Twilight Upon a Thousand Snow-capped Mountains - Chapter 7.2

Chapter 7 (2)

Most of the time I felt that he treated me like a toy. He patiently waited to see what tricks I could come up with, from my rampant crying at the beginning, fighting tooth and nail to the deliberate flattery and constant wariness. He was like someone watching a show, looking on coldly aside and I was the cricket in the jar, getting teased from time to time, then crying out, unable to find my adversary.

I couldn’t see through Mo Shao Qian but he knew where my weakness lied. It was never a fair game to begin with, how could I possibly break up with him then?

Only he could choose not to play anymore, I didn’t have any choice in the matter.

On the second day, Yue Ying and Zhao Gao Xing came to visit me again, this time Mu Zhen Fei came along as well. He bought flowers too, and I felt blissful, “I’m hospitalised and every one of you buys me flowers? Why didn’t you give me any the last time I was admitted?”

Mu Zhen Fei replied, “We’re weren’t close then.”

Only able to give flowers when we were closed? Why kind of logic is that?

Eventually Yue Ying told me, “Don’t listen to him. This morning, they were in school doing reports, this bouquet of flowers were given to him by a female junior. That little lady was languishing in love, but he actually told her, just nice, I have a friend who’s hospitalised, could I give it to her instead? That little lady was so angry that she almost burst into tears.”

I laughed as I listened, causing pain as I tugged on the wounds across my back. So Mu Zhen Fei was still his old self, stepping carelessly across a floor of broken hearts.

It was always rowdy whenever the four of us got together, even when Mo Shao Qian’s chauffeur sent my dinner over, we didn’t hear him knocking on the door. Only when he pushed open the door did I realise that someone had arrived. The chauffeur looked surprised as well, perhaps not expecting there to be so many people in the ward. But he immediately guessed that they were my schoolmates so he simply glanced at them, but he took a double take at Mu Zhen Fei. This wasn’t out of the ordinary, Mu Zhen Fei simply looked too handsome, even when he walked on the streets there were probably scouts who wanted him to model for commercials. The chauffeur placed the thermal flask on bedside table and said to me, “Miss Tong, this is fish porridge, please eat it while it’s warm.”

I thanked him and the chauffeur politely nodded at the people in the ward as a greeting and then left.

Zhao Gao Xing asked, “Who is that?”

Yue Ying knew, there was once she saw him picking me up so she replied, “The chauffeur of Xue Tong’s boyfriend.”

Zhao Gao Xing was shocked, “Xue Tong, you have a boyfriend? Then what about you and Boss?”

I shot a glance at Mu Zhen Fei, he revealed those charming dimples of his,”Didn’t I tell you before, Xue Tong and I are just friends, but you guys didn’t believe it, now you do, don’t you?”

Based of my expertise with gossip, whenever the persons involved issue denial of rumours, the scandal would worsen, so I glared at Mu Zhen Fei again, doubting his sincerity.

I didn’t expect that Xiao Shan would come to the hospital today as well. Then, it was already late, Yue Ying and the rest had left. The carer had left to buy me some oranges, I was alone in the room playing Flying Cars on my PSP, just at the crucial moment that my car was about to be ruined and character killed, I heard knocking and thought it was my carer who had returned. So I didn’t even lift my head and just concentrated on the game, “Please enter.”

The footsteps were light and something came into my mind. I thought I had misheard or perhaps was dreaming, but the fingers that was pressing on tightly to the buttons, loosened.

After so many years, I could still recognise the sound of his footsteps.On the screen it showed that the game was over, after a few seconds had passed I raised my head. It was really Xiao Shan. Like always he dressed casually in a sports jersey. He held a bag of stuff in his hand, the incandescent lighting was astonishingly bright, and I just felt that he seemed so tall and far away, standing there, seemingly out of reach.

I finally heard my voice, “How come it’s you?”

He smiled at me, “Yesterday Gao Xing mentioned that you were ill, coincidentally my granny is staying in the same hospital and I visit her daily. Initially I didn’t know which ward you were in, luckily the nurses checked it out for me.”

