Chapter 5 True Story? A Family-and-Party Adventure Documentary
The real world, Japan. Present day. An office in the city.
Masumi Shirase, surveyor for the Cabinet Office Policy Division (Department of Policy on Cohesive Society), was staring at the paperwork on her desk, mulling it over.
“What to do…?”
The paperwork was a proposal regarding advertising for the government-run online game, MMMMMORPG (working title), currently in a closed beta, making progress toward the official launch.
Using mystery full-dive tech, it sent the players into a world of swords and sorcery—literally.
As a member of the admin staff, she’d been asked for her take on how best to spread the word.
“I think this is a job for our PR team, but if the request has come to me…then they want to get those two involved. Very well. We’ll do just that. Heh-heh-heh.”
This was extremely presumptive. She had neither consulted nor obtained permission from the mother and child she was referring to.
But that was hardly an issue.
Shirase picked up a ballpoint pen and quickly filled out the attached application.
“This game requires units composed of at least one parent and one child. We must inform people of the parental accompaniment in no uncertain terms. As my name is Shirase, and shirase means ‘inform’!”
And that required the participation of the game’s star unit.
Mamako Oosuki, the Normal Hero’s Mother—a woman of such youthful exuberance, you would never imagine she had a son in high school.
And her son, Masato Oosuki, the Normal Hero.
“With Mamako at the fore, the Hero will be undermined, and Masato out of sorts…and we’re barely explaining anything…but no matter. Merely a technicality, on a paperwork level. Heh-heh-heh.”
That was a loaded smile. She kept writing.
The heroic family’s party were included as well.
The high school Sage, Wise, outgoing and snide, able to sling spells on the rare occasions her magic wasn’t sealed.
As comforting as any pet, the party’s number one go-getter, the adorbs twelve-year-old Traveling Merchant, Porta.
And the white magic, black heart specialist, high school Cleric, Medhi—her beautiful smile concealing the sinister churn within.
All necessary; necessity, too, was a mother.
“And last but not least, my own name—as the mysterious nun who supports the party from the shadows. That should do it!”
She finished writing, read over the form, and nodded.
“We must let the world know how great this game is…and to that end, this plan must be approved. Yes, all for the success of our marketing.”
Shirase flipped to the final page of the proposal.
To the terms of the company-wide contest…
And the bonus offered to the winning marketing plan.
“No, that’s not the point! I am merely suggesting that informing everyone about the heroic family’s exploits is the best way to communicate this game’s appeal. Heh-heh-heh.”
That bonus would pay for a nice vacation with her daughter—but Shirase smiled, as if that was the farthest thing from her mind.
Inside the game, at a major starting location in the Kingdom of Catharn:
A castle of soaring white walls surrounded by buildings of wattle and daub—old, but with a real warmth. Like many medieval Mediterranean towns, it was a sight to behold.
When a gust of wind passed, colorful flowers swayed, as did the new green leaves, the dew glittering like jewels in the sun.
On this morning, an inn room in the center of the capital…
“Ma-kun, it’s morning! Wake up!”
“…Mmph…”
The voice sounded distant at first, but it was getting steadily closer.
“Ma-kun! Ma-kun! It’s morning!”
“…Oh…yeah…”
It was right by his ear now. A sweet, familiar voice. Masato shifted…
And opened his eyes. The room was already bright.
“You just won’t get up, huh? Well, Mommy’s gonna have to use a little morning magic! Mm…mwah!”
“Don’t do that! Parry!”
Just before her lips touched his cheek, Masato rolled over and fell out of bed. A narrow escape!
Across the bed was his mother, Mamako—smiling happily.
“Goodness, Ma-kun! It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“That’s not the problem here! I’ve told you over and over not to wake me up like that!”
“You have? But you used to love it when you were little…”
“That was a long time ago! I’m almost an adult now! Please, at least treat me like one!”
“Hee-hee-hee. Very well. I’ll give it some thought.”
“Why wait?! No time like the present!”
Mamako’s smile was filled with love, and a complete lack of understanding of her son’s difficult age. He had to be clear, and firm.
Masato got up, adjusting the collar of his pajamas, ready to launch into a lecture.
“Okay, cut! Cameras, stop rolling.”
“Huh?”
That was Shiraaase’s voice. Masato turned around and found the mysterious nun behind him.
Outside the window.
And next to her was a stagehand clad all in black, carrying a giant shell with a lens—like a workplace video camera.
And behind them stood another stagehand, with a microphone on a long pole—a boom mic.
“…Hmm.”
Masato wasn’t against having more typical overblown reactions like screeching or yelling, “What the hell?!”
But Shiraaase was always so unflappable, he decided to treat this latest tomfoolery in kind.
