Toradora! - Volume 9 - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ow.

Hearing a voice, he strained his ears, but the fierce gusts of snow drowned out the quiet sound. He looked around the world smothered in white, feeling like he might be blown away. Even when he tried looking in the direction the voice had come from, shards of ice danced dizzyingly around him and seemed to slice at his skin. He couldn’t even open his eyes.

I fell… It hurts.

He heard the voice again; it sounded incredibly weak. I have to find her faster, he urged himself. But the sub-zero storm blew straight at him, and he took one step backward and then another.

Nestled in the pure white snow, he saw an even whiter fingertip.

He saw her slender wrist, her little elbow, her shoulders—then he saw her face, buried in the snow.

He tried desperately to move forward. He was wholly focused on trying to save her, pushing his snow boots through the drift that they were buried in. He reached out his hand and tried to grab those fingers.

But…

I can’t anymore.

Unable to reach her, unable to make it in time, he began to slip.

“AHHHHHHH TAIGAAAAAAA!”

***

The moment he cried out, he felt like he had fallen down.

“Whoa! That…was…a surprise!”

When he moved his fingers to cover his mouth in shock, he realized they were trembling with a terrible force. The palms of his hands were slick with sweat, and when he touched his lips, he tasted salt.

It was a dream. Just a little nightmare.

Takasu Ryuuji continued to tremble intensely. Every muscle in his body was stiff; he couldn’t relax. It almost felt like the back of his school jacket would burst right open, allowing the demon king inside to slither out. 

I’m glad it was a dream, but what—

“A-are you okay? How about you take a seat again, all right?”

Ryuuji raised his face at the urging voice, finally regaining a sense of reality. He was in the middle of the classroom, standing as stick-straight as a wooden doll. He faced the teacher’s platform, where the bachelorette (age 30) Koigakubo Yuri stood. His other classmates silently watched his demonic molting from their seats.

“S…sorry! I guess…I-I was half-asleep…”

Flustered, Ryuuji sat back down and covered his face, which felt like it was on fire. He was supremely embarrassed.

The last thing he remembered was putting his head down on his desk after class had ended. He’d closed his eyes, tired of waiting for the homeroom teacher to go through the final motions that would officially end the school day. 

“It’s fine. It’s all right. Yeah, of course. This isn’t your fault.”

Clasping her fingers together at the V-neck of her sweater, the bachelorette (age 30) seemed strangely calm as she nodded at him. Her voice softened kindly in a way that didn’t suit speaking to a student who had fallen asleep in the middle of homeroom. “Having someone as close as Aisaka-san get lost on the mountain must have been traumatic for you, right?”

As though echoing their teacher’s kindness, his other classmates didn’t even make fun of Ryuuji for shouting Taiga’s name in his sleep. In his seat at the very front of the classroom, Kitamura Yuusaku turned around, echoing “Right, right…” 

Kushieda Minori turned around from the seat near the hallway. “Right, right…” 

Ryuuji was sure that Haruta and Noto were going “Right, right…” behind him, too. The only one who pretended not to notice was Kawashima Ami, who was looking outside from her window seat.

“Now that you’re awake, Takasu-kun, remember to bring that printout tomorrow.”

Ryuuji noticed the printout that had been set on his desk while he was sleeping. It was a future aspirations questionnaire with blank spaces for answers to be filled in.

“We’ll use your answers in a parent-teacher interview to decide how the classes will be organized next year. I’m just repeating myself for the rest of you, but don’t forget it, everyone. Now, what do you say?”

Haphazard replies of yuh and aight sounded from all over the classroom while Ryuuji took in a deep, deep breath. He held his head in both his hands and curled his back like a shrimp in distress as he looked at the printout.

Who cared about his aspirations? Trauma, schrauma.

It had been a whole week since the school trip. Even the muscle soreness from his novice attempts to ski were already long gone, and all that remained were the memories. The fun things, the things that hadn’t gone so great, the things he had smiled about, and the things he hadn’t—among those memories, the folder on Aisaka Taiga was especially and unnecessarily large.

She had fallen off a snowy cliff.

Ow…

She had gone missing in a blizzard.

I fell… It hurts.

The blood dripping from her forehead. The paleness of her throat as her head tilted limply back.

Oh…Kitamura-kun?

And to top it off, she had mistaken Ryuuji, who had gone down the cliff to save her, for Kitamura. In her haze, that girl—Taiga—had told him something she shouldn’t have.

My feelings for Ryuuji just won’t go away.

“Agh…”

Ryuuji didn’t even care about crumpling his printout as he put his head right down on his desk. BAM! The sound he made was pretty loud, but everyone seemed intent on pretending they hadn’t heard it for his sake.

He inhaled a lungful of the smell of his desk, closed his eyes, and held his breath. Whenever he remembered Taiga’s words, the blizzard rose back up in his head.

I just like Ryuuji, no matter what I do. That was what Taiga said. She uttered those words as she was being held by none other than Ryuuji himself. She had completely mistaken him for Kitamura, and he couldn’t correct her. After he’d climbed the cliff, the adults had whisked Taiga away to the hospital before they could talk.

So Ryuuji hadn’t heard her—or, at least, he was pretending he hadn’t. He was pretending that it was Kitamura who went down the cliff to save her, and Taiga hadn’t said anything at all. It was only in his violently wheeling memories that Taiga’s words remained.

So what was this about his future? He was still caught in the blizzard from a week ago, but they wanted to talk about next year’s classes? They wanted to talk about tomorrow? About the future? His future?

Without realizing it, Ryuuji’s face contorted like that of a poisoned demon. How was he supposed to think about his future in these circumstances?

