Chapter 4 Not Once Have I Ever Thought, Thank God My Mom’s So Understanding.
As he looked up at the cloudless sky, a gentle breeze brushed against Masato’s back, encouraging him to press on.
This was a perfect day to set out in search of adventure.
“All right, everybody! Onward! Everyone, follow me!”
“Yes! I’m right behind you!”
With these bright voices, the party left Catharn behind.
They proceeded merrily across the grassland… At least, two of them did.
“Oh, I just had an idea! Why don’t we break up the journey with a race?”
“Okay! I’m in!”
“Great! First one to that forest gets a special prize!”
“Wow! I want a special prize!”
The high school Sage in a crimson jacket and the little Traveling Merchant with a large shoulder bag ran off, laughing happily. Skipping and humming, squealing with joy. Thrilling in the moment.
What are they doing?
“Sigh… Hey, Wise? And Porta? What’s gotten into you? You’re both acting a little weird.”
“U-um… Uh…”
“Hmm? Well…”
Wise performed a graceful spin, grinning wide.
A moment later, she had a fistful of Masato’s shirt and had fixed him with a glare so fierce she might have been trying to gouge out chunks of him with it. That’s one heck of a glare! Crap, she’s scary!
“U-um…Wise…?”
“Really, Masato? You don’t know why we’re acting like this? You really have no idea? Whose fault do you think this is? Who’s the one wrecking the party’s mood? Why do you think we’re trying so hard to fix that? Do you really not know?”
“Erk… S-sorry…”
“I’m not asking for an apology! I’d rather you step up and do something! Do you even have it in you? Do you?!”
“Y-yes, ma-am! I am well aware that it’s my responsibility to resolve the situation! Please have mercy!”
“Then hurry up and do it!”
She shoved him in the chest so hard he staggered back five paces, right next to Mamako.
“Oh, what’s wrong, Ma-kun?”
“Huh? Oh, um…”
Mamako was wearing light armor over her nice dress, and she spoke in her normal voice, addressing Masato in the same tone she always did.
But he caught a hint of hesitation in her expression. She looked as overwhelmingly young as ever, but a cloud was hanging over her smile; something was clearly bothering her. And he knew full well what.
He had to brush away that cloud and get her usual sunny smile back. That was Masato’s current mission.
“Um, s-so, about my equipment…,” he began.
But Mamako suddenly looked frightened and turned away. “I’m s-sorry! I’m really sorry! I can’t apologize enough!”
“You don’t need to! I’m over it! Look, Porta did an amazing job reworking it! It looks great, doesn’t it?”
Masato had equipped what was basically an armored jacket. Porta had combined the ruined jacket with the shoulders and gauntlets from the set of armor, converting it to a set of light armor, a product of Porta’s Item Creation skill.
As a result of the merger, the null status effects had dropped down to only a resist, and the auto-heal and breath resistance were also less effective. That was a bit unfortunate.
But the useful effects were all on the same piece of gear, the design wasn’t bad, and he was thrilled to have something handmade by Porta.
So you don’t need to worry about it anymore.
There’d been some strange twists along the way, but all’s well that ends well. Masato was glad things had turned out the way they had. He was trying hard to push that perspective to the forefront.
“I’m just really sorry. I won’t do anything without asking first. I won’t get in your way anymore, Ma-kun. So please…just don’t hate me.”
Mamako had deflated completely. She couldn’t stop apologizing. An impregnable wall of sorry. No matter what he said, it didn’t get through to her.
Masato could only back off…or he wanted to, but the second he stepped forward, Wise shoved him back, growling, “Don’t you dare run! Grrrr!” And he was right back at Mamako’s side.
“Uhhh… Well… So…”
“I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry. I won’t do anything again ever. That way you won’t ever get angry with me again.”
“That…that isn’t what… I don’t want you to do nothing…”
An idea hit him just then.
“Oh, I know! Duties! What matters is that we each play our parts!”
“Our parts?”
“In a game like this, each of us has a role to play, and the whole point of a party is that each of us plays that part well. By effectively fulfilling your duties, you earn trust, and the party as a whole grows closer together. See?”
“It’s important to play your part… Then what role should a mom play? Making food? Washing things? Oh, I know! A mom has to attend PTA meetings!”
“Take a step back from the real world. Think in game terms.”
“Oh, th-that’s right… We’re having an adventure inside a game!”
“And that means…”
What would be the best assignment for Mamako?
Masato knew just the thing.
“Come to think of it, Mom, you’ve got a guidebook, right? Is there a map of the Wandering Woods where we’re headed next?”
“A map…? Oh, yes, I think there was one. I made sure to check that out. I even folded the corner of the page so I could easily find it again!”
“Good, good. Then your first responsibility can be as our guide. These woods are called ‘wandering’ because it’s easy to get lost and wander around for hours. But if you help us navigate, we can get through it in no time, and we’ll be at the next town before you know it. This is your chance to shine! We’re all counting on you!”
“You are? Well, I’m going to do the best job I can! You can count on Mommy!”
She brightened up considerably.
“Great, that’s the spirit! Let’s enjoy this!”
