Chapter 4 The Anti-Shoplifting Squad: Mamako’s Case File ~Those Who Challenge Mothers~
With the setting sun at his back, the Hero Masato let out a long sigh.
“…Everyone braced for this?”
In response, the Sage Wise, the Cleric Medhi, and the Traveling Merchant Porta all nodded stiffly. Like Masato, the stress was crushing them.
But they had to do it.
“Ma-kun, don’t worry! Mommy’s here with you.”
Masato’s mother, Mamako, was standing next to him, smiling pleasantly.
That smile never changed, even at times like this—and it gave him courage.
“Yes. Mamako’s with us, so we’ll be fine.”
“No matter what trouble awaits, Mamako will make it turn out okay.”
“Yes! I trust Mama!”
Ahead of them lay a fight they could not avoid. One that placed their lives on the line.
But they had Mamako. It was time to rely on her power.
The party nodded, and moved out. Setting foot inside the building.
And as they did…!
“Welcome, welcome! We’ve got savings galore! Oh, adventurers, come in!”
An enthusiastic man wearing a headband made of twisted cloth came toward them.
This was a major grocery store in the Catharn capital.
It was evening. The busiest time of day. Grocery rush hour.
Even the entrance was packed. Housewives, housewives, housewives everywhere the eye could see. Even some househusbands.
Masato’s party were instantly buffeted by the crowds, unable to take a step in any direction.
“Crap, we’re already done for! I can’t! Let’s quit while we still can!”
“No giving up, Masato! This is your fault, remember?”
“If we’d finished that quest earlier, we’d have gotten this shopping done at a reasonable hour, before the rush. Remember?” Smile.
“I’m sorry I dug my heels in and kept picking away at that boss I couldn’t beat! I knew Mom could one-shot it, but I wasted a ton of time trying, and that’s totally on me!”
“Ugh, words don’t mean anything.”
“How can we trust anything you say?”
“I do actually mean this!”
He couldn’t bow his head apologetically—the crowds were so thick, he’d bump into the person in front of him. The body heat alone was enough to give you heatstroke.
Only Mamako remained aplomb.
“Ma-kun, don’t let them get you down. Mommy’s delighted you came shopping with me!” Pressss!
“Great! But we don’t need to stand this close! Let’s keep our distance here! I’m not gonna say what, but there are bits of you in relentless contact with me!”
“Sorry, but there’s so many people here, I can’t move! Hee-hee-hee.” Pressss!
“Argh…then we’ve just gotta get this shopping done! If we can at least get some of this meat that’s on sale, we’re good! One pack each!”
Head count. Masato, Mamako, Wise, Medhi. Four people, four packs…
Wait, one missing. “…Whoaaaa…?!” Through the crowd, he could just make out a pair of hands desperately flailing. “Yikes!” “Porta?!” Wise and Medhi managed to grab hold and yank her free before she was lost in the madding crowd.
Emphasis on mad.
“I suppose moving as a group is a tall order…,” said Mamako.
“Then we’ll take refuge nearby. Cool?”
“Agreed. The per-person limit on meat requires us to line up at the register.”
“I agree! But…we’re putting this all on you, Mama…”
“That won’t be a problem. I handle crowds like this all the time! Leave it to me.”
“You do? Moms are way too buff. But okay! Take it away.”
Masato looked around, but it was his nose that found them refuge.
A stand offering samples. Placed to avoid the flow of traffic, it even had little tables set up. They were frying something on a hot plate—from the smell, meat.
It smelled great, but the crowd was focused on shopping, so the tables were empty.
“Strategic retreat! Wise, Medhi, Porta! After me!”
“““Yes, sir!”””
Like soldiers into battle! “Sorry, sorry, coming through.” Or whatever the opposite of battle is. They pushed through the crowd and reached their destination!
The middle-aged woman running the sample counter gave them all a smile.
“Welcome! Try one?”
“Oh, yes, please.”
They each took a bite-size piece of bacon. It was good! But hardly enough to satisfy a predinner empty belly. It just made them hungrier.
But at least they were safe. Here, they could stand without touching anyone! As one, they breathed a sigh of relief.
The sample lady chuckled warmly.
“All out shopping together?” she asked.
“That was the idea, but we decided to foist it all on my mom. No way we’re up to shopping in this madness.”
“If you’re not used to shopping at this hour, it can certainly be trying. Where’s your mother now?”
“Over there.”
Masato pointed toward the meat section.
“I need ground beef, and boneless ribs… I do beg your pardon. Oh my! The slabs are rather cheap, too. Excuse me!”
The instant she locked on a target, her hand shot through the jostling crowd and secured it. Mamako’s shopping was too fast for the eye to see!