He placed the paper bag on my bedside table, there was the logo of the cake shop on it, he said, “I bought it near the hospital, not sure if it’s tasty.”

He still remembered that I loved to eat desserts whenever I fell ill, but I dared not read too much into it. Perhaps it was as we agreed all those years back, staying friends even after the breakup.

I smiled back at him and finally asked, ” Lin Zi Xian? How is she?”

He paused for a moment and replied, “She has classes today.”

Actually I felt that I faced him frankly, as though nothing would ever happen. I was obviously trying to hold it in, but I had gone through even worse situations.

The ward quietened down because I didn’t know what to say to him. He probably felt awkward as well, so before a minute even passed said, “That…I still have something on tonight, I’ve got to go.”

“Let me send you.”

“No need for that, you’re a patient.”

Two to three minutes after he left, I rolled off the day and walked out of the ward. With one breath I ran to the end of the hallway, I knew there was a tiny balcony there that had a view of the level below.

The front yard was filled with acacia trees, during this time, all the leaves had fallen, the slender branches of the entwine with the light cast by the streetlamps, like algae floating in a transparent glass jar. With one look I found that familiar figure amongst the veins of the algae, although so far away, although as tall, but I found him as soon as I looked down. His gait, with one look I could tell, that was him.

He wasn’t walking quickly, he looked thin from the back, these three years he didn’t put on any weight, just grew taller. The wind in the night was extremely cold, but I didn’t feel it at all. It was like those years when it was about time for class to start, I would stand in the hallway outside the classroom and watch him run back from the stadium.

Back then he would raise his head and smile at me from afar.

As long as he smiled at me, I felt that even the skies would turn clear.

That was my Xiao Shan.

I watched as he disappeared after the bend, just like in my dreams. The soil beneath my feet started to harden, then turned soft, it was as though I was stepping on cotton, barely keeping my balance, the wounds on my back started to hurt and the wind caused me to shiver in cold.

But I kept standing there, until I felt the cold enter my bones that I returned to the ward. The carer was back and was looking for me everywhere. She saw me walking back barefoot and got a shock, hurriedly getting water to wash my feet.

I immersed my feet in the boiling water, so hot that it felt like needles were piercing my feet, but I didn’t move. I thought of Xiao Shan, thought of his every move inside this room, every word. Actually he was only here for a short while, but just a second and he could made me feel that living was worse than death.

I didn’t eat the cake that he brought, I was afraid that even a taste of it would cause me to cry, or do something crazy. So I gave the cake to my carer, she was pretty happy, and took it home to give it to her daughter.

In the past whenever Xiao Shan gave me a gift, I would hide it like treasure, even if it were just an eraser or paperclip. But now I was more cruel to myself, because he was no longer mine. I had to forget him, no matter what, I had to forget him.

Xiao Shan said that he would visit granny daily, but I had never seen him, neither did I have the courage to check which department or ward his granny was staying in. Even though granny had doted on me back then, but I couldn’t help but to avoid Xiao Shan. Although Yue Ying and Zhao Gao Xing visited me frequently, I didn’t want to ask her about Xiao Shan.

I would forget him.

When I was discharged I even stopped Yue Ying, because Mo Shao Qian actually called and said he was fetching me.

Of course I knew that he wouldn’t specially fetch me from the hospital, although I read the tabloids daily, occasionally I would look at the financial news as well. His company wanted to buy over a technology company, I believed that he was here to preside over this. But for him to fetch me along the way, I was touched by this. I had made him so angry the last time, I still thought that he would ignore me for half a year, or what they called “cold storage”.

I had never seen Mo Shao Qian on television before, even the in financial news his company’s name rarely appeared. Even if it did, it would be a short writeup like this small scale acquisition. Mo Shao Qian was a low profile capitalist, and rarely courted the limelight. So I was curious why he would be photographed with Su Shan Shan, hands held tightly together crossing the road, it was so unlike his style.

Upon reaching home, the chauffeur passed him a bag, only then he seemed to remember and passed it to me, “It’s for you.”

It was like a habit, he would always get me a gift when his anger subsided. I didn’t know what it meant, perhaps he was used to smoothing things over like this, to show that he would no longer hold it against me.