“Um, Takasu-kun, we’re doing the closing bows.” A girl poked him in the back.

“Oh…”

Ryuuji quickly raised his face. Everyone else had already long since stood up, and all they needed to do was give their homeroom teacher a bow of farewell at Kitamura’s signal. His classmates pretended not to notice Ryuuji’s chair clatter as he stood up and lowered his head along with them.

The homeroom teacher stepped down from the teacher’s platform and left the classroom. 2-C was immediately seized with after-school clamor. Laughter and conversations erupted all around.

Taiga’s small form had yet to return to the midst of that din. 

She’d left Ryuuji behind by himself in the blizzard world. Actually, she might have just run away. She wasn’t at her condo. She hadn’t come back since the school trip. The bachelorette (age 30) had said that Taiga’s mother took her away but that she had gotten sick and was recuperating at a hotel in Tokyo. He didn’t know if that was true or not. Her phone had been out of service the whole time, and he couldn’t get a hold of her.

Ryuuji scowled even more sullenly. His sanpaku eyes seemed to glare at Taiga’s seat as though he were licking it. The chair appeared to shift slightly in response, but it was probably because someone had just run past.

Taiga might remember everything. She really had said that stuff, and she might remember it had happened, and she might have realized that the person she said it to wasn’t Kitamura but Ryuuji himself, and she might be planning to never come back again. That was how far Ryuuji’s thoughts had gone.

Even though school was over, Ryuuji couldn’t start walking. He pried his eyes away from the empty seat, but the blizzard inside his mind refused to subside.

The icy storm from that day was still freezing him in place, even now.

If he could see the real Taiga safe and sound—if he could only see her face and hear her voice—then he might be able to escape from that blizzard world.

***

“It’s coooooold~! And the line’s not moving an inch~! Phooo~!”

“But four people just came out together… Ugh, standing still like this is making me even colder!”

“What time is it? Whoa!”

His cell phone told him it was already five. After checking that he hadn’t gotten any messages, Ryuuji closed the flip phone and rubbed his gloved hands together so fast he could almost have started a fire with them.

The sun had already set, and the cars and trucks traveling along the national highway next to him lit up white, reflecting the light. Now that they were in February, the temperature had dropped below freezing. The moment the dusk wind blew, its intensity and coldness made the high school boys close their mouths for a moment. Spring seemed like it would never come.

Noto held his headphones, which were playing nothing, in his trembling hands (he didn’t look cute at all). His already tiny eyes squinted even smaller.

“Saying it doesn’t help, but it’s so cold! I guess the colder it is, the better the ramen tastes, but there’s a limit! I wonder how much longer it’ll take?”

“I think we’ve gotten more than halfway through the line, but actually—whoa! There’s a huge line behind us now. It’s going all the way over to that light!”

“Hey, don’t get out of line. Everyone’s out for blood right now. They’ll cut in front of you.”

Grabbing Haruta’s hood as his friend staggered away from the line, Ryuuji bowed his head slightly to the group of students behind him. They apologized furiously—S-s-s-sorry! Oh, no, it’s my bad. No really—and he and the students went into a loop of bowing their heads back and forth at each other for nearly five seconds.

The line of people on the national highway sidewalk continued past the next street corner. At the head of that line waited incredibly popular, steaming hot, and toasty ramen and tsukemen, but there were just too many people ahead of the three of them. If the restaurant announced that the broth had run out or something, they might just start to cry.

The restaurant that Ryuuji, Noto, and Haruta were waiting to enter was a popular chain that had opened a few days ago near their school. Noto and Haruta had invited Ryuuji there—probably because of the whole “Taiga!” incident—and the three of them had made their way over. They knew from word around school that there were ridiculously long lines, but they’d had no idea the wait would be this bad.

“Actually, sorry, Takasu. I didn’t think it’d be this big of a deal. You’ve got to go shopping for dinner, right? Are you gonna be okay? Will you have enough time?” Noto asked Ryuuji as he shivered. Ryuuji waved his hand, No, no.

“It’s nice trying out ramen that’s popular enough to have a line like this. It’s not like I could come here alone. We made it this far, so we’ve got to eat before we go home.”

“Ughh, I don’t wanna go home.”

Ryuuji and Noto turned to Haruta, who sniffled as he corrected himself, “Well, I wanna eat the ramen, but I don’t wanna go home.”

“Wait, what’d you do? Did you break a vase or something? Did you rip a hanging scroll?”

“Did you break your gramps’s bonsai? Did you draw eyebrows on your dog?”

“My gramps already kicked the bucket a while ago, and I don’t have a dog. It’s more serious than that…like, it makes me sad to say it myself, but I’m an idiot, right…”

Yeah, we know, Ryuuji and Noto nodded vigorously.

“And I’ve got super bad grades, right…and I need to talk to my parents about this future aspiration stuff, and that’s really been weighing on me…”

Ryuuji sighed as he recalled the printout. Haruta and he exchanged looks that cried, I don’t wanna. 

Meanwhile, Noto seemed quite optimistic about it. 

“It’s not like we really have to worry about it until next year’s exam season,” he said. “All they’re using it for right now is to split up the classes, anyway.” 

Noto looked up at Haruta, whose nose was running. 

“Come to think of it,” he said, “are you planning on doing the humanities course? Or are you trying for the science course?”

“Uh…I’m not even thinking about which course to take… I might not even graduate… Yuri-chan’s been telling me this for a while, but I really might not even graduate at this rate… She even went out of her way to call my place this time. When she told them that, my parents got all down. Well, I guess maybe the humanities course would be better. If I did the science course, I’d get in trouble with all the math eventually. You’re definitely gonna be in the humanities course, right, Noto-chi?”

