Chapter 2 It’s Just a Coincidence They’re All Girls. Got That? Wipe That Smirk off Your Face.
The tutorial is complete. Time to start the journey.
Masato and Mamako left the Transport Palace, crossed the last bridge dangling between the floating islands, and reached the small island that was their destination—and their starting point.
They stood together where the magic circle was drawn on the ground, waiting.
“You sure we’ll be transported from here?”
“Yes, I am. That’s what the guidebook says! Oh, but…it says it might take a while because of safety precautions, so while we wait, we should review the basic information. It even says to do this with your kids! See?”
She held the book under Masato’s nose.
“R-right. But you don’t need to stand so close!”
She’d moved all the way in, her shoulder rubbing against his. Masato pushed her away and then skimmed what the guidebook said.
The two of them had been transported into an online game called MMMMMORPG (working title).
The main servers for the game were housed in the Cabinet Office, and connected to these were independent servers stationed in the local government facilities of each of the forty-seven prefectures of Japan. The plan was to create a massive and varied world.
But the game was currently in beta, gathering data from testers, so the Tokyo server was the only one currently online.
“Man, they’re really counting their chickens before they hatch… The scale of this is a little extreme…”
“Chickens? Chickens…chickens… Where does it say anything about chickens, Ma-kun?”
“No, I’m talking about the number of servers.”
“You are? The servers at…the chicken restaurant? Does this game have those? Oh, are you getting hungry?”
“No, that’s not what I… Never mind, I couldn’t possibly explain everything.”
It was more important to review the key information. Masato kept skimming the guidebook.
The only operational server, in Tokyo, was currently running a mainstream fantasy world. European-styled. Landscapes heavily inspired by the shores of the Mediterranean, where lots of medieval buildings remained.
Also, the in-game time and real-world time were the same; if Masato and his mom had come here this afternoon, then…
“Oh, finally!”
A blinding light erupted from the circle beneath them, enveloping them. When the light faded…
…the white walls of a stone town stood before them, bathed in afternoon sunlight, a pleasant sea breeze brushing past.
The first thing Mamako said was “My goodness! It’s like we’re abroad!”
“‘Abroad’… I mean, Mom, I don’t expect you to be well versed in fantasy landscapes, so I can understand why you’d say that, but… Never mind, let’s just go.”
The starting point for the first world was the kingdom of Catharn.
They left the magic circle at the transport point, passed beneath a sturdy gate, and found themselves in the kingdom capital. It was a town built around the white-walled castle at the center.
Buildings made of pale mud and brick were pleasing to the eye, enhancing the natural landscape. Even the clatter of the horse-drawn carriages was relaxing. If you settled down here, you’d probably never want to leave on any dumb adventures. As they walked through these lovely streets…
“Gasp! There are shops in the next street! We have to go see!”
“Nah, first we should make a circuit of the town, get the lay of the land…and she’s already gone! Is this kind of agility unique to my mom…or any female character?!”
Mamako acquired the skill Soul of a Window Shopper, allowing her to shop at high speeds.
“Hey there, little lady! That’s some unusual garb you’re wearing. Are you a traveler from distant lands? Then have a look round my shop. There’s a discount for beauties like you!”
“Goodness! ‘Little lady’? When I’ve got a son this big?”
“You…don’t need to point that out every time. Seriously… Oh, hello.”
“Huh? That’s your son? …You’re a mother?”
“Oh, but right now I’m just his teammate. I’ve joined my son’s party! Isn’t it lovely?”
“A mother-and-son party? Um…”
“He doesn’t need to know we’re in a party, okay? You’re just confusing the poor shopkeeper. C’mon—let’s go! Forward!”
“Okeydoke!”
As a way of quietly making up for his sins, Masato was carrying their luggage. Mamako kept stopping to chat with every barker, so he started pushing her along.
They looked like two foreign tourists wandering through the marketplace, but it was clear this wasn’t a vacation spot.
“We’re definitely inside a fantasy RPG…”
Just glancing around, he saw a shop selling swords and spears, one selling shields and armor, and warriors decked head to toe in that kind of gear, walking around as if it was totally normal for them to be there. A group of what appeared to be magical girls walked past, the hems of their short robes fluttering.
Seriously fantasy. This is amazing. I’m actually inside a game.
It was a little late for that to be hitting home, but Masato couldn’t help himself.
Mamako was keeping a close eye on what her son was up to.
“Ma-kun! Don’t stare at girls’ backsides with that grin on your face! They’ll think you’re a creep!”
“I wasn’t! That’s not why I’m smiling!”
“Hee-hee, I’m just messing with you. I’m your mother—I know exactly what you’re thinking. Our hearts are one!”
“Oh, yeah? Then let’s hear it.”
“Right now, you’re thinking…about how happy you are to be on a walk with Mommy! Tee-hee!” Mamako delivered this with utter confidence and a broad smile.
Masato just snorted. About what he’d expected. Utter nonsense.
“Nope. That’s, like, the last thing I’d be happy about. You really don’t understand the teenage mind at all, Mom. I give up! You’re a terrible mother.”
“That’s the worst thing anyone has ever said to me in all my life.” Sniffle.
“P-please don’t trot that line out every time! I shouldn’t have put it like that! I’m sorry!”
He got down on his knees reflexively and began apologizing profusely, concerned about her response.
Mamako laughed, amused. A broad grin sprang up on her ridiculously youthful face.
“Hee-hee, that was certainly effective. I suppose those words are now a mother’s little spell.”
“A mind-weakening spell only effective on heroic sons… Diabolical.”
It seemed as if it would be a while before Masato got over the trauma of his earlier mistake. For now, though…
“Hmm… Well, we’re walking around, but…where should we actually go?”
“Hee-hee-hee. Leave that to Mommy! I know exactly where we’re going.”
“What? But I thought you didn’t know anything about games like this?”
“That’s certainly true. But don’t worry! I have this!”
Mamako held up the guidebook proudly. Aha. Well, she can’t go wrong with that.
“We’ve got to prepare for our adventure! So first…”
“Gather a party? Right?”
“You got it! The guidebook says that’s the first thing we should do. Which means… Oh, here we are! Ta-daa!”
Mamako waved at a building looming over the corner of the shopping district.
At a glance, it looked like a café with an outdoor terrace, but the heavily armed, burly clientele suggested this wasn’t a place for a nice cup of tea. Adventurers sitting on the terrace were looking Masato and Mamako over appraisingly, an aggressive welcome that definitely created the right mood.
The sign outside the building read ADVENTURERS GUILD. That explained it.
“Definitely doesn’t look like this place is sugarcoating anything. Heh… Works for me.”
“Oh my. You usually just grunt ‘Fine’ or ‘Nah’ at me, Ma-kun. So odd to hear you talk like this… I’m discovering a whole new side of you!”