As if the crowds didn’t even exist, she headed off to the fresh fish counter.
“Golly…the way she handles herself…she’s a match for me in my prime.”
“Er?”
“Heh-heh-heh, don’t mind me. Didn’t realize your mother was the Mamako Oosuki. Her shopping technique is magnificent.”
“I dunno if it’s all that…”
“It totally is,” Wise insisted. “C’mon, Masato, you should be proud to be her son.”
“I know, you’re just frustrated that she’s soooo much more famous than you’ll ever be.”
“Uh, Medhi? You don’t need to spell that out for me.”
“Grocery stores are where Mama’s at her best! Nobody can match her here!”
“Yeah, I get that… This really is her element. It’s like this place was made for her…”
Masato figured it was okay to sing his mother’s praises sometimes.
“Hmph, don’t make me laugh… This is my domain.”
This sudden declaration came from a young man, maybe twenty years old, his mouth hidden beneath a scarf.
He swept past Masato’s party, slipping through the torrential flow of the crowd, headed upstream without bumping a soul, and was out the front doors.
“Gee-whiz. Who was that?!”
“He dodged the crowd like Mama does! Gosh!”
“He’s definitely not your average mover… Did you hear what he said?” Medhi asked.
“Uh…‘This is my domain,’ I think…?”
It had sounded like a response to their discussion of Mamako’s performance…
Just then:
“Everyone, please! Urgent business, sorry! Coming through! Mind letting me pass? Excuse me!”
A mustachioed guy in an apron came pushing through the crowd, creating quite an uproar.
“Oh, you there! Did you see a man in a scarf?” he asked Masato’s party.
“He whooshed past a minute ago, yeah. Already out the front doors,” Masato replied.
“What? Argh, he got away again?!”
The man fell to his knees, despondent.
“Are you okay there? What happened…?”
“Keep your voice down… That man’s a regular shoplifter!”
He showed them a card. It read: I’VE PURLOINED A PACK OF PORK BELLY. —THE MAN IN THE SCARF
“He’s been targeting our store awhile now… I was hoping to catch him red-handed today! What a shame!”
“Er, calm down. You’re the one raising your voice here! Everyone’s looking. And listening.”
“What choice do we have?! We’ll have to hire guards! Put in a request with the Adventurers Guild… Oh, aren’t you adventurers?”
“Er…uh, well, yeah, we are…,” said Wise.
“We’re affordable, too.” Medhi smiled.
“That makes it quick! Then… Oh, were you in the middle of shopping? Once you finish that up, can you meet up in back? I’ll get the contract ready!”
Medhi’s smile—beautiful but devious—had snared another victim.
The mustachioed man looked delighted, and he pushed his way through the crowd toward the back office.
“Medhi…”
“What? We’re helping out. It’s our heroic duty.”
“Yeah, but first we gotta negotiate our fee,” said Wise. “You sure have a lotta nerve… But not like I’m against it, either…”
“Shoplifting is bad! I don’t like it!”
“Yup. Right, let’s meet up with Mom, pay for our groceries, and hit up the back room. But first…”
Masato turned to the sample counter, hoping another bite of bacon would silence his belly.
“…Huh?”
But the entire stand was gone, along with the woman minding it.
Only the smell of frying bacon lingered in the air.
“Um, what? Where’d the sample counter go?” said Wise.
“You’re right,” said Medhi. “That lady’s gone, too…”
“Maybe her shift ended while we were talking to the mustachioed man?” suggested Porta.
“But you’d think we’d have noticed her packing up. Did you hear anything at all?”
She’d been an arm’s length away yet had packed up the entire stand without a sound and then beaten a hasty retreat through crowded aisles?
That seemed blatantly impossible.
“This is way too weird.”
“Yes, so strange.”
“Right…wait, augh! Mom?! Where’d you come from?!”
Mamako was standing right next to him, holding a basket piled high with groceries. She definitely hadn’t been there a second before.
“You’re just as bad, Mom…”
“Does this mean that sample lady is, like, on Mamako’s level?”
“If she’d raised her shopping skill to the extreme and added some unique movement ability on top of it…well, then it might start to make sense.”
“Moving like Mama does is incredible! I respect her!”
“Adding in the mom factor, huh…? Yeah, I can see it.”
The party all nodded, accepting this as gospel.
Their shopping complete, they were true to their word and repaired to the back room.
They were led through a basic office space with functional partitions and were met by the mustachioed man.
“Hi, pardon us. We spoke earlier…”
“Yes, there you are! I was waiting… Hmm? …Is that Mamako Oosuki?! Huh? Why are you here?!”