Noto nodded. He was a strange specimen whose only natural aptitude was in language.

“Yeah. So, I’ll get into a literature department somewhere, sneak into a publishing company, edit a music magazine, and eventually become a freelancer! I’m gonna become a review writer. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“Whoa, you’ve been saying that for a while, haven’t you, Noto-chi~? I’d be happy just graduating. If I could get a recommendation, I might try college, but I don’t really care about majoring in anything. I guess if nothing else, I could just help out at my dad’s work.”

“What do your parents do again, Haruta?”

“Interiors.”

Interiors…?

“My dad’s, like, an artisan. It’s so cool. Plus, I heard they make a killing.”

He means interior decoration… After figuring out what Haruta was talking about, Ryuuji stared at them both.

“This is kind of rude, but I like…didn’t expect you both to actually be thinking about the future. I kind of feel like I’ve been left behind.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Noto breathed white out of his nose and jokingly hit Ryuuji’s shoulders (it wasn’t cute). “You’ve got a good head, Takasu, so you don’t gotta worry about the future. You’re good at math, and you’re in the science course, right? You and Master Kitamura have probably got the national selection in the bag.”

The high school they went to was unofficially considered a college-bound school. Every student there was expected to go to college. When they became third years, they were divided into three science classes and three literature classes, making six classes in total. Those with the best grades would be put into the national selection track, which was divided into two classes (one for the sciences and one for humanities), limited to twenty-five students each. In the past, students who did well would just go to local public colleges, but there were a lot of people who got into selective private schools now. Kanou Sumire, who went overseas before graduating, had been in the school’s national selection science course.

“But I’ve heard rumors that the national selection course goes pretty fast,” said Ryuuji. “They apparently cover everything we’re supposed to learn in our third year in one semester, and they just study for exams or something after that. I think I could get in with my grades…but I’m not sure about it. I’m not even sure I want to go to college, so I feel like the spot would be better going to someone else.”

“What?! You’re not going to college with your grades?! Are you going straight into the workforce?!” 

Noto sounded hysterical, surprising Ryuuji.

“Well, my family just hasn’t got any money. It’s not like I want to go to a particular college or do anything specific… I’m not against studying, so I wouldn’t mind being a student for four more years. So I was thinking, why not work and save up money for now and then go to college later?”

“It’s not like you haven’t got any money. Your mom’s been running her shop forever, hasn’t she?”

“It’s owned by somebody else. She just works there. And it’s not like she can work there forever… But ever since the high school entrance exams, my mom’s been telling me, ‘Ryuu-chan, you’re going to go to college, so you have to go to a college-bound school. ☆’”

Crossing his arms together, Noto turned his face up to the dark skies. “Wait, Takasu, your nickname is Ryuu-chan…” 

“Gross, right?” 

As they talked, the line slowly made its way forward without them noticing. Haruta pushed at their backs.

“Okay, okay, you two, we’re moving forward—forward.”

“Anyway, I guess I’m not going to be in the same class as you next year, Takasu. I’m going to be with Haruta in the humanities track, so there’s a chance the two of us might be in the same class, but…right, that means we’re going to be separated from Master Kitamura, too.”

“Take another step forward. It’s cold, so let’s huddle together. Ahh, it’d be such a bummer if I got separated from Noto-chi, too, and left all alone. Let’s stick together like this even if we end up in different classes. I wonder what’ll happen with the girls? Taka-chan, did you ask?”

“Ask what…?”

“Kushieda, of course. Is she in the humanities course? She looks like she would be, just judging by her face.”

“I think she’s probably humanities. Ta—” He tried to answer Haruta’s question as though nothing was up. “Taiga mentioned something about that at some point.”

It was probably because of the strong wind that blew at him and the chill that seemed to pierce right to his bones that he couldn’t get his mouth to move properly. I see, Haruta quietly murmured next to him. Noto nodded.

“Then it’s settled, Takasu. You’re going to be in a different class from Miss Kushieda. That must hurt. Actually, how’ve things been with her lately? You haven’t really been talking about her much.”

“Everything’s about the same as back then.”

He remembered the night of the school trip when they’d talked in the hotel lounge. His heart had been throbbing. It had been his final chance to confess, and it had been when he’d finally, clearly realized that Kushieda Minori would never like him.

Once he knew that, he couldn’t continue with his one-sided love.

“It must be awkward, then.”

“It’s not awkward so much as…I don’t know. It’s not like I’m avoiding her, though.”

“Did you give up?”

“It’s like I used up everything I had…”

He could have kept having feelings for her, even if he never got anything out of it. He could have prepared himself to keep being hurt but also to pray for something to happen. He could have continued to believe that Minori might change her mind. He could throw himself into beautiful, extraordinary, sacrificial love. He knew he could have. He understood that was an option.

But…

“I see…” said Noto. 

“Ah, well,” said Haruta, “things just turn out the way they will~!”

Ryuuji wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that.

He felt like the line had been drawn, not in the moment that Minori rejected his feelings but when he decided he wouldn’t, couldn’t do that. Ryuuji knew firsthand that love could end in ways other than rejecting or being rejected by someone. 

Having done that, he could get a fresh start. He could do that—but he wouldn’t. 

He couldn’t just move on that easily.

Just when he had given up on his unrequited feelings for Minori, he’d found out about Taiga’s. Ryuuji didn’t know why she hadn’t come back. In the end, the one who was left behind—who was abandoned—was him. 

