Seishun Buta Yarou Series - Volume 7 - Chapter 2.5

5

When Sakuta left Mai’s green room, he found her manager on standby in the hall and got her to give him a ride back to Shinbashi Station. He traveled in full bunny costume to avoid any unexpected media attention, of course.

At the station, he boarded a train back the way he’d come. An Atami-bound train on the JR Tokaido Line.

Forty-five minutes rocking in a bunny costume. He got off at his home station (Fujisawa) and switched to the Odakyu Enoshima Line.

The train pulled out of the reversing station, the shopping district streaming past outside the windows. The view soon switched to a quiet residential area. All the houses were covered in a light dusting of snow. Sakuta watched them go by as the train stopped in Hon-Kugenuma and Kugenuma Beach. Then it reached the end of the line—Katase-Enoshima Station.

Parts of the platform weren’t covered, and there was an inch of snow piled up. A little boy was happily stomping around in the untouched snow, leaving footprints behind.

He checked the time on the station clock. Not quite five thirty.

Thirty minutes till the accident.

He ran his ticket through the gate and left the station.

The flow of the crowd parted outside. One stream headed right, toward the aquarium, and the other went straight in the direction of the Benten Bridge and Enoshima.

Unlike the first December 24, Sakuta didn’t turn toward the aquarium. He took the road down to Benten Bridge.

Despite the swirling snow, the road was jam-packed. College couples sharing umbrellas and families with young kids excited about the snow filled the streets. Nobody was grumbling about it. They welcomed the lively atmosphere with open arms—it was the holy night, after all. The snow only made it all better.

This was a coastal town where snow almost never stuck. And it had been years since it last snowed on Christmas Eve. Everyone was thrilled.

Sakuta was pushing through the crowd, umbrellaless.

He could feel his heart racing as he neared the scene of the accident. He could feel the stress mounting. His feet were getting wobbly.

He hadn’t been back here since it happened.

All it would do was remind him of Mai lying there, bathed in streetlights.

His instincts were screaming at him not to go.

But here he was.

There were things he could do only here. Things he had to do.

But it was still a little early for that.

“……”

Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he should be doing this. But because he wasn’t sure, he moved away from the accident location and headed into the underground walkway that led to the other side of Route 134. This tunnel had been designed to keep a steady flow of pedestrian traffic moving under the busy main drag, pumping tourists onto the Benten Bridge and Enoshima beyond.

Sakuta came up the other side and found himself just in front of the bridge.

Most people headed straight across to the island. Sakuta alone peeled off from the crowd.

He stopped by the two dragon lanterns.

This was where he’d agreed to meet big Shouko four days ago—by future Sakuta’s time scale—on the first December 24.

She wasn’t here yet. That was a bit of a relief. Despite the cold, he could tell his brow was damp with sweat.

Walking around in this costume was wearing him out.

By way of taking a break, he undid the zipper and freed his arms and upper body. He had his school tracksuit on underneath. He sat down on the curb by the lantern, the head resting on his knees, cradled against his chest.

Any number of couples passed him by. All here to see the illumination on the Sea Candle, the lighthouse at the top of Enoshima. You could see the glow clearly from here. At the top, it was like a garden of lights at your feet.

Everyone was giving the boy in the bunny suit funny looks, but the lights quickly stole their attention away.

Only one person stopped.

She looked surprised to see Sakuta there, and her mind was obviously racing. But when she reached him, she had her usual calm smile again.

“I keep you waiting?”

“Not at all. It’s not even time yet.”

“You were so excited about a date with me you came early!”

“Totally.”

He just admitted it. He wasn’t here to play word games.

“You certainly have an unusual way of dressing up for the big date,” she said with a laugh, looking over his costume.

“I’ve been wearing it all day. It’s a part of me now.”

Shouko was wearing a pretty standard outfit for her. A bulky sweater and a long skirt. She had a shawl over her shoulders but, like Sakuta, no umbrella.

She reached out and touched his head.

“You’ve got snow on you,” she said, brushing it away. “Sorry.”

He glanced up to ask why and saw sadness in her eyes. So he didn’t ask.

“I messed up, huh?” she said.

He didn’t need her to spell out what she meant.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“But here you are. From the future.”

She got right to the point. That explained everything. She already knew. She might not know what future he’d seen, but she knew it was bad enough he’d had to come back. Just like she had.

“……”

He just shook his head.

She hadn’t messed up.

“I’m here because of you.”

This was true.

The feelings behind it were, too.

Because she’d told him what lay ahead.

Because she’d tried to save him.

Because she’d given him a chance to choose.

That was what led to this.

That was what brought Sakuta here.

With his choice made.

She’d done the same, two years before.

Since their first meeting on the beach at Shichirigahama, Shouko hadn’t changed.

She’d been a source of support and the object of his aspiration.

He wanted to be there for others like she was for him. He’d lived with that goal ever since. He wanted to be like that for someone. Even if it was only one person.

He still hadn’t managed that, but he had found his one. The one he had to protect, no matter the cost. The one he wanted to make happy. The one he wanted to share his life with.

If he’d never met Shouko, he didn’t think he’d ever have figured that out.

Shouko had taught him everything that mattered.

“Thank you” wasn’t enough to express his gratitude.

“Sorry” wasn’t enough to convey the pain he felt.

What should he say in a moment like this?

Sakuta still wasn’t sure. Shouko hadn’t taught him that yet.

But of course he didn’t know. Of course she hadn’t taught him. You could search the whole world over, and you’d never find a word that spoke such volumes.