The sun overhead or Mamako’s smile, motivated anew—if asked which was more blinding, Masato would probably have said the latter. Although the fact that such an embarrassing thought had even crossed his mind was definitely something he planned to keep to himself.
Why did people get lost in these woods? There were two main causes:
First, paths ran this way or that, and it was impossible to tell whether they were animal trails or human roads.
Second was the way the trees grew. Featureless, unremarkable trees sprouted uniformly across the forest, so whichever way you looked, everything looked the same, as if the forest itself was designed to get travelers lost.
With Mamako in the lead, the party stepped into the Wandering Woods.
And about thirty turns later, they were back at the entrance.
Or, rather, before they knew it, there they were again.
“Ha-ha! Well, it certainly fooled us! Any ideas, Mom?”
“I’m sure we were going the way the guidebook said… Ma-kun! Give Mommy another chance! I want to play my part!”
“I believe in you. Let’s get going!”
The party set out into the woods. Straight ahead. “If we pass through this thicket, we should turn right.” They passed through the thicket and turned right. “Next, we go left.” They turned left and followed an animal path. “Straight ahead.” They hopped over a fallen tree. “Left!” They passed between two rock pillars and…
…were back at the entrance. We’re home. Long time no see.
“So…you can’t even guide us…,” Masato grumbled.
“I-I’m sorry! I’m really sorry…,” apologized Mamako, bowing her head repeatedly.
Masato hadn’t expected his mother to take it that badly, so he hastily added, “Oh… Uh, no… You don’t need to apologize…”
He’d done it again. And here he’d sworn he was going to be more careful about this sort of thing.
Mamako had shriveled up once more, so he took the guidebook from her and looked it over himself. Based on the map, the route Mamako had taken them definitely should have been the right one.
So if they still couldn’t get through the woods…
“Do we need some sort of special item? Or do we have to trigger some sort of event? No, if we did, the guide would say… Is it a bug, then? Argh… This is useless…”
“I-I’m sorry… I’m a useless mother…”
“Not you! I wasn’t talking about you!”
But it was too late. Mamako wouldn’t look up to meet his eye.
A hand grabbed a fistful of Masato’s hair, dragging him aside.
“Ow… Wh-what?”
There was only one person who’d do something like this. He turned around and glared at Wise.
But Wise didn’t say a word. Instead, she just produced Porta and pushed her forward. Those innocent eyes stared up at him, endlessly sorrowful. And stared. And stared.
“A-all right! I’ll do something! Trust me!”
But what could he do? He was out of ideas.
Just then…
“…Um, Ma-kun? Can you come here a moment?” Mamako called out to him timidly.
She knelt down in the shade and patted her knees.
“…Sure?”
What was she up to? Confused, Masato tilted his head to one side, but Mamako pointed at the tree branches. There were two birds sitting there, tweeting away.
Oh… Okay. So that’s what’s up.
Masato knew exactly what his mother was trying to say. But…
“No, Mom, not happening.”
“R-really? I thought it might work… I guess I was wrong…”
“Hey!” Wise shouted. “Enough family telepathy! Explain so we can understand. What’s going on?”
Porta peered up at him with great curiosity, so Masato reluctantly explained.
“Look, it’s a dumb story… But when I was little, I hated getting my ears cleaned. It tickles, you know? But then Mom said…”
“I said, ‘If you get your ears cleaned on Mommy’s lap, you’ll hear what the animals are saying.’ Ma-kun got all excited and let me clean his ears! Hee-hee… That sure takes me back. Was that just last week?”
“That was ten years ago! I figured out you were lying before I hit first grade!”
“I don’t care if it was a week ago or yesterday. So what are you saying?!”
“Basically, Mom’s saying if she cleans my ears on her lap here, I’ll be able to understand what the birds are saying, and that might give us a hint to get through the forest. Doesn’t make any sense, but that’s your idea, right, Mom?”
“It is. Wouldn’t it be nice? …I mean, my body started glowing out of nowhere, right? So I thought maybe, just maybe…”
“I know you’ve developed some pretty crazy abilities, but this one seems a little too far-fetched. There’s just no way.”
“R-right… I’m sorry I said something so silly…”
“Argh… Would you please stop apologizing?”
Mamako just hung her head.
He was sure she’d been frantically racking her brain for something she could do. She was desperate to redeem herself, and her son had just rejected her efforts without a second thought. He felt a pang of guilt.
Someone slapped him on the back. He turned and saw Wise and Porta staring at him reproachfully and sorrowfully, respectively. Silently. Pushing him.
He had to do it.
“U-um… Hey, Mom. Can we, uh…?”
“Yes…?”
Masato sat down and put his head on her lap and felt the warmth of her thighs against his cheek. He closed his eyes.
“Um… Ma-kun?”
“Can’t hurt to try. So, like, just go ahead and clean my ears real quick.”
“O-oh! Okay! …Porta, can you look after my things?”
“Yes, right away!”
“And I’ll just stand right here and watch. Get a load of this teenage boy letting his mother clean his ears in front of us! Heh-heh-heh.”
