Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatte Iru - Volume 8 - Chapter 5

5

Right to the end, Hayato Hayama just can’t understand it.

A few days had passed since my conversation with Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and Isshiki in the clubroom.

During that time, my life had consisted of going back and forth between home and school. Whenever I got home, I spent my time without seeing Komachi or having any real conversations. The only one I talked to was the cat, Kamakura. Once the end-of-day homeroom was over that day, too, I’d return home without going by the clubroom.

Homeroom ended as I was ruminating over these thoughts, ignoring what my teacher was saying.

I grabbed my bag and stood. The chatter around me told me that Yuigahama was still in the classroom. I fixed my head at a slightly downward angle and walked quickly so as to avoid seeing her.

When I approached the door, suddenly, a hand fell on my shoulder. “Do you have a minute?”

I turned around to see Hayama’s breezy smile. “…What?” I replied.

Hayama glanced around a bit before beckoning to me. It seemed he wanted to have some secret talk.

But I didn’t really want to lean in close to him. I mean, Ebina’s still in the classroom… That sort of thing is…kinda…embarrassing…

Well, whatever. There couldn’t be any secrets for me and Hayama to talk about, because normally, we didn’t even talk at all. If there was something for us to talk about, it’d be what happened during the school field trip. But I doubted either of us would talk about that again.

I didn’t lean toward him, prompting him with my gaze to continue.

He smiled with a hint of embarrassment. Then he gave up and shrugged. It seemed he’d decided to just talk. “It’s about Orimoto and Nakamachi from the other day.”

“Uh-huh.” Oh yeah, Haruno wound up introducing him to those girls a while ago, huh? What, is he having problems because they’re hitting on him? Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do for him there.

However, Hayama didn’t say anything like that. “I wanted to talk to you a bit about Saturday.”

“Sure.” Saturday, huh? Saturday. If we’re talking about Saturday, it’s gotta be about that. It’s the day before Super Hero Time. In other words, he must have been talking about Jewelpet Sunshine and Pretty Rhythm. What, you’re checking what time they’re airing? It’s in the morning, okay? You should know that without having to ask me about it.

Or so I thought, but of course Hayama wouldn’t be asking me about that.

So then what does he mean, Saturday…?

As I was mulling over this, Hayama gave me a questioning look. “Did you not hear about it, then? We were texting, and then they invited me to go hang out downtown on Saturday.”

“No, I didn’t hear about this…”

Going to hang out? That was no one I know.

And, like, I never got any of these messages in the first place, you know? I never even got their contact info. Back when I’d sent Orimoto an e-mail saying I’d changed my address, it had never reached her.

So of course I wouldn’t get invited! Ohhh! They couldn’t invite me because they didn’t know my e-mail! What shy girls!

Of course not.

It went without saying that I was not invited.

But Hayama must not have understood that, as he tilted his head. “Really…? I thought for sure they meant with everyone.”

I’m sure that’s the way it was, in his mind. Everyone getting along peacefully is basically this guy’s motto. “That’s just a pretext to make you go. And there’s no reason for someone who wasn’t invited to go in the first place. You should do what you want, right?”

“So you weren’t invited…” Hayama nodded, then continued with a smile. “Why don’t you come with us? It’d be nice to have more people.”

“Of course I’m not going…” Is this guy stupid? If I was never invited in the first place, then I’d be a party crasher. I knew for certain that the moment I showed up, they’d look at me like, Why is he here? Besides, there was another problem, aside from how Orimoto and her friend would react. “Plus, do you think I would go hang out with you?” I said.

Hayama withdrew his smile and turned serious. Of course, I was wearing a similar expression.

Being of different social classes, ranks, and circumstances, I couldn’t imagine us choosing to meet outside of school. If someone who knew who we were at school happened to see us, they’d be confused. Heck, you wouldn’t even have to leave school for that. This current conversation was irregular enough already.

Besides, this combination was impossible not only on an objective basis but also based on subjective consideration, too.

I hadn’t forgotten the pity Hayama showed me after that incident.

The moment a clear distinction is made between superior and inferior, that authoritatively indicates a division between them. I wouldn’t be permitted to cross that line, and neither would I allow Hayama to trespass on my side.

The world is intolerant, and so am I.

An onlooker would have seen us standing in silence, glaring at each other.