“My son, Ma-kun, said he’d been asked to help with security. So I thought if possible, I’d like to help, too!”
“My! Mamako, helping us out? What an honor! Our victory is assured! Splendid!”
He seemed pleased.
“Masato, how’s it feel?” asked Wise.
“My mom basically showed up to my job interview and got hired instead of me.”
“So in a word…impotent?” said Medhi.
“Yeah. That.”
Wiping the tears before they fell, he mustered a valiant smile.
Recovering.
“Anyway, as for the job itself…well, first, I suppose I should introduce myself! I’m the owner of this store. My staff call me the Mustachioed Grocer.”
“Very literal.”
“Ha-ha-ha. Well, that’s nicknames for you! First, have a look at these.”
Mustachioed Grocer laid out some documents in front of them.
They had a month’s worth of dates, each of which had multiple product names listed below.
And then phrases like Bespectacled Youth, Bandanna Babushka, and Straw-Hat Kid.
“Uh…”
“A chart of the shoplifter’s crimes. Infuriatingly, they always leave a card at the scene, so we know exactly what was swiped.”
“And at least one thing is taken every day, without respite…,” said Mamako.
“There’s no set time, but they always arrive eventually.”
“What’re these phrases?” Wise asked.
“The names given on the cards, calling us out. ‘I arrived in this guise but you failed to notice! Mwa-ha-ha!’ Absolutely infuriating.”
“So we’re up against a master of disguise, are we? If they can swap genders and ages at will, they may be using transformation magic,” said Medhi.
“Is there anything else you can tell us?” Porta asked.
“Hmm…oh, maybe…”
Mustachioed Grocer frowned.
“Since it all started, our balances have been off.”
“Off…?”
“They’re coming in over our actual sales—by the exact price of what was stolen. But I can’t imagine that has anything to do with it! The shoplifter would hardly go leaving payment now, would they?”
“Yeah, if they did…why not just buy it like a normal person?”
“Exactly! So I suppose this is all the information I have. Now, they’ve already hit us today, so your guard duties will start tomorrow. Please sign here.”
He really did have the contracts ready. One for each of them.
“Very by the book…,” said Masato.
“It’s a requirement, after all. Oh, Mamako, would you mind signing this, too?”
“Hmm? What’s this one for?”
“Oh, nothing major! The rest of your party are still minors, so they need the consent of a parent or guardian—just assume it’s one of those approval forms.”
“That is important! Glad you’re doing things properly. Where do I sign…?”
“Right here.”
Mustachioed Grocer took off his apron and held it out.
“Um…you mean…”
“I hate to say this to my new boss, but…get it together, man.”
“Please! Mamako, I need your autograph! Right here!”
He was on his hand and knees, begging—faaaaar too intense about it.
The next day…
The party left the inn and headed straight for the store.
They poked their heads in the back and found everyone hustling to process newly arrived merchandise. Mustachioed Grocer was wearing his autographed apron, and he met them with a blissful smile.
“Welcome, everyone! I’ve been waiting breathlessly!”
“Nice to be here. I imagined we’d be guarding right away, but…you aren’t open yet?”
“No, there’s still some time before we do. Feel free to wait in the office area… Oh, but first…”
He scanned the party, thinking.
“Um, are we not dressed for the part?” Masato asked.
“That is a concern. We do have adventurer customers, but…not a lot…”
“So worst-case scenario, the other customers will be giving us fishy looks?” said Wise.
“If we can send a clear message that this store has guards and is ready to prevent theft, it might discourage the shoplifter from taking action at all,” said Medhi.
“But if that scares the other customers, nobody will want to shop here,” added Porta. “That would be bad!”
“Then how about we disguise ourselves?” Mamako suggested.
The Mustachioed Grocer pounced as if he’d been waiting for this.
“So you agree! …I thought this might happen, so I’ve prepared just the thing!”
He dashed into the office and came back with grocer’s aprons.
One each for Masato, Wise, Medhi, and Porta. Just the aprons.
“So we pretend we’re working here while actually guarding? Safe enough.”
“While you’re patrolling, you can straighten up the aisles or help restock; that’ll help you blend in. I won’t insist you do that, naturally. I won’t!” Grin.
“He’s appealing to our better natures in an attempt to avoid fair compensation.”
“Ma-kun, Mommy didn’t get an apron…”
“Don’t worry, Mamako. I’ve prepared a different disguise for you. Voilà!”
The Mustachioed Grocer whipped open a massive trunk they’d just wheeled in.
Inside was a full complement of outfits, from normal villager garb to evening gowns, nurses’ uniforms, shrine maiden robes, plush mascot outfits—anything you could want.
Masato stared daggers at Mustachioed Grocer, who avoided his gaze.