“Oh, God! Please! Just go away!”
This was probably someone’s fetish but not his. He was just enduring it. Against his will.
“Now then, Ma-kun. Don’t move.”
He could hear the glee in her voice as the tip of the ear pick entered his ear canal.
The tip was hard but also gentle, peaceful. It scraped here and there, tickling him. This was what Masato had hated so much. He still wasn’t a big fan.
But if he was being honest, he rather liked the feel on the other side of his head, of the ear that wasn’t being cleaned pressed against her lap. Soft. Warm. Maybe a little too high, which strained the neck. But still very comfortable.
He let himself be honest.
“Mom’s lap…”
“That’s right, sweetie. You’re in Mom’s lap.”
“Erk…”
He hadn’t meant to say that aloud. It was pretty mortifying.
Even so, lap pillows were hardly fair. If you just needed to lie down on something, a foam pillow was way better. But there was something far more fulfilling about the lap pillow, a primal urge no other pillow could ever satisfy.
There was definitely something special about this one in particular—his mother’s lap pillow.
Something that made even the most obstinate heart yield.
I’ve got to say it now. This is my chance.
Only now did Masato feel ready to say what had been on his mind for a while.
“…Hey, Mom.”
“What is it, darling?”
“I’m sorry about everything. When I’m dealing with you, I keep saying things I don’t mean… I’m really sorry for making you feel bad.”
“Ma-kun…”
“I don’t really think you’re useless or in the way. You’re a huge help… No, that’s not right… I don’t know what I’d do without you. Even now, I mean… I can’t clean my own ears, so without you…”
“My, my. Am I your own personal ear cleaner, then? Is that my sole duty?”
“No! No, no, that’s not what I meant!”
He tried to sit up and protest, but she pushed his head back down. “Hey! Don’t move!” Then he felt her hand brushing against his hair, again and again. Soothing him.
“You know what I love more than anything, Ma-kun? When you’re being nice to me. When you’re being considerate.”
“Thanks… Also, you’re really bright…”
She was bursting with light from sheer joy. Masato closed his eyes to avoid being blinded by it.
Feeling incredibly awkward, he drifted off to sleep…
When Masato woke up from dozing on his mom’s lap, shame erupted within him with such force, he nearly died on the spot.
“D-don’t get me wrong! That’s just the effect her lap has! It’s like a special skill that puts people to sleep!”
“Yeah, yeah, go on. You had a little nap time on mommy’s lap.”
“Ack… I regret everything…”
“But I think it’s amazing that getting your ears cleaned lets you understand what the birds are saying! Now we can get through the forest!”
“Yeah, I’m amazed, too. I never thought it would actually work… Mom, you’re amazing. Your power is limitless!”
“Well, hearing you say that makes Mommy very happy! I feel so much better!” Another flash of blinding light.
Masato could now hear what the birds flying overhead were chirping: “Go up, go up, go down, go down!” “Go left, go right, go left, go right!”
If he did exactly as they said, the party should have found themselves back where they started again, but…
…when they cleared the underbrush, they weren’t back at the entrance. Or in any normal forest, for that matter. Every branch and trunk had thorns growing out of it, like a prickly torture chamber.
Standing in the center of it all was a person. It appeared to be the Mysterious Nun Shiraaase.
“Oh! Travelers! This way! Come to my side! Never fear, this is not a trap! Heh-heh-heh! Ah-ha-ha-ha!”
Yet, this Shiraaase was, for some reason, smiling like a knockoff Virgin Mary doll at some sketchy souvenir stand. She waved her arms comically, like a marionette, as if beckoning them to leap into her embrace.
She put on a performance so terrible it was kind of impressive.
“No need to wonder if this is suspicious, huh? Clearly a trap.”
“We’ve met before, yet she’s addressing us as ‘travelers.’ And she’s acting all weird. She’s gotta be broken.”
“U-um… I can see a tree root or something stabbing Ms. Shiraaase in the back… It seems like it’s invaded the rest of her body, too…”
“Goodness gracious! We must save her!” Mamako immediately tried to run to her but suddenly realized something and stopped in her tracks.
She turned and stared at Masato.
“Goodness gracious!” she said again. In the exact same tone. “We must save her!”
“Uh, sure. You’re giving me a turn at being the one to run in first, huh? But…this is such an obvious trap…”
“Then I’ll go! You take another nap on mommy’s lap! Pffft.”
“Oh? All right, Ma-kun, come on over.” Mamako sat down and patted her lap.
“You’re just on standby now?! …H-hey, Wise!”
Wise had left them in her wake. As obviously unnatural as Shiraaase was, Wise approached her and grabbed her hand. A moment later…
Chomp. They were eaten.
“…Uh… Seriously…?”
Literally eaten. The entire party was swallowed up, ground and all.
The entire area they’d found themselves in had been part of something like a giant bear trap. The second the prey touched the baited switch, the trap closed.
The ground around them lifted up and folded in half, and the thorn-covered trees began crunching together, exactly like chewing teeth.
“Heh… Just as I suspected! I knew this would happen!” Wise scoffed proudly.
