this can really wear you down,” Mai said.
“……”
“Kaede trying to change is undoubtedly a good thing, but this likely won’t be the only time it leaves her running a fever. I don’t think she’ll get through this unscathed. Seeing her go through that can take a bigger toll on you than experiencing that kind of hardship yourself.”
Mai really got it. When she and Nodoka had swapped bodies, she’d carefully avoided saying too much, maintaining the right distance—and that meant her words carried a lot of weight. Unless absolutely necessary to intervene, Mai had respected Nodoka’s wishes and watched over her from a distance.
All despite the fact that she must have been deeply worried. No matter how much she wanted to say something, she’d chosen to hold back, believing that would be better for Nodoka.
“I’ll be fine,” he said.
“Really?”
“If it gets tough, I’ll just make you pamper me.”
“Well, if that’s all it takes…”
He’d expected her to be mad at him, but apparently she was on board.
“Really? You’re cool with that?”
“You’re my boyfriend. Why wouldn’t I be?”
There was a mischievous edge to her voice. The sound tickled Sakuta’s ear.
“Wow, I wanna come over right now.”
“Nope. I’m about to take a bath.”
“That just makes me wanna come over more.”
“Not today. I think Kaede has more news for you anyway.”
“She does?”
That sounded like Kaede had filled Mai in on something.
“You should hear it from her.”
“Huh.”
He had no idea what that could be.
“So good night.”
“Oh, right, good night,” he said, purely on reflex.
She hung up. Mai was off to enjoy her bath. He took a moment to imagine that and then put the phone back on the hook.
The moment he did…
“Sakuta! I did it!” Kaede was leaning forward, almost grabbing him.
She had her notebook clutched to her chest again.
“That’s great to hear.”
“It is!”
“Great, but…what did you do?”
“This!”
Kaede hummed a fanfare and opened the notebook for him to see.
He read the page from top to bottom.
1. Change into cute clothes. (Cute is vital!)
2. Short break.
3. Move to the front door.
4. Short break.
5. Put shoes on.
6. Short break.
7. Fuse to Sakuta’s back.
8. Charge Sakuta-energy.
9. Then step outside with Sakuta. If I collapse, have Sakuta carry me back inside (princess-style!).
He wasn’t sure which part he should react to first.
At the very least, this was clearly a strategy to go outside, but…there was a lot here.
“I even came up with a backup plan in case something goes wrong!”
“Mm, that’s important.”
“Very!”
It seemed highly likely he was going to end up with her slung across his arms like a princess.
“It’s perfect!” Kaede said. Where was this confidence coming from? That was an eternal mystery, but he was pleased to see her so motivated. With that in mind, he choked back any protests. Mai had just been talking to him about the importance of watching over Kaede’s efforts.
He saw a ton of potential problems here, but…
“A flawless strategy,” he said, giving it his approval.
“Flawless!”
Her smile showed no signs of doubt at all. Pure and innocent. Staring at that smile, Sakuta started quietly considering how to have Mai console him afterward.
3
The next Saturday, Kaede’s fever was finally gone.
A rock solid 97.7 degrees. The bruise on her arm was gone, too. Thankfully.
Sakuta had midterms for the first three days this week, so over the weekend, Mai helped him study. When she came over, she arrived with armfuls of hand-me-down clothes and turned Kaede into her own dress-up doll.
This was all part of Kaede’s master plan.
The first step in her notebook.
1. Change into cute clothes. (Cute is vital!)
Mai was helping make this a reality.
Or rather, Mai spent most of the weekend having fun with Kaede by giving her new looks. Frankly, she didn’t spend nearly enough time with Sakuta. Even if he tried talking to her, she just said, “How could I possibly stop now?” And when she did give him a moment, checking his studies just seemed like an afterthought.
Nodoka had come over with her and seemed rather jealous. “Man, I wish I could try on all her old stuff,” she said.
“She doesn’t give you any?” Sakuta said.
“Wouldn’t fit. I’m not tall enough.”
“Wrong body type, too,” he muttered, scowling at a math problem.
“Was that a dig at my tits?”
“Would guys normally go there?”
“You aren’t a normal guy.”
Fair point. Sakuta had been talking about her tits, but he elected to obfuscate. Kaede wasn’t exactly filled out up there, either, but since she was almost as tall as Mai, a lot of the clothes fit pretty well.