Hayama was the one to break the silence. “It would really help me out if you did…so would you please come?” Surprisingly, he bowed his head. I couldn’t see his expression because his face was pointing down, but looking at his tightly clenched fists, I could tell he wasn’t smiling.

I didn’t know what he was thinking, bowing his head like this. But I still wasn’t going to let him tell me what to do. “My presence wouldn’t help you at all, and you’re not the kind of guy who needs help in the first place,” I said.

Hayama’s shoulders moved slightly, but he didn’t lift his head.

“…Besides, I don’t like going out on weekends anyway. Oh, hey. Take your friends or something and introduce them. Then everything should work out fine.” I said my last sentence over my shoulder as I left the classroom.

“I get it…,” I heard him mutter quietly the moment before I closed the door.

When I got home, I flopped around on the sofa until midnight. Leaving the TV on, I opened a book and played a game on my phone in one hand. This wonder trade thing is such a godly system—and so kind to loners.

My parents came home late and griped at me a bunch, but I gave them some half-assed replies like “Uh-huh” and “Hmm,” and eventually, they gave up on me.

Normally, I’d go to bed right away or focus on reading a book, but lately, nothing would distract me.

Regardless, once it was around midnight, as you might expect, I finally started to get tired. I stretched wide on the sofa and yawned, and that was when the living room door opened. I looked over, thinking the cat must have learned how to open doors on his own, but instead I saw a grumpy-looking Komachi standing there in her nightcap and pajamas.

As I was struggling to decide whether I should say something to her, she opened her mouth first. “Bro. Phone.”

“Huh?” Her sudden remark made me take out my cell phone, but I saw no call and no e-mails, and also not much battery life, either. Come on, this phone stinks.

So then I turned back to Komachi, silently asking what the heck she was talking about. And a cell phone flew at me. I barely managed to catch it before it hit me in the face. Then I realized it was Komachi’s.

“Komachi’s gonna sleep. When you’re done, leave it there.”

“O-okay.”

Before she’d even finished speaking, Komachi retreated to her own room.

I looked at her cell phone, which remained in my hand. On-screen was the on hold display. Guess I’ll pick up, then. I didn’t know who the call was from, but if they had Komachi’s number, they had to be someone respectable. I accepted the call and put the phone to my ear, but I was still somewhat cautious as I said into the speaker, “…Hello?”

“Hyahallo!” A particularly cheerful greeting flew into my ear, making me want to instantly hang up. I drew the phone away from my face and checked the screen again to see Haruno Yukinoshita written there.

Why is she calling? And wait, how does she know Komachi’s number…? As I was glaring at the cell phone with suspicion, I could hear her call, “Heeey.”

But now that I’d answered the phone, I was stuck. Resigned, I put the phone to my ear again. “Do you need something?” I asked.

She responded with another question that had nothing to do with the one I’d asked. “Did you have a fight with your sister?”

Had Komachi said something, or had something given her that hint? Of course, sisters of many years would never fight. Witnessing that stuff gives me a stomachache, so please don’t.

“Compared with your family, it hardly counts as a fight,” I said with some irony, and Haruno laughed into the phone.

“Ah-ha-ha, I see.”

“And hey, how did you get Komachi’s number in the first place?”

“Oh, you know, we met briefly after the cultural festival, right? We swapped numbers then.”

So that’s when it happened, huh…? I think that was the first time Haruno and Komachi had properly talked, and apparently, they’d very shrewdly exchanged numbers, too. Once again, unbeknownst to me, my sister had expanded her social network. Does she know my own acquaintances’ contact info better than I do?

“Anyway, I heard you were invited on a date, but you’re not going?”

“I wasn’t invited…” What’s with this woman—did she call me just to shove reality in my face? Or wait, did Hayama talk to her about this? That’s going too far…

As I was considering earnestly explaining how I had not been invited, she told me with some mild kindness, “Hayato’s invited you, so you should go.”

“Uh, I’m not going…”

In the first place, it was illogical. If I went, then the girls would try to be polite for Hayama and avoid giving me nasty looks. His presence would actually make them start being considerate to me and saying stuff like, You really don’t have to force yourself! There’ll be another time! and they’d even help make it easier for me to announce I was leaving. Whoa, what the heck, which class reunion of mine is this?