It was like he was still wandering in that blizzard, even now. He felt like a prisoner, confined in that impossible world of ice along with Taiga’s illusory voice. The real world progressed forward, day after day, and he couldn’t even tell how he would be feeling tomorrow, much less what his future would be like.

“Agh, it’s cold…”

The chill that seemed to crawl up his back made Ryuuji grit his back teeth. As he rubbed his freezing shoulders, he thought about how easy it would be to flip through the days of his past like a disposable calendar, ripping each of them off and throwing them away.

“Brighten up, Taka-chan. We’re almost to the ramen, okay?” Haruta smiled as he poked at Ryuuji’s hunched back. Ryuuji breathed out white air. “Things have been rough for you, haven’t they, Taka-chan? Kushieda rejected you on Christmas Eve, and then you got hospitalized, and then you got rejected again at the school trip, plus Taiga got lost, and now she’s been out since then. Of course you feel bad.”

“On the other hand, Kushieda-shi hasn’t changed at all,” said Noto. “If I hadn’t heard it from you, Takasu, I wouldn’t have known that she’d rejected a guy at all. I wonder how she’s so tenacious?”

“I wonder what happened with her fight with Ami-chan,” said Haruta. “It’s hard to tell what’s going on with women from the sidelines. Actually, did you make up with Maya-sama, Noto-chi?”

“Huh…well, she’s completely ignoring me right now, of course…”

The three boys looked at each other’s faces, pitifully ignorant of what to say. Ryuuji rubbed his freezing nose and ended up looking down at his own toes.

Minori was probably at softball right around then. All they’d said to each other that day was Taiga’s out today, too. I haven’t been able to get a hold of her on the phone.

The prisoner in the blizzard world fruitlessly inspected his own wounds. Love was futile—that was the only truth he knew. 

“Oh, looks like the line’s moving a bunch all at once.”

As a rowdy group of people came out of the ramen store, the long line gradually shortened.

“Okaaay! The next three guests can now make their way in!”

When they heard the energetic voice calling them, the three of them turned to each other with faces that said “Finally!” They could put aside the chill of reality because, beyond the hanging cloth that covered the door, steaming hot ramen was waiting for them. They pushed up the deep blue cloth and finally stepped into the dim shop where the air was fogged with humidity. 

“Please take three seats at the counter! Ngahh?!”

That Ngahh?! was pretty enthusiastic, too… Ryuuji thought as he looked up at the female employee putting out a glass of water for him.

“Whoa?!”

He nearly fell right out of the chair he was about to sit in but caught himself. On Ryuuji’s right, Noto dropped his bag, and on Ryuuji’s left, Haruta had taken a mouthful of water before he spat it all out with a “BFAAH?!”

“Don’t look at meeeeeeeeee!”

From where she was standing behind the counter, the employee squirmed.

“Just kidding! You can take a good ol’ gander at me…”

She posed proudly in front of them, a towel snugly tied around her head. She wore a black T-shirt with the name of the ramen shop on it and a matching black apron. Kushieda Minori’s mouth curved up as she chuckled “Heh heh.” She was most definitely real and made up of tangible mass.

“Oh…” Without thinking, Ryuuji pointed at her bold face. “What’re…you?!”

“I’m an employee!”

“No, but…wh-what about softball club?!”

“It’s over! The days are shorter in winter, so we wrap up earlier! But you sure surprised me. I had no idea you were all lined up out there. Well, how about I take your orders now? Also, if you say you want ‘ra-women instead of ra-men,’ I’ll poke your eyes out.”

“One ra-women.”

“A ra-women please.”

“Give me a ra-women.”

Bsht, bsht, bsht. Starting from the right, Minori’s thumb jabbed one of each of their eyes in order. 

“We’re sorry! Three ramens please,” Noto said.

“Okay, good choice! Three ramens coming up!”

ROGER! They heard a voice rumble from the kitchen, which was at a level higher than the counter.

The busy employees going in and out from the kitchen were lit up with an intense light. Ryuuji could see countless polished pots sitting on top of flames that glowed from the back of the kitchen. Most of the employees were men, but there were a few women, and then there was Minori. They were all drenched in sweat as they skillfully managed the customers’ orders.

“So you started another job here, too?” said Ryuuji. “What happened to the family restaurant?”

Minori, reaching across the counter to wipe it down, turned toward Ryuuji. “I didn’t quit, but this place has better pay, so I got two hours here to try it out.”

She flashed a peace sign… No, it was a two-hour sign. Her smile was as brilliant as ever. Her smile was the definition of energetic. Minori had no concern for the change in Ryuuji’s heart as she smiled at him.

“Actually, Kushieda, can you even make raaamen~? I wouldn’t want your amateur raaamen after lining up outside for an hour and a half.”

“’Course not. I’m just on the floor. I also wash the dishes and manage the line.”

“Check please!” someone called, and Minori quickly answered the person as she flew to the register. They watched her go.

“So while we were just standing around in the cold, she finished softball club and started work…” Ryuuji unconsciously mumbled. She’s way too tough. Noto nodded slightly from beside him.

While he’d been brooding about trivial stuff like disposable calendars or whatever, Kushieda Minori had been, and still was, working. Unlike Ryuuji, she was always moving forward. She was leaving Ryuuji further and further behind. The distance between them only widened. With the desperation of an animal that would die if it stopped moving, she couldn’t even pause to talk to Ryuuji, the one she had shaken off.

They were both only human, and even the same age, so why were they so different? Maybe it was a question of what kind of drive a person was born with. But in that case, hadn’t he already lost by a large margin?

“Why are you always working so much?” Noto asked Minori as she took away some bowls on the tables. She adeptly piled the bowls on top of each other as she used her free hand to busily wipe down the table.