That weekend marked a noticeable improvement in the girl power of the Azusagawa residence.
“If you’re stuck on that, I can help?” Nodoka said, peering over his shoulder.
“Mai said she’d teach me.”
“She’s clearly not doing anything but dressing Kaede up today.”
“I guess I can make do with you, Toyohama.”
“If you’re gonna act like that, I’m not helping.”
“Heartless.”
“I hope you fail.”
“All that’ll do is make Mai sad.”
Nodoka glared at him angrily.
But after a minute, she said, “Use this one.”
She picked up a mechanical pencil and poked at the formula in the textbook, like this was a huge pain. She also wrote a similar problem for him to practice and praised him when he got it right.
“See, Sakuta, you can do it if you try.”
“Isn’t that true for everyone, though?”
“Do you have to be cynical about everything?”
Thanks to the idol’s home tutoring, he was able to answer everything on the tests easily.
“Thanks, Professor Nodoka.”
Maybe the whole educated-idol thing had some merit.
While he was busy acing his exams, Kaede started wearing the clothes Mai had given her around the house. This was part of her final prep before going outside. She’d spent most of her time indoors in her pajamas, so she wanted to get used to real clothes first.
It was a minor thing, but there was a point to clearing small hurdles like this.
Being in regular clothes made Kaede feel different. She had way better posture than she did when she was in her panda pajamas. It was like she was always on her best behavior.
After a whole day like that, she said, “That was very exhausting!” and promptly went to bed around eight.
But the next morning she got right back into it, fretting over what to wear that day and clearly enjoying herself.
“She gave you so many that you can’t decide?”
“She gave me a lot!”
There was definitely a slew of new items he didn’t recognize on hangers in Kaede’s room. Sakuta had been the one who carried the bundles of clothing from Mai’s condo, Santa Claus–style, so he’d known it was quite the pile, but he hadn’t realized she’d kept all of them.
“We’d better thank her properly.”
“Yes! I’ll tell her over and over!”
Mai had been calling Kaede nearly every day, helping her get used to the phone. And Kaede used that to express her gratitude.
“Mai, thank you so much! I’m really happy!”
And then the third and final day of midterms arrived. He was well prepared for every subject.
And Kaede was similarly well prepared to go outside.
Sakuta had seen it coming, but the operation was set in motion on the evening his exams concluded.
He got home from work and found Kaede waiting for him.
“I’d like to go outside now,” she said.
Sakuta had one shoe off, but he put it back on. He set his bag down near the entrance.
“All right, let’s go,” he said, not hesitating for a second.
“Yes! Let’s!”
No time like the present. If she was ready, then there was no reason to let this opportunity go by. This was the best shot they had. It didn’t matter that exams had worn him out or that he’d just gotten off a shift and was feeling pretty sleepy.
“The first step was to change into cute clothes, right?”
Kaede was standing on the doormat, just above the space for shoes. He looked her over. She was wearing one of the outfits Mai had given her. A long-sleeved dress with a soft curve to it. Natural colors, but a fashionable checkered pattern on the skirt portion. It came to just below the knees. There was a knit cap with earflaps on Kaede’s head. He’d seen outfits like this on TV. Apparently, it was called the mori girl look.
He thought it was a really good match for Kaede’s reserved personality.
“I’ve changed into cute clothes!”
She seemed to like it, too.
“And you took a short break?”
“I took a really long one.”
“Then next is shoes.”
Proceeding to the next step in her plan, he opened the shoe cabinet. He picked out a brown pair that would match her outfit and set them down in front of her.
Kaede sat on the step and picked up the shoes. It took her a bit, but she successfully got them both on.
But when she stood up, she kept fidgeting.
“Too tight?”
She hadn’t worn any shoes in a long time, so there was a strong possibility her size had changed.
“It just feels really different,” she said.
Kaede hadn’t gone outside since they moved here. Wearing shoes would be a novel sensation.
She spread her arms out a little and took a deep breath. One, two, three in a row, and then she looked up at Sakuta. She was ready.
“Now I have to fuse with your back.”
“Can you explain how this works?”
“Like this! Right up against you!”
She made a clinging gesture.
“Got it.”
He didn’t really, but he thought making her explain further would dampen her enthusiasm. It seemed like the sort of thing you’d figure out by doing. It didn’t matter what “fusing” actually meant.