“It’s so nice, though. Going on a date with the girl you once liked is so romantic,” she said with a teasing giggle.

“I wouldn’t call what happened actually liking her,” I answered instantly, and her question came back at me without a pause.

“What was it, then?”

I didn’t even have to bother thinking about it. I’d already pondered it to death between middle school and now. The words slid out smoothly. “I was just putting my desires on her. It was like a misunderstanding, and I wouldn’t call that anything real.”

She’d only spoken to me, just paid me a little attention, and I’d somehow become interested and believed she liked me. As a result, I’d gotten the wrong idea. The idea that she liked me had ultimately only been about me liking her. That sort of egotism is very far from romantic feelings.

Confessing those feelings and labeling them with the word like is just a way to define them. If you were to ask what the truth was, I wasn’t really sure. And all the more so now.

There was a sigh on the other end of the line.

Haruno paused for a long while, as if she was considering this. Then she giggled at me. I couldn’t see her, but I could still easily imagine her mouth twisting into an enchanting smile.

Even through the phone, I could easily hear her voice. “You’re like a monster of reason.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? No, I’m not.” I snorted. It was a strangely cool nickname to receive.

“Oh? Then you’re a monster of self-consciousness,” Haruno replied, and there was no mirth in her voice then. I could tell she was speaking very seriously.

Was that why her words made a strange kind of sense to me?

It’s true that an incorrigible amount of self-consciousness is swirling about inside me—probably so much that even my own self-consciousness would want to deny it. It made me imagine a monster trapped in the dead end of some mazelike place of myth. Did it get killed by the hero in the end?

Before I could start brooding, her voice scooped me out of those thoughts with particular cheer as she said, “Anyway! Make sure to go on that date. Okay?”

“Uh, it’s not really a good day, though.” That line comes out of my mouth right away, even when I’m zoning out. It’s aaautooomaaatiiic.

“That’s why we made it on Friday. You don’t like going out on weekends, right?” But my foe was not one to be taken lightly, either, as she immediately struck back against my excuse.

Wait, why does she know what I said? Did Hayama tell her that, too? And hey, how can she go and decide this for me? “Uh, that day’s also kinda…”

“…But you went out with Yukino-chan. Oh, and with Gahama-chan, too,” she said, reminding me of early that summer and of summer vacation.

For some reason, Haruno had also happened to be present both those times. Well, I guess she’s just one of those people who’s “got it.” Very rarely, there are people who naturally draw to themselves the things that would entertain them. All I can think of those people is that they just happened to be chosen.

But neither of those two events was a date or anything like one.

I’m sure there was a greater issue in either case.

I didn’t know how I might correctly describe those events. I merely put together the words that came to mind. “…That was just like going shopping or running errands.”

“And this is just going to hang out, right? You’ll be nothing more than Hayama’s chaperone. Simply walking in the same direction, so to speak,” she said, and I had trouble replying to that. If you were going to attach special meaning to the act of going to hang out, that meant I would also have to find some special meaning in those old shopping trips slash errands.

As I was left speechless except for some pained noises, Haruno slammed me with yet another question. “Or…are you expecting a certain something to come from it, perhaps?”

“Of course not,” I replied immediately. There’s no way I’d have any expectations.

Playful laughter rang out on the other end. “So then there’s no problem. Plus, Hayama doesn’t normally bow his head to ask people favors.”

“Is that right? He asks people favors quite a lot.”

“But he doesn’t bow. He’s actually pretty proud, you know.”

Is that right?

“If you don’t come, I’ll go pick you up at your house!”

The hell, is she like my childhood friend or what? Wait, does she know where I live? That’s scary. Which reminds me, the Yukinoshita sisters are childhood friends with Hayama, huh?

As I was distracted by my impressions of an irrelevant situation, she hung up on me. She says her piece, huh? What a selfish person. But I guess that’s just who Haruno Yukinoshita is.

I put the cell phone on the table, as Komachi had told me to. I could’ve gone to her room to return it, but she’d probably respond like she had earlier. She’d also said she was going to bed, so even if I went to her room and called out to her, she probably wouldn’t reply… Well, she was probably pretending to sleep, though.

The long phone call had made me a little tired.

I was about to sink into the sofa again but changed my mind. I felt like I’d fall asleep there again like I had the other day. It’d be best to go to my own bed while I was awake. That would also make it easier for Komachi to come get her phone.