“Because our second year ends in just two months. It’s my last spurt before I head to the finish line.”

Come to think of it, Minori hadn’t given Ryuuji a clear answer when he had asked her something similar in the past. He felt like Taiga had once mentioned not knowing why Minori worked so hard, either.

“No chitchat, part-timer! Get the bowls cleared!”

Minori’s shoulders jerked up when she heard the sudden shout. “That’s the boss. His eyes are gonna open soon.” She ran off, leaving them with those parting words. Ryuuji and the others looked at each other.

“His eyes? Are gonna open?”

“Are his eyes always closed or something? Isn’t that dangerous?”

In that moment, the whole restaurant suddenly went silent. The customers’ eyes went beyond the counter to a lone middle-aged man who was illuminated with light. The man’s eyes were firmly closed. 

Is he going to open them? one of the guests gulped.

What the heck is he doing? 

Fwoosh! The man’s eyes opened. 

“Special technique—reincarnation cycle!”

He grabbed several netted ladles filled with balled-up ramen noodles from a gigantic, boiling pot. Then he hurled the steaming noodles around and spun them vertically. The hot water that flew off the noodles landed right on the trio’s faces. 

“Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!”

Though they didn’t know it as they writhed at being splattered by boiling water, this was a demonstration that only the normally close-eyed chef could do. In the restaurant (which was named Zodiac), this was the chef’s method of straining water from the ramen noodles.

This is dangerous! Ryuuji bent back, but the other guests were entranced, thrusting their heads out as they tried to get even a drop of boiling water on their own faces. 

***

The ramen had been good, but Ryuuji ended up getting home later than expected.

He had wrapped his scarf all the way up to his mouth and held eco bags in either of his hands as he hurried down the gloomy Zelkova-lined path alone at a slight jog. His ears hurt so much from the wind that they felt like they were being torn apart.

Speed was his priority for that day’s dinner. Even though he was a sucker for side dishes, he shook off the temptation and stuck to buying just fried things, pork, and a radish, planning to make an easy pork and grated radish soup. He had some great cabbage he’d gotten from his landlady, plus minced green onion to use in the stock, and, come to think of it, he’d gotten some citrus yuzu from his landlady, too. He had more than enough condiments, and other than that, the remaining ingredients he needed to stick into the dish were just Japanese sake and konbu seaweed. If he added those together, the moisture that would come out of the cabbage would automatically create a soup.

He should still have frozen rice. He could be done with it in just twenty minutes. 

His footsteps rang out over the freezing asphalt. He turned at the familiar corner and arrived at his usual street. Then he stopped to look up at the second story window of the condo next door.

During that week, he’d developed a bad habit of stopping at that spot.

The window he looked up at was still curtained. The living room was dark, and there were no signs of anyone moving in it.

So she still hasn’t come back. Ryuuji unconsciously furrowed his brows. What in the world could the owner of that place be doing, and where was she doing it, and why hadn’t she come back? 

The whisper he’d heard on the class trip revived in his mind. I just like Ryuuji. Ryuuji had heard it. He had heard Taiga’s last words. Is there a clue in them? Did she leave some kind of hint about why she hasn’t come back? 

Had she really gotten sick like the homeroom teacher told him? He’d heard she had barely gotten a scratch in the fall, but maybe her injuries had actually been worse than that. 

If that wasn’t it, was it because she thought that he and Minori would get together, and the thought was too painful for her to bear?

Was it because she’d figured out that Ryuuji found out how she felt, and because she couldn’t show her face in front of him? 

“You idiot…”

He tried saying it quietly out loud. Taiga probably wouldn’t be able to hear it, but that was what he wanted to say to her.

If the reason she hadn’t come back wasn’t because she was sick, but because of something like that, then Taiga really was an idiot. What use was there in running away like this? Did she plan on never coming back and never seeing him again? Did she think she could get away with that and leave him behind to pretend none of it ever happened? Did she think she could just close her eyes and plug her ears so she would never know what happened between him and Minori?

What if—Ryuuji thought, but then shook his head. 

No matter how long he looked up at the extravagant condo in thought, he would never find an answer. If he didn’t ask Taiga herself, he’d never know what the truth was. 

His whole body shook from the chill of the northerly winds that he couldn’t even open his eyes. Ryuuji took a deep breath. Anyway, he had to get dinner ready. He side-eyed the condo entrance as he tried walking past it. 

“Gweh!”

That was when it happened.

Everything in front of his eyes went dark. His throat closed up, and he couldn’t breathe. In that moment, as he fell over, Ryuuji understood the true nature of a random attack. 

BAM! He dropped his bag. “Ta…”

Taiga—was going to kill him.

“Oh, yikes…”

At the corner of his vision, he saw the small hand that had been holding on to his scarf suddenly let it go. After being so cowardly strangled from behind, his throat was assailed by the cold outside air.

“Guh-hck! Ugh…cough cough…! Cough!”

“Stop, you’re being way too dramatic.”

Ryuuji gagged pitifully, still on one knee and half in tears.

“You…you idiot…!”

Without thinking, he shouted the message he’d wanted to tell her earlier.

“You strangle someone and just say, ‘Oh, yikes?!’ I actually lost consciousness for a second, like seriously! What are you trying to do to me?! Who comes up to someone like that?!”

The more he talked, the more impassioned he became, but Taiga just pouted. Her expression seemed to boastfully say Oh, how could you? It’s not like this is my fault. He pointed a finger right at her face.

“Oh, how could you? It’s not like this is my fault.”

She said it out loud! She actually said it! 