Sakuta turned around, putting his back to Kaede.
Like she’d said, she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. Keeping a tight grip on him from behind.
“We stick this close the whole way?” he asked.
It felt like she was about to put him in a suplex.
“The whole way.”
Kaede’s voice was muffled, her face buried in his back. Did he hear a slight tremor in it?
Her chest was plastered against his back, and he could definitely feel her heart racing. It was clearly beating way faster than his own.
They stayed like that, not moving, for three whole minutes.
“Uh, Kaede.”
“Yes?”
“Is this the part where you charge Sakuta-energy?”
“I’m at fifty percent.”
“How many more minutes?”
“Five.”
She was very firm on that point.
It seemed best to follow her lead.
So he stood there with his sister stuck to him for another five minutes.
Partway through, he couldn’t help but start wondering what the hell he was doing, but he decided not to worry about it. Some things were best not thought about.
He drove the thoughts out of his mind, and five minutes passed.
“Kaede, how we doing?”
“F-five more minutes.”
“If you’re scared, we can stop here for the day.”
Sakuta felt like her shaking was only getting worse the longer they stood here.
“We’ve got your shoes on, so we could call that a success.”
“N-no!”
Her voice shook, but she refused to back down. Putting a brave face on her fears.
“I am scared!”
He knew that. That was why he’d proposed a strategic retreat.
“I’m scared to keep being like I am.”
“……”
Maybe he’d been wrong about why she was scared, though.
“When I think I might never change, I’m terrified.”
“Ah.”
“I like being at home! I don’t have a problem staying here with Nasuno. Going outside is scary. Very scary, but…not being able to go out at all is even more frightening.”
Her voice was a croak, like she could barely get the words out.
“Yeah. Maybe it is.”
All he could do was believe her.
He wasn’t about to tell her he understood how she felt. He couldn’t say that, but he knew how things could get more frightening the longer you avoided dealing with them. He’d tried running away from his own problems and knew it just made things worse.
It was a small thing, but it was like that specific restlessness that came with blowing off studying right before an exam. Not studying was certainly easier, but that didn’t mean doing other stuff would actually be enjoyable with something looming in the near future.
It was like that, except way worse. The anxiety was far stronger. And Kaede felt like that just being at home.
This was the source of her trembling. Of her racing pulse. Fear of being stuck like this forever was agonizing.
And the only way to free herself from that was to fulfill her wish of going outside.
“Kaede, I’m opening the door.”
He was forcing it a bit, but he got the sense that Kaede needed a push now.
“O-okay.”
She didn’t stop him. Didn’t ask to wait.
He could feel her heart leap. She was pressed so tight against him, her heartbeat felt like his own.
Sakuta was pretty tense himself.
But he reached for the doorknob, not stopping. He quietly turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. The outside air came rushing in. He was sure Kaede felt it, too.
“Done.”
“So it’s open now.”
He lowered the stopper, keeping the door propped in place.
“Kaede, question for you.”
“Okay.”
“Can you see anything?”
Based on the position of her head against his back, she probably couldn’t. She was too close. He could feel the warmth of her breath, so she still must have had her face buried deep.
“I’m so scared my eyes are closed, so I can’t see anything.”
“Right, got it.”
It wasn’t even a matter of head positioning, then. If her eyes were closed, she couldn’t possibly see a thing. Kaede had formed this plan on the assumption that her eyes would be closed the whole time. She’d been totally sure of that.
“Let’s move slowly forward, then.”
To get out the door, they had to take a small step.
Kaede’s arms tightened, pulling him back.
“S-Sakuta.”
“What?”
“Are we outside yet?”
“Still at the door.”
He took another small step.
Kaede’s feet followed.
“Now are we outside?”
“Not quite.”
He took another step. So did she.
One more. Kaede’s feet were dragged along with him.
Each step they took, her feet grew heavier. Like she was trying to stop him from going any farther. Her arms grew tighter, and she was shaking so hard that he was, too.
“Almost there, Kaede.”
“W-wait!”
Her trembling was getting worse. No signs of it subsiding.
“U-um!”
He knew what she was going to say before she said it.
“I—I can’t! It’s too much. I can’t take another step.”
Her shaking became even stronger.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to move, either.”