“S-stop that! I don’t need your critical evaluation of everything I say! It’s super awkward…”
“Hee-hee! Well, sorry. Now… Ma-kun, can you hand me one of my swords?”
“Mm? Uh, sure, but…?”
He wasn’t sure what she was planning on doing with it, but he pulled Altura—the sea-blue sword—out of the overnight bag and handed it to her.
“Hyah!”
Mamako swung the sword in the direction of the guild, attacking it.
“…Um…?”
A flash of blue light, and a gush of water—
“Wait…!”
—that formed droplets—
“Hey!”
—which launched themselves.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat! A hail of water bullets pounded the side of the building. The horrible sounds of total destruction were followed by the collapse of the walls and support pillars. Only when the volley finally ended could they hear the sound of adventurers screaming.
Masato stared in utter horror for a long moment.
Finally, he stammered, “M-Mom… Why did you…?”
“The guidebook said not to let others underestimate you, so we should start by showing off.”
“That’s not what showing off means! Oh, God… This is bad…”
Half the guild building was totally gone. Far more concerning, though, was the safety of the adventurers gathered on the terrace. If any of them had been seriously injured by Mamako’s attack…
PK-ing? Attempted PK-ing? Either way, she’s liable to get banned…
PK—player kill. Killing another player’s character. There were usually stiff penalties for it. An apology wasn’t getting them out of this one.
Masato stood frozen to the spot, white as a sheet. Eventually, there were signs of movement from the rubble. Someone clambered over the remains of the door.
It appeared to be a woman. She was dressed in businesslike clothing and had long black hair, a calm expression…
…and a lot of blood streaming down her face.
“Travelers, welcome to the Adventurers Guild. I must inforform you that I am the receptionist, Shirarase. If you are looking for others with whom to share your adventure, come right this way.”
She beckoned to them, ignoring the gaping wound in her head.
The lady sitting at the half-demolished reception counter was clearly…
“Um, Ms. Shirase…”
“I believe I already inforformed you that my name is Shirarase, the receptionist here. If you find that hard to believe, I am fully capable of pulling up a selection of items no son would ever want their mother knowing about.”
Yikes.
“I’ve never met you before, Ms. Shirarase! What a pleasure! How are you?”
The Shirarase behind the counter looked exactly like Shirase. She clearly was Shirase, except called Shirarase.
“Then allow me to welcome you to the guild!”
“Thank you for the warm welcome. So, um… Are you okay? You’ve been bleeding this entire time.”
“Don’t worry yourselves over that! This is simply part of the presentation. I am merely an object, neither PC nor NPC. Therefore, PK penalties need not apply. The ability to destroy building objects is actually a bug, so you can rest easy on that point.”
“I—I see. That’s a relief… Isn’t it, Mom?”
“Hunh? Oh, um… Yes, it is. So there was an objection? And the NEC’s PC won the PK battle? Am I following things?”
“Yeah, you are. It really doesn’t matter, so… Well done!”
“Objects” were a programming class distinct from “characters.” PC stood for player character. NPC stood for non-player character. He’d have plenty of time to tutor Mamako on this jargon later.
“Let me begin by introducing you to the adventurers registered with the guild!” Shirarase said, holding out a thick bundle of parchment. There had to be over a hundred pages.
“Th-there’s that many?”
“This is only a fraction of the total. There’s no real limit to party size, so gather as many party members as you’d like. The management team has had the character department working like crazy making these. We’re hoping to hire more staff soon…”
“Wow… Um… So you mean everyone’s an NPC?”
“There are other test players included. However, there aren’t many yet, so their rarity remains quite high.”
“…So it’s all a game of chance?”
“The first floor of the building is being repaired. Please peruse these in the private room on the second floor. I will bring along additional documents in due course, so take your time.”
The second floor of the guild seemed to have largely escaped the ravages of Mamako’s brutal assault. They were in a private room toward the back. Masato had the documents spread out on the table in front of him, with Mamako seated opposite.
Feeling the stress of the moment a little, he took a deep breath of the refreshing breeze blowing through the open window and began the work of choosing a party.
“Right, now this is what I’m good at. I’m an experienced MMORPG player—I can put a balanced party together. You on board with that, Mom?”
“Of course! I can’t wait to see who you’ll pick! Find us some nice girls.”
“Wh-why are you assuming I’m gonna pick girls?”
“Why wouldn’t you? They’re going to live with us, experience all sorts of things with us, grow up with us…and you’re selecting them with that in mind. Isn’t that basically the same thing as figuring out who you’re going to date or marry?”
“Erk… I guess you’re not entirely wrong, but…no, we’re just assembling a party. Plain and simple. Right.”
Faces and body types would inevitably reflect the preferences of the person choosing them, though. That was unavoidable.
Masato looked down at the documents again. Each page listed the adventurer’s name, job, and stats and included a photo-realistic drawing of them.
“Our main criteria has to be combat balance… We’ve got two physical DPS units, so… It’d be good to have a tank and a healer. And a magic DPS unit and a support type, too… Hmm, but there’s also crafting jobs… We should have at least one person who can make items. Should we go for a team of seven?”
Starting with the jobs, taking faces and body types into account, allowing just a trace of his own tastes in, Masato narrowed down the selection.
“Here’s a good start.”
Party Candidate One. Name: Lucera. Age: sixteen. Job: Heavy Knight. A type of tank that drew enemy attacks, with a skill that added damage received to attack, so it would also put out some decent DPS if needed.
The illustration was pretty great. She had a slender frame clad in heavy armor, delicate fingers clutching a sturdy shield, imposing features indicative of a strong will… Maybe a little uptight looking, but if you broke through her shell, she probably had a cute side. There was definitely potential in that contrast.
“Next… Oh, an elf!”
Party Candidate Two. Name: Salite. Age: nineteen (in human years). Job: Priest. A recovery-magic expert. Could also purify the undead.
Clad in a grass-green robe, with her hands clasped over a pendant that resembled a holy tree. The picture gave the impression of an elegant older sister, a beautiful elf with a pleasant smile.
“Perfect, this is really coming along. Next… Oh, this is a scrappy-lookin’ girl!”
Party Candidate Three. Name: Torino. Age: fourteen. Job: Thief. With skills that boosted the first attack taken and the overall party speed. Also lock-picking.
She wore a tank top and shorts. Light equipment showing plenty of skin. If she moved as nimbly as she looked like she could, you might catch a little glimpse of something. He’d have to watch where he was looking.
“A little peep now and then never hurt anyone. Any party needs a little skin! Right—that’s a good start!”
Masato lined the three pages up and checked them over again. Party defense, healing, and a support class. He felt this covered their combat needs pretty well.
“Right. Made up my mind. Mom, we’ll start with these three. Take a look.”