“Did you spare a second’s thought to the psychological damage this cosplaying mom would incur on her son?”
“Nobody cares what her son thinks. Ha-ha-ha!”
“Want me to make you?” Crack, crack.
“Calm down! I’m not asking for a private fashion show here. Far from it! It’s just…Mamako’s rather famous! A casual disguise would soon be discovered, and there’d be a riot!”
“Fair enough. It is Mamako.”
“With Mamako here, the shoplifter might well be scared off and get away clean.”
“I think Mama needs to disguise herself so we can catch the crook!”
The girls were all making sense. “How’s this?” “I like this one.” “Oh, this is cute!” But clearly crook-capturing was not first on their minds.
Meanwhile, the woman herself…
“Okay, Ma-kun. Mommy will surprise you with her disguise! Just you wait!”
“Please…please don’t lose track of our goals here… Please!”
She was more excited than anyone, and that was terrifying.
It was time for the store to open. Their watch began.
“Oh, welcome! Uh…take your time, enjoy shopping with us!”
Masato was mopping by the door and wound up greeting the first customer of the day.
A middle-aged woman. Likely a housewife. She bobbed her head and hurried on by.
Nothing unusual. Seemed like a normal customer. But maybe…?
…No, probably not.
No basis for that thought, but he just instinctively deemed her safe and let the first customer by.
Next came a young man in a beret.
He seemed about the same age as the man who’d passed them yesterday, but the face was a completely different shape.
But their opponent was a master of disguise. Perhaps…?
Maybe. But maybe not. Still…
Pretending to clean, he followed.
The beret man looked around shiftily. Suspicious.
Maybe this is our target? Let’s try poking him.
If he was right, then what? He’d likely resist. Then combat?
Masato didn’t have a sword on him. He’d have to fight with a mop—which did not have much attack power.
And his only defense was this staff apron. If his foe came at him with a blade, he might well die instantly.
Ugh…my life’s already on the line?!
The beret man didn’t know Masato was on his tail. Should he attack first?
If he got the drop on him with the mop, he might be able to wrap this up easily. His grip tightened, waiting for his moment…
And then a cabbage bounced off the side of his head. The heart of that was quite hard, and it hurt.
“Gah…! Wh-what was that?! A suspect?!”
“You’re the only suspicious one here!”
The cabbage culprit was Wise. She’d been stacking vegetables like a typical employee.
“You’re trying too hard!” she said. “Just act natural! Geez.”
“R-right, sorry… Guess I got a bit carried away.”
“And you cleaned the front too much. Make sure you clean every inch of the place! I’ll watch the front, don’t worry. Oh, welcome!”
Wise was already giving the next customer a friendly smile.
But her hands never stopped stacking. As smoothly as any real employee.
“…You’re weirdly good at that.”
“Yeah, I’ve worked grocery jobs before.”
“Oh. That explains it. Huh.”
Masato had never had a job, so he’d clearly lost this round, and he backed off.
He left the veggie section, went through the meat and fish areas, and found himself by the deli. Working the main paths with his mop as he went.
The stands of prepackaged sides were still empty, but he found the beret man standing nearby.
“Uh, sorry, where are the spices?” the man asked an employee.
“Spices are in the center of the store, on the shelves—there should be a sign above the shelf to help you track them down.”
“A sign above… Oh, I see them now! Thank you.”
Medhi was busy assisting him.
When the beret man walked away, Masato snuck up to her.
“Medhi, you’re awfully good at this. Not your first time in a grocery store gig?”
“I’ve certainly never worked anywhere like this. I simply answered the question I was asked.”
“Oh, okay…that’s easier said than done…”
“It’s easily done. You just act normal, and do what you can. You tend to overthink these things, Masato. Try to relax. I’ve got to get the sample stand ready—”
“Wait, let’s not be hasty!”
He couldn’t let Medhi cook! If she created another Mysterious Object X, people might die!
But when he tried to stop her, she shot him her most beautiful smile and stomped on his toe. This hurt a lot.
“I am merely setting up the stand. The actual cooking will be done by the person in charge, never fear.” Grind, grind.
“Oh, okay. Whew. Glad to hear it. That hurts. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
“The note of genuine relief in your voice made it worse, but that aside, there’s one thing I’m concerned about.” Grind, grind.
“…And that would be?”
Medhi frowned, not easing the pressure on his foot one iota.
“According to the owner, this shop only offers samples here, in the deli. They’ve never offered anything like that elsewhere in the store.”
“Er…but they had one in the meat section yesterday. The one that vanished…”
“Exactly. That’s my point. Several customers thanked them for offering meat samples yesterday…but the owner has never once arranged anything like that.”