“Oh, Shiraaase. Good morning. Could you tell me how you’re outside the window like that? This is the third floor.”
“Levitation magic—is what I’d like to say, but actually we just put up a scaffolding. No further questions? Then let’s resume filming.”
“You can’t just wrap things up like that! Expla—no, infooorm me exactly what we’re filming!”
“As I am Shiraaase, infooorming is my job…but blurting out my line before I do is most vexing, so I shall not be infooorming you of anything. Hmph.”
“Argh, don’t sulk! I’m sorry!”
“Not an issue. Masato, back in bed. Sleep once more.”
Shiraaase turned her back on him, still clearly sulking.
Awkward puns based on her name were just that important to her.
“Mamako, if you could start the scene from the top?”
“Very well. Take two! Hee-hee.”
“No, wait… You know what’s going on, Mom? Fill me in!”
“S-sorry, Ma-kun. But don’t worry! Mommy isn’t trying to trick or hurt you.”
There were tears welling up in her eyes. Mamako wiped them and ran off into the hall. Back to her starting location.
“Get yourself ready, Masato. Hurry!”
“No, like, you need to tell me what I’m doing here…”
“If you insist, I can infooorm you. However, it will take the better part of an hour to convey the details.”
“That’s…a long time.”
“And once I’ve explained, we still have an hour of waking up to shoot. Then we shall relocate to the dining hall and set up there to film breakfast scenes…which means breakfast will be in two or three hours, or possibly tomorrow.”
“Okay, tomorrow is clearly an exaggeration, but yeah…if Mom’s up here, then she’s not getting breakfast ready. So…best to get this over with…”
“I leave it up to you whether you accept her wake-up kiss or not. The start of a beautiful in-game day for a mother and her child. Imagine how the child would wake up in that scenario. Positions!”
“Argh, fine, I get it. I’ll do it! I’ll let her do it.”
His grumbling stomach drove him to it. And guilt over robbing Shiraaase of the pun that defined her character. As ordered, Masato slunk back into bed.
Naturally, he dodged the wake-up kiss. Acting like a normal son would to a doting mother in the morning.
At last, it was time for breakfast.
Laid out atop a Western-style table was rice, miso soup, fried salmon, raw eggs, seaweed, pickled veggies, and of course, chopsticks.
“Camera, get coverage of these place settings. Focus on their fingers…mindful of the core purpose… Oh, a close-up of Mamako placing the soup bowls.”
“Who should I give them to? The children aren’t here yet…” said Mamako.
“We’ll film you handing it off later. First, your angle. Eyes on the camera.”
“Got it. Then…here you go. Eat up!” Smile.
“Augh, the steam hid your face! One more.”
The camera and mic operators moved nimbly around, following Shiraaase’s directions.
Meanwhile, the kids were dressed and on standby in the hall.
“Ooh! They’re really filming! What’s going on? Masato, tell us!”
“Sorry, Porta, I’m as lost as you are.”
“What? Get it together, Masato! …Geez, a surprise film shoot? God, that’s so annoying.”
“I can’t believe we weren’t at least warned in advance. I demand to speak to the person in charge.”
Porta was excitedly watching the filming, eyes sparkling. Meanwhile…
Wise and Medhi were furiously busy, makeup kits out, poring over every detail. Curling their lashes, primping their hair, practicing looks in their mirrors.
“…For all your griping, you two sure are into this.”
“Um, what? No I’m not.”
“I would never embarrass myself like that. I have standards. There are limits, of course, so…don’t strain yourself, Wise.”
“Wait, what does that…Medhi! That’s my lipstick! Who said you could use it?!”
“Wise, be quiet. We’re filming.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know! But seriously!”
Lips painted with a fresh summer shade, Medhi blew her a kiss. Turning red, Wise raised a fist…
“Very well, children! You’re on. This way!”
““Comiiing! Hi, everyone!””
The instant they got their cue from Shiraaase, both girls put on their sunniest smiles. Cute, trying way too hard. Into the dining room.
“I’d call it pandering, but…Porta, we’d better join them.”
“Okay! …Ohhh…now I’m nervous…”
Masato surreptitiously fixed Porta’s bed head as they went in.
He lined up next to Mamako, the girls across the table.
“““““Hokay!”””””
All five sat down on the chairs…on their knees. Ready to begin!
“Okay, everybody. Just act normally! Relax and eat your breakfast. Ready…action!”
“What do we always say before we eat? Hands together now!”
““““Thanks for the food!””””
Filming had begun.
And the camera was on Masato.
I’m up! Already! …Don’t stress it! Act natural!
His moment to seize the limelight! Everything riding on his performance! Masato…
…took a sip from his bowl.
