Seishun Buta Yarou Series - Volume 7 - Chapter 2.6

6

He felt someone shove him aside.

And felt himself shove someone.

Then he felt cold against his palms. Right and left.

Sakuta opened his eyes and saw his hands on the snow-covered asphalt. Going numb from the cold.

“Am I…?”

Not sure what was going on, he slowly peeled himself off the ground. Everything felt very wrong. The tension in the air was palpable.

The blare of the car horn filled the air.

He turned toward the sound and saw a black minivan resting against a toppled street sign. The front of it had caved in from the impact with the pole.

The crowd seemed stunned. It swelled as people stopped to see what had happened. Everyone was looking at the van and whispering to each other.

“Are you injured? Does it hurt anywhere?”

Dazed, Sakuta turned to find a young police officer talking to him. There was a police box nearby, and he must have come running. There was another, older officer on his radio, calling in the incident.

“Is this yours?” the officer asked, holding up the head of the bunny costume. The rest of the suit was lying at Sakuta’s feet.

Both parts were empty. There was nothing inside.

A few moments ago, Sakuta had been wearing that suit. Those memories remained within him. But at the same time, he had another set of memories and sensations—and this set was very confused.

“Oh…so…,” he muttered.

From the get-go, future Sakuta had been a creation of present Sakuta’s Adolescence Syndrome. Unable to decide between Shouko’s future or a future with Mai, his mind had succumbed to the pressure, and he’d rejected the future itself, hoping the moment of the accident would never arrive. And that desire had slowed down the world he perceived. If he took Rio at her word, the faster things moved, the slower time passed for them. As a result, the Sakuta who rejected the future wound up learning what would happen first.

But now that the cause of this Adolescence Syndrome was eliminated, the split in Sakuta’s consciousness had merged. After six on December 24, there was no longer a need to choose between Shouko’s future and his future with Mai.

The empty costume told him all of this, and his memories and sensations melted together. The separation between the two Sakutas faded away. They were both Sakuta. There was no real or fake. He was simply himself again.

“There’s an ambulance on the way. You should get yourself checked out,” the officer said, looking concerned.

“I’m fine,” Sakuta said, and he turned to walk away.

The officer called after him, worried, but Sakuta did not respond.

He went through the tunnel again and stopped by the dragon lanterns. Looking from one lantern to the other.

“……”

This did not make Shouko appear.

Big Shouko was no longer around.

Sakuta had stolen her future.

And he had done it willingly.

He’d spent all day running around to make that happen.

And having achieved the result he wanted, he felt no sense of triumph, no elation of any kind. There was only pain in his chest.

The pain was so great he couldn’t bear to stop moving. As if trying to get away from it, he started trudging toward Enoshima.

Benten Bridge stretched across the ocean’s surface. It was over four hundred yards long, straight and level. Sakuta walked alone across it.

The nighttime sea was groaning below. It sounded like someone grieving.

There was a heat rising up inside him, behind his eyes. The back of his nose ached. But he was desperately keeping the tears at bay, moving one step at a time, uncertain where he was even trying to go. He just kept putting one foot in front of the other.

Feeling like this would eventually take him somewhere.

He crossed the whole bridge.

This brought him onto Enoshima proper.

Sakuta didn’t stop there. He just kept plodding along.

Straight up the hill past the row of shops, through Enoshima Shrine, up the long set of stairs. One step after another.

His breathing grew ragged.

His legs were screaming at him.

But he didn’t stop to rest. He had to be somewhere not here.

With each step he asked himself…

Was this okay?

Was this right?

Was it wrong?

Was there really no other way?

One bewildering question after another.

And he answered each out loud.

“No. There was no other way.”

He gritted his teeth and put his foot on the next stair.

“Of course it isn’t right. Look at what I did.”

Another stair.

“It’s all wrong.”

The tears he’d been holding back were falling on his knees.

“It’s not okay at all… None of this is okay.”

He sniffed, wiped his eyes, and took another step.

There was nothing good about this.

A good outcome would be one where Shouko had a future, Sakuta was safe, and Mai was also alive. A future where all of them could smile. That was what he’d wanted.

He hadn’t wanted this.

But it didn’t matter what he’d wanted. This had been his only option. There was no outcome where everyone was happy. No magic trick could pull that off.

All Sakuta could do was choose Mai. And not Shouko.

“But that…doesn’t make it okay. So don’t god damn ask…”

He gnashed his teeth and forced himself up the last step.

He was staggering, out of breath just as he reached the base of the Sea Candle.

It was a tunnel of lights, like a wisteria garden. Beyond that was a bed of flowers made of light. And today, there was the added gift of falling snow. The illumination caught the snowflakes, giving the entire garden an unearthly splendor.

It was like a dream come true.

There were couples all around him. Groups of college kids. A few families. Sakuta was the only person here alone.

No matter where he looked, all he found was night skies, snow, and lights. No signs of Shouko. It was slowly dawning on him that he’d come all this way to confirm that obvious truth with his own eyes.

Big Shouko no longer existed.

Her future would never come.

It had been lost forever.

Taken away…by Sakuta’s hand.

“……”

He was past feeling anything.

He wasn’t cold. He wasn’t sad.

He knew this sight was beautiful, but it didn’t move him at all.

To no one in particular, he whispered, “Gotta get home,” as if he’d just remembered something important.

He didn’t really remember how he got home.

Had he walked the whole way? Taken a train? Maybe a bus? The memories were fuzzy. But he made it there. As his apartment building came into sight, he saw someone standing by the side of the road.

A tall girl with an umbrella. She looked cold and was rubbing her hands together around the umbrella handle. She must have been standing there a long time. There was a lot of snow piled up on that giant umbrella.

“…Mai,” Sakuta said, stopping in his tracks.

Mai saw him, too. Their eyes met. Her eyes glistened with relief. Then she bit her lip, stopping herself before she started crying.

That was all she did.

She didn’t call his name and she didn’t run to him.

She just held his gaze and waited for him to come to her.

“…Oh. That’s why.”

They’d each made a promise. He’d come home and she’d be there waiting for him. She’d stuck to her word and had been patiently waiting for him to keep his.

“……!”

His tear ducts had completely lost it by now. All the crying he’d done, and they were still making more. Warm tears streamed down his cheeks.

He didn’t try to wipe them. Pelted with snow, Sakuta took one step after another, back to Mai. Each step brought him closer home.

Remembering everything that had brought him here…

Reflecting on the meaning of each step…

Sakuta’s feet took him the rest of the way.

Then he was under Mai’s umbrella. This was the only spot with almost no snow.

“……”

Mai said nothing. She wordlessly handed him the umbrella.

“……”

There was an expectant look in her eyes.

He knew what she was waiting for. Any kid would. It was what everyone said after coming back.

“I’m home, Mai,” he said.

She slowly smiled.

“Welcome back, Sakuta.”

Her voice was warm and welcoming.