“So…what does that mean?”
“That’s my question.”
Neither knew, so they stood there looking puzzled together.
Then there was the sound of glass shattering in the center aisle.
“That sounds bad. I’ll go check it out!”
This was a job for Masato! He dashed off, mop in hand.
Looking right and left, scanning the shelves for the scene of the crime—there! The drinks corner! Broken bits of bottle all over the floor and a puddle of citrus-scented juice!
An extremely flustered older woman was talking to a very small staff member.
“I’m so sorry! It was an accident!”
“I understand! I’ll clean this up! Leave it to me!”
“Oops, already taken care of.”
Porta was on the case. She had a broom and a dustpan and was gathering up the glass shards.
Masato joined her.
“Good job, Porta…I mean, ma’am, are you all right? You didn’t cut yourself or anything?”
“Oh no, nothing like that. I’m really terribly sorry. My cart just bumped it somehow… I didn’t mean to knock it off the shelf!”
“O-oh, of course not. Please, don’t worry about it. We’ve got this covered. And, uh, as far as paying for it goes…”
“What?! It was an accident, but you’re going to charge me for it?!”
“Urp…w-well…”
Were they? This woman certainly seemed furious, and Masato wasn’t sure.
Porta took over.
“We don’t charge for accidents! The owner said so!”
“Oh, really? Well, this was certainly an accident! If you’ll excuse me.”
The woman looked relieved and quickly left.
They got the glass cleaned up, mopped the juice, and were done.
“Thanks, Porta. You handled that well.”
“I did!”
“But I sure didn’t… Gotta get on the ball here…” He slumped.
“Yes, you completely blew that, Masato. Mad points lost.”
“You can’t just suggest they pay for things! An utter failure.”
“Sorry. But you two didn’t need to come all this way to chew me out…wait…”
It wasn’t just Wise and Medhi. Mustachioed Grocer and the rest of the staff were all lurking nearby, watching over the scene.
That was a lot of reproachful glares, and Masato was soon mortified.
……Mm? Huh? Wait a sec…
Every employee was gathered here.
“What’s with this aisle? The products aren’t even arranged evenly! A disgrace!”
“The spouts on these bottles shouldn’t be facing into the aisle!”
“No wonder it caught on her cart! I’ll fix these right away!”
More than a few drinks were turned the wrong way, primed for accidents…
Masato’s eyes widened.
“Crap! This was a trap! They wanted a loud noise to make everyone come running!”
The girls—and the Mustachioed Grocer—all winced at this and sprang into action.
The shoplifter was likely in the act right now.
The regular staff all went back to their positions, on the alert for suspicious activities. Best to leave things to them.
“We’ll block the exits!” Masato called. “There are several, right?”
“First, the front entrance and exit.”
“There’s a chance they’ll slip out the employee exit! There’s also one by the deli and another between the meat and fish departments!”
“And one by the veggies! That’s five exits!”
“And four of us… If only there was a fifth… Has anyone seen Mom?”
“She said she’d be here as soon as she changed, but I haven’t spotted her yet!” said Wise.
“Geez, what’s she up to?”
The four of them would have to try and cover everything. Who should go where?
Masato was about to divvy up the exits when…
“This is what you were looking for, right? It’s a bit cheaper than usual. Score!”
Mamako’s voice, as pleasant and calm as it always was.
From the next aisle.
“There she is… Hey, Mom!”
Masato quickly rounded the corner, and there she stood. Mamako.
Mamako, dressed as a mysterious nun, smiling at the man in the beret as he reached for some flour.
Mysterious nun Mamako. With no mental guards in place against this, Masato felt a sudden pain in his head and nearly died.
“…Why…of all things…would you choose that?”
“Oh, Ma-kun! What do you think of my disguise? I’ve always wanted to try it out, so I thought, now’s my chance! How do like that infooormation? Hee-hee!”
“It’s definitely too much infooormation, but we’ve got bigger problems here…!”
“Er, sorry,” said the beret guy. “I just remembered something, so I’ve gotta run—can I get through?”
“Oh, but of course! I’m ever so sorry! Go right ahead.”
He slipped between Mamako and Masato with his head down, clutching the bag of flour.
Masato watched him go. He went to the registers, paid, and was out the front door.
“Ma-kun, if he pays, he’s a real customer, right?”
“Yeah. At least that guy was. But someone’s out there shoplifting right this instant! I’d love to make you change, but we don’t have time! Mom, be on the lookout!”
“Oh my! Then Mommy will get to work.”
They spread out, covering the escape routes.
Meanwhile, in the alley behind the store…
“Drat…my timing was perfect! How’d she know?”