“We need to stop. I’m not worthy of going outside, not for another decade!”
“I don’t think it’ll take a decade, but I think you’ve done enough for today.”
“No, I was a fool.”
She ground her forehead into his back.
“For today, you should take a nice relaxing bath, and we can try again some other time.”
“O-okay…” She sounded dejected.
He felt her heat peel away from his back. A moment later…
“W-wait…,” Kaede said, confused.
“What?” he said, pretending he didn’t notice.
“W-we’re…” She trailed off.
Kaede looked down at her feet and then up at Sakuta.
One glance at their surroundings made it obvious.
“Sakuta, we’re…”
“Outside.”
Yep. Kaede was already out the door.
Only one step outside of it. The door was still propped wide open. But Kaede was standing on her own two feet, a few inches out of the apartment. This was an unmistakable fact.
“You tricked me!” she said.
“I did.”
He had used the same principle as getting someone to ride a bike without training wheels. This was how she’d learned to ride a bike when she was a kid. Their father had held the bike upright until she could keep her balance on it. Kaede kept saying, “Don’t let go, don’t let go!” and he’d kept saying, “I won’t, I won’t,” but he’d already let go. And when she pedaled, she’d swept forward without him laying a finger on it.
It was easy if you didn’t know.
Kaede was a bit too timid and tended to inflate her problems.
But Kaede could step outside as long as she didn’t know what she was doing.
She just didn’t have the confidence to do it herself.
And this little lie would help give her that confidence.
“I—I…”
She swayed and sat down heavily.
The shock had knocked her feet out from under her. Her face crumpled up, and she started to cry.
Kaede let out a wail like a startled child.
“W-whoa, Kaede?!”
Sakuta had not expected this, and it shook him.
“Wahhhh!” she sobbed.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have lied,” he said, crouching down. He stroked her hair and rubbed her head.
She threw her arms around him.
“Wahhh… You… Sakuta, you just…”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
“No…no…”
She said that several more times, unable to think of any other words.
“No, what?”
Her sobs were almost like hiccups, but she tried to choke back her tears. Without much success. She couldn’t get the words out.
“I… Wahhhh…”
“Mm.”
“I’m outside…”
“Mm.”
“I’m so happy I went outside. Wahhhhh!”
A new flood of tears burst out of her, and Sakuta rubbed his nose, fighting off his own tears.
4
The next few days were filled with good things.
Having managed a single step outside, two days later Kaede successfully made it as far as the elevator, and four days later to the front doors of the building.
Each new success left her feverish the next day and with fresh bruises on her arms and legs. But Kaede would recover after a day’s rest, and then she’d announce herself ready to venture farther out with a smile.
Every bit of progress helped build her confidence.
Kaede’s smile made that clear.
Two days ago, they’d gone to Mai’s house for dinner. Yesterday, they’d gone all the way to the park.
None of these things were remotely possible without Sakuta accompanying her, but she was now walking under her own power, looking straight ahead.
Strangers were still terrifying. If they brushed past a building resident in the hall or encountered a passerby in the wild outside, she’d get very tense. If their eyes actually met, she’d shrivel up and ask to go home immediately.
Without fail, those encounters always resulted in a fever and a new bruise.
So Sakuta was unable to celebrate unreservedly. The situation required close monitoring. But it was also true that Kaede wanted to go out, and she managed longer trips each time.
That was all it took to make Sakuta happy. He was aware that he might be a bit too giddy. Frankly, he was in the sort of mood that he wished everyone around him could feel as well.
And it was all because of Kaede.
Friday, October 31.
After classes ended, Sakuta swung by the science lab to share his joy.
He planned to give Rio a full report on Kaede’s progress, whether she was interested or not.
He monologued for a good ten minutes, and when he finally took a breath, the first thing Rio said was…
“Azusagawa, you’ve added a sister complex to your list of obscene accomplishments.”
“Hardly.”
That term was deeply associated with someone else in his mind. Nodoka had more than enough sister complex to go around.
“For a boy your age to talk this much about a sister two years younger is definitely diagnosable.”
“You think?”
“The fact that you aren’t even aware of it is proof.” Rio sighed. “Although the prevailing circumstances do make it rather unavoidable.”
“Yep.”