As I left the living room, I opened and closed the door a bit more noisily than I had to, returning to my room to fall into bed.

I looked up at the ceiling.

Though all of this was built on pretense, I had been roped into going to hang out with girls—and with one I’d confessed to a long time ago.

But still, it wasn’t as if I felt anything in particular. As an existence less than air, I would just be waiting for the time to pass. You might say it was like one of those sign-holding jobs. You stand there the whole time, doing nothing but waiting as time goes by.

This was something similar. I was Hayama’s escort—that’s it. A side item. Less than pickled vegetables in a boxed lunch. I couldn’t even become Saran wrap. Nor could I become Baran and fire off Draura.

Until the day I was supposed to be going to hang out with Hayama and the girls, I received no contact whatsoever. Well, you might point out that of course I didn’t, since they had no way of contacting me, and yes that was true, but it was still kinda fishy… What a pungent side-item feeling. I think the only added items that get treated as carelessly as me are food additives.

I went to school, and as usual, as I entered the classroom, I smoothly assimilated into the air around me. I sat down at my desk, and some time passed.

Hayama was at the back of the class as usual, surrounded by his friends: Tobe, Miura, Yuigahama, and the others. They were chatting about something as usual, and I didn’t get even a hint of an impression that he was going to go hang out with some other girls that day.

He was probably used to this sort of thing. Even though I, the mere side dish, was all like, I wonder when he’s gonna text me (fidget, fidget)…

This anxiety must have shown in my attitude, as Hayama noticed me, then wove between the desks to come to me. He stood in front of my seat and paused a moment as if unsure about how he should speak to me. In the end, he went for brief and inoffensive. “About today, around what time are you leaving?”

Why’s he asking it like that…? Is he planning to go together…? “What about your club?” It was a weekday, and normally, Hayama had soccer practice, so he couldn’t be telling me to wait until that was over, could he? Not happening.

But Hayama didn’t seem to care as he answered, “No practice today. The grounds get crowded, so we sometimes cancel when that happens.”

It was true that the sports field at our school wasn’t that big. It was crowded with not only the soccer team but also the baseball, track, and rugby teams. There would be days like that sometimes.

“Oh, okay… Then if you could just tell me where we’re meeting up.” Regardless, there was no need for us to bother going from school to Chiba Station together. It’d be fine to meet up on the spot.

Besides, I didn’t really want to be talking about this for too long. I noticed Yuigahama glancing over to look at me and Hayama talking, and I wanted to get this over with fast.

Once I said that, unsurprisingly, it seemed Hayama didn’t intend to make me wait. He easily backed off, pulling out his cell phone instead. “Oh…so then can I ask your number just in case?”

“Sure.” I scrawled it on the back of a printout. I often lose my phone at home, so I do remember my own number. After calling myself from the landline at home all the time, I’ve ended up memorizing it…

“Just the number? That’s very like you.” Typing in the number I’d written down, Hayama’s lips twitched in a smile.

Leave me alone. I don’t e-mail people, so this is enough.

“See you later, then,” he said. He finished entering it in his phone and then returned to his own seat. I didn’t watch him go, leaning my face on my hand and closing my eyes.

About nine more hours until we meet at the station, huh? Now that it was actually time to hang out, it felt like more and more of a drag.

It seemed I would be spending the day with accelerating depression.

When the end-of-day homeroom was over, I left the classroom before anyone else.

Our designated meet-up point was by the digital screens for advertisements at Chiba Station. Orimoto and her friend would probably be coming by train, and the location was easy to understand, so that was fair enough.

However, it wasn’t the sort of place you could hang around for a long time.

Since I’d headed straight to Chiba Station immediately after school, there was a little over an hour until the time we’d meet up. I locked up my bike in the nearby bicycle rack and decided to kill some time in a café a short walk away.

I went into the store, ordered a coffee, and sat by the window seat. There wasn’t much heating around this spot, and I could feel the outside air, too. It made the coffee taste better.

Coffee tastes great when it’s cold out. MAX Coffee tastes good year-round, but it’s particularly special around this time. Other kinds of coffee are, well, they’re decent around this time… Coffee is so bitter.

I put in my earbuds and opened my paperback. Being that this wasn’t a stylish café, the relatively uninteresting clientele allowed me to relax.