“Gosh, such adorable girls! They’re all your type, Ma-kun?”
“That’s not what I meant! They just happened to look like that! Total coincidence!”
“Hee-hee. If you insist.” Mamako gave him an understanding smile. She clapped her hands. “Then next up, I’ll have to interview them.”
“…Huh?”
His mom was going to…interview them?
“Why wouldn’t I? I mean, one of these girls might end up being your girlfriend. As your mother, I simply have to get to know them a little first.”
“No, wait… I’m not picking potential girlfriends! This is just our party!”
“You don’t think adventuring with them could possibly lead to falling in love?”
“Er… I—I mean…”
It wasn’t completely out of the question, and maybe he did hope for it…but he couldn’t admit that.
“Point is! That’s not the goal here! There’s no reason why party members would have to pass the mom test!”
“I’m here to inforform you that the mom-test requirement has been approved, on account of it sounds amazing.”
“Wha—?!”
Shirarase had joined them, bearing not only additional documents but also cards with a circle on one side and an X on the other.
Apparently, the mom tests were starting right away.
The room had been rearranged for the interviews. Mamako was the chief interviewer, and Masato sat next to her, as a silent witness. Across from the table was a chair for the candidate being interviewed. They were ready to begin.
“This is Mommy’s interview, so I’ll be asking the questions. Just leave it all to me!”
“R-right. Do your worst, then… First candidate, please come in!”
Party Candidate One stepped into the room. It was the Heavy Knight, Lucera. “Nice to meet you,” she said, her voice every bit as strong as she looked.
“Nice to meet you, too. Let’s get started! Can you tell me about your interests?”
“I enjoy allowing enemies to attack all they like and then returning that damage tenfold!”
“Well, that certainly does suggest a rather imbalanced mind… So what sorts of places do you usually go?”
“I often go to fields where monsters weaker than me spawn one by one!”
“So you’re a bully… For my last question, I’d like to ask about your life goals. What do you think you’d like to do in the future?”
“I’d like to learn a skill to reflect damage so that my enemies destroy themselves.”
“That sounds like pure sadism… I see. In that case, my verdict is…”
Her smile never fading, Mamako…
…held up the card with the X. Bzzzt. Failure.
“I’m sorry, but I think there’s something wrong with her.”
“That all sounded like pretty normal tank stuff to me, though!!”
Even so, she’d failed the mom test. Oh well. Next!
Party Candidate Two, the beautiful elf Priest with the heart-warming smile, Salite.
“Nice to meet you, Salite. And what are you interested in? What is it you do with your spare time?”
“I offer up daily prayers to my god. At least three hundred times a day.”
“Assuming you get six hours of sleep a day, that means you’d have to pray more than once every four minutes… Well, where do you like to go?”
“I visit churches in the forests around the world, offering up prayers. I try to visit at least twelve a day.”
“I imagine you have time for little else besides going to and from churches… And what are your dreams for the future?”
“I offer prayers that all people will return to the service of God Almighty.”
“Sounds like prayer is all you have. I suppose I could say I admire your commitment.”
Mamako smiled politely, but her verdict?
Another X. Bzzzt. Failure.
“M-Mom?! What’s wrong with that?! She’s an elf—and a Priest, at that!”
“That’s the problem! I’m all for freedom of religion, but if she joined our party and said there was somewhere nearby we should check out, then… It’s just, I’m not good at turning those kinds of offers down, you know?”
“Erk… Yeah, I know how that feels…”
Neither of them were religious at all, which could pose a problem. Too bad. Next!
Party Candidate Three, the scrappy Thief Torino, her voice as cheery as her looks.
“’Sup!”
“Your interests are…?”
“Snatchin’ stuff! Punch ’em once, steal an item! Super fun!”
“You often go to…”
“To the pawn shop! They lowball the price, but they’ll buy whatever!”
“In the future you’d…”
“I’d love to clean out the palace treasure room! That’s any Thief’s dream! Tee-hee!”
“Yes, I see, that’s a no, then,” Mamako said, already holding up her X card. “Now, let’s just take you to the police.”
“Whaaaaa?! Let go of my arm! Wait, how are you so strong?!”
Mamako had grabbed hold of Torino’s arm and made to haul her off to the authorities. There’s no force on Earth stronger than a mom handling a naughty child.
“Wha…? Mom! Calm down! Thieves are okay! Yeah, they steal things, but that’s a normal job in a game world! This is a game, remember?!”
“Just because it’s a game doesn’t mean there’s no right and wrong! I want to make that quite clear.”
“Well, sure, but… Please just listen to me!”
It took a full thirty minutes to talk Mamako around.
But that meant…
“Argh… All of them failed…”
“I think we should go for some more reliable occupations. Like… Oh, I know! A police officer! Or maybe a soldier? How about making one of them a party member?”
“They don’t have those jobs in a fantasy RPG! Please try to remember this is a game! Ugh… All right, I’ll pick some more—just gimme a minute.”
With Mamako’s criteria, it seemed unlikely they’d ever add anyone to their team, but Masato did his best to find someone she’d accept.
He flipped through the additional documents Shirarase had brought.
“Hmm? Hang on…”
Masato stopped. He stared intently at the page in his hand.
The page gave the adventurer’s name as Wise. Female, age fifteen. Her job was, of all things, a Sage: a high-tier occupation that could use both primarily offensive black magic and healing and support-based white magic.
She wore a short jacket and a skirt, both crimson. She was staring out of the page with a look of great confidence. Well, her illustration was anyway.
“Definitely a good set of skills… Magic for attacking, healing, and support? Sounds downright almighty.”
“Gosh, that does sound good! She must be extremely skilled. I like her!” Mamako added, looking over his shoulder. Wait, an actual positive opinion?
“Um… So in your book, Mage is an okay job?”
“Of course it is! I always wanted to use magic growing up. There was this anime at the time about all these magical girls. I watched it every day!”
“Right, right. That helps. So if a Mage is okay…then in that case… Mm?” Masato squinted at the fine print. “She’s got something written in the notes section… ‘If you don’t pick me, I’ll chain cast death spells on you!’ Wow, she sounds kinda…slow.”
“Don’t say that! She’s a Sage, isn’t she? She can use three kinds of magic! And she’s pretty cute. I think she’s lovely.”
“Huh? …Well, sure, she’s not bad looking. I guess you could say she’s cute.”
“But she’s not your type?”
“That’s not it. It’s just…her eyes. I don’t like the look of them.”
The illustration portrayed eyes that turned up at the corners, and they were narrowed, as if she were glaring at him.
“I don’t trust those eyes. I bet she’s got a lousy personality. She’s definitely the haughty type who likes to boss everyone around.”
“Hmm… Well, she certainly does look strong-willed. Maybe a bit of a tomboy… But if you get to know her, maybe you’ll find more to like.”