“Mom, the miso soup is magnificent this morning.”
“Hee-hee. Thank you. But…Ma-kun, that’s not your soup. That’s your rice.”
“Ack…I can’t believe I actually did that…”
He was so nervous, he ended up grabbing the wrong bowl!
Shiraaase’s glare was actively painful. The girls’ giggles were like needles in his ears. Infuriating.
But a moment later, the camera was on them.
“Eaugh?! It’s coming our way! Er, uh…tastes great!”
Wise raised a fist high!
And immediately realized how disastrous that was. She turned red, head down, no longer moving.
“Wise, you haven’t even taken a bite yet. Get it together. Like me. Perfectly calm. Porta, could you pass the ketchup?”
“Er…ketchup on salmon?”
“…The soy sauce.”
Despite the painful blunder, Medhi maintained her lovely smile…and didn’t make another move. She was finished.
With three participants already down, Shiraaase sighed.
“Apocalyptic. We’ll have to fix it in editing somehow. That’s enough breakfast footage. Crew, take a break. We’ll be back for more later.”
Shiraaase gave them a surreptitious wink.
The black-clad stagehands nodded, made ninja signs with their hands, and vanished. Some very unique NPCs.
“A break from filming! Ms. Shiraaase, why don’t you join us?” Mamako asked.
“I’d be delighted to.”
Shiraaase slipped in next to Masato, making the knees-on-chair thing look elegant, and proceeded to inhale food like a passing tornado.
Masato, Wise, and Medhi exchanged glances, nonverbally agreed it would be best to pretend their blunders hadn’t happened, and resumed their meals.
“…So, Shiraaase, what is this shoot about?”
“You are all participating in the creation of a commercial for this game. I can infooorm you now that we are filming scenes of your lives here.”
“A commercial? See, you can explain this in a word. You said it would take the better part of an hour!”
“Explaining the details would take that long, but…well, you wouldn’t have the patience for that, so I’ll omit the nitty-gritty on the company contest I’m benefitting from. Pay no heed.”
“You started muttering there, but…sure, fine. Mom, you just accepted this without asking us?”
Masato shot Mamako a look, not super pleased with this.
She put her chopsticks down, bowing her head.
“I know I should have said something. I’m sorry to spring this on you.”
“Saying sorry doesn’t really fix the issue here…”
“Masato, I’m the one who asked she keep it secret. We wanted to catch you in your natural state, without pretense. Mamako simply acquiesced to that request.”
“Get it, Masato? Mamako can’t say no to a request! She’s nice. Deal with it.”
“Exactly, Masato. I know it came as a surprise, but is it actually a problem? I certainly take care never to do anything I’d be ashamed of a stranger seeing.”
“Masato! I’m not mad about it being secret! I’m fine!”
Shiraaase, Wise, Medhi, Porta—everyone pelted him with Mamako-supporting fire, scoring a direct hit on the unpleasant feelings welling up inside him, shattering them.
His friends had saved him before he could explode. He was quietly grateful.
“…Yeah, I guess. Hard for us to act normal if you explain it up front. If we know you’re filming, we get nervous…and act like a few minutes ago. We were better off not knowing.”
“Ma-kun…you forgive me?”
“I dunno if it’s about forgiveness. I mean…it was a big help, so…let’s call it good. The end!”
“Ma-kun!”
The cloud left Mamako’s face, and she beamed.
And her entire body began to glow!
“Ma-kun, thank you!” Gleeeam!
“Gah, too bright! Mom! Quit activating A Mother’s Light out of nowhere!”
“But Mommy’s just so happy! I’m so happy, I start to glow! Ma-kun, can I get a cuddle?”
“You don’t need to act out your joy! Mmph?!”
Her arms were already wrapped around his head, drawing him to her chest. “Augh!” “Hee-hee-hee! My son is so nice!” Squeezing. Head rubbed. Mom’s delight.
Squinting against the light, his party looked relieved. Family crisis averted.
“Then we’re all cool with the shoot, too. But there’s one thing bugging me…”
“Yes, the more chances people get to act, the more there is to film…so it’s transparently obvious who will command the bulk of the attention.”
“Yes! It will be all Mama!”
“Yeah. That the plan, Shiraaase?”
“No, we must not be too hasty. Party members other than Mamako may manage to grab the limelight if they try hard enough.”
“Huh? You mean that?”
“Mamako is already participating in many marketing efforts. Which means…you guessed it. It might be time to introduce a few new characters. We haven’t not considered the possibility, at least.”
“““Ooh.”””
Wise, Medhi, and Masato—now free of Mamako’s hug—all jumped on that.
“So we’ve got a solid chance. This is getting interesting.”