The beret man flung the flour to the ground and whipped a card out of his pocket.
I’VE PURLOINED A BAG OF FLOUR. —BERET BEATNIK.
But he’d been thwarted and unable to pull off this crime.
Gritting his teeth, he tore up the card.
“So that’s Mamako Oosuki! The stories were true. She’s no ordinary mother! This could be a problem. But on the other hand…it’s a real chance to prove my skill!”
With a sinister smirk, the beret beatnik slipped into the shadows.
Time passed. It was almost noon.
After a brief break (in compliance with labor regulations), Masato’s party was back on the floor.
“We didn’t catch anyone, but…safe to assume we prevented the crime?”
“Probably. We haven’t found a card, after all.”
“This culprit seems to prioritize style, so if we find no evidence, we know their act was thwarted—but they may yet try again.”
“They shoplift every single day! We can’t let our guard down!”
“Yep. So…”
Masato tugged the strings of his apron tight, ready for anything.
During the commotion earlier, they’d been lacking in numbers, but that problem was handled.
Mamako had joined the four kids.
“Let’s all keep watch together! Do anything naughty, and Mommy will arrest you!”
She blew her whistle. Mamako was dressed as a policewoman—in a miniskirt, her long legs in tights.
“That’s literally just cosplay… I knew this would happen… Sigh…”
“Gosh, Ma-kun! You’re sighing a lot. Are you tired? Cheer up!” Toot.
“You wear me out more than anyone, Mom. And stop tweeting that whistle!”
“Oh, sorry.” Sad toot.
“Argh!”
Mamako seemed to really like that whistle. Whatever.
Back on patrol.
There were a lot more customers in the store now. It was just before lunch, so the deli was particularly packed, everyone buying the boxed lunches.
“According to the owner’s documentation, at this hour, they tend to go for lunches,” said Wise.
“Shoplifting elsewhere is difficult; you never know who’s watching. We’re probably safe to focus on the deli,” said Medhi.
“Cool, let’s merge with the crowds, and watch for any shoplifters…or that was the plan…”
But when they got to the deli…
It was all men.
“Hey, quit pushin’! You got a death wish?”
“Outta my way! You won’t be my first kill!”
“That’s my barbecue bento box! You want some?! Come at me!”
Muscles bulging everywhere, a stampede of manual laborers were tussling for their lunches. It was like a riot. They seemed ready to smash the deli, and possibly the entire store.
The blood drained from the party’s faces.
“If…we set one foot in there…we’d be done for…,” Masato whimpered.
“But we’ve gotta keep watching! I’m gonna try and slip through and keep an eye on things!”
“No, wait, Porta! It’s too dangerous! You’ll be crushed to death!” cried Wise.
“Let’s just watch from the sidelines! It’s our only option!” said Medhi.
But from the outskirts, it was impossible to see past the wall of muscles.
Dang! This is perfect cover for a shoplifter!
They might be in the act right now, behind that pile of men! Slipping a lunch under their shirt! Masato was tearing his hair at the thought.
But then a piercing whistle rang out.
“Now, now, no fighting! You’re all good boys! Line up!” Toot, toot!
“Yo, what’s with this mom lady?”
Miniskirt Mom Cop was on the scene. Toot-tooting away on her whistle, conducting traffic in the deli aisle.
But the hungry men were in a rage! They’d never obey—
“You’re kidding? That’s Mamako!”
“Line up, fellas! If we’re good boys here, good things’ll come our way!”
“Hee-hee-hee. Then Officer Mommy will help hand out lunches! Make sure you buy a veggie to go with your meal!”
“““Aye-aye!”””
The muscle-bound men all became good boys and formed neat lines. Miniskirt Mom Cop began handing out lunches.
“Well, that was fast. No more chaos,” said Wise.
“That’s our Mamako. Masato, you’re up,” said Medhi.
“I refuse to join that line. What could be sadder than getting lunch from your cop cosplay mom? …Mm?”
It was pure chance that he noticed.
A battle-scarred, tough-looking dame near the front of the line reached out to grab a pack of veggies—but just before she did, Mamako picked it up and handed it to someone else.
So did the scarred lady get nothing?
Masato thought for a second then called out.
“Er, excuse me? Were you about to—”
“Huh? Oh, no, I just…I thought if I did something naughty, then the mom cop would have to arrest me! I’d be punished! Couldn’t resist the urge.”
“Oh, okay. You’re one of those. Got it.”
Seemed she just had a fetish. Best not to get involved.
Masato backed off, watching as the scarred lady took a lunch from Mamako, paid, and left the store.
“Masato, is that your type?” Wise asked.
“Don’t be absurd. She just seemed suspicious, but…guess it was nothing.”