After all, Kaede, of all people, was going outside. And of her own free will to boot. She was setting goals, concocting strategies, and pulling them off. What kind of brother would he be if he wasn’t happy for her? Only a demon or monster would feel any other way.
“So, uh…good for her. I mean that.”
“You should come over. She’d like to see you again.”
“Really?”
“She said it’s amazing how you know everything.”
Over summer vacation, Rio had wound up staying at Sakuta’s place for a while and had a fair amount of contact with Kaede. While helping her study, Rio had told her a lot of interesting science facts.
“If I feel like it, then,” Rio said, acting all distant. But he could see a smile forming at the corners of her lips.
Rio had been writing something on a sticky note this whole time. When she was done, she peeled it off and stuck it on a panel she had lying on the lab table.
“A display for the culture fest?”
It was October 31. The culture festival was three days off. Every class was scrambling to get ready.
“Obviously.”
The poster-sized panel was a detailed description of her experiment results. She was using sticky notes as the headline.
“Put this on the back shelf,” she said, handing it to him.
“Gotcha.”
He stood up, carried it to the back, and set it down where she said.
“Five inches to the right.”
How exacting.
“It’s off-center.”
“……”
He straightened it out.
“Good enough,” she said.
Slightly cross with her, he came back to his seat.
“Thanks,” she said and slid a cup of coffee across the lab table. In the usual beaker. This was more than enough to make him forget why he’d been annoyed.
As he wet his throat with bitter black extract, he glanced around the lab. There were multiple panels depicting experiment reports all along the walls, maybe twenty in total. Rio was the only member of the Science Club, so this was an impressive amount of work.
He said as much, but Rio simply replied, “When there’s only one member, the need for results only grows larger.”
He’d heard before that the club was constantly on the verge of being shut down. Normally, clubs required a minimum of five members. The Science Club was one of those preexisting clubs where the membership had dwindled and was now barely hanging on.
“People come see this?”
Honestly, it didn’t seem like the sort of thing high school kids went for. Certainly not in the throes of culture fest excitement. It reeked of academia.
And the science lab location was a problem, too. It was way off down the hall, so it would be hard to rely on incidental foot traffic.
“Several people came last year.”
“One of them being Kunimi?”
“He was the only one who read every panel.”
“He drives me crazy sometimes.”
“Oh?”
“Everything he does is so damn charming.”
“Not arguing that one.”
“Naturally.”
“But you were the one who stayed the longest.”
“I did?”
“I know you remember.”
“……”
“Well, in your case, it was more like you had nowhere else to be.”
For someone ostracized within their own class, and who had no friends to walk around with, what was there to do at a culture festival? In his opinion, educational practices ought to be more accommodating of students with differing social needs. It was important to learn how to handle group work and communal activities, but sometimes the best way to be cooperative was to know when to stay the hell away.
“But you’re looking forward to it this year, right?”
“Mm?”
“You’ve got Sakurajima.”
“Yeah, but that’s just gonna attract an unhealthy amount of attention.”
“After you asked her out in front of the whole school, suddenly that’s a problem? And after she talked about your relationship on television? I’d have thought you were numb to it by now.”
“Those photos were blurred out, though.”
Not the ones online, mind you…
“Right, speaking of Sakurajima…”
“What?”
“And since you’re dealing with Kaede… You tell Sakurajima yet?”
Rio’s whole tone had changed. She was giving him a grim look through her spectacle frames. Her worry for him was clearly visible.
“About what?”
“About Kaede. That whole story.”
The weight she put on those words made it very clear what Rio meant.
“……”
“So you haven’t.”
“I thought it was better to keep things the way they are now.”
“Well…maybe you’re right. If she knew, she might start treating you differently.”
“Mai would probably still act naturally, but…”
Mai was a professional actress with a lifetime of experience. If she wanted to lie, Sakuta would never see through it.
“I’ll tell her when the time comes.”
“Okay. Then we’ll leave it at that.”
“Thanks for worrying, though.”
“I don’t want you coming to me when you have a fight, is all.”
Sakuta laughed, but he genuinely couldn’t tell if Rio was joking.
5
The temperature dropped quickly as November arrived. It sure felt like winter was almost here.
Every student was wearing their uniform blazer now, and athletes wore their tracksuit jackets, too.
The leaves at the park had been green not long ago, but now they were well into autumn colors. The foliage on the overeager gingko and zelkova trees was already starting to fall in the chilly breeze.