“Play our cards right, and we might yet snare a lead. Mwa-ha-ha.”
“At last I will be confirmed as the true heroine. Heh-heh-heh.”
“Um, I’m a little lost…but I’ll try real hard!”
“The children appear motivated. Good. I said we were on break, but actually, the camera crew are just hidden, filming you all in secret. So go ahead and make your marks.”
“Seriously? Why didn’t you tell us?!”
The battle had already begun. Target: Mamako. Party members: Rivals.
In the furious struggle for the top, a clean start would make all the difference!
“Right, then…”
“Well, since everyone’s excited, let’s have a fun adventure! Whoo!”
“Argh, Mom! I keep telling you, it’s my job to say these things! …Crew, let’s shoot that scene again! Please!”
But Mamako always beat him to it. Spirits unflagging, they set out in search of adventure!
“Ma-kun, I’m ready now! It took ages to change, sorry.”
“Change…? But this is how you always dress…”
“I was changing the parts you can’t see. A gift from Ms. Shiraaase! Shall we head out?”
They left the inn, Shiraaase in tow. Trying not to be conscious of the unseen camera crew. Heading toward the Adventurers Guild.
That was where every adventurer started their day. There, they took on quests and claimed their rewards once successfully cleared. The usual routine.
“Right, let’s make this a grand adventure! If we all work together, we can even clear a Very Hard quest. Let’s give it a shot!”
“Okay, cut. Camera, that’s not how Masato acts,” said Wise. “It’s a total put-on.”
“Appalling,” said Medhi. “What a shallow hero. I thought better of you.”
“Sure, I don’t usually talk like that. It might not fit the concept of filming our usual selves. But come on! Let’s not make this fight about undermining each other.”
“Eep! Masato, big problem!”
“Oh, what’s wrong, Porta? Problems? For the Hero to solve?! I’m on the case!”
His chance to shine! Masato hastily fixed his hair and put a hand on the hilt of his blade.
Putting his best game face on, he looked where Porta pointed, and he saw…
“My, an early bird morning sale? Goodness! Fresh food, at such low prices!”
“To ensure the children eat well, you never miss a deal. Most impressive.”
“Mom! You don’t have to do everything like always! Don’t encourage her, Shiraaase! Get back here! We’re going to the guild!”
He dragged Mamako away from the grocers before she could change their adventure into a shopping expedition. Crisis averted. That could have been a disaster.
The guild was just ahead.
“The Catharn capital guild. I’ve heard Mamako ‘showed off’ here…?”
“Medhi, let us never speak of that again.”
“I can infooorm you that after that incident, we revised the guidebook to say nobody will look down on you, so there’s no need to show off.”
There were no signs remaining of the destruction caused by a single swing of Mamako’s sword. It was a fine building, if a bit café-like.
They bowed to the receptionist and headed for the quest postings.
“Okay, let’s pick a quest. One that’ll allow the hero chosen by the heavens to do something…in other words, one that has flying monsters… Oh, here’s one!”
TAKE DOWN THE FLYING MONSTER. A basic extermination bounty.
Perfect for him! Conscious of the cameras, he dramatically pointed at the posting…
“Whoops, sudden dizzy spell!”
…and Shiraaase slipped in front of him, her hand on the board.
“Accidentally” crumpling up the quest posting he’d been pointing at.
“Yo, Shiraaase! What are you—?!”
“Concerned for my well-being? What a thoughtful hero you are. Splendid. We simply must get this on film.”
“Er, uh…right…I’m concerned for you, Shiraaase—no, wait! This scene was about me finding a good quest! Why are you getting in the way?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Shiraaase was feigning innocence.
“Ha, Masato blew it! Now’s my chance! …Ooh, this one looks great! Treasure hunting in an ancient ruin? Could be a lot of fun!”
“Argh, I’m not letting you have things your way, Wise… This quest is far better! Gathering ingredients for a beauty potion! We simply must take this on!”
Wise and Medhi were both hard-selling quests they’d found.
“Whoops, continued intermittent dizziness!”
Shiraaase’s perpendicular assault on the quest board continued, a fresh posting torn off in each hand. It would take an act of God for her to release those now.
The kids were starting to get the picture.
“…Shiraaase, what’s your goal here? Just say it.”
“Do you not want us picking?”
“Is there a problem with us getting a moment to shine?”
“I’m sure I don’t have the foggiest. I merely felt unsteady on my feet, causing a shower of concern! My actions are beyond reproach.”
“So you refuse to admit it. Fine. Medhi, shall we?” Crack, crack.
“You take the left, I’ll take the right.” Loooom.
“Wise, Medhi, we’re filming! Violence is not the answer! Forbear, forbear!”