“Then take care of it before setting the trap off! Geez… You ready, Mom?”
“Let’s do this! …Except there’s one problem… I can’t seem to stand up.”
“Huh?”
Had she actually been injured? Masato quickly turned to see, and…
“…Zzz…”
…Porta was sound asleep on Mamako’s lap, taking the turn Masato had rejected.
“Look, Wise! Look, look!”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it!”
Mom’s lap really did have a soporific effect.
“Hardly the time for it… But well done, Porta! If Mom can’t move—”
“Then it’ll always be our turn! Let’s not waste this chance, Masato!”
“Yeah! It’s the perfect opportunity to try out this combo effect, too!”
“I agree! Let’s go!”
Masato put his ring on the middle finger of his left hand. Wise put hers on the middle finger of her right hand. The moment they were on, the Aderire Rings adjusted their sizes to fit and flashed once, the effect activated. Their combo attack was primed.
Masato took a firm grip on Firmamento, ready to start things off.
“…What should I be attacking, exactly?”
“I was about to ask the same thing!”
The folded ground. The gnashing trees. All they could do was blindly attack everything in sight.
“Forgive me, ground! Forgive me, trees! This hero isn’t eco-friendly! …Wise, your turn!”
“Okay! Cast Cancel! Bomba Sfera! And! Fuoco Fiamma!”
Masato’s slash was followed swiftly by Wise’s incantations. Everything around them was cut in half, exploding, or on fire.
“Wait till my turn’s ready!”
“Hurry up!”
A brief rest.
“All right, let’s go!”
“Got it! Cast Cancel!”
Cut. Explode. Burn.
They lashed out at everything in sight, but while the combo effect was clearly working, they didn’t seem to be accomplishing anything else.
The giant earth mouth was still chewing away, and it looked as if they would soon be crushed to death.
“Uh, this is bad! We’re really gonna get eaten!”
“I know! But what are we supposed to do? Attacking everything is getting us nowhere! Like, the only thing we haven’t attacked yet is…Ms. Shiraaase…”
“R-right… She does seem like the obvious weak point… But…”
An unfortunate accident was one thing, but facing her head-on and attacking was… Well…
“Huh? Where is she?”
They turned to look, but there was no sign of her. Where could she be?
“…Zzz…”
There. Shiraaase was right next to Mamako. Sound asleep on the side of her lap Porta wasn’t using.
““Wow.””
The parasitic root monster inserted into her back appeared to be asleep, too.
“Is this actually…one of Mom’s new skills?!”
Mamako had acquired the skill A Mother’s Lap, which allowed her to put a maximum of two people, enemy or ally, to sleep at the cost of falling asleep herself.
“She even put a boss-level monster to sleep… Mom’s lap is a force to be reckoned with.”
“This is our chance! The root sticking out of Ms. Shiraaase is definitely the weak point! While it’s asleep and helpless, we can gang up on it and cut, burn, and destroy it!”
“Don’t say it like that… You make it sound like we’re gonna do something really terrible to it…”
“S-sorry…”
But that was precisely what they did. (*Note: It’s a monster.) Masato slashed the hell out of the sleeping, unmoving opponent. (*Note: It’s a monster.) Wise then chain cast until the defenseless enemy was charred black. Both expressed concerns about their actions but didn’t diminish their onslaught one iota.
“Masato! Finish it!”
“Leave it to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Firmamento, the Holy Sword of the Heavens, sliced deep into the root at Shiraaase’s back, and the battle was done. The Devil Root was defeated!
The Devil Root had run deep and wide, and now it all crumbled away. The ground returned to normal, and Shiraaase’s body was free.
“She seems sort of…burnt?”
(*Note: She died the moment the parasite got her. It’s not my fault.)
No penalty.
In commemoration of the victory, the results screens appeared! At the same time, a series of level-up screens began popping up.
“Awesome! My level shot up, and I got a ton of SP! I bet I can learn a good skill now… Whew… That was…a really uncomfortable fight, but we persevered and emerged victorious! This is our win! This proves our strength!”
“You’re right. Mamako definitely set the stage, but it was our power… By the way, Masato, you were only executing one attack to my two, so technically, two-thirds of this victory is mine.”
“N-no need to split hairs… Just when I was enjoying myself…”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. Anyway… Shall we?”
Wise held out her fist. They’d been interrupted several times now, so damn straight he was going for it. To celebrate their victory, they bumped fists.
Meanwhile…
As they cheered and shouted, someone was watching their revelries.
“…Perhaps this is a mother’s role,” Mamako murmured before closing her eyes yet again.
“Spara la magia per mirare… Alzare! And! Rianimato!”
Wise’s chain casting: an awakening spell to rouse Mamako and Porta and a revival spell to bring Shiraaase back from the dead. The stoic nun sat up immediately.
“Why, hello. We meet again. I am Shiraaase the Mysterious Nun. Shiraaase will not be infooorming you exactly how I am mysterious.”
She was back to being her normal baffling self. Far better than the creepily friendly version. Masato breathed a sigh of relief.
This meant…
““Ms. Shiraaase! Fork ’em over!””