November 3. Culture Day.
And the day of Minegahara High’s culture festival.
Junior high Shouko came, so he showed her around the school.
“You really can see the ocean from the windows,” she said, sounding very impressed. “It would be nice if I could attend here.”
This last bit slipped out unchecked. It hit Sakuta pretty hard. He was well aware she had a serious heart condition. The doctors had not given her long to live. It was already an open question if she’d finish junior high.
“Oh, I bet I’d spend so much time staring out the window, I’d never pay any attention in class.”
Shouko laughed. No trace of tragedy on her face. She was picturing herself in high school, with a wholehearted smile.
“That’s what I do. I never listen to the teachers and I’m doing just fine.”
“You should really pay attention,” she scolded, like an older sister.
“Yeah,” he said. “I know where I wanna go to college, so it’s time I started putting in the work.”
“You do? Oh…even if I can pass the Minegahara exam, you’ll already be gone.”
She looked momentarily crestfallen.
“Assuming I don’t end up getting held back a year.”
“S-Sakuta! You have to graduate.” She was suddenly very intense. Must not have sounded like a joke.
He also spent some time walking around with Mai, dropping by Tomoe’s haunted house and fake screaming, checking out Rio’s exhibit, and generally whiling away the time.
Tomoe had been worried about the ugly mood in her class, but with the help of her friends, they’d managed to get through it okay.
“There’s still some tension, so it’s a temporary fix, but…”
“All the tension in my class is centered on me, so you’re doing just dandy in comparison.”
“That sounds bad.”
“Just what Kunimi’s girlfriend told me when they were planning their flea market thing.”
“You really are something, senpai.”
“I think the one worthy of such praise is Kunimi’s girlfriend. Takes a lot of guts to say stuff like that to someone’s face.”
“It’s amazing you can provoke a classmate to go that far.”
His verbal spar with Tomoe ended in a tie.
The only other thing of note was when he got mixed up in a little trouble stemming from the beauty contest the sports clubs took turns putting on every year. When that was over, it was basically the same as last year.
And with the festival come and gone, the school went right back to normal, with no noticeable lingering aftereffects.
Bands thrown together at the last minute in the hopes of getting girls broke up just as quickly. Some of the couples who hooked up during the excitement seemed to be making it work, but that was about it.
After a week, no one even mentioned the culture festival. They had new stuff to talk about. It was an age where gimmicky comedians were forgotten in three months.
Sakuta spent the time as always, helping Kaede with her training.
Ten days into November, Kaede’s range was rapidly expanding. She’d made it all the way to the Enoden Ishigami Station just one day earlier. Fujisawa Station was closer, but they’d avoided that—three lines went through that station, and it was a big place, with far too many people going in and out.
As they watched a train pull into Ishigami Station, Kaede said, “If we take that, can we reach the water?”
She sounded exited by the prospect.
“We can.”
“I’d love to see the ocean!”
“You wanna go?”
“T-today I’m ready to go home.”
Her eyes had briefly met a disembarking passenger’s, and she suddenly clutched Sakuta’s arm.
“Sure thing.”
They turned back. But Sakuta felt sure Kaede would see the ocean before too long.
And he was right.
Six days later. November 16. Sunday. A sunny day.
Sakuta and Kaede boarded the Enoden at Ishigami Station. The car was even emptier than he’d expected.
They were headed into winter now, so maybe the tourist trade was moving away from Enoshima and the beaches nearby.
He and Kaede found empty seats and sat down.
Even while seated, she stayed locked to his arm. She was keeping a close eye on the middle-aged women opposite them and a group of college girls near the door, as wary as a frightened animal.
She accidentally met someone’s eyes and asked Sakuta, “Do they think I’m weird?”
He heard this question almost every time they went out. Kaede was very concerned about the looks they got.
“You’re fine.”
“But everyone keeps giving us these weirdly warm looks!”
“Because you’re clinging to my arm like a koala.”
“But if I let go of you, I’ll die!”
The desperate tinge to her voice made it impossible to respond with a joke. She was dead serious. Her arms tightened, refusing to let go of him.
“Then just let them warmly watch over you.”
“Okay. I guess warm is good.”
The train reached Enoshima Station. About half the passengers got off, but just as many got on.
