Seishun Buta Yarou Series - Volume 7 - Chapter 3.1

Chapter 3: No Dreams of His First Love

1

He could smell bread toasting.

There was a sizzle from the stove. Eggs were frying.

Slippers went flapping past his head. Then he heard the curtains slide open, and light hit his eyelids.

The footsteps came back toward Sakuta.

He felt something close in on him, and then something slapped his forehead.

“It’s past ten! Wake up!”

“I’m already up, Mai,” he said, not opening his eyes.

“Then eat before it gets cold. I’ve gotta go.”

She moved away. Wanting to give chase, Sakuta tried to open his eyes only to find them stuck together. He’d cried a lot the day before and had fallen asleep crying. The tears had dried, gluing his lashes together.

He rubbed his eyes and blinked a bunch before finally crawling out from under the living room kotatsu.

“Go where?” he asked, but he figured it out before the answer came.

One look at Mai told him. She was in uniform. Minegahara High’s. She was putting a coat on over her blazer.

“School,” she said.

“Winter vacation starts today,” he said.

It better, or they were already super late. Guaranteed tardy.

“I didn’t get my report card yet. I was out yesterday for the shoot.”

“Then I’ll come with,” he said…and let out a huge yawn.

Sakuta ate the breakfast Mai made and quickly changed into his uniform. The two of them left the house together.

On the way to Fujisawa Station, Mai tried to hand comb his hair, but the bed head was stubborn and refused to yield.

Neither had proposed it aloud, but from the apartment to the station, they kept their hands clasped together.

They must have looked like a couple of lovesick kids.

They were being so open about it, the people they passed didn’t even register her as the Mai Sakurajima.

The roads to Fujisawa Station had been plowed since the snow stopped, and there were a number of three-foot-tall snow mountains dotting the side of the road or sidewalks.

Both foot and car traffic were flowing smoothly. Just like any other day. The only areas left with snow were alleys where people seldom trod. One step off the main paths, and you were in four inches of unblemished snow.

But looking at those white expanses reminded him of the day before.

He would likely remember it every time it snowed. How Shouko had melted away before the snow did.

“……”

While he stared at the snow, something cold suddenly pressed against his cheek.

“Eep!” he yelped.

He spun around and found Mai holding a snowball in one hand, grinning.

“Wanna make a snowman later?” she asked.

“You’re such a child, Mai.”

“Oh? Then I’ll do it alone.”

“Wanna make one in the schoolyard?”

If the whole place was blanketed, they could make one impressive snowman.

“See, you do want to.”

He didn’t think Mai actually wanted to make a snowman. That wasn’t the point. They were both trying to act normal, and even though it wasn’t quite working…it was well worth the effort.

The words they exchanged didn’t hold any real significance. But there was meaning in sharing meaningless words with each other. It was enough that they both understood. Knowing that would help them go on with their lives.

Fujisawa Station looked just like it always did. Crowded even at this hour. The only real change was that most students were on winter break, so even on a weekday, it felt more like a weekend.

Otherwise, it was exactly as bustling as you’d expect December 25 to be, but that alone was not extraordinary. It was just a normal Christmassy Christmas.

Yesterday had been an earth-shattering crisis.

And Sakuta was still feeling the aftershocks. The waters in his heart were still churning. The roar of the surf, the waves crashing in. And that was taking its toll physically; he’d spent all morning feeling like he was coming down with something. He had been trapped on the verge of panic and trying to act like everything was normal.

But the town was fine in every way that Sakuta’s inner self wasn’t.

Whatever happened to him, whatever he tried to do—it didn’t affect the world at all.

Everyone else just went about their lives.

There were stands outside the department stores. Santas and reindeer were offering passersby cakes for half price. When Sakuta and Mai reached the platform, the train came in on time.

Sakuta had shed a lifetime’s worth of tears, but sobbing wouldn’t change the world. That was how it was. That was how the world was made.

He didn’t resent it.

It felt like how things should be.

Sakuta himself would have walked right past a stranger on any number of occasions in the past, never noticing problems that weren’t his own. Knowing, being involved, and being affected had given him a different perspective on things. He was invested in ways he had never been before.

And everyone went through life grappling with things like that.

“Beautiful,” Mai murmured. She was gazing out the train windows.

“You are,” he said.

“I meant the ocean.”

That was a spine-chilling glare.

“Well, sure. Lovely.”

“Me, or…?”

“The ocean.”

“Hmph.”

“You’re super lovely, too.”

“Whatever you say.”

“I meant that, though…”

He was looking at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. He gave up and peered out at the ocean, too.

Under the winter sky, the water caught the sunlight, glittering.

He saw this all the time. It was just the view from his regular commute. A daily routine. But today the ocean looked different.

It was prettier than usual.