Ryuuji’s eyes glinted crazily as Taiga proudly puffed out her chest. Her expression, coupled with the way she thrust her chin high into the air, made it seem as though insolence itself were wearing clothes and walking around. 

“I saw you around that corner. I thought about calling out to you, but yelling in public is kind of embarrassing, right? I tried waving my hand at you a little, but you didn’t notice me at all. Is there something wrong with your eyes? Have you got an oil slick on them or something? Are you actually washing your face?”

“Whatdidyousay…?!” Ryuuji growled as though he were reading aloud a curse, still guarding his precious throat with both his hands. “Don’t mess with me! You know what, you—you—what were you… What were you doing—”

That was all he could manage to say. Ryuuji’s lips froze right then. His voice stuck in his throat. The finger he held pointed at the tip of Taiga’s nose quivered, and he couldn’t bring himself to say the next words. 

“…Taiga, it’s you!” 

He finally got his voice to work again. Then, he simply bent over backwards. He opened his eyes wide, raised both his hands, and just sat right down on the street. 

“Huh? You’re being weird. What’s wrong with you?”

Ryuuji’s spine quivered. Taiga really had come back.

She was standing right there before his very eyes. 

“You can keep blabbering in the afterlife,” Taiga growled. Her lips twisted up, and she gave him a look that said, I’m gonna be the one to send you there. With ferocity befitting the Palmtop Tiger, she grumbled unpleasantly in her throat.

She had her school uniform and her usual duffel coat on. A giant bag crossed her chest, and she had both hands in her pockets. Her nose was red from the cold. Her long hair was tied up and spilling down one side of her shoulder. Instead of wrapping her scarf around her neck, she had just left it loose like she was some thug from the mafia.

He spotted a white bandage on her forehead.

“Ta…Taiga…”

She came back. She came back home. Ryuuji’s lips quivered. Tch, Taiga clicked her tongue.

“Why are you being all weird now?” Seemingly annoyed, she twisted away and glared down at Ryuuji from a 45-degree angle as he sat on the street.

“You-you-yo…”

“Like I said, what?!”

“Wh…where did you go…?! Why didn’t you come home right away?!”

“Hrk!”

Ryuuji grabbed at the easiest part of Taiga that he could reach. He wasn’t trying to get back at her for what she had done earlier, but this just happened to be both ends of her scarf. As a result, he was now strangling Taiga as he shook her as though he were interrogating her.

“Do you know just how worried I was about you?! What the heck! Were you! Doing! Up until now?! And who were you with?!”

“Guh…that hurts, you idiot!”

Voom! Taiga’s right hand tore through the air as though trying to break the sound barrier. She hit Ryuuji’s chin. That hurt, but—but—but—but—

No matter what I do…

“What’s wrong with you?! You pig-dog, demon-faced devil-grimace! You skeleton!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! WHOA!”

Slap, slap, slap! SLAP! Ryuuji managed to avoid two of the blows, which was a spectacular feat, but only made Taiga angrier. 

“Don’t you dare avoid that!” she said stubbornly. 

She latched on to his collar. She grabbed his hair, his ears, and his face in both hands, and then, as if she were going to yell her insults and complaints right at his nose, she took a big breath. In that moment…

…Ryuuji saw the sidewalk lights reflected in her eyes.

When she blinked, it was like stars fell from her eyes, glittering with a mysteriously deep color. He felt her skin from up close, thick with her body heat. He felt the strange warmth of the hands that touched his face and the breath that almost grazed his lips.

“Uh!” He desperately pried himself away from her.

“Wha—?”

Shaken by the strangeness of it all, he’d pulled away too aggressively. To escape Taiga’s hot hands, he had writhed with desperation that couldn’t be misconstrued as a joke.

The two of them wordlessly faced each other. The silence sank into the chilly asphalt.

Taiga seemed taken aback by Ryuuji’s too-sudden resistance. Her mouth was slightly ajar. She tilted her head as if to say But this is supposed to be normal for us. 

Ryuuji couldn’t say anything. The ears and cheeks she had grabbed still felt hot, like they were burning. He didn’t know what kind of expression he had on his face, but as Taiga looked him, she seemed to realize something. 

“What’s with you…”

As she took a trembling breath, a faint rosy color rose in her cheeks.

It’s about Ryuuji—

“What is with you?!” Taiga’s wide-open eyes glittered with the desperation of a wounded animal. 

“Whoa?!” 

“What! What! What! What! What! What is it?!” She flailed both her arms and started to assail Ryuuji once more. There was a recklessness and desperation about her, as though she were trying to destroy all that her hands could reach. Taiga thrashed her arms and legs like a child as she drove Ryuuji to the wall. 

“What do you want to say to me…?!”

“Uh…”

Bam! She hit him in the chest. Then, picking up where she left off, she latched back onto his collar, almost like she believed she could overwrite the strange atmosphere floating around them by redoing everything. But she couldn’t reverse the rosy redness that dyed her face up to her ears. Her breath was stifled, and she was biting her lip, but Taiga continued to glare at Ryuuji.

Was it his throat or the hand she was holding him with that was hot? Was it his chest or Taiga’s heart that was ringing out—

Because I like Ryuuji. 

In that moment, Taiga held his throat and shoulders fast as she brought her face close to his. Ryuuji couldn’t even make a sound as his feet failed him and floated in the air. 

He didn’t know what happened, but it was like his brain crashed. Everything suddenly went white. 

The impact was several times worse than when she strangled him. Heaven and earth flipped, and the stars burned out. Everything in the whole world burned to nothing in that heat. He couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear. 