“Nope. I promise you right now that’ll never happen. She may be a Mage, but I can tell she’s a total dunce. She’ll just throw magic around willy-nilly, hitting party members, buildings, the landscape, all while laughing her head off. Your classic Dragon Spooker type. As a hero, my instincts are warning me that’s the case.”
“Hmm… Well, if you say so, then I suppose…”
“I do. So she’s out. Good-bye! Thanks for stopping by, Wise.”
He crumpled Wise’s page up and threw it away.
The balled-up page landed on the floor, and for a moment, he thought he heard a voice cry, “Ow!” He must have imagined it. There was no way. None.
“Right, let’s move on. Next… Oh, good, I wanted a crafter!”
Party Candidate Four. Name: Porta. Age: twelve. Job: Traveling Merchant. Able to make items, appraise them, and get shop discounts. Quite a lot of really helpful support skills.
The illustration showed a super-adorable little girl. Big round eyes, filled with childish innocence. She looked really sweet.
“Hmm… Not bad. Great support skills, could be a little-sister type… Makes you want to do your part bringing her up right.”
“Oh, she’s so cute! Well, let’s give her the mom test next.”
“…We’re still doing those?”
And with that…
A twelve-year-old girl was sitting in front of them.
Her name was Porta. She was a Traveling Merchant.
Traveling Merchants had no shops of their own; instead, they went from place to place, showing up in dungeons or underwater, selling items anywhere adventurers needed them. Their trademarks were the large bags they carried their merchandise around in.
Porta had one of these. She looked incredibly nervous.
“N…n-n-n-n-n-nice t’meet youuuu!”
“Yes, it’s nice to meet you, too.”
“Don’t worry. Relax. No need to be so nervous.”
“Eep!”
Telling her not to be nervous seemed to make it worse. She straightened her little body to her full height, trying to look respectful. So adorable.
“Can you tell us about yourself?”
“Yes! I’m Porta! I’m a test player!”
“Oh, a player? We’ve got a rare one here!”
“Goodness! You’re a test player, too, Porta? …Then where is your mother?”
“M-my mother? Well, um…er…”
Porta seemed really thrown by this question. She found an answer soon enough.
“My mother is taking a break from the game for work! I’m traveling on my own, but I got permission from management, so it’s okay! It won’t be a problem!”
“Oh, is that so? Your mother must be super busy.”
“Hmm…”
Porta seemed a little desperate, which worried Masato, but…if management said it was okay, then it must be. I’m not gonna question it.
“Right, then I’ve got a few questions,” he said, trying to look like a strict interviewer. “You ready?”
“Yes!”
“First,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “can you tell us how you’d be able to help our party? You’re a merchant, so I assume you’re good at trading?”
“Yes! Um… I’m a Traveling Merchant! So my core skill generates a discount when shopping or using inns.”
“Isn’t that wonderful? You’re like a walking coupon, Porta!”
“Mom! You’re not wrong, but maybe you could word that a little differently?”
“Also, this is another core skill, but I can use the party storage to manage everyone’s items. We can carry a lot more than normal!”
“We can? Do you mean you’ll carry them? Where?”
“The bag, right? Seems like a magic item.”
“Yes! I got this as my first-login exclusive item. It’s only for Traveling Merchants!”
Porta patted her bag, showing it off.
“One of these bags can store up to three hundred items! Their size and weight doesn’t matter! Leave all the inventory to me!”
“Oh, wow! What a useful tool. And here I was impressed by those vacuum storage bags.”
“The ones you put the down comforter in when summer rolls around? You always work up a real sweat doing that.”
“And you’ve never once offered to help with it, Ma-kun.”
“D-don’t say that… I will next time…”
If they used a vacuum bag, they could fit their comforters into a much smaller space, which was helpful given how small their closet was. But that was another world entirely.
“So I definitely understand why we’d want a Traveling Merchant in the party. But that’s not all you can do, right? The document said you had more skills than that.”
“Yes! I have also learned the Appraise skill! When we find an item, I can quickly tell what its name and effects are! And the price! And…and I’m also learning Item Creation skills! I can make the items we need!”
“That’s what I wanted most. Am I right in understanding that if you join us, we won’t need to worry about healing or support items?”
“Yes! Leave that to me!”
Porta saluted, her bright eyes shining right back at Masato. She really was a good kid. He liked her. He wanted her to be more than just a party member.
However.
“Hmm. Well, we’ve heard a lot about what you can offer. But this was all the good stuff, right? You must have some weaknesses, too. Right?”
Masato was definitely playing the strict interviewer. Maybe, just maybe, there was a part of him that just wanted to see her squirm adorably a little more.
But Porta kept her innocent eyes locked on his and answered straight to the point.
“I’m registered as a noncombatant! I will be of no use in battles!”
“Oh… So completely helpless in fights. We still need more party members who can fight, then…”
“But…but I can carry all your stuff and make items! I’ll do whatever I can! Ask me for anything! I’ll try my hardest!”
“Hmm…”
Masato and Porta stared at each other awhile. Her gaze never wavered.
She was a good kid. Definitely a good kid. Really good. And she had great skills. And there was the rare factor, with her being a real test player.
He really couldn’t find a downside.
“Ma-kun, I think that’s enough. I’ve already made up my mind.”
Mamako was already holding up a circle card. Ding-dong. Passed with full marks.
“Yeah, no objections here, either. So…”
“Porta, you’re welcome to marry him!”
“Yes! I’ll be a great wife!”
Porta’s my wife now. Wow. Loli-wife honeymoon.
“Bring it on! Wait… No! Mom! We’re trying to build a party here! Will you get off this obsession with my girlfriend slash future wife?”
“R-right, sorry.”
“Good. Okay, Porta. Wanna join our party?”
“Yes! I’ll do whatever I can! Thanks for taking me!”
Traveling Merchant Porta joined the party.
“Glad to have you, Porta.”
“It’s really great to be here, um…Hero! And Hero’s Mother!”
“Hey, now. We’re in the same party now, so no need to be formal. You can just call me Mom or Mommy if you like. And you can call him Ma-kun.”
“No, don’t do that. Just call me Masato like a normal person. Also, my mom’s name is Mamako.”
“Then… Masato and Mama. Will that be fine…?”
“Cool. I hope you’ll start being a little less formal over time, but that can wait until we’ve gotten to know each other better. I’m sure that’ll happen as we travel.”
“Yes! I’ll do my best!”
She clenched her little fist earnestly. What an adorable creature. Masato gave in to the urge to dote on her and reached out to tickle her cheek.
“Eek! That tickles!”
“Mwa-ha-ha, you know you like it!”
“Ma-kun…”
“Huh? Why are you looking at me so sad like that?!”