Masato and Wise both held out their hands with big, expectant grins on their faces.
“…Fork what over? What are these hands for?”
“Obviously, the reward! There is one, right? The quest reward?”
“I mean, we beat the boss. You said there’d be a reward, right?”
“I see… Then I must infooorm you of some sad news. The Devil Root is merely the forest-area boss and not the completion condition for the quest I requested you undertake. You haven’t even started that quest yet!”
““What? …Seriously?””
“Seriously. However…it does seem to have appeared outside of the area it was supposed to…and the design for the forest itself seems to have changed…and my own condition a moment ago seems like account hacking… There’s a strong possibility a certain someone was involved.”
“Um… Ms. Shiraaase?”
“What are you muttering about? I can’t make out a word!”
“Do excuse me. I was just talking to myself. Now, then…” Shiraaase put her hands together in prayer. “Let us be grateful for our blessed reunion. I will now formally give you your quest.”
“So what is this quest?”
“Using your unparalleled parent-child bonds and the power derived from them, I wish you to resolve the events unfolding in Maman Village.”
Cool.
“So, uh… No details at all, then?”
“Inquire about those once you reach the village. Gathering information is part of the quest structure.”
“It’d be so much quicker if you just told us. Quit beating around the bush!”
“There’s a certain beauty in anything this formulaic. Now, let’s get moving! I’ll accompany you as far as Maman Village.”
“Oh? You’ll be joining our party, Ms. Shiraaase? I’m touched!”
“I think it’s great that we’re getting another member! I’m touched, too!”
“Um, honestly, I’m not thrilled with the idea…”
“I’m fine either way. If she’s in, she’s in.”
Mysterious Nun Shiraaase joined the party.
Shiraaase sidled up to Wise.
“I just said I’m not thrilled about this! Why are you standing right next to me?!”
“Oh, just messing with you. Heh-heh-heh.”
The others watched over them warmly, knowing full well that was the sort of person Shiraaase was.
“Let’s head out, shall we? …By the way, Mamako. How are you enjoying this lifestyle? If anything is vexing you—anything at all—we’ll handle it immediately.”
“Hmm… Let me see… I mean, I’d love it if Ma-kun would let me dote on him a little more… We hardly ever get to cuddle these days!”
“In that case, how about enjoying mixed bathing in the Maman Village hot springs? The family that bathes together stays together. I’m sure Masato won’t be able to hold out for long… He’ll be all over you before you know it! You’ll wind up dangerously close!”
“Oh my goodness! That might be a problem!” No, no. Too much!
“That’s not what she’s saying! She means something illegal!”
“There’s also the option of dosing him with select pharmaceuticals. The antidrug ordinances in the real world don’t apply here, so you can use any you please.”
“Is it okay if there aren’t any antidrug laws in this world?”
“It’s not okay, but if the laws did apply, the restrictions on item usage and sales would be severe, so we had no choice in the matter.”
“Ohhh… Guess I never thought of it that way. Even the recovery items we use all the time are technically drugs.”
The conversation veered away from the more dangerous implications of this world’s drugs, and the party headed out of the forest.
As they left the trees behind, they could see the village laid out ahead of them: a few scattered houses between vast fields, narrow farm roads with cattle ambling along them, pleasant sunshine, a pleasant breeze, the pleasant voices of the children playing in the fields of grain. This was Maman Village.
“I’ll take my leave here. I will never forget the number of paces I walked with all of you.”
Shiraaase left the party.
“What? You’re bowing out already? You’ve only been in the party for, like, thirty steps!”
“Twenty-eight, to be strictly accurate. I only promised to accompany you as far as Maman Village. Keeping promises to the letter is the Shiraaase code of honor.”
“Ms. Shiraaase, won’t you stay a little longer? I’d so love to talk with you a bit more.”
“I am flattered you would say so, but I’m afraid business calls. Please forgive me. And with that… Oh, but first…”
Shiraaase leaned in and whispered in Wise’s ear.
“Your mother is nearby, so I think this would be a good opportunity to talk to her. I could take you to her, if you’d like?”
A suggestion uttered in confidence. Masato just happened to overhear it but pretended he hadn’t.
Wise considered the suggestion for a moment but eventually turned her back on Shiraaase.
“…Just leave. I’ve got nothing to say to her.”
“You’re sure? Well, it’s your decision… Very well, everyone. I’ll take my leave here. Until we meet again, I wish you good health.”
Shiraaase bowed low and headed toward Maman Village.
Wise was staring fixedly at the horizon, which worried Masato, but…
“So, uh… What now?”
“Well, if she had business to take care of, then we’d best leave her to it. It’s a shame to lose Ms. Shiraaase so soon, but let’s head to Maman Village ourselves.”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
They would miss her, but it was time for them to enter town.
That meant, however, that they were all going in the same direction, so they were basically just following Shiraaase anyway. They were, like, two yards behind her. Having made such a show of parting, though, it seemed weird to say anything to her.
S-so awkward…
The thought crossed everyone’s mind, Shiraaase’s included. Their walk to the village passed in suffocating silence.
“I hate to interrupt, but do you have a moment?”