He saw a glimpse of Taiga’s sullen face as he looked up at the sky that had fallen and realized he was upside down. Now lying faceup on the street, Ryuuji mused over his present situation like an idiot.

“Ahh…wait, you flipped me over…?!”

Taiga had flipped him, breezily reversing the sky and ground. Because she was holding his neck, he had been saved from having his head hit the ground, but, well, actually she hadn’t saved him at all.

“Wh-what do you think you’re doing?! What do you think you are?! A random attacker?! A mugger?! What’s so great about attacking me?!”

“Sorry. But you were looking at me weird all of a sudden. As a maiden in distress, my instincts kicked in.”

“I was just surprised because you came back out of nowhere! Actually, you’re the one who attacked me first! I’m the one who was in way more danger!”

“You tried to strangle me though.”

“You tried to strangle me even before that!”

Ryuuji got back on his feet, flailing both arms like a conductor as he encroached on Taiga’s space. Taiga turned away sulkily, which just annoyed him more.

“I was thinking this whole entire time—This. Whole. Entiiiiire. Time. About what could have happened to you and why you wouldn’t come home. I was worried about you for sooooo long! You didn’t even tell me anything, and then just when I think you’ve suddenly come home, you try to strangle me! You hit me! And to top it all off, you flipped me over! What’s going on here?! Explain! Where have you been up until now?! Was the reason you didn’t come home because you like AHHHHHH!”

“Whaaat…?”

Taiga fell silent as Ryuuji cut himself off with that sudden yell. As she slowly and uncomfortably took a step away from him, thick sweat began running down Ryuuji’s forehead, his armpits, and his back. It’s not like I can say that out loud.

It’s not like I can say that.

“You like me, don’t you? You thought I was Kitamura and confessed to me. Do you remember? Could it be, maybe, that the reason why you didn’t come home was because you realized that?”

He couldn’t. He absolutely could not say that.

Ryuuji swallowed the forbidden words and held his breath. His head went numb, and his body went numb, and for some unknown reason, only his heart continued to squirm in the middle of his chest as though it were an independent living being.

Taiga’s forehead furrowed. She watched Ryuuji surreptitiously—all while keeping a good two meters between them.

But…this girl liked him.

“I-I-I-I-I-I, I-I, I-I-I-I…I-I-I…”

Had she finally come home because she had prepared herself? Had she come back to face him? To hear his answer? 

“I-I-I got a radish…!”

Bsht!

Ryuuji thrust the radish that had fallen out of his eco bag at Taiga’s nose. Still silent, Taiga looked at it.

“Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine! I got pork…! I got fried tofu…!” 

As Ryuuji rattled off the names of the things he had bought, Taiga thrust a freezing cold convenience store bag against his cheek. “This is frozen fried rice,” she said.

“Eeeeek!” Ryuuji reflexively jumped at the sudden coldness. “Th-that was cold! What’re you doing?!”

“Are you back to your senses now?”

He gaped. He opened and closed his mouth, grasping for a retort. Who do you think made me this mess in the first place, or Would you rather I tell you something serious out of the blue, or—

“This’ll take ten days to heal. It’s almost better now.”

But before he could answer, Taiga pushed up her bangs and pointed to the white bandage on her temple. When he saw her do that, Ryuuji’s complaints all disappeared. The sweat that had soaked his skin suddenly cooled in the midwinter northerly wind.

“Did…did they give you stitches?”

Maybe…he had gotten to a point where he couldn’t distinguish between his imagination and reality. That might be why seeing Taiga’s injury with his own eyes was such a shock. Ryuuji couldn’t move as he looked at the white bandage. Even words seemed to escape him. 

Taiga snorted. “I wouldn’t need stitches for something like this. They said they could just bash a huge staple in it to keep it together and make it heal faster, but I said I definitely didn’t need that. It sounded scary. I’ve still got a cut, but it doesn’t hurt. I can wash my head like normal now. It’s just super itchy.”

“Hey, don’t scratch it!” Ryuuji grabbed her fingers in a fluster as she tried to fiddle with her cut. As though her healing wound suddenly ached now that she’d remembered it was there, Taiga brushed Ryuuji’s hand away roughly.

“Well… Sorry. I know I made you worry. I didn’t get hurt that bad, as you can see. Also, I lied about being sick. I’m completely fine. I was just skipping school.”

“I see, so you’re completely fine. Then…what? Huh? Huuh?!”

As she watched Ryuuji’s eyes go so wide they could have split, Taiga shrugged as though she didn’t care.

“I did it because I haven’t seen my mom in a while. I didn’t think she’d actually come, so I was pretty emotional. We stayed at a hotel and spent time with each other. We went shopping and ate together, and went to the movies, and talked. She spoiled me as much as I wanted.”

“You’re close…with your mom…? And that’s why you didn’t come home…?”

“That’s right. My relationship with my mom is going great, despite the circumstances. We were separated for a few years because she lives pretty far away. See, she’s not like that crummy old man. He’s got that whole irritating ‘He’s a father but doesn’t do anything!’ thing, but she’s not like that, so I think I can behave for her.”

Taiga nodded to herself. The commentary, though persuasive, felt rehearsed somewhat. 

“Uh-huh, uh-huh…like I’m falling for that…!” Ryuuji held his head and let the confusion from the past week all out with a sigh. “Do you know how worried I was…?! Why would you turn off your cell phone?! If that’s what was going on, then you could have told me! You could have messaged me or something!”

“My phone battery died.”

“You could have charged it at a convenience store or shop or somewhere!”

“Oh, could I? Huh, I didn’t know.”