Focus on the job. Leaving the deli to Mamako, the others spread out through the store.
“…Damn and blast it! Foiled again!”
The scarred lady ducked into the back alley, tearing up a card. I’VE PURLOINED A VEGGIE PACK! it read, the letters scattering in the wind.
“Even your son has good instincts, eh, Mamako Oosuki? I’ve gotta get real here! Go for my ultimate, guaranteed success plan! Next time… Mwa-ha-ha!”
The scarred woman laughed maniacally, popping the lids on her lunch and the veggie side dish.
Time passed once more, evening arrived—and along with it, the horrors of peak crowds.
A worried-looking Mustachioed Grocer came to check in on Masato.
“Are you sure you’re all right? Legally speaking, we can only work minors so many hours…”
“Oh, is that your concern? I mean, that is a big deal, but…let us handle it. We’ve come this far, and job or not, we wanna catch this crook, no matter what.”
“Okay. Then I’ll take you at your…aughhhh?!”
“Wh-what is it?! The shoplifter’s back?!”
“I got dirt on my precious aprooooooooon! Wheeeeeen?!”
“Duck in back and put some stain remover on it. You’re just in the way here.”
Clutching the apron Mamako had autographed, the grocer ran off, tears trailing in his wake.
Putting that out of his mind, Masato scanned the crowds.
Like the day before, the place was filled to the brim. Unable to move about freely, each party member was stationed at one of the entrances, ready to call out to anyone who tried to bypass the registers.
Wise was at the store entrance, Porta at the veggie corner staff door, Medhi by the deli, and Masato here between the meat and fish departments.
Since Mamako could easily move around through the thickest crowds, they had her prowling the store, ready for anything.
Blending with the crowds shuffling down the main aisles…
“Hee-hee! It’s Mommy, Ma-kun! Did you recognize me?”
“I wish I hadn’t.”
Someone passed by him in a Chinese dress, face mask, and sunglasses, but he pretended not to notice.
Then…
“……Mm? I smell something good.”
Bacon frying. From the corner of the meat section.
There was a counter set up and a middle-aged woman handing out samples behind it.
“Hey there, how’s it going? We met yesterday, right?”
“Yes, so we did. Would you like to try—?”
“No, I just have a question for you. This store doesn’t actually offer samples outside the deli…”
“That’s right! I don’t actually work here. I’m doing this of my own free will.”
“…And after we met you yesterday, there was a shoplifting incident.”
“My! You certainly are perceptive. Yes—and I can’t claim I wasn’t involved. My being here might well have drawn the attention of the staff and customers.”
She just smiled, not the least bit rattled. Even making it sound like she might be an accomplice.
This lady had nerves of steel. Clearly more than he could handle.
But this was his job. If she was involved in the shoplifting, he’d have to secure her personage.
“Would you mind joining me in the back room for further questioning?”
“Oh! That’s very suspicious!”
“Huh?”
She pointed over his shoulder, and Masato instinctively turned around.
“Ma-kun! Mommy’s right here, yo!”
Mamako was wearing a white button-up shirt and slacks, disguised as a male student, and happily waving back at him.
“Oh, yeah, Mom’s suspicious all right… No, wait! When did you change? And are those my clothes! No, not the time, not the time!”
He hastily turned back, but the sample corner was gone, and the lady with it.
She’d gotten away!
“Dammit! Who are we up against? Raise the security level!”
There was only so much they could do. Masato hurried back to his position, scanning the area.
Driven to catch them, he kept his eyes peeled…
And as he did, rush hour passed, and the shop closed.
After hours, Masato’s party and the rest of the staff searched the store.
“No crime cards found,” said Wise.
“So nothing’s been stolen?” asked Porta.
“If the shoplifter stuck to their policy, then that would be the case,” replied Medhi.
They’d prevented the crime—and their mission was a success. Nice!
But it wasn’t like they’d caught the culprit, so this did not count as a real solution.
“They weren’t able to shoplift, but we failed to catch them. That’s more of a tie…but we do have new info suggesting they might have an accomplice. We should rethink our strategies for tomorrow.”
“Yes, keep up the good work! I’ll prepare your wages for the day. Would you mind waiting here for just a moment?”
“Paying us by the day? That’s pretty cool. I’m starting to like you, Mustachioed Grocer.”
“Ha-ha-ha! I can’t pay a lot, I’m afraid. But I’ll just duck in back…and while I’m at it, take these to the storehouse.”
He picked up an armful of unsold meat and fish, and turned toward the exit…
But then.
“Oh my! You have to pay for those!” Mamako said.
She was back in her usual outfit and tugging at the grocer’s apron strings.