“Mm? Oh, you look like adventurers. Did you make it through that forest? Wow, that’s amazing! And with so many young girls!”
“Oh my, I’m hardly that young! I’m a mother with a fifteen-year-old boy! This is my son, Ma-kun. Say hi, Ma-kun.”
“Mom! Stop introducing me all the time! Like I keep telling you!”
“Whaaaaaat?! I could have sworn you were fifteen yourself! Never in all my days have I seen such a young-looking mother!”
“Why, thank you… Do you have a few minutes to chat?”
While they talked to the villagers, Shiraaase quickly put some distance between them, for which Masato was very grateful. He settled in to hear what the villagers had to say.
It seemed there was trouble brewing in Maman Village. Since everyone told them it would be best to talk to the elder about it, they headed for his house.
“Sheesh, how long are they gonna drag this out? Just tell us already!”
“I was thinking the same thing, but it is what it is. This is the formula, after all. Those villagers were well trained.”
“I wonder which is the elder’s house…?”
“I’m sure it’s that one! My eyes are never wrong!”
There was one house near the edge of the forest that was noticeably bigger than the others. Someone in town must have relayed a message, because an old man with a cane was standing outside, bowing.
The elder led the group inside. He explained that this was both his home and the town hall. Since this village didn’t have an inn, he also had rooms available for travelers.
In the mansion’s dining room, the party quenched their thirst with a purple drink that resembled shiso juice, and at last, the elder explained the situation.
“The other day, a demon arrived in town, calling herself the Queen of the Night.”
“A demon, you say…”
“She appeared out of nowhere and used her tremendous power to bend us to her will, giving us one dreadful command: ‘If you value your lives…provide me with a sacrifice.’”
“She didn’t ask for the most beautiful maiden in the village, did she? Because that would be way too cliché.”
Masato was downright furious. He felt that a true hero would be angry here. Right? Yeah. But…
“Oh, no, no, she didn’t want a girl. I mean, she is a queen.”
“Oh, right. I guess that’s more of an evil-guy thing…”
“Indeed. In fact, she insisted she didn’t want to see any maidens at all… What she demanded of us was ‘the village’s hottest host-club-type male, slim but muscular, so I can spend the whole day tracing his pecs and abs with my fingers and not get bored.’”
“Uhhh… She sounds like some particularly dim-witted cougar…”
Masato glanced at the rest of his party. Mamako was wincing, Porta didn’t seem to know what that meant…and Wise was clutching her head, groaning. It certainly was a request that would provoke a reaction like that.
The elder continued, clearly distressed.
“We’re scheduled to offer the sacrifice tonight. We’ve no more time, no means of resisting, and no one in the village matches her description… We were desperate. And just as our desperation reached its peak, you arrived. I’m not sure I know how to ask you this, but…”
“Oh, I know exactly what you have in mind. Lay it on us.”
“Very well. I’ll smile and say, ‘Please forget all our troubles and enjoy your stay here!’ Then, I’ll offer you free meals, rooms, and use of the hot springs, prolonging your stay by any means necessary before arranging for you to accidentally bump into this queen.”
“Okay, not exactly what I expected. So rather than asking for our help, you’re planning on tricking us into it with a smile… That’s fine, I guess.”
Either way, they’d already accepted the quest.
Darkness fell early in the tree-lined Maman Village. The lower the sun dropped, the longer the shadows of the trees grew, like night stealing in ahead of schedule. As nighttime approached, so did the time the demon known as the Queen of the Night was expected to appear.
But first, the party needed to wash away the fatigue of their journey and recover their energy.
“Ahhh… This feels so gooood… What a great bath… Mamamaaaan.”
Masato had a large outdoor bath made of stone all to himself.
This was the Maman Village hot springs, also known as Maman’s Warm Milk.
When he saw the sign for the hot springs located behind the elder’s home, Masato hesitated, well aware of what dangerous situations might erupt from using these facilities. But it was a real hot spring. Stripped of his pride and his clothes, submerged to his shoulders, he was the water’s prisoner.
“Soooo good… Mamamaaaaan!” he said again. “Oh man… I feel like I’m getting more beautiful by the minute…”
He scooped a handful of the milky-white water and splashed it against his cheeks. His skin felt so smooth. “Heh-heh… I’m almost scared to look in the mirror later,” Masato said, giving himself a thorough face massage.
“Wait, no—I’m not doing this!”
This was no time for spa treatments. He had something he needed to make sure of.
Masato called over the wall between the male and female baths.
“Hey, Mom! You there?”
“Yes, dear? What is it?”
Her answer came from behind him.
He spun around. He’d hoped she wouldn’t be there, but she was: hair pinned up and splashing herself with water as if she belonged there and it was only natural.
And in a similarly natural fashion, she was wearing nothing at all. The milky-white water ran from the nape of her neck down her slim waist, tracing the line of her body until it dripped off the round end of her behind.
Not that he was looking. He wasn’t!
“…Uh, Mom, what are you doing here?”
“Well, I just thought I’d join you. We’re family, after all! You don’t mind, do you?”