It’s real dangerous to let your desires show when your mom is around.
Anyway.
“That’s a good start! Let’s keep this going and grow our party!”
“Yes! And I’ll keep giving the mom test.”
“If we do that, almost everyone’ll fail… Uuugh… I’m tired just thinking about it. Maybe we should take a break first? Ask Ms. Shirarase to get us some drinks…”
As he spoke, Masato got up and took a few steps toward the door. There was a scrunch under his feet.
“Mm? Did I step on something?”
He looked down and saw his foot on the document he’d balled up and thrown away.
As he did…
“Owwwwwwww! What is WRONG with you?!”
“Huh…? Whaaa?!”
The page beneath Masato’s feet suddenly exploded, flinging him backward. He rolled across the floor and hit his head on the desk. “Guh!” Super painful. The kind of pain that gives a man amnesia. But the more pressing issue…
…was the figure beyond the smoke from the explosion. It shook with rage, taking one step after another in his direction, each one so heavy it seemed liable to come crashing through the floor.
When the smoke cleared, he saw a girl in a crimson jacket with a detailed pattern embroidered on it.
Her eyes, like daggers, narrowed in rage, and a footprint was clearly imprinted on her cheek.
“What is your problem? There I was, behaving myself, and you think that gives you the right? Maybe I actually will chain cast death spells on you! How do you feel about having a dozen funerals?!”
“A dozen? Like…actually twelve?”
“I can chain cast them, so I might as well go for twenty-four! And how come you’re so calm?! Ugh, that does it! You treat me like crap, I’ll pay it back in kind! Bring that ugly mug over here!”
The footprint girl pulled out a heavy book—like, dictionary-sized—flipped through the pages, and started chanting a spell.
“Spara la magia per mirare… Transportare!”
There was a blinding light, and Masato found himself floating.
“…Ow?!”
Masato landed on his backside on the grass.
It was an open field covered in short, untidy weeds. Like a verdant carpet stretching to the horizon. He could just barely see Catharn in the distance.
“Hunh? Wait… Did I just get teleported somewhere…?”
“Yep,” said a voice above him.
Masato looked up and saw a pair of feet coming right toward his face.
He could have dodged them but decided not to.
She’s definitely exactly who I thought she was. I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing.
She was out for revenge.
She’d used a magic spell to transform herself into that sheet of parchment. Probably planning to pick the right moment to make a surprise entrance and convince them to add her to the party. But Masato had tossed her aside and then accidentally stepped on her, so she was in total payback mode.
Fair enough. Let her blow off a little steam.
Her feet landed squarely on Masato’s face, her weight descending in slow motion, at which point Masato’s head impacted the ground beneath him. He’d assumed she would grind him into the dirt a bit, but apparently, she wasn’t that far gone.
Standing on his face, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Whew… That breeze feels amazing… I’m gonna tell you one thing.”
“…And that is?”
“This is my favorite place.”
“So? Why should I care? You done now? Are we even, at least?”
“Yeah, fine. I’m satisfied. I forgive you.”
She stepped off his face and onto the grass.
Masato sat up, not at all surprised that an eye for an eye was all a girl like this was after. She had her arms folded and was glaring haughtily down at him. He’d totally called it.
Taken in itself, her face was definitely on the cute side, but…
I was right! She’s a Sage but definitely a dumb one.
The wind rustling across the plain was making the girl’s skirt flap around, and Masato clearly caught a glimpse or two of what was underneath, but she appeared oblivious to this fact. Masato elected not to look. Or point it out.
Beaming victoriously, the girl snorted happily. “Humph. You just let me stomp you back, hunh? I’ll give you credit for that, at least.”
“Thanks. So? You brought me all the way out here. For what?”
“I’m working on it! Racking my brain trying to figure out what to do next.”
“For the love of…”
“Oh, shut up! This is your fault! I didn’t transport you out here for no reason, okay? I thought you’d fight me when I tried to stomp you back, so I brought us somewhere I could use my magic to put you at death’s door without hurting anyone else. I was gonna stomp you then.”
“Good plan.”
“But you just let me and ruined the whole thing! Tch. Whatever. I’m just gonna go back to my original plan.”
The Sage closed her eyes, enjoying the breeze.
“Sigh… The wind feels so good… I really love this place.”
“Like I said, I really don’t care.”
“You should! Think about it! Just the two of us…in a place I love. A peaceful mood. Perfect setup for an important conversation!”
“You can’t just manufacture that stuff! If you’ve got something to say, just say it! Let’s get it over with. You want to join our party, right? You’ve got a reason why you have to join us. Am I right?”
“Grr… W-well, if you boil it down…”
“Then just say your piece. I’ll hear you out. Come on. Sit down.”
Masato patted the ground, and the girl grumpily obliged. Right next to him.
“…Uh, don’t you think you’re a little close?”
“Y-you said to sit here!”
The spacing between them was adjusted to more comfortable levels.
Staring at the city in the distance, she began. “You already read my profile on the parchment, but I suppose I should introduce myself. I’m Wise. I’m a Sage. My main equipment is the magic tome I got as my first-login exclusive; it has a passive that raises magic power. I can handle any kind of magic: offensive, healing, support—you name it. Cool?”
“Much appreciated. I’m Masato. I’m more of a warrior type… Well, they’re calling it a hero. I wield a sword that’s strong against flying monsters. Cool?”
“Pffft. Hero? That’s hilarious.”
“Wasn’t my idea! Don’t blame me… Also, I’m a test player… And if you got a login bonus, then you are, too?”
“Yep. I’m a fifteen-year-old high-school-girl beta tester. Oh, I’ve got a proper ID card, if you wanna see that? Should prove it to anyone Japanese, at least.”
“Nah. Better not to share personal information.”
“Okay, I won’t, then.”
They were keeping it pretty casual.
“But I guess my point is…how much do you know about the current situation?”
“The what? You mean us being in here? I know we got yanked into the game suddenly. And for some reason, my mom came with me, and I’ve still got a lot of questions there… Neither the king nor my mom would answer any of them.”
“Then I will.”
Wise took a short breath and proclaimed quite ceremoniously:
“Why is your mom here? Because this game is an MMMMMORPG. In other words, Mom’s Massively Maternal Multiplayer Making-up-with-Offspring Role-Playing Game.”
Yes. That was the true nature of the game to which Masato had been transported. The shocking secret, revealed at last!
Yet, Masato failed to show any signs of surprise.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“I’m not! Blame the idiots who came up with this crap! I’m just telling you the truth, so you better listen! Or else I’ll alternate death and revival spells till you do! As long as I have magic left, I can kill you and bring you back to life as many times as I want!!”
“As long as the last spell leaves me alive, I think I’m good? But fine. I promised I’d hear you out, and I will.”
Wise recovered somewhat and resumed her solemn tone.