And he felt that was because he’d chosen to live.

And because Mai was with him.

He’d taken this sight for granted, but in that moment, it was new again.

Something he saw every day might one day not be there. And that knowledge changed the way he saw things.

The train chugged on down the coast. Today the Enoden’s notorious sluggishness felt good. It gave him time to soak in the view. Perfect for a wounded heart.

The brakes whined, and the train stopped.

Shichirigahama Station, Sakuta and Mai’s destination.

Sakuta stood up and pulled Mai’s hand, leading her out onto the platform.

“Isn’t that Mai Sakurajima?”

Voices from the train behind them.

“You’re kidding? In the flesh?”

“Is that her boyfriend?”

“He seems kinda…ordinary?”

He was pretty sure this was coming from the group of high school girls clustered around the door. He didn’t bother to look back. They kept chattering, but the doors closed, and he couldn’t hear the rest. The train pulled away, and their inquisitive looks were carried off toward Kamakura.

“Anyone who thinks you’re ordinary is not a good judge of anything.”

Not letting go of his hand, Mai ran her IC commuter pass through the gate. She seemed thoroughly pleased.

“But as an excellent judge of everything, Mai, what is your take?”

“……Hmm.”

She gave him a sideways glance, observing him carefully.

“Okay, your face is on the ordinary side,” she admitted. Blunt. Then she quickly added, “I like that I’m the only one who knows how cool you are.”

Maybe this embarrassed her. She was suddenly walking very quickly. Since they were still holding hands, he wound up getting dragged along behind her.

“Mai.”

“What?”

“Say that again.”

“Nope. It’ll just go to your head.”

“Aw.”

“This side of you isn’t cool at all.”

Mai glanced over her shoulder, smiling triumphantly. Clearly reveling in his look of dismay. She seemed happy. And that made Sakuta happy. Accumulating moments like this would make both their lives happy ones.

They weren’t looking for anything out of the ordinary. Just moments that made them both smile in the midst of an ordinary day. Those were what made it all worthwhile.

This seemed like an obtainable goal—which was a load off his mind.

They crossed the tracks and slipped through the half-open gate onto the school grounds.

The path to the school building had been shoveled. One of the sports team had probably been roped into helping out. But the shoveling had given way to a snowball fight. There were the remains of missed throws all around.

They went in through the front doors.

“You find somewhere to kill time,” Mai said, letting go of his hand. She was headed upstairs to the faculty office.

“I’ll come with.”

“I’m not parading my boyfriend around in front of the teachers.”

“I don’t wanna leave you!”

“It won’t take long. Just wait.”

She didn’t let him get in another word.

“Kill time how?” he muttered, scratching his bed head.

He could think of only one option.

“But she won’t be here today.”

He headed toward the science lab anyway.

The door moved when he touched it—it wasn’t locked.

The lights weren’t on, but he called out “Futaba?” as he opened the door.

It was winter vacation, but Rio was standing at the chalkboard anyway. In her white lab coat, by the experiment table.

“……”

She took one look at him and froze, test tube in hand.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said, closing the door behind him.

Unlike the hall, the lab was quite warm and comfy thanks to the space heater doing a respectable job. it was quite cozy.

Warm as the room was, the view through the windows was all white. The sun reflected off the snow, brightening the room.

Rio’s lips parted slightly, and a feeble voice leaked out. “Azusagawa…”

Before he could respond, her knees crumpled, and she hit the floor behind the table. Definitely less “sit” and more “collapse.”

“Y-yo,” he said, rushing over to her. “Futaba, you okay?”

He knelt down next to her and took the test tube away. It was empty, but he didn’t want that breaking. He placed it safely in the rack on the table.

“…I’m not,” he heard Rio whisper, but her voice caught in her throat, and he couldn’t quite make it out.

“Futaba?” he said, peering into her face.

“I’m not okay!” Her head snapped up.

There were already huge drops falling from her eyes, which meant there was only one thing he could say.

“Sorry. I had you worried, huh?”

“I’m not okay…!” she said again. She had her hands balled up in fists, and she brought them down on Sakuta’s knees. It didn’t hurt at all. But her limp protest sure did make him feel powerfully guilty. He could feel a familiar tightness in his chest.

But that was nothing compared with how scared she must’ve been.

“I’m really sorry,” he said. Not sure what else he could do.

“I’m not okay at all…” Rio delivered a whole flurry of feeble blows. “I thought I’d never see you again. I knew… I was sure you’d sacrifice yourself!”

“Yeah…”

She wasn’t wrong. He’d made that choice once. But it hadn’t worked out that way. He hadn’t died. Because Mai had saved him. And she’d died in his stead.

To change that disastrous result, he’d come back from the future…and wound up here.