I flipped through one page and then the next, as one song played, then the next.

When I reached my hand out to my cup, I found it had become tepid.

The wristwatch peeking out from my sleeve showed the passage of time. I had a little while longer until we’d agreed to meet. As I lost myself in thought about what to do next, suddenly, a shadow fell between me and the streetlamp that illuminated the town at dusk.

There was a tapping on the glass.

I turned my face to see Haruno Yukinoshita on the other side, waving her hand.

…Why is she here?

She must have been saying something, as her lips were moving. Of course, there was glass between us, so I couldn’t hear her, and when I tilted my head, she shrugged and came up to the entrance of the café.

Seeing Haruno Yukinoshita from an objective point of view, though, through a sheet of glass, really made me understand how she naturally drew attention. The guys passing by were giving her looks like, That girl’s cute. And when she came into the café, she drew eyes, too.

She bought a coffee at the register and came straight over to sit in the seat opposite me.

“What are you doing…?” were the first words out of my mouth.

She poured milk and sugar into her cup and stirred it around with a spoon. Then she put on a wicked smile and chuckled gleefully.

Whoa, her smile is darker than coffee.

“This is the big date with my younger-brother figure and my future brother-in-law. Wouldn’t any big sister be concerned?”

“Uh, I’m not gonna be your brother-in-law…”

By younger-brother figure, she must have meant Hayama. Being three years older than him, maybe she saw him like that. But when you say it like that, it makes it sound like me and Hayama are on a date, so could you please not…?

As I was wearily thinking these thoughts, she added, more to herself than to me, “Besides, I’m curious about the reason Hayato was so determined to bring you, you know?” Her smile was not the false grin she’d had before but a more frightening thin smile.

Having seen Hayama at school, though, I could sort of understand his rationale. Ultimately, he feels uneasy about causing someone to be ostracized. He must have been bothered that I hadn’t been invited, even though I was there when he met those girls.

That’s why there wasn’t really anything for Haruno to concern herself over. Rather, it was Haruno Yukinoshita who was my concern now. “You have a lot of spare time…”

When I voiced my ongoing suspicion, Haruno replied to me nonchalantly, “Sure I do; I’m a university student who’s good at her studies and has money.”

Whoa, she just came out and bragged about it.

University students have a lot of spare time on their hands, huh? Well, that’s only those who don’t have to work, or who aren’t busy with homework or research, though.

But if that was true, wouldn’t she spend more time having fun? I get the impression that university students who play around don’t even go to school in the first place and drink all year long. They go to cherry blossom parties in spring, BBQs in summer, Halloween costume parties in fall, and in the winter, they have hot-pot parties and stuff. Like, their primary habitat is the homes of friends who live close to school. Or arcades or pachinko slot or mah-jongg parlors. If that’s really what university is like, then I’m never gonna fit in there, though…

But Haruno doesn’t come off that way, so then what does she do, usually…? Who knows? I thought as I asked what I was wondering. “Do you not have many friends?”

“No…so you’re just about the only one who’ll be friends with me…” She sniffled and sobbed in a really obviously fake way.

Whoa, obnoxious… But I doubted that was purely a joke.

Haruno is the type who’s fine being alone. I mean, if you think about it, she’s Yukinoshita’s older sister, so it’s obvious she’d be a solitary type.

I’m sure lots of people idolize her, or at least respect her for how well her mask hides the much darker reality underneath, and approach her with the desire to be friends. When I first met Haruno, I had seen her hanging out with some friends. But I suspect there are few people who could build a relationship with her on equal footing.

Maybe that’s exactly why she’s so persistent with her sister, being that Yukinoshita is in the position closest to herself.

Haruno must have been bothered by my sudden silence, as she said with a wry smile, “Well, that was a joke, but I’m not going to get in your way today, so don’t worry.”

Snapping out of my thoughts, I replied at once. “Oh. Yeah. Do what you want.”

“I didn’t expect to hear that.” Haruno blinked, puzzled. But that was nothing to be surprised about.

I didn’t mind if she was going to get in the way. In fact, I so didn’t mind, that I wanted her to come ruin this date as soon as possible. After all, if she did, I could go home early.