“Uh, Mamako? I’m just taking product off the shelf…”
“I’ve got a hunch that’s not true! I can tell something’s up here, so I’m not letting you.”
“Mom! That’s his job… Wait.”
Masato glanced down at the grocer’s apron.
It was brand new. No dirt. No Mamako autograph.
“…Grocer, your stain removal went well.”
“Huh? My what?”
“It was a disasterrrrrrrrrrrr! It faded slightly, but I can still see iiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Someone, please save my aproooooooooon!”
Another Mustachioed Grocer had come bursting through the back door, weeping openly.
And the apron in his hands had Mamako’s autograph on it.
“Uh-oh!”
“Yup, you’re out! Momstincts win again! You’re the shoplifter! Caught red-handed!”
The fake grocer brushed Mamako off, tossed aside the meat and fish, and tried to run for it.
Not happening. Masato flung himself in front of him, trying to grab on…
“You’ve had enough.”
The disappearing-reappearing sample stand lady suddenly dropped down from the rafters, got her arms under the fake grocer’s pits, and vaulted away again.
Clinging upside down from the ceiling.
“What the…? Who is that? A ninja…er, kunoichi?” said Wise.
“So you were in this together! Let’s nab ’em both!” shouted Masato.
“Wait, let me talk! Hear me out and I’ll remove the stain from the grocer’s apron!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Nobody would accept those terms!”
“You’ll do that for me?! E-e-everyone, let’s negotiate!”
Mustachioed Grocer was fully on board.
Masato’s party were forced to back off a bit. The woman bobbed her head and began:
“I’m so sorry for all the trouble my son has caused. As his mother, I’m responsible. Come, say you’re sorry!”
“Gah…I-I’m sorry…”
“I take full responsibility for this. I was once a Bandit of some repute. My son admired that side of me and was trying to follow in my footsteps…”
“I’ll pull it off next time! I’ll be a great Bandit, just like Mommy!”
“How many times have I told you you’ll do no such thing?”
“Hngg?!”
The thief-turned-mom slapped the fake owner’s backside. There was a puff of smoke, and he transformed into a boy a few years younger than Masato. Clearly his true form.
“My son has been shoplifting to hone his Bandit skills. As his mother, I should have stopped him…but part of me was pleased he admired what I’d done, and I couldn’t help but indulge him.”
“However pleased you might have been, a crime is still a crime. You ask me, this is a real problem.”
“Masato’s right. I’m guessing you hung out in the store, secretly paying for whatever he stole, but that’s sooo self-serving.”
“Oh…so that’s why we always had a surplus on the accounts…”
“I didn’t want this to cause any trouble for the store. That’s also why I ran a sample counter out of my own pocket. My little way of saying sorry. Oh, before I forget, let me keep my word.”
The ex-Bandit mother waggled her finger, beckoning.
And the stain on Mustachioed Grocer’s apron lifted off it, returning to her hands.
“Yikes…what was that?”
“An advanced Bandit skill. Allows you to steal anything you want with a single finger. But that’s also rather self-serving, isn’t it? Here I impulsively leaped in to save my boy, but forgiveness is not so easy to come by.”
“No, I forgive him! I’ll forgive anything!”
““Huh?””
Grocer was sobbing with joy, absolving one and all.
“Grocer, are you sure?”
“It certainly caused a panic, but there was no financial impact…and the sight of such beautiful family ties has moved me greatly! So it’s fine.”
“Okay, but what’s the real reason?”
“She fixed Mamako’s autographed apron, and I’m soooooo grateful!”
“Right, I figured. So, uh…”
“B-but…are you all sure?”
The ex-Bandit glanced at Mamako.
Mamako smiled pleasantly.
“Shoplifting is bad! But if no real harm was caused, and the person in charge is willing to forgive, I think that’s all there is to it. The rest is between you and your son.”
“Then I’ll take Grocer up on his generous offer. And as for my boy’s education…what say I haul him to the Mom Shop?”
“We’d love to have you! We’ll have so much to talk about!”
“And I’ll wind up being the real victim here. Please, don’t do this…,” begged Masato.
“Heh-heh-heh. I’ll look forward to it! …Well, until we meet again.”
The thief mother vanished into thin air.
“Whoa! She disappeared!” cried Porta.
“That skill level seems a little beyond ‘some repute,’” said Wise.
“More like she’s a living legend,” said Medhi. “Either way, our job is done.”
“Yes. Good work, everyone! Job complete.”
“Just gotta say our good-byes. Everyone—”
But before Masato could finish, Mustachioed Grocer interrupted with a flood of tears.
“Do come again! Please, please come agaiiiiiiin!”
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