“The point of this game is for parents and children to adventure together, improving their relationships. So parents and children are always sent here together and told they have to travel together. I have no idea how they made a game like this or anything like that. But there is one thing I know for sure.”
“What?”
“You can’t go back to your own world if you don’t meet the victory condition.”
“Wait, seriously? Nobody said anything about that! …So what’s this victory condition?”
And that condition…
“You have to get closer to your mom,” Wise spat, pissed off.
Masato felt similarly.
“No, no, no, no. That doesn’t even make sense! How is that how you beat a game? Whoever thought that up must be totally insane! Nobody makes games like that!”
“I know! When I got yanked in here and my mom told me, I was so surprised that I straight up passed out! There was, like, snot everywhere!”
“Damn, like… Try to control yourself, girl.”
“I wiped it off later!”
Masato decided to take her word for it.
“I dunno how close you have to get to meet this condition,” she went on. “But for a certain boy with an Oedipus complex, it shouldn’t take that long.”
“I have literally no idea who you’re talking about.”
“But if you really can’t stand your mom, there’s no way you can ever get home. You’re totally stuck here.”
“Like…a certain Sage we know?”
He had a hunch, and Wise confirmed it with a shrug. She let out a self-deprecating sigh, and the wind snatched it away.
“I started out traveling with my mom. Then we had a big fight and split up, and I’ve been alone ever since. She’s just the worst! I mean, playing a game with your parents is totally impossible to begin with. No matter how you look at it.”
“Well, sure… I’d certainly rather not do it…”
“But that means I can’t ever get out. I’m just a poor little princess, trapped in this world! Heh-heh. ‘Princess.’”
“It’s pretty clear no one would ever take you for a poor little princess.”
“You don’t need to be so blunt. God, you piss me off!”
“So why join my party? …Oh, wait. Are you thinking if we meet the victory condition, you’ll be able to piggyback with us to the real world?”
Wise confirmed his guess with a diabolical grin. She was potentially quite evil.
“Your mom seems like the nicest lady ever! So I’m gonna make it so it’s like she’s my mom, too, clear this dumb condition, and get myself back home. That’s my plan anyway.”
“But for her to be your mom, you’d have to be her daughter-in-law… No, wait… You can’t mean…”
Wise wanted to marry Masato so she could call Mamako her mom (-in-law)?
Was that for real?
They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Wise gasped, pulled out her heavy magic tome, and slapped Masato across the face with it. “Bash damage?!” It was a Mage’s physical attack, but it still hurt. Significant damage done.
“D-don’t be stupid! I don’t mean like that! She could also adopt! That way we’d be brother and sister! That’s all!”
“R-right, good point. Adoption it is. I don’t need a magic wife with heavy blunt force attacks, either.”
“And I don’t wanna marry a boy with an Oedipus complex! Humph!”
“I do not have an Oedipus complex! I swear!”
This was very important. He needed her to understand.
“Humph… Anyway, I understand your plan,” he said.
“Then add me to your party! I’ll do whatever I can to win your mom over! I’ll pretend to be the cutest girl ever and totally make her want me as a daughter! Bwa-ha-ha!”
“Yet, with me, you totally reveal your dark side…”
That alone set off warning bells. He couldn’t see Wise’s plan ending in anything but failure.
And another thing bothered Masato.
“…Can I ask one thing?”
“I suppose you can. Just one. And keep it snappy.”
“Then I’ll get right to the point. Can’t you just…make up with your mom?”
“…!”
Seemed simple enough.
Wise had had a fight with her mom, and they’d split up, so now she couldn’t get back to the real world. But all they had to do was make up. Either one of them could initiate it. Just say, “I’m sorry.” That would probably be enough.
Wise let out a long, annoyed sigh. “I can’t. Obviously. There’s no way my mom and I will ever get along. Don’t stick your head into other families’ affairs! They’re none of your business.”
Masato had no choice but to drop it. Digging deeper would do him no good.
“So how about it? Will you let me in your party? You will, right? You’re not gonna give me some crap about needing to ask your mommy first, are you? Ewww.”
“I would never say that!”
“Then make up your mind already!”
“Right…”
Honestly, Masato wasn’t really on board with Wise’s plan.
But in terms of their group’s structure, Wise was a Mage and could clearly use magic. Offensive, support, healing… She could help in all kinds of ways. If he just put up with her personality and questionable humanity, she’d be a good addition.
And if he was going to play this game, it would be nice to have someone his own age around.
Her problems with her own mom were hers alone. If he just accepted that he had no right to poke his nose into that mess, then his answer was obvious.
“Sigh… All right. You can come with us for now.”
“You mean, ‘Of course! I’d love to have a cute Sage like you in my party!’ Heh-heh. You’ve got great taste, young man. Very well, I’ll generously accept your offer. You should be grateful.”
“Do you have to do that?”
“Well, my plan was to pop out and surprise you while you were picking your party, but whatever. If you let me in, that’s good enough.”
“I dunno why you’re so hung up on that plan, but… Never mind. In that case…”
Masato held out his hand, ready to confirm things with a handshake.
Wise stared at his hand for a moment, then, looking suuuper embarrassed, reached out…and just as the tips of her fingers touched his hand…
…the ground exploded.
A few minutes earlier…
On the second floor of the Adventurers Guild, moments after Masato had abruptly vanished, several Mages had spawned magic circles and were investigating the walls and floor. But it was to no avail. Shirarase, who was supervising the investigation, turned and shook her head.
There had been a chance they’d find something, but that hadn’t panned out. Though they’d been aware this was a possibility, Shirarase sighed and said, “I’m sorry. Privacy regulations have prevented us from implementing a system to track beta testers’ actions and locations at any given moment. We’re unable to determine where your son is now.”
“I see… I understand. Sorry for the trouble. Please thank everyone for me.”
The Mages left, bowing their heads apologetically. Mamako bowed back, then let out a long sigh. She stood helplessly where her son had been just a few moments before.
Porta nervously moved to stand next to her. She wasn’t sure what to say but looked up at Mamako, clearly feeling as though she had to at least try to cheer her up…and her earnest desire was so clear that Mamako swept her up into her arms.
“Don’t worry! Ma-kun will be fine.”
“Yes! I’m sure he will! He’s a hero, after all!”
“Yes, he is. Unlike me, his regular attack hits only one target one time, but I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
“I—I guess he did seem like a normal person, but…but he’s Masato!”
“Yes. He’s my son. He’ll be just fine,” Mamako said resolutely. Her expression conveyed less certainty. “But… I don’t know how to explain this, but I just have this feeling that something bad might happen…”
“Something bad…? You mean…Masato might be attacked by monsters?!”
“Hmm… Maybe not quite like that. It’s more like…something that would be bad for me.”