Among them was a group of junior high school–aged girls, in uniforms despite it being the weekend. When she saw them, Kaede hugged Sakuta’s arm doubly hard.
She made herself very small, not letting herself meet anyone’s eye. She seemed to have extra trouble with girls her own age. They were wearing uniforms and going to school every day, but Kaede couldn’t do that. Not yet anyway.
Maybe not being able to do what everyone else could was harder than he could possibly imagine. This was the most scared she’d been all day.
They sat very still as the train stopped at Koshigoe Station and then pulled out.
“Kaede, take a look out the window.”
He pointed over their shoulders. It would be a waste not to see the view the Enoden offered.
“Why?”
“Trust me.”
Nervously, Kaede turned around and peered through the window.
A moment later, the train stopped weaving its way through rows of houses and came out onto the coast.
Kaede let out an almost silent gasp. Her mouth opened wider, but no sound emerged. It was a sunny day, and the light was glistening on the water’s surface. And the fall skies were incredibly blue. The line dividing the sea and sky took on an almost mystic quality.
“Th-the ocean,” she squeaked. Her hand tightened on his shirt sleeve. Not the most dramatic display of emotions, but there were clearly a lot running through her right now. And she was savoring all of them. That made her reaction feel that much more real. The greater the impact, the longer the silence. Sometimes the feelings rushing through you were beyond mere words.
Entranced by the sight of the sea, Kaede didn’t take her eyes off it until they reached Shichirigahama Station. Her eyes gleamed as bright as the water’s surface.
“Mind the gap.”
Only a few others got off with them at the same stop. Once the beach season ended, few tourists came this way on weekends.
“What’s that smell?” Kaede asked, blinking.
“That’s the sea breeze.”
“The ocean has a smell?”
They crossed a bridge and headed toward the coast. They could see the water stretched out before them.
Sakuta and Kaede walked down a gentle slope, hand in hand.
They got stuck at Route 134.
This light always took forever.
“Oh!” Kaede said, spotting something.
There was someone waiting for them across the street. Mai had just come up the stairs to the beach.
She waved at them.
When the light turned green, Kaede let go of Sakuta’s hand and went running over to her. Sakuta followed her at a walk.
“You got on the train and everything? Good job,” Mai said, patting Kaede’s head. “As a reward, I made some lunch. Let’s all eat together.”
Mai lifted the basket in her hand to show Kaede.
“Wow! But why are you here?” Kaede asked, tilting her head to one side.
“I wanted to visit the beach with you,” Mai explained.
If they rode a train together, Mai would attract a ton of attention, so they’d agreed to meet on-site.
“I’m glad you’re here, Mai!”
Kaede took Mai’s hand, and they went down the stairs together.
“Heeey!” A blond girl waved at them from the beach below.
“What, you’re here, too, Toyohama?”
Sakuta had arranged things with Mai, but she hadn’t mentioned Nodoka.
But having more allies was a good thing. Kaede would feel safer this way, so he was glad she’d decided to come.
Mai must have decided it would be helpful. And Nodoka had answered the call when she asked.
“Not that she’d ever turn down an invite from Mai…,” Sakuta muttered under his breath.
Nodoka’s sister complex would never allow it.
“Onigiri taste extra good outside!” Kaede said. They had settled on a blanket, watching the waves roll in. She was smiling, her mouth full of rice. The picture of happiness. If he was asked to draw the concept of joy, this would be it.
“Mai makes the best onigiri to begin with.”
“I made the salmon ones, actually,” Nodoka said.
Sakuta quickly checked the one in his hand. Salmon pink inside. He didn’t really need to look; the flavor and texture had been unmistakable…
“Ah, I was just thinking this one wasn’t very—”
“Then don’t eat it.”
Nodoka reached out to grab it from him, but he dodged, shoving the rest in his mouth. He chewed a minute and then swallowed it all.
“……”
Nodoka scowled at him the whole time.
“The onigiri is innocent,” he explained.
“You have any defense here, Sis? Your boyfriend has a sick personality.”
She’d clearly given up this battle and was turning to Mai for help.
“When Sakuta talks like that, he just wants attention, so it’s best to ignore him.”
“Oh, that explains it.”
Mai understood Sakuta well.
“You know me through and through, Mai,” he admitted reluctantly, but the wind snatched his words away.