“Hmm, then I think I will. Whoops, it’s about time,” Haruno said, checking her watch. That prompted me to look at my wristwatch, too. It was indeed about time. If I left the café now, I wouldn’t be late.

Guess I’ll get going.

I quickly put together my things, though I hadn’t really pulled out much in the first place, and stood from my seat. Haruno, still seated, smiled. “Do your best, then!”

“Yeah, I’ll do my best not to get in the way.”

It seemed she wasn’t coming with me, which was what I was expecting. She must have meant to watch from a suitable distance.

“See you later!” Haruno sent me off, casually waving her hand in front of her chest.

Tilting my head a little, I replied with a nod, then left the café.

The sun had set now, and the city was beginning to show its nighttime face. The area in front of the station was full of people like me, waiting for others. It was Saturday night. Many of them would be about to go out drinking. Ahead, I saw a couple that had just met up exchange a few remarks, link arms, and walk off.

When I rolled up my sleeve to check the time, I saw it was five PM exactly. It was time for us to meet. Being the first one to come kiiinda made it seem like I was excited about this, which was unbearable. But then coming late would have made me a side item causing trouble.

I was in a really difficult position. I couldn’t make myself too prominent, but I also had to avoid becoming a burden, too. It seemed the coming few hours would be hard on my nerves.

Hayama was the first to come, soon after five. He must have taken the train there, as he came through the ticket gates, jostling around in the flow of people. He really stuck out in a crowd, so he naturally caught my eye. After he looked around the area as he adjusted his bolo tie, he seemed to notice me. He raised his hand casually and came toward me. “Sorry I’m a little late.”

“No, you’re right on time.” One or two minutes is within the margin of error. I’m not that anal about time myself, so it didn’t bother me.

Now there’s just the girls…

I looked around, and Hayama, beside me, swiveled his head in the same way. As he did, he said, “…Sorry for making you come with me.” He seemed to be struggling to get the words out. “I am grateful, thank you.”

“It’s fine. I just came because I’m scared of Yukinoshita the elder. If you want to thank someone, thank her.” I really wouldn’t have come if Haruno hadn’t called me. It might be weird to say this myself, but I’m weak to getting chewed out by older women. I’m also weak to requests from my little sister. I struggle when classmates ask me for things, too. Ahhh, women really are scary.

I hadn’t anticipated Hayama would hit my weak spot like that, so it had been very effective. His buddy-buddy disease had taken things pretty far this time, and it was freaking me out a little. I wouldn’t call this advice, but I should be allowed to complain, at least. “So you’d even ask her to get me to—”

“Oh, isn’t that them?” Hayama cut me off. He was pointing pretty far away, but I could see Orimoto and her friend walking together. When they noticed us waiting, they rushed toward us.

“Sorry to make you wait!” Orimoto raised a hand in a manner that said she didn’t really care about the time, while her friend, Nakamachi, bowed her head apologetically.

“Sorry we’re late…”

“It’s all good… Let’s go, then.” Hayama gave an easy smile and then started walking, while Orimoto and her friend followed after him. He must have explained beforehand. Even now that the girls were with us, they didn’t look at me like, Why are you here?

“We were seeing a movie first, right?” Hayama turned around and slowed his pace a bit, adjusting to the girls’ smaller strides and closing the distance as he spoke to them.

I started walking one step behind the others. I wasn’t really going for the yamato nadeshiko thing. Yeah, I was staying a bit behind partly out of consideration, but there was a greater reason for it.

Seeing the two girls had felt kind of strange.

If I were to put that feeling into words, it would be like an anticlimactic Is this it? Even if this was merely going through the motions of hanging out with girls, it was still a fairly big event for a teenage boy.

That was why it was surprising how off this felt.

I hadn’t felt this way those times at the beginning of summer and during summer vacation, and I’d warned myself to never, ever get the wrong idea about it. But this time, I wasn’t worried about that at all.

It’s like, it’s nothing to me, huh…?

In fact, my heart had been pattering harder when Hayama had shown up than when the girls arrived. Well, actually no, of course not.

On the way to the theater, I listened in silence to their conversation.

The plan for the day was to see a movie and go shopping. Then we’d stop by some arcades on the way, eat something, and go home. Something like that, apparently. It felt very standard.

And then, fifteen minutes after we’d begun.