“Maybe if this were a family hot spring, I could understand that, but I’m afraid this is a public bath. The whole village uses it!”
“I talked to the elder, and he said it was only for us today. So it’s fine.”
“Argh, did he have to…?”
“With that in mind… Come on in, you two! Ma-kun can’t take his eyes off my body, so now’s your chance!”
“I’m not looking at you! …Wait, what? They’re coming in, too?”
“Now, now! Don’t you go turning around, Ma-kun! Keep your eyes this way! They’re both developing young ladies, so you have to respect that.”
She grabbed his chin to prevent his head from turning.
“…But no respect for your developing young son?”
While Masato’s head was held firmly in place, a pair of large breasts right in front of him, he heard a splash behind him as someone took a running jump into the bath.
“S-sorry for the delay! It comes up to my shoulders, so I’m fine!”
Porta was in the water.
That left Wise…
“A-are we seriously doing mixed bathing?! Is this some sort of sick joke?! I can’t believe this!”
“Goodness, Wise, is it wrong for parents to bathe with their children? If you can’t join us, I guess there’s no way you’d ever become my daughter. Such a shame.”
“No, wait! I didn’t say that! If that’s still on the table, I’m coming in! If I can be Mamako’s daughter, that’s really my best option… Especially after hearing that story…”
She trailed off into a grumble.
“Then come on in! And I’m sure you’re perfectly aware that it’s terrible manners to enter a hot spring in a towel. I’m a stickler for manners!”
“I know! I don’t need this stupid towel!”
She took the towel hiding what few curves she had, flung it to the ground, and stomped on it, haughtily making her way into the water… At least, that’s the impression Masato got, based just on the sounds.
“Masato! Look this way and you die!”
“Now, now, Wise. I’m not fond of children who talk like that!”
“Erk… I—I won’t do anything even if you do look, but…try not to abuse that privilege!”
“R-right…”
That amounted to permission to look a little bit.
Soaking in the hot bath were Mamako, her breasts floating on the surface; Porta, with her precious shoulder bag resting on her head; Wise, submerged up to her nose, on high alert; and, somehow or another, Masato, on his knees.
The four members became a mixed bathing party!
Masato received the personal title Mixed Bather Level 1!
“Mom… What were you thinking…?”
“Like Ms. Shiraaase said, the family that bathes together stays together. I thought that was a lovely idea. So here we all are, together. Aren’t you glad you have Mommy on your side?”
“Gah… Geez… For the love of… Aaargh…”
He couldn’t exactly complain, but neither could he express gratitude. Masato drove all thought from his mind, sinking deeper into the water. The first part proved impossible.
“Now, what should we talk about? Ma-kun, do you want to discuss this fight with the Queen of the Night? Am I right?”
“Yes, that! Exactly!”
Masato splashed some bathwater on his face, trying to get it together. This was a serious conversation about battle strategy. He could do this.
“The elder made her sound like a demon, but I’m not clear if he was being literal. I’d like more information… How strong is she? What attack patterns does she use? Was there anything in the guidebook, Mom?”
“About that… There’s a lot of monster data in that guidebook, but there aren’t any demons named the Queen of the Night.”
“If there’s nothing in the guidebook, then that means…”
Was it accidentally left out? Alternately, it could be a recently added monster. The game they were all playing was still in beta and would be receiving regular updates during the prelaunch testing process, so that was certainly possible…
Then…
“The Queen of the Night is a Mage. Offensive, support, recovery, whatever. She’s got a Cast Cancel skill, so there’s no cast time for you to try to hit her. And she’s got multi-hit absolute defense, so to do any damage to her at all, you have to hit her more than three times in a row. She’s a giant pain in the ass.”
This font of information was Wise. Mamako and Porta both looked super impressed.
Masato took it differently, though. It just made him curious.
“…You sure know a lot.”
“Yeah, of course. I mean, she’s my… Uh…”
“Your what?”
“Uh… Um… Well… Oh, y-you know… Th-the thing with that… Uh…”
Wise looked as if she were doing an impression of a suspect in police custody, glancing this way and that. Then she changed the subject. “Hey! D-don’t look at me, you perv!” she yelled, splashing some water at Masato.
But Masato wasn’t about to stop glaring because of a little water. This was the perfect opportunity to catch an eyeful of her slightly flushed collarbone and the complete lack of curves below—or rather, the perfect opportunity to press his point.
“Yo.”
“S-so… There’s no weird reason or anything! I just… It was all stuff I learned before I met you! I heard rumors about someone like her! I just heard people talking!”
“And you want us to believe that.”
“Yes! We’re friends, right? You can’t even trust your friends? You’re full of crap!”
“Whoa, too far! …All right, I’ll drop it. We’ll go with your version. For now.”
“You do that! Ugh… Whew… It’s hot. Maybe I’m overheating. Does this water feel hot to anyone else?”
Wise stood up and sat down on the edge of the bath. Her skin was definitely red. Maybe not the fault of the bath, though. She fanned herself with her hands, trying to cool down…
…and only then did Wise realize she had just put her entire body on display for Masato.
“…Wha…?”