When they finished eating, they made sandcastles and raced along the edge of the surf, getting their digestion moving.
Since Mai and Nodoka were both here, Kaede was able to relax and enjoy herself.
Her voice raised in excitement.
And so when it was time to go, they were faced with a problem.
“Oh no!” Kaede said. She was sitting on the blanket, looking up at him, brow furrowed. At a total loss.
“Mm? What?”
“I think…”
“What?”
“I’m really tired.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t think I can walk.”
“You don’t really get much exercise, huh?”
She had no way to build endurance. Too long cooped up indoors, unable to leave.
“So now what?”
A day trip ended when you got home.
“What do we do?” Kaede asked.
He could only think of one thing.
“Wanna ride?”
“Piggyback,” she said, nodding gravely.
“You serious?”
“I absolutely am.”
He’d been joking, but Kaede seriously didn’t seem to have the strength to stand. Plus, the gleam in her eyes said she was hell-bent on getting a piggyback ride home.
He felt like he could manage to get her as far as Shichirigahama Station, so he knelt down with his back to her.
“Climb on.”
“Yay!”
Her arms circled around him.
“Heave ho.”
He hefted her up.
Mai had watched this whole thing, shaking her head. Nodoka seemed impressed for all the wrong reasons. “Wow. Who has the sister complex now, huh?” she said, making sure he could hear.
He pretended he hadn’t and started walking up the beach. Kaede’s weight made it even harder to walk in the sand. Each time he moved a foot forward, the other sank deep.
This was tougher than he’d expected.
Mai was walking next to him, unconcerned.
“Sakuta,” she said.
“Mm?”
“What’s it like to flirt with your sister while your girlfriend’s watching?”
“Awkward.”
Mai poked him in the cheek. A cruel blow for a boy struggling to carry someone. And since he was forced to keep both hands underneath Kaede, he couldn’t even fend Mai off.
But he managed to reach the base of the stairs.
The shifting footholds on the beach were bad, but this was where his real troubles began.
To get to the station, he had to climb these stairs.
And as he stepped onto the half-buried first step, a surprised voice came from above.
“Huh? Kae?”
Sakuta looked up reflexively. A girl was standing maybe twenty steps above, halfway down. Her mouth wide open.
“You know her?” Nodoka asked, reacting first. Mai whispered something to her—Mai had met this girl, too. At the Minegahara gates. They’d talked a bit.
Someone from another life.
Her name was Kotomi Kano.
And Kotomi’s eyes were looking over Sakuta’s shoulder—right at Kaede.
“Kae,” she said again.
The same name she’d always used.
“……”
Kaede didn’t answer. But she slid down off Sakuta’s back.
He could feel the stress in her breath on his back.
Her hands clutched the fabric of his shirt.
“Kae?”
Kaede flinched. Kotomi was staring at her, puzzled. An obvious question rested in her eyes—why was she reacting like this?
“It’s me,” Kotomi said, clutching her hand to her chest, as if trying to banish the uncertainty. Her eyes were pleading for some sign of recognition.
But what came out of Kaede was probably the last thing she expected.
“Who is she?” Kaede asked. She kept hiding behind Sakuta, hackles raised.
“……?!”
Kotomi looked shocked. Her eyes fluttered. Her lips shook. She tried to speak, but nothing came out.
“S-sorry, I don’t…,” Kaede whispered.
“It’s me! Kotomi Kano! Kae…you don’t remember…?”
Kotomi leaned forward, like she was clutching at straws.
“I’m sorry,” Kaede said. That was all.
He’d known this would happen if they met. This was why he’d advised against it. He’d known this would be hard for Kotomi.
“……”
Kotomi said nothing else. What was there to say? The truth left her reeling. She clearly couldn’t figure out what was happening. Her face had twisted in fear.
Kaede fell silent, too. She was completely hidden behind Sakuta now.
“What’s going on?”
A simple question, entirely appropriate. Mai had watched all this in silence but apparently decided it needed to be asked.
He slowly turned back toward her.
“……”
She was waiting, looking grim.
He’d known he would have to explain this one day. He just hadn’t thought it would be today. But he’d been prepared for it.
He inhaled, long and slow, taking a deep breath.
And then he spoke the truth, loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Kaede has no memories.”
His voice carried over the sound of the sea breeze.
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