Yet he still opened his mouth to try and tell her something.

“Shouko, I…”

But nothing else came. He couldn’t find the words.

He didn’t know what to say. The thoughts were right there, swirling around inside him. He was overflowing with emotion, but there was no way for them to get out.

Shouko took one look at him, smiled, and said, “Sakuta. Hold my hand.”

He hadn’t seen that coming.

She held her hand out, and he took it.

He could feel her presence on his palm. Each finger confirming she was real.

“This is pretty embarrassing,” she said, her smile getting shifty. She glanced briefly at him, then at Enoshima.

The Sea Candle illumination lit up the snow falling from the night sky.

Sakuta, too, turned his gaze to the lights.

The sea breeze was chilly in winter.

His body was becoming numb. Only the heat of Shouko’s palm on his reminded him he was really there.

She gave his hand a little squeeze.

“……”

He could tell she was anxious.

So he squeezed back. That just made her squeeze even harder. But her grip no longer felt anxious.

There was a strength to it that felt like she was encouraging him. She held on tight, like she was rooting for him, for the future he was trying to carve out.

After a minute, she relaxed her grip. She swung their clasped hands gently back and forth. They must have seemed like a couple goofing around. Neither anxious nor encouraging. This was your classic Shouko tease.

Holding hands had conveyed more than words ever could.

He was pretty sure she’d grasped what he was feeling, too.

So he spoke to her one more time.

“Shouko.”

He just had to do the best he could with the words he had. But as clumsy as that might be, he felt it would be enough.

“……”

Shouko said nothing. But he knew she was listening.

“I’ll take everything with me.”

“……”

“I’ll take it all into the future.”

“……”

“My time spent with you, everything you gave me…everything Makinohara worked for, and my memories of it. I won’t leave anything behind. It’ll stay with me in the future.”

“……”

Shouko gently shook her head.

“Sakuta, do you know why it is people forget things?”

“I won’t forget.”

“I know why. It’s because there are things they want to forget.”

“……”

“Nothing’s worse than painful memories that last forever.”

“All the more reason I won’t forget you.”

“…How’s that?”

“My memories of you are the bittersweet memories of a first love. Why would I need to forget that?”

“Seriously.”

Her tone was loaded, but she stopped without saying more.

Sakuta turned toward her, curious.

“You’re such a jerk,” she said with a smile.

He didn’t respond. He could tell she didn’t want him to.

Both of them looked straight ahead.

Across the long bridge to Enoshima.

A tiny island, floating on the ocean.

And at the top, a world of light in a crystal made of snow.

All he wanted to do right now was remember seeing this with Shouko. To remember how her hand felt in his.

They couldn’t stay like this for long.

Sakuta still had things to do.

And their brief time together soon came to an end.

“I’ve gotta get moving,” he said.

It was admittedly a bit reluctant. But there was no hesitation.

“Okay,” Shouko said. She let go of his hand.

Sakuta put his costume back on, and Shouko helped him with the zipper in the back.

Holding the head, he turned to face her once again.

He’d come here to tell her something, but he found himself at a loss for words.

So he looked her in the eye and said, “Good-bye, Shouko.”

For an instant, her eyes clouded. But she kept her smile going.

“Bye, Sakuta.”

She gave him a little wave.

Sakuta turned and walked away. He knew Shouko was still waving. He was absolutely certain of it, but he didn’t turn back.

Each step he took felt like he had to peel his foot off the ground. He headed through the tunnel under Route 134 to the other side.

It was almost six.

When he was in sight of the accident scene, he put the bunny costume’s head on.

The Sakuta from the future could never meet the present-day Sakuta. It was impossible for both to be perceived in the same space at the same time.

But if you flipped that idea, both could coexist as long as they weren’t observed. This was the principle that had allowed him to talk to present Sakuta on the phone.

So he just had to create a situation where people couldn’t tell who he was.

Like the cat in a box, trapped in a state between life and death. It might be Sakuta in this costume; it might not be.

As Sakuta held his breath inside the costume, he heard someone panting. Ragged breathing, coming closer. And this proved his plan was working.

Present Sakuta was running across the thin dusting of snow, racing against time. Sakuta could see him clearly through the holes in the costume’s nose. Himself, in his school uniform.

Trying to keep himself away from the accident location, he’d deliberately led present Sakuta toward the aquarium, but clearly, that ruse had not held up for long.

Present Sakuta was looking across the street at the dragon lanterns. His head went up. He must have found Shouko.

At the same time, a car horn blared. Costumed Sakuta was already on the move.

The black minivan braked hard, and the tires spun out. The car in front of it had slowed abruptly, and the minivan had almost hit it.

But once the tires lost their traction, the car was completely out of control.

“Sakuta!” Shouko screamed.

Present Sakuta saw the van coming and froze. But the look on his face was one of peace.

Naturally. He was convinced that sacrificing himself was the best choice.

Sakuta knew because he’d thought that himself.

If he could guarantee Shouko a future, then that was what he’d wanted—and as long as Mai didn’t take his place, then this accident was how things should be.

But having lost Mai once… Memories of that grief had forced Sakuta to make a different choice.

He had to survive and make Mai happy. There was nothing for him except being happy with Mai.

People saw the van sliding toward them and screamed. It all seemed so far away to him. But his body kept moving with clear purpose. His goal simple.

Present Sakuta stood stock-still in the path of the skidding van—until future Sakuta, in a bunny costume, knocked him out of the way.