Wise had veins popping and knuckles cracking. Medhi was letting her inner darkness gush out. Both moving grimly in Shiraaase’s direction.
Both hell-bent on seizing the limelight, no matter the risk.
This was still not enough to make Shiraaase look alarmed, but there was a bead of sweat running down her cheek.
“Oh, what’s this?”
Mamako and Porta had been poring over the board together, and one posting had caught their attention.
It read: EXPLORE THE WET ’N’ WILD WETLANDS.
“This is a field exploration quest! A very simple one, meant for beginners! Mama, what makes you interested?”
“Well, look here, at the very edge! It’s a bit small, but…”
“Where? Oh…hnggg…”
Porta used her Appraise skill to examine it carefully.
At the edge of the posting, in letters so small they were barely the size of a rice kernel, it read: MA-KUN
“Whoa! It’s got your name, Masato! Gosh, Mama! I didn’t even see that until you pointed it out!”
“Hee-hee. If it’s Ma-kun, I’ll always know, no matter how small it is. I’m his mommy! And this must mean something. I think we should take this quest. Right, Ma-kun?”
Mamako held up the posting, smiling broadly.
Masato glared at Shiraaase.
“…Shiraaase, very clever of you to take my mom’s proclivities into account. So this is all part of your scheme?”
“No idea what you could mean. But it seems Mamako has her mind made up! Why not go along with it? …Oh, coincidentally I happen to have a map of the Wet ’n’ Wild Wetlands right here.”
“Clearly not a coincidence…”
The Hero’s party had accepted a quest dubious beyond all doubt!
They took the transport circle from Catharn to the nearest inn town. From there, it was a ten-minute walk.
It was a broad marsh, covered in some sort of reed. Didn’t seem that wild.
“How lovely! The water seems quite clean. Perfect for children to play in!”
“Indeed, but this is a ‘field,’ which means monsters spawn on it, and I can infooorm you it is quite unfit for unaccompanied children. As my name is Shiraaase!”
“Oh dear! Then make sure you stay close to Mommy! Come, Ma-kun!”
“Get real.”
Masato gently ignored Mamako’s outstretched hand, walking to the front.
Leading into the swamp was a mazelike network of wooden paths.
Their footsteps made merry tonk tonk tonks.
“This is just a promenade… Porta, field exploration quests are basically ‘fill in the map,’ right?”
“Yes! The quest says to walk through the indicated areas!”
Several sections of the map in Porta’s hands were obscured, and they were revealed as the party walked through the area.
Once they hit the target percentage, the quest would be complete.
“This is like baby’s first quest, and I’m already—yawn—see? Boooring!”
“Wise, I don’t disagree, but don’t let your guard down. There are monsters and…”
Medhi gave Shiraaase a sidelong glance.
Shiraaase looked offended. She shook her head. “So suspicious! I admit, I did cajole you into taking this quest, but I can infooorm you that was merely because the shoot required it.”
“Can we ask the reason?” said Medhi.
“Simple. We’re making a commercial. And the intended message is that anyone can join in and enjoy themselves. Which is why…”
“Uh, if the quest isn’t easy, people will think the game is too hard for them?” asked Wise.
“Precisely. And that would get us nowhere.”
“So if we wind up shrieking in horror, or frustrated and raging—that would be bad for marketing, so you’d have to scrap the footage?” asked Masato.
“Naturally. We are now an information society, and net literacy is on the rise. We must be conscious of anything that could cause a backlash, and take pains to avoid it.”
Clear reasoning and firm guidelines. Definitely easing their suspicions.
“In that case, I guess we can trust you. We’ll focus on the task at hand,” said Masato. “Everyone agree?”
“Yep. Combat’s always the Mamako show. But we can’t let her hog all the glory today. Let’s make sure we all get a turn!”
“Let’s vow to work together as a party and get through this together.” Medhi smiled.
“Few things are less trustworthy than Medhi’s smile…”
“I sure don’t trust it at all.”
“Heh-heh-heh. How rude.” Grind, grind.
Medhi’s smiles always looked beautiful, but Masato and Wise knew better. Voicing this suspicion earned them each a foot stomp.
“Oh! There’s something out there! I see it moving!” Porta called.
She was pointing out the water off the wooden path.
The water was only a few feet deep, but something oblong and transparent was swimming through it.
“Oh, you’re right! What is that—eek?!”
Mamako had stepped over to the edge of the path, peering in—and the creature suddenly sprayed water all over her.
She was drenched. Her dress clung to her…and you could clearly see her underwear through it.
“Oh dear! It sprayed me with water! Mommy’s positively dripping! Ma-kun, Mommy’s all wet!”