“For you, Mama?”
“I wonder what it could be… Something bad for me… Oh, I know!” A light bulb went off. “If Ma-kun forgets about me and gets close to someone else, that would definitely be bad for me, wouldn’t it?”
“Um… I-it would?”
“Ma-kun’s supposed to be having an adventure to get closer to me. If he gets close to someone else and then forgets about his mom and goes off on an adventure with them, I’d be very sad. I would just cry!”
“Um… W-well, I think you crying is a bad thing…”
“I can’t just wait here! I have to find Ma-kun right this instant!”
But how? How could she find Masato?
Shirarase had been thinking this whole time, and now she suggested, “It’s a long shot, but there is one thing we could try.”
“Really?! Please tell me… No, inforform me!”
“I’d be glad to!” Zing!
Shirarase snapped her fingers, eyes agleam. She lived to inforform.
“Listen close, Mamako. Bonds between parent and child are everything in this game. First, trust those. Trust the bonds between Masato and yourself.”
“I do!”
“Next, Porta. Hand Terra di Madre, the Holy Sword of Earth, to Mamako.”
“R-right! Here you are!”
Porta opened her shoulder bag and drew out the crimson sword Mamako had given her from the party inventory.
“Now, Mamako. Hold up the sword and call out to the earth. To the great Mother Earth. As a mother herself, she might know how you feel and answer your call.”
“She will?!”
“Yes… Maybe!”
“Okay! I’ll even believe a ‘maybe’!”
Mamako held the sword aloft and prayed.
“Mother Earth… If you are a mother, too, then you know how I feel. I don’t want to get in the way of my son making friends… That’s important, too. I just want to make sure he knows how important it is to be close to his mom. If you know how that feels, tell me where Ma-kun is!”
With that thought in mind, Mamako swung the sword.
Outside the window, far off in the distance, outside the town walls…the ground exploded. There was a sudden upheaval of land stretching high into the air. The tip of it soon crumbled away.
On either side of the detonation, a pair of specks went tumbling down the slope. They’d been forcibly separated.
“Oh?! That’s Masato! The one doing the really elaborate midair acrobatics is definitely Masato! My eyes have the Appraise skill, so I can tell!”
“Oh-ho! It actually worked. Even I am quite surprised. I just made that up.”
“My, he was all the way over there? …Hee-hee. I feel like I just scored a great victory. I wonder why…”
Mamako vanquished her foe (?)!
Now that she knew where her missing son was, she had also acquired A Mother’s Fangs, the ability to ruthlessly interrupt any developing situation.
“If you need anything, just ask! Excuse me!”
The guard saluted and ran off, his armor jangling.
Mamako bowed her head at his retreating back and then turned to the new girl.
“You must be…the Sage. Wise, right?”
“Yes, Mother. I am a Sage, and my name is Wise.”
Wise was on one knee, her head bowed low.
“Bound by a prophecy granted unto me by the king of the spirits that roam this world, I am duty bound to accompany the great hero on his journey. Please allow me the great honor of joining your party—nay, of becoming your daughter. I wish only to serve at your side.”
“My, how polite! But, Wise…”
“What is it, Mother?”
“You needn’t force yourself to be so well spoken. I already heard you snarl, ‘What is your problem?’ I’d much rather you just talk normally.”
“N-no, that was a simple misunderstanding, Mother. Since I’m a Sage, people around me tend to assume I am hardheaded and inflexible, and to avoid that, I have been known to adopt a rougher manner of speaking.”
“You have? My gosh, Sages have it tough.”
“Indeed, it is as you say. All things considered, Mother, would you take this well-mannered, well-bred, brilliant, and beautiful Sage as your new daughter?”
“Mm… Part of me would like to, but I’m afraid it might be rather difficult…”
“Wh-what part of it would?”
“I mean, Wise…you’ve been arrested.”
Wise was standing on the other side of a set of iron bars.
“So I have! Ah-ha-ha…haaaaaaaa… Waaaaah!”
Wise started sobbing. In her cell.
They were in the prison beneath Catharn. Weeping in her cell, Wise was the picture of remorse.
Several seconds passed. Then she grabbed the bars, shaking them furiously, screaming at Masato, “It doesn’t make sense! You agree, right? Why was I arrested?!”
“Uh, well, apparently, you attempted a PK against me…”
“Hunh?! When?!”
A PK was the murder of another player. Attempted, in this case. In other words, Wise had tried to kill Masato.
“Right, Ms. Shirarase?”
“Indeed. Our data shows Wise’s assault reduced Masato’s HP to critical levels. Masato is still level one and had no armor equipped, so even a Mage’s physical attack can easily deliver him to death’s door.”
“Apparently. You remember? With the book?”
“Thaaaat?! B-but wait—we took each other’s hands! You welcomed me into your party! It was, like, nice! Can’t we just, I dunno, strike a plea bargain or something and get me out of here? You don’t mind, do you?!”
“Mm… Sure, I’d love to do that, but…”
An unfortunate accident (caused by Mom) had interrupted them before they shook on the deal, but Masato and Wise had undoubtedly intended to party up. Neither of them saw the other as an enemy. He had no problems doing as she asked.
But an objection had been raised. Mom wanted to talk.
“Wise, honey, do you mind?”
“What?! Oh, I mean…wh-wh-what is it, Mother Mamako?”
“Ma-kun filled me in on your little plan, Wise. And I just think…instead of these crazy schemes, you really should just patch things up with your own mother.”
“Out of the question!”
“Oh, don’t say that. Why don’t you at least consider the idea?”
“I said no! Impossible! There’s no way I could ever patch things up with that awful woman! I’d rather destroy the world than make up with her!”
“Yo, hang on. Isn’t I’d rather die a more typical expression here?”
“Hunh? Why should I have to die? That would just mean Mom won! To hell with that! I’m gonna outlive her! I’m gonna make this plan work no matter what it takes! Heh-heh-heh… Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
She went full villain by the end of that speech.
“Well, wanting to live is certainly praiseworthy. Deciding to throw your life away just because a few bad things happened is such a shame.”
“I know! Not an issue you’ll have with me. I have the power of conviction! I can stand up to my mom! That’s why… Look, I’m gonna drop the whole pretense thing and just give it to you straight. I wanna be your daughter. Please! Let me!”
Wise slapped her hands together and bowed her head. Japanese Sages sure used very Japanese body language.
Mamako, the newly appointed God/Buddha, did not accept this prayer.
“No. I can’t make you my daughter, Wise.”
“Can’t we just…?”
“But I’d be happy to have you join our party and adventure with us.”
“Huh? Wha…what do you mean?”
“What do I mean? …Ma-kun, do you know?”
“Well, I can imagine. You’re planning on taking her with us for now, running into her mom somewhere along the way, and then being a giant busybody and trying to help them make up, right?”
