Twilight Upon a Thousand Snow-capped Mountains - Chapter 7.1

Chapter 7 (1)

I went to the the hospital again once dawn broke, the doctor once again cut open my pajamas, because several wounds had burst open, the blood had stained my clothes. They had no choice but to clean the wounds and suture them again. The dose of anesthesia seemed insufficient this time, and I was in so much pain that I was hissing with every breath. As the doctor stitched the wounds with the tweezers. he asked me, “How did it become like this?”

“I fell asleep…accidentally…flipped over…”

“How did you flip that all your wounds burst open? Fought with a carp?”

I was in so much pain that I didn’t have the strength to speak, I knew then that previously it was a cosmetic surgeon who did the stitching for me. Because Mo Shao Qian insisted, afraid that a general practitioner’s stitches would leave scars. The stitches were also redone by a cosmetic surgeon and he admitted me into hospital this time, saying that there was a possibility of infection.

I was sent into the ward to be put on an antibiotic drip, and even remembered to give Yue Ying a call, to ask her to help me take a few days off. Yue Ying specially came down to visit me, shocked by my wounds,”Did you fight with someone in the bar? It really looks like someone smashed your back with a bottle.”

“Would I go to the bar?”

“That’s true, you would definitely ask me along if you did.” She seemed to be deep in thought, and suddenly looked serious, “Isn’t your boyfriend coming? How did your wounds come about?”

I hurriedly explained, “I knocked the lamp onto the floor, then tripped over the wires, coincidentally falling into the broken porcelain shards.”

“Ah? Why are you so unlucky lately?”

I laughed bitterly, “I would also like to have my fortune told maybe through a tarot reading or my horoscope, to see what the problem is.”

Yue Ying accompanied by my bedside for the entire afternoon, until Zhao Gao Xing came to fetch her. Zhao Gao Xing even bought me a bouquet of flowers, speaking of this, it was the first time I received flowers from a guy. When I was dating Xiao Shan, we were still young, he had never given me flowers. So when I received Zhao Gao Xing’s flowers, there was a tinge of regret, “The first person who sends me flowers is actually you.”

Yue Ying yelled, “This can’t be, your boyfriend has never given you any?”

I thought for a while, “Really, he didn’t.”

Over these years Mo Shao Qian had given me plenty of gifts, clothes as well but had never sent me flowers. I remembered the first gift he gave me was a necklace, I was ignorant then. The box was exquisitely packed in wrapping paper, so I assumed that it was a hardcover book. Unwrapped the gift and opened the blue box, I only felt that it was sparkling bright, so eye-catching that I could barely catch my breath. I completely didn’t know how expensive that necklace was, hurriedly closed the box and passed it back to him.

Back then, I was really courageous, like the female leads in novels, thinking that not loving him means I shouldn’t accept it. Stupidly tearing up cheques and rejecting diamonds, just because he wasn’t the one I was waiting for.

Yue Ying said, ” Isn’t your boyfriend pretty rich? How come he hasn’t even give you a stalk of rose?”

I replied, “Perhaps he doesn’t love me.”

Yue Ying curled her lips, “Liar! Would he take you to see the cherry blossoms or to the hot springs if he didn’t love you?”

I forced a smile, “That was last year, he was pretty free then.”

Yue Ying looked at me carefully then chased Zhao Gao Xing out of the room, closing the door in the process. She ran back to my beside and whispered, “You quarrelled with him?”

“No.”

I didn’t even know where he was now, in the morning the housekeeper sent me to the hospital. In a fit of anger he probably left in a huff and didn’t want to see me from then on. But I felt that he wouldn’t let me off so easily, so I was listless.

Yue Ying was as usual very suspicious, “Could it be because of Xiao Shan?”

I suddenly shivered, what exactly did I say last night? In the midst of pain I seemed to have cried out for my mum, did I call out Xiao Shan’s name? Although the name that I’d stubbornly hidden deep in my heart constantly threatened to spill, did I truly say it out loud amidst my confusion? Because I had thought of Xiao Shan before at my breaking point, I would keep thinking of how he looked, I had once during a long period of time comforted myself with thoughts of him. I thought if I could see Xiao Shao again, if he knew, he would definitely protect me, to not let me suffer any reproach.

I kept using him to lie to myself, when I could no longer take it, and felt that all hope was lost, I would use him to lie to myself. I still have Xiao Shan, even if we had broken up, if he knew, he couldn’t bear to watch me be bullied. I kept him in the deepest part of my heart, just like a child living in poverty, hiding her candy, candy wrapped in many layers, I knew where it was, without tasting I knew it was sweet.

After three years of not meeting, even the lie I told myself became laughable, he finally got together with Lin Zi Xian, what did I have left? After tearing off the layers of candy wrapping, it had become empty a long time ago.

Yue Ying must have felt that my expression was strange and that she had probably guessed correctly so she criticised, “You really deserve it, it’s just your first love. You already have a boyfriend yet you’re still longing for him? Your boyfriend treats you so well, always picking the best for you, bringing you out whenever he’s free. He’s just a tad busy with work, and can’t come often to visit you. A person must have some conscience, you’re so greedy, be careful of getting struck by lightning.”

I didn’t say a word, Yue Ying was a little angry and knocked the back of my head, “I really hate the way you are like this. I hate people who eat from the pot yet keep thinking of what’s in the bowl (insatiable or greedy), if you really can’t let go of that Xiao Shan, you should break up with your boyfriend and go after Xiao Shan openly.”

“I can’t break up with him,” I was drained, I was talking to Yue Ying but it seemed as though I was speaking to myself, “I don’t think I can break up with him.”

“Then hide your heart,” Yue Ying despised my irresoluteness, “Treat him well.”

Heart?

Mo Shao Qian didn’t want my heart. I could only wait, wait for him to tire, wait for him to be weary, wait for him to lose interest in me, wait for him to let me go, wait for him to forget me.

I had waited for close to three years, under a pretense of obedience and flirtatiousness, no matter how I acted he was still the same. I had pulled out all the stops, and was at my wit’s end. Sometimes he got angry easily, but after his anger, he still refused to kick me away, to cast me aside.

Many times I thought, what did he see in me, could it be this face?Perhaps he had once loved someone, loved deeply, but had no means of being with her and I coincidentally looked a lot like her? This was common in those movie and drama scenarios, as well as novels, but yesterday I had tried to pry and he got really furious. He was angry not because I had guessed correctly, but that I had dared to probe.