“Stop telling me these things! And keep your distance! …Porta, towel for Mom!”
“Okay! Leave that to me!”
“You plan to dry her? Seems a shame…”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Shiraaase! Help her!”
Letting Porta and Shiraaase restore Mamako to a viewable condition, careful to keep his own gaze elsewhere…
Masato put a hand on his blade, watching the water.
“What was that thing? A monster?”
“I dunno, but probably? There’s gotta be some here.”
“Then was that splash an attack? Mamako took no damage from it…”
Wise and Medhi joined him, scanning the water for movement.
There was a splash behind them. The thing had popped up on the other side of the path.
It was bluish, see-through, and the size of a watermelon—a slime.
“It was a monster! Right, Wise, you’re up!”
“This one’s all yours, Wise! Take it away.”
“What, you’re both letting me take the lead? Nice! …Uh, wait.”
They’d each grabbed an arm, physically pushing her to the front.
The slime attacked. Its whole body quivered, and the air around it shook.
Masato was unaffected. Medhi used a spell to prevent status ailments.
Wise’s magic was sealed!
“What…the…?! Masato! Medhi! Why would you do this?!”
“Blame the slime. Not our fault! And thus, we’ve got one less competitor. Still…it is a slime.”
“Rather difficult to show off with. It seems…incredibly lacking.”
Neither Masato nor Medhi were exactly thrilled about this fight.
But the slime was super into it! It swelled itself up, menacing—
“Ma-kun, thanks for waiting. I wiped everything down, so I’m okay…eek!”
As Mamako ran up, the slime immediately sprayed her again!
Mamako was drenched again! Those clothes clinging to her, her underwear clearly visible once more! Wet and see-through!
“Oh dear! Again? Ma-kun, Mommy’s all wet!”
“I don’t need to know! Glad you tried to pitch in, but better retreat for now!”
“Hmm? Mommy’s just fine. I’m certainly wet, but I’m not at all hurt.”
“Seeing you like this will do untold damage to your son’s psyche! About-face! Quick march!”
He pushed Mamako away, back to Porta and Shiraaase, who had towels ready. Pit stop!
“Masato, if you’re done, get back here!”
“This isn’t going well!”
“What, really?”
Slime after slime was popping out of the water. Wise was kicking them, and Medhi swinging her staff, but they couldn’t keep up—the numbers kept increasing.
In the blink of an eye, the path was covered in slimes.
“This many slimes, all of them only after Mom… Yikes, this could be real bad news.”
“This is gonna be like our first dungeon trip: You and Mamako in an awkward predicament,” said Wise.
“I’ve heard the stories,” said Medhi. “If that happens again and is captured on film, broadcast to the world…”
“It’d be the end of the Oosukis! Right—Wise, Medhi! Lend me your strength! Defend my family! Defend my mother!”
“Oh-ho? You, proposing we defend Mamako? With no reluctance at all? Very well. I’ll show you what I can really do!”
“If our party’s in danger, we can’t waste time jostling for the spotlight. Time to unleash my full strength.”
“Great! Go for it.”
Masato placed himself between the slimes and Mamako, drawing the Holy Sword, Firmamento.
His mother had a hand clasped to her mouth, touched by this defense, watching her heroic son battle!
“Wise, we can’t leave your magic sealed. Spara la magia per mirare… Rilascio!”
“Thanks, Medhi! Okay—Masato, watch this! …Spara la magia per mirare… Forte Vento!”
“Nice combo! You’re actually impressing me here!”
Wise’s spell activated. A gale-force wind sent the slimes flying into the upper atmosphere.
Masato unobtrusively fixed the hair that wind had tousled.
“Let’s finish them off before they fuse and things get dire! I’m Masato, the Hero chosen by the heavens! Enemies in the air are miiiiiiiine!”
He swung his sword with all his might. The power of the heavens hidden within let out a massive shock wave.
It homed in on the enemies, arcing through the air, and cut a single slime in two!
“See? How’d you like that?!”
“Incredible single-target attack.” Clap, clap.
“You certainly showed that singular slime a lesson.” Clap, clap.
“Accurate statements, but I can sense the spite! I hate you both, too.”
A single gem (exchangeable for money) fell from the defeated slime in front of Masato. Just the one. It looked lonely.
“Well, enough generosity! Now it’s time for the Ultimate Sage, me, to shine! I’ll finish ’em all off with my magic!”
“We’ll see about that. Don’t forget, you have here a special Cleric who’s overcome the limitations of the healer role.”
Wise had her magic tome out, but Medhi jumped in front of her. “Hey!” “Pardon me.” And charged in. As the slimes fell back to earth, she began swinging her staff. A series of satisfying cracks. All home runs!