“Exactly right! Like mother, like son! We think alike!”
“W-wait, what? That’s not what I want! If that’s what you’re plotting, then I’m out! I won’t join your party!”
“Oh? What a shame. I guess this is good-bye, then!”
“Enjoy your attempted-PK activity-restriction penalty.”
“Incidentally, for test purposes, the penalties are based upon real-world laws, so you’ll be in custody for the next fifteen years.”
“Whaaaaaaaaaat?! That’s way too looooooooong!!”
According to Japanese law, the penalty for inflicting bodily injury was a maximum of fifteen years in prison or a maximum fine of 500,000 yen.
If she wished to avoid this penalty, Wise had only one choice.
“Argh… Then I’ll just have to accept your awful plan…”
“I’m just being helpful—that’s all,” Mamako said, an unmistakably maternal smile on her young-looking face. “I’m not going to order you around or force you to make amends with her. Do we have a deal?”
“Nnnghhhh… But…it just won’t…”
Wise was still hesitating, though. She needed a little push. Just one more. So…
“Look, Wise,” Masato said.
“What!”
“Your crazy magic will really help us out. If you think of it that way…”
“Ohhh, so you’re begging me to help you now? Ha-ha! Well, if you put it that way, I can hardly turn you down! All right! I’ll join your party!”
“Geez, you’re easy… But I’m glad this worked out.”
He’d just dropped a little bait, and she’d pounced.
Sage Wise joined the party.
With Wise among their number, Masato’s party left the prison. They walked through the town, bathed in the orange light of the sunset.
“Aaargh… This is not what I had in mind… How did this even happen?”
“You make a lot of plans, but you suck at pulling them off. You’re an awful Sage.”
“Oh, you shut up! Not like you’re much of a hero—you can’t even decide things for yourself! And your mom’s got more firepower than you, too! And she’s the one who decided I could join the party, after all! You didn’t even lift a finger!”
“Urgh… D-don’t poke me where it hurts… That’s been bothering me this whole time! …I agree… That was my moment to assert myself, and I totally didn’t.” Sniffle.
“Don’t worry, Ma-kun. I knew just how you felt, and I went ahead and spoke for you. Our minds are like one!”
As they walked and chatted, Shirarase suddenly stopped in her tracks.
“Mm? What’s up?”
“I do apologize, but I must leave you now. I have to file a report on the progress of the Oosuki family and on Porta and Wise as well.”
“Oh my! Work, this late? Such a demanding job.”
“It sure is. But that’s what it takes to support my household. Well, then… Oh, first. Wise…and Porta, you too. Listen up. There’s something I need to say to you both.”
“What? I don’t need any more lectures.” Wise scowled.
“Y-yes? What is it?” Porta asked, standing adorably to attention.
The two were polar opposites.
“I’m sure you know without me telling you again,” Shirarase said, “but being selected as a beta tester and being in this world is a privilege. Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I get it already!”
“Especially you, Wise. Pay close attention to how Masato and Mamako act and use what you learn to repair your own relationship. Understood?”
“That’s exactly what I don’t want! I’ll never get along with that stupid…”
“Did you say something?”
“No, ma’am. I’ll do my very best!”
“Honestly…I don’t think you understand at all, but I have no intention of racking up any more overtime fussing over a single high school girl. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
With no attempt to hide her true feelings, Shirarase left them. They watched her go, bemused.
“Honesty isn’t always a good thing…”
“She’s definitely something else—I’ll say that much.”
Now, then.
“So… What do we do now?”
“It’s evening, so I really should start making dinner.”
“Hmm… Where?”
“Where? I mean, our kitchen…”
“But we’re inside a game. On an adventure. We don’t have a kitchen.”
“Oh, right! I totally forgot about the adventure thing. Hmm…”
Mamako hastily checked the guidebook, and a light bulb went off.
“Let’s stay at an inn! I haven’t had a sleepover in ages! I’m all excited now!”
“Not sure about that word choice, but sure, let’s find a place.”
“I wonder what the inns are like here… I suppose I could be a little lazy about dinner, but I definitely want to make a proper breakfast.”
“Can’t we just eat what the inn serves for both meals? Way easier.”
“No. I simply must put my foot down. We may be in a game, but it’s a mother’s job to make meals. You deserve three home-cooked meals a day, Ma-kun.”
Cooking them herself meant she could control the nutritional balance—the real test of any housewife’s mettle. Mamako appeared to be sticking to her guns on this one.
“So we’ll have to find someplace that’ll let us use their kitchen…”
“That’s a big favor to ask… But leave it to me! I’m a hero, so it’s time to show my leadership skills and guide the party to the best inn…!”
“Um, pardon me, Mama, but I know an inn like that! I’ve been in this town awhile now, so I know my way around. There’s an inn that serves a great dinner and lets you use the kitchen for breakfast!”
“That would be such a help! Thank you, Porta. I knew we could rely on you!”
“But that means the great hero is useless again! Pffft, hilarious!”
“Argh! I won’t let it get to me! Next time! Next time, I’ll take charge!”
Masato stared up at the night sky, swearing to shine like the evening star, brighter than anyone! But he was also trying really hard not to cry.
“Oh, but…the inn I was thinking of only has rooms for two. How would we split them up?”
Right. Who would share a room? Who would spend a night together?
Since they had one male and three females in the party, this problem stopped them in their tracks.
“It seems obvious to me. Ma-kun, you’ll stay with Mommy, won’t you?”
“Oh-ho, you’re actively trying to kill me, aren’t you? When hell freezes over.”
“Then I’ll stay in Mamako’s room! I’ll play the role of the perfect daughter to the hilt and win her over to my side! I won’t even hesitate to cast a charm spell on her! Kee-kee-kee-kee!”
“That laugh makes you sound like a minidemon.”
“I certainly don’t mind sharing a room with you, Wise. But that would mean…”
If Mamako and Wise were in one room, that would mean Masato and Porta in the other.
“That’s a bit of a concern… Ma-kun seems quite fond of Porta… And Porta, well…”
“I want to be useful to Masato! Ask me for anything! I’ll do whatever you want!”
“…She’s like this, which could lead to all sorts of accidents.”
“Oh, please, Mother dear. Your son is a perfect gentleman.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Ma-kun. I mean, I know you just don’t have it in you to assault a cute girl sleeping defenselessly right next to you.”
“You…don’t have to tell me that…”
“But accidents do happen, so I’ll tell you what.” Mamako walked over to Porta and gave her a big hug. “You’ll share a room with me, Porta. We can even sleep in the same bed! Okay?”
“O-okay! I’d like that! Eh-heh-heh!”
So if Mamako and Porta were in the same room…
“That means…”
“That means…”
Masato and Wise stood gaping at each other. We have to share a room?!
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