“But nobody called yesterday… Nobody told me you’d been in an accident. There was no coverage of it online or on the news…so I thought maybe, just maybe, and waited all night. Except you didn’t call to tell me you were okay!”

She didn’t even try to hide her face or wipe away her tears. She just let all her feelings fly. Not at all how Rio usually handled things. There wasn’t a trace of her usual logical calm. She wore everything on her sleeve as the words poured out.

And seeing her like this made Sakuta feel…warm. Going by what she was saying, it was safe to assume that Futaba was furious. They were fiery accusations. But the fists pounding away at him weren’t trying to hurt him at all.

“Thank goodness,” she said as her anger gave way to relief. The tears were still flowing. Her lab coat was getting very wet. “I’m glad you’re alive, Azusagawa.”

Rio finally managed a smile.

“Here,” he said, grabbing a box of tissues from the table and handing it to her.

Rio took her glasses off. She must have recovered enough to feel shame again, because she snapped, “Don’t look at me,” and started wiping the tears.

She spent a few moments recovering and drying her glasses. Then she put them back on and turned toward Sakuta, eyes and nose still pretty red.

“What happened yesterday?”

“A lot,” he said. “I dunno where to begin.”

“How about this?” she said, pointing at the message scrawled across the complicated formula and graphs.

Look at me, Futaba!

The only words in his handwriting. The message he’d written trying to get her attention.

“That was you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And this?”

She showed him her phone. A short message to “Sakurajima-senpai” saved in the drafts folder.

This is Sakuta.

“So…yesterday…”

He tried to explain but suddenly couldn’t breathe. Thoughts of big Shouko suddenly filled his mind, and his voice broke. He felt ready to cry. He managed to avoid breaking down by taking a very deep breath.

“Yesterday, I did what I had to do.”

He was mostly telling himself that.

He stood up, and when Rio looked at him, he took her hands and pulled her to her feet. She seemed steady enough, but it felt like she’d collapse again if he let go, so he led her to a chair.

Then he started talking, as if reviewing his own actions.

He told her about how he’d gone ahead into the future.

About his Adolescence Syndrome.

How his own weakness had given him a second shot.

And about the choice he’d made.

He told her everything—including what that choice meant.

There was no beating around the bush. Just plain truth.

Rio listened in silence. The only reactions she offered were a few shifts in her breathing or little nods of encouragement to keep him going.

When he finished, she still said nothing.

Instead, she filled a beaker with water, placed it on the wire mesh, and lit the alcohol lamp. They waited for it to boil, and then she made instant coffee for both of them.

Her coffee was in a proper mug, but Sakuta’s was, as always, in the same beaker she’d used to boil the water. The coffee was on the strong side. Both of them took a sip.

He let the bitter liquid rest on his tongue. Felt it at the back of his nose. Then he appreciated the warmth of it sliding down his throat.

Finally, Rio spoke.

“So a lot happened,” she said.

Neither approving nor disapproving. Neither encouraging nor comforting. Just an acknowledgment of understanding. And for that, he was eternally grateful.

They finished their bitter coffee in silence.

Neither one of them could find the words. He’d already told Rio everything. There was nothing left for him to say.

So when his beaker was empty, Sakuta stood up.

“Azusagawa.”

“Mm?”

“I’m glad you’re alive.”

“……”

“I mean that.”

“…Mm.”

He didn’t have a proper response. Emotions were swirling inside him, and he wanted to say something to acknowledge her words and feelings. But if he tried, he knew he’d start crying, so he said nothing instead.

“That’s all,” Rio said, and she turned toward the windows. Then she blinked. “Is that Sakurajima?”

She jumped up and moved over to the window. She reached for the lock and opened it.

A blast of cold air rushed in.

Sakuta came up next to her, looking out in the yard.

A blanket of white snow covered everything.

It hadn’t snowed at all last year, so this was their first time seeing Minegahara High like this.

The snow must have forced the baseball and soccer teams to cancel practice. There was only one person out there.

And that was Mai.

She was carefully picking her way across the untouched field of snow. It looked pretty slippery, and she almost lost her balance a few times—there was definitely some arm flailing involved—but she made it to the center of the yard, looking delighted.

Then she knelt down and put her hands on the snow.

“Sakurajima, what are you doing?” Rio called.

Meanwhile, Sakuta had his foot on the windowsill.

“Alley-oop,” he said, and he jumped out.

“Azusagawa?”

“We’re gonna make a snowman.”

“Huh?” Rio gaped at him.

“Wanna come?”

Rio looked from Sakuta to Mai. Then she smiled, as if she’d figured it out.

“Too cold for me,” she said before she closed the window.

She said something through the glass, but he couldn’t make it out.

But he could tell from her expression.

She didn’t want to be a third wheel.