I took it, “Thanks.”

As I was about to keep the box, Mo Shao Qian suddenly asked, “Not going to take a look at it?”

I obediently opened the box, it was a jewelled ring. This red gemstone didn’t had a rich colour, although it was as big as a lid, but I guessed it wouldn’t be too expensive. The design of the ring was gorgeous though, densely covered with diamond pieces like stars complementing the moon, really similar to the pigeon egg in a particular movie.

I closed the lid of the box, only to see his faint smile, I wondered why he was smiling.

That movie was one that I had watched together with him, it was a national holiday then and I accompanied him in Hong Kong. Coincidentally he had concluded a business deal that day and was having high tea in the hotel, two of us feeling like we had stolen half a day of rest. I didn’t know how it led to us watching a movie, so we went to watch “Lust, Caution”. The movie was a dubbed in Cantonese and I couldn’t understand a word, even falling asleep while watching. When I awoke, I saw the closeup of Tang Wei on the big screen, she sat on a rickshaw looking lost, reaching out to touch her coat collar, I then noted that huge ring on her hand. She looked apprehensive, as though she was deep in thought.

I was confused from my sleep, and in moments the movie ended. On the way back Mo Shao Qian asked, “How was the movie?”

I thought for a long while and replied, “The ring is huge and beautiful.”

It wasn’t as though he had never given me a ring before, and understated six pronged design, with my name engraved on the ring. To be honest diamonds were just stones, I often wondered if those rings with my names engraved could be sodl, if they couldn’t then I could only sell the diamonds then. I placed the ring in the safe, Mo Shao Qian casually patted the safe, “How many are stored in here?”

I was intentionally coy, “They are all gifts from you.”

He raised his forehead, “But you don’t wear them.”

I honestly answered, “All your gifts are so luxurious, as a student, how can I wear them to school?”

He smiled faintly and pulled me into his arms, sometimes he loved hugging me, like how he hugged Cutie. But often he would pulled me in too tightly and made it difficult to breathe. I could feel his breath on the side of my face, so ticklish that I was discomforted. He said, “Let me give you a chance tonight, we’re going out for dinner.”

He took the initiative to pick my clothes, it was the first time, I felt that he was in an extremely good mood, he work must have gone well. During such times I would adeptly coax him, his happiness made my days easy to pass. He picked a low cut sapphire blue evening dress and said,”Match this with that set of sapphire jewellery that I gave you last year.”

When I finished changing into the dress, he had even picked out my shoes for me.

Actually I wasn’t particular when it came to buying clothes, sometimes I shopped with Yue Ying, sometimes I visited small boutiques with classmates, 30-50 yuan t-shirts looked good as well. But Mo Shao Qian despised my bad taste, so often shops would send catalogues over to let me choose from. Anyway these luxury shops had fantastic service, I just needed to buy clothes once from them and they would note down my size and other information in detail.

The shoes were stilettos, I didn’t know when I had bought such a pair of shoes. After putting them on, I swayed, unable to keep my balance, the only positive was that I wasn’t so much shorter than Mo Shao Qian anymore.

He was too tall, if I wore flats, I would only forever be looking up at him.

He brought me to a newly opened restaurant, this city’s tallest building. This restaurant was entirely made of glass and suspended in the skies, not suitable for those with a fear of heights. Occasionally they would put out dry ice, and the floor would look like it was made of clouds.

The manager of the restaurant personally accosted us and even gave us champagne. The seats we were at faced the checkerboard like city, looking down from such a height, everything looked so small in comparison. Mo Shao Qian had finished reviewing the menu, and passed it to the waiter, “We’ll have the specials.”

The waiter asked, “Mr Mo, can the dishes be served immediately?”

Mo Shao Qian carelessly answered, “We’re still waiting for someone, serve the dishes when he arrives.”

I didn’t expect there to be someone else besides us, someone who could made Mo Shao Qian wait, must be really great. I suddenly had a premonition, he wouldn’t be so bored to actually introduce Su Shan Shan to me and give me her autograph right?