He could feel her getting ready to explode.
Nevertheless, Masato remained surprisingly calm. He had been well aware this would happen eventually.
“H-hold on, Wise! Give me a chance to say my last words… Mom, as punishment for seeing a maiden’s skin, I’m about to die a horrible death at the hands of her embarrassed-reaction magic. Possibly several horrible deaths. But don’t worry. She’ll bring me back to life afterward.”
“That’s right. This is a game, after all! Ms. Shiraaase came back to life any number of times. So I’ll believe you’ll come back, and I’ll watch over you until you do.”
“I can go get some recovery items just in case! Don’t you worry!”
“Thanks, Porta… Very well, Wise. Do your worst.”
Masato angled himself so the forest was behind him, hoping to minimize damage to the village. However…
“H-humph! D-d-don’t get ahead of yourself! If I punished you here, a weirdo like you would just get off on it! A-a-and I’m not giving you the satisfaction!”
“Whaaaat? No punishment? Are you…okay with that?”
“Ha! Are you frustrated? Does that frustrate you? If it does, just go dig yourself a hole somewhere and shout ‘Thank you!’ into it over and over, like you should have in the first place! Heh-heh-heh… Ah-ha-ha… Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
Wise ran for it. She abandoned her retribution and just fled.
Having narrowly escaped with his life, Masato whispered, “…Thank…you…!”
Thanks for letting him off the hook. Thanks for not causing him a lot of pain. It was an appropriate response to either, but the wind carried the words away.
Meanwhile, in the forest behind the elder’s home…
In a place where neither birds nor insects dared to sing…
“It doesn’t make sense… By now, that hot springs scene should have ended with Masato being flung all the way out here… How odd.”
Shiraaase clicked her tongue. This was completely unprecedented.
A commotion like that would have been a perfect distraction, the perfect opportunity to steal someone away. But with the village remaining silent…
“Something wrong?”
“…No, never mind.”
The second voice was filled with such bliss that Shiraaase elected not to turn around.
She was better off not facing the source. The scene behind her… Well, some might find it resplendent, but to those of other persuasions, it was downright repulsive.
There were five very beautiful young men, each of them half-naked. One was on all fours, serving as the seat. One was standing upright, forming the backrest. Two stood on the sides, hands outstretched, forming the armrests. And the last was curled up like a turtle: the footrest.
Poised atop the man-chair formed by these handsome youths sat the Queen of the Night.
Tan skin, voluptuous body, and on her head, curly ram’s horns… This diabolical monarch made no attempt to adjust the evening dress that had slid to quite a scandalous angle. Thoroughly enjoying both her wine and her luxurious man-chair, she turned her bewitching gaze to Shiraaase.
“Well, what? Is there something you’re here to say?”
“No, I’ve heard enough. I believe I understand your intentions perfectly.”
“Then whatever shall we do?”
“Your actions are a significant departure from the intent of this game. We consider this a violation of the initial contract and have no choice but to forcibly terminate your service agreement.”
“Oh my. What a shame. But I’m afraid I’m just not that reasonable. I will contest this.”
“It won’t work. We’ve already prepared the means to render you powerless. In light of which…”
Shiraaase waved a hand. That was her signal.
The management team monitoring the situation responded, using their admin rights to terminate the account. The queen was forcibly logged out.
Or, rather, she should have been.
“…Huh?”
Nothing happened.
The queen leaned back in her man-throne, still right in front of Shiraaase.
“Heh-heh-heh. What’s wrong? Did you try to eliminate me system-side? That won’t work. I have special powers.”
“Special powers? How…?”
“That would be telling. Is that all you have for me? I think it’s time we wrapped this up.”
The Queen of the Night’s eyes narrowed, and she gently pointed a finger at Shiraaase.
“………………!”
This simple gesture robbed Shiraaase of her freedom. She couldn’t move a muscle.
She’s…she’s hacked me! Is this the power she mentioned?
Shiraaase had no way to fight it, and her opponent was prepared to eliminate any resistance.
Her only outcome was death, yet Shiraaase remained calm. She had a hunch.
“If I may just verify one last detail…”
“Very well.”
“Do you have no intention of repairing your relationship with your daughter?”
“None. I wish to live free. I refuse to spend another moment with that child.”
“And that’s your final answer?”
“Of course it is. Don’t make me repeat myself. That girl is a fool. And in her place… Look! I have all these sweet children. They do exactly what I say! So clever. My lovely sons. I always wanted children like these.”
“What mother treats her children like furniture?! …No, there’s no point in saying anything to you.”
“Indeed not. So you can go away now. Good-bye!”
The Queen of the Night snapped her fingers. The resulting shock wave expanded, rocketing forward…and Shiraaase was flung backward and slammed against the tree behind her.
Shiraaase took a calm look down at the branch impaled through her back. She closed her eyes.
Their plan to render the queen helpless from outside the game had failed.
But they weren’t finished yet. They still had hope inside.
When my eyes next open, I’m sure I’ll see that mother and son looking down at me…
Their power would right all that was wrong here.
With this conviction in her heart, the coffin lid closed over Shiraaase.
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