“Wow, impressive swing. You totally flattened all of those.”
“Blunt force trauma is not my only weapon! …Spara la magia per mirare… Morte!”
The pure white Cleric cast an instant death spell. The reaper’s shadow sped into the sky, snatching the lives from slime after slime.
“This is going quite well. At this rate, we don’t need Wise… Wait, who is Wise? Did we know a Wise? The memories…they’re fading away…”
“Don’t go forgetting about me! I’m right here! …Spara la magia per mirare… Fuoco Fiamma! And! Fuoco Fiamma!”
Wise’s chain-casting ability allowed two spells to activate back-to-back. Blazing infernos shot upward, roasting slimes.
When the flames died down and the sky was blue again, gems rained down. No slimes were left.
The slime swarm was defeated!
“Yes, we win! If we rank us by the power of individual blows, I win! I know it.”
“Sure, sure, Masato…we’ll go with that,” said Wise.
“Now it’s time for our cute little industrious worker,” added Medhi.
“Gathering gems is my job! Leave it to me!”
With the battle over, Porta began darting around, gathering all the gems on the planks. Like a squirrel gathering nuts. Adorable.
“Ma-kun! Wise, and Medhi, too. You all were great! It was lovely to watch.”
“And Mom didn’t jump in front but watched from behind, complimenting our efforts at the end! Yes! That’s how the Hero’s party should be. This is the truth! No lies here. Right, every…one…?”
Satisfied with this ideal battle, Masato turned around…
And saw a giant slime looming behind Mamako, the size of a small hill.
There was someone’s coffin inside it already, but no matter.
“Wha—when did that…?! Uh, bad news! I’m getting déjà vu!”
“Mamako! Behind you! Look behind you!”
“Mama! Turn around! Hurry!”
“Something behind—? Oh no, I’m not falling for that! Hee-hee!”
“It’s not a trick! Hurry up or…aughh!!”
Too late.
The giant slime spat mystery fluid, and Mamako was instantly coated in it.
It didn’t harm her skin or hair—but her clothes melted right off. The dress—gone. Bare skin everywhere.
“Noooooooooooooo?! Er, wait…a swimsuit?”
Her armor and weapons remained, and under that…bikini mom.
“Shiraaase said it was anti-slime equipment, in case of unfortunate accidents.”
“So that’s why you changed before we left the inn. All part of her plan? Geez.”
“And now it’s time for Mommy to fight!”
Mamako smiled and turned to face the giant slime.
It flinched—a note of fear. A shrill noise like an alarm sounded. Smaller slimes appeared from all across the swamp, gathering around the giant one.
Clearly trying to fuse them all and power up.
“Do slimes not have a phone tree for emergencies? I told them before, this sort of behavior is very naughty!”
In her right hand, the scorching red Holy Sword of Earth, Terra di Madre.
In her left hand, the deep blue Holy Sword of the Ocean, Altura.
She gripped their hilts tightly.
“Only bad monsters make Mommy strip! You need to be punished! Hyah!”
Mamako attacked!
One swing of Terra di Madre, and rock spikes shot out of the earth!
One swing of Altura, and countless water bullets fired!
The giant slime and all the little slimes were hit hard by the two-hit multi-target attack.
All were sliced apart! Impaled! In the blink of an eye, there were no monsters left! To celebrate the victory, a rain of gems glittered!
Mommy defeated the boss of the Wet ’n’ Wild Wetlands!
Porta was running around gathering all the gems. And the three teens, their glory snatched away…looked a bit crestfallen.
Still…
“I knew Mamako would come in at the end. But…at least I got a turn! There’s still hope!”
“I’m proud of my contributions. I’m sure I’ll be in the commercial as the true heroine.”
“We did what we could. The rest is in the hands of those above… O Heavens! I’m the Hero you chose! Help me out here!”
With hope in their hearts, faith in an idealized future, they failed to hear the quiet chuckle from the gem-buried coffin.
A few days after the filmed quest, Shiraaase sent them a letter.
An invitation to a test screening for the completed commercial.
“Medhi, is my hair all right? Anything out of place?”
“I doubt anyone will notice if it is. You’re still Wise.”
“God, so mean. ’Kay, that means I get to borrow your lipstick. Wait, this is mine!”
“Yo, girls, knock it off. It’s time to go!”
The girls were paying extra-close attention to their appearance…and had been at it for two hours, so Masato had to drag them from the inn.
The screening was in a public auditorium in Catharn. A big building, like a temple, with a line of guests outside. Villagers, adventures—well over a hundred.
“It’s open to the public? Yikes, now I’m nervous.”
“Me too! Oohhh…”
“All we’re doing is watching it together! Let’s relax and enjoy it! Whoo!”