I see, I see, so it was the battery… You were taking your sweet time hanging out with your mom… I guess I was the only one stuck in that blizzard for the whole week.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I really am. You, Kitamura-kun, and Minorin looked for me, right?”

“You don’t remember, though, right…because you were unconscious.”

“Koigakubo Yuri told me at the hospital. She said you were all reckless, and she was kind of mad, but it made me happy to hear about about it. I promise that next time, if you get stuck in the snow, I’ll go out to find you.”

After saying something incredibly serious, her nostrils flared as though she were slightly embarrassed. But even as she did that, she nodded. As he watched her, Ryuuji thought, I knew it.

Taiga didn’t remember anything. He was confident of that. That meant the reason she had come back was because her vacation with her mom was over, and it wasn’t because she had readied herself to hear his answer after confessing.

In that case—if he pretended he hadn’t heard her, everything would go back to the way it was. Even if he couldn’t change what had happened, he could at least pretend he’d forgotten about it. He could pretend, just like Minori had pretended Ryuuji’s feelings didn’t exist. It had hurt him when she did that, but it probably wouldn’t hurt Taiga, because he would be in sync with Taiga’s feelings about the matter, which were that she wouldn’t tell him how she felt.

“So, you really don’t remember anything…?”

Yeah, Taiga nodded. “But—” She turned her long eyelashes down and muttered in a low voice as though she were talking to herself. “I feel like I had this dream. Kitamura-kun carried me on his back, and it was like I was half-asleep and just letting everything out and saying stuff like an idiot. That was…a dream, right?”

Ryuuji didn’t hesitate. “It was a dream,” he responded. 

In that moment, a sudden, freezing cold gust swept over them. “It’s cold!” Taiga groaned and held down her hair, which had been swept up by the wind. She quickly pulled her coat closed. She rounded her already narrow shoulders so they were even smaller and knit her eyebrows together.

“Kitamura really did carry you on his back up the cliff, but you didn’t say anything. You were unconscious the whole time—that’s what I heard.”

“Really? Good. For a second, I was like, ‘Huh?! Maybe that really did happen?!’ and I got super nervous.”

“You really are—”

Ryuuji swallowed a hard lump in his throat and licked his lips. Taiga had accepted a lie like that. She could be strangely sharp about things sometimes, but in that moment, it seemed she wasn’t showing any keenness at all.

“You really are a klutz.”

What? Taiga pouted for a second. “Tch, That’s kind of frustrating. I guess I can’t argue that. That’s right, I am a klutz. After what happened, I really, really do get that. But…I’m sincere in my own klutzy way.”

As though she had prepared herself for something, she looked at Ryuuji’s face and said, “I was thinking about it this whole time…did you get to ask Minorin how she really feels? You didn’t lose your chance to talk to her because I caused that mess, right?”

If his eyes could see the wounds in someone’s heart, Ryuuji thought, then his vision would probably be dyed red right now.

“You don’t have to worry about me and Kushieda anymore.”

“Why? Oh, is it because you don’t want me sticking my nose into it since I’m such a troublemaker? In that case, I’ll—”

“No, it’s not that. That’s what you think? That’s not it. It doesn’t have anything to do with what happened to you. I just don’t have a reason to get an answer from her anymore. That’s the truth.”

Taiga seemed to be at a loss for words. She closed her mouth. Her eyes, which had overflowed with tears when she found out that Minori had rejected Ryuuji, opened wide.

But no matter how intensely she looked at him, the words he couldn’t say and the feelings he couldn’t question wouldn’t change. Why did you want Kushieda and me to get together? 

“I don’t get what you’re thinking. But I just want you to know…that if you need my help, you just need to tell me. Definitely tell me. In my own klutzy, sincere way, I’ll help you.”

She probably meant it, too. That was the kind of person Taiga was. If she knew that the person she liked was in love with someone else, she’d try to help that person. Ryuuji knew that. He’d seen what she did when she knew that Kitamura had been tormented by his unrequited love for Kanou Sumire.

“I can’t figure out what you’re thinking either…”

Why did she have feelings for him now? What had happened to her feelings for Kitamura?

Part of him wanted to know, but the other wondered what he would even do if he found out. Would he try to support Taiga’s feelings for Kitamura once again? Would he try to persuade her to remember that she had been in love with Kitamura before? Would he tell her that she no longer had a rival and that all she had to do was try a little harder? Was that really what he was thinking of doing?

“I’m cold! That’s what I’m thinking. I’m thinking that standing around here talking was a stupid decision. Let’s go home. We’ll catch colds.” As though trying to cut the conversation with no foreseeable end short, Taiga flipped around. She immediately started walking to the condo entrance.

“Wait…”

“No. It’s cold.”

“Are you just eating frozen fried rice for dinner? Why don’t you eat at my place? It’ll make Yasuko happy. She’s been worried about you this whole time, too,” Ryuuji called out to her in spite of himself, but Taiga turned around slightly and shook her head.

“It’s fine. I like fried rice. Tell Ya-chan I say ‘hi’ and that Taiga’s doing completely fine.”

“Don’t be stubborn.”

“I’m not. I feel like I’ve had the stubbornness crushed out of me…”

As she went up the steps of the entrance, Taiga turned back around one more time. She had a slight smile on her face, as though she had told a joke. Maybe it was because of the cold, but her pale face was splotched with red right at the tip of her nose.

“I’m really going home now. I’m tired, so I’m going to eat this quick and then sleep. I’m going to go to school tomorrow, so things will be fine.”

A cold gust flipped Taiga’s skirt, and the hood of her coat rustled. The auto-lock on the door echoed loudly as it closed.