Mamako was her usual self and led the way to the staff entrance, which opened into the lobby.
It felt like everyone here was staring at them…and just as that was getting unbearable, Shiraaase arrived.
“Thank you for taking the time to join us here. Your contributions have allowed us to create a true masterpiece. Please enjoy.”
“G-great…”
Even Shiraaase was making them nervous somehow. They took seats at the back of the theater.
Shiraaase, Masato, Mamako, Porta, Wise, and Medhi, all in a row, waiting for the moment to arrive.
“A great many people are about to see the Hero’s party in action. Can you tell us how that feels?” Shiraaase asked Masato.
“How I feel right now? Uh…”
“If people are so impressed with my magic that they form a fan club, I won’t know what to do! Mwa-ha-ha.”
“Wise, never fear. That won’t happen. However, I should prepare a box to hold all the presents they send me.”
“I…uh…will just be happy if I’m in it at all!”
“Porta, dear, you worked very hard. I’m sure there’s lots of you. Hee-hee.”
“And back to you, Hero. The party leader—Masato! Speak now.”
“For the wrap-up? Okay, leave it to me. I got this.”
He cleared his throat and thumped his chest.
“I have but one wish. That the sight of our adventures gives people hopes and dream—”
“Oops, out of time. Silence, please.”
“Argh…I should have known…”
The theater dimmed, and images appeared on-screen.
It was starting.
Our…no, my heroic endeavors!
The adventure documentary depicting the everyday lives of the Oosuki family and their party…
…began with Masato waking up.
“It’s morning! Wake up! …You just won’t get up, huh? Well, Mommy’s gonna have to use a little morning magic! Mm…mwah!”
Mamako was next to his bed, pretending to kiss him awake.
Only the top of Masato’s head was shown. End scene.
Next was breakfast.
“Here you go. Eat up!”
A close-up of Mamako holding out a bowl, smiling.
Then Porta cheerily eating. Rice stuck to her cheeks. Cute. Really cute.
Once breakfast was over, they headed for the Adventurers Guild.
“Oh, what’s that?”
A momentary glimpse of the backs of Wise’s and Medhi’s heads.
Mamako and Porta pointing at the quest posting, talking. Dramatic background music obscured what they actually said.
Now it was time for the adventure! Exploring the swamp.
“How lovely! The water seems quite clean. Perfect for children to play in!”
“Indeed, but this is a ‘field,’ which means monsters spawn on it, and I can infooorm you it is quite unfit for unaccompanied children. As my name is Shiraaase!”
“Oh dear! Then make sure you stay close to Mommy!”
A caption appeared, reading Staff provide generous assistance, and the screen showed Shiraaase looking directly into the camera, walking along the wooden planks next to Mamako.
A relaxed scene of two moms strolling along…
But then!
“Oh dear! It sprayed me with water! Mommy’s positively dripping!”
A sudden spurt of water drenched Mamako, leaving her dress translucent!
That was bad enough, but…
“Something behind—? Oh no, I’m not falling for that! Hee-hee!”
Mamako smiled, and a moment later she was covered head to toe in goo, her clothes dissolving…
Mamako in a bikini, dual-wielding, on the offensive!
“Only bad monsters make Mommy strip! You need to be punished! Hyah!”
Two-hit multi-target attacks annihilated the slimes. Yay! Mommy won.
And…
“Hee-hee! Mommy did her best!”
Mamako was jumping up and down, delighted, making everything heave.
A new caption appeared:
Do you love your mom and her two-hit multi-target attacks?
An excessively long caption, getting in the way, hiding the bouncing boobs.
There was a magnificent fanfare as the commercial reached its finale.
The screening ended to thunderous applause.
“Why’d they have to add that long caption? So frustrating!”
“I get it, but they’ve gotta make it fit for general audiences.”
“Maybe we’ll get the uncensored version on the disc release?”
“They’d better! I’d buy it!”
The audience departed, chattering excitedly.
Leaving Masato’s party.
“We were literally just extras.”
“Yes. Rather predictable, really.”
Wise and Medhi were staring dead-eyed again, devoid of expression.
“Wow! I had no idea I would be in it so much!”
“Hee-hee-hee. Isn’t that nice? Anyone who sees this video will want to have a family adventure of their own! Won’t that be lovely?”
Porta and Mamako were all smiles.
And…
“Go on, Masato. A few words in summation, if you would,” said Shiraaase.
“Right. Everyone, lend me your ears.”
Masato got to his feet, turned to his party, and took a bow.
One, two…
“That was all Moooooooooooooooooooooom!!”
His scream echoed through the theater. The place had excellent acoustics.
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