So far, I’d only used six types of remarks: Uh-huh, Uh-uh, I guess, Yeah, Right, and I see. They use more words for the voice lines in fighting games…

In fact, my ability to express myself with so few words means my communication skills are off the charts, doesn’t it? They’re so amazing, in fact, that anyone who doesn’t come talk to me must be a terrible communicator.

After leaving the station, as they chatted and looked at this and that, we arrived at the movie theater. The walk there, which wouldn’t have taken even five minutes had I been alone, had taken up quite a bit of time.

But anyway, first there was the movie theater. We went in—I never had any choice as to what we were going to see—and the girls picked a movie. But fortunately, it was the same movie I’d missed seeing the other day, so this was the one thing I was sincerely happy about.

Hayama quickly went to go buy tickets for us. Always sooo reliable!

Maybe that was the sort of thing an unnecessary add-on like myself should have done, but I was ultimately just a side item. Depending on usage, side items are also called an “extra head” or a “pity case,” and they just simply exist. Please do not expect too much out of them.

They must have made sure to look up the time beforehand, as we didn’t have to wait around before we went into the theater.

The girls sat on either side of Hayama, while I ended up beside Orimoto. It had already been a priori that the girls would put Hayama in the middle, so this decision went smoothly. And as for the remaining issue of my own seat, this was an appropriate choice, if you considered that me and Orimoto were acquainted.

Once we were in our seats, the movie didn’t start right away. There was enthusiastic chattering at a slightly reduced volume here and there—well, directly to my right, actually.

I leaned my weight on the armrest to my left, making me naturally end up facing that way. This pose was just like a reverse Miroku Bodhisattva in the half-lotus position, otherwise known as the Oh yeah, I’m listening, uh-huh pose. If you sit like this, you project the impression that you’re participating, and it keeps people from getting worried about you, so they won’t force themselves to talk to you.

Eventually, the theater lights dimmed, and everyone stopped talking.

In the dim light, the movie thief began his wiggly dance. The appearance of this familiar character, who may be said to have become the face of the movie theater, drew smothered giggles from the audience.

As I was gazing at the screen, there was a knock, knock on the armrest on my right side. Glancing over, I saw Orimoto cup her hand around her mouth and whisper, “If my friends from middle school heard I’m watching a movie with you, Hikigaya, they’d freak out for real, huh?”

“Probably…”

“Right?” She nodded, smothering her giggles.

Indeed. I think those people from middle school would freak out.

Frankly, I was freaked out, too.

If middle school me had heard about this, he’d have probably freaked out, too. I wouldn’t have been happy about it at all. I’m sure I would’ve cringed and made some nonsensical excuse to back out of it, like It’s nothing like that; it’s not like I want to hang out or anything. I’d never go. Seriously, the innocent logic of middle schoolers is such an enigma.

Well, it wasn’t as if there had been any fundamental change here, either, but still, I was here. Maybe I’d grown a little.

At the very least, I didn’t make out-of-place assumptions anymore. Now, even sitting beside her, even with her face this close in the dark, I didn’t try to find meaning in it.

I leaned on the armrest on the left side, while Orimoto leaned on the one to the right.

There was something nostalgic about this sense of distance. Thinking back, I feel like it had been like this in middle school, too. Now it was nothing, and the two of us had never gotten closer, even once. This is just how Kaori Orimoto interacts with people she’s not interested in, and that’s all.

I got the feeling that, finally, I’d put a proper end to something that had never even really started.

When we left the movie theater, the night wind was cold on my cheeks. It seemed in that span of a little over two hours, it had suddenly gotten chillier out.

The movie itself had been, well, fairly decent. It had the highlights it needed to have, and I hadn’t found myself particularly bored. I guess I’d call it Hollywood-ish.

I wasn’t the only one with an opinion about the movie, and the others were currently chattering about it. It’s like, you know, that’s the reason movie theaters are often picked for dates, like they might tell you in Hot-Dog Press. You won’t have problems thinking about what to talk about right after.

Every time Nakamachi said something like “That was great!” or “That was so fun!” Hayama smiled and nodded, and then Orimoto joined in.

“So like, wasn’t that explosion intense? When it went off, Hikigaya was, like, acting so funny! It was hilarious! The way he was doing his creepy thing totally killed me!”

“Uh, it was just louder than I expected…” Having been smoothly inserted in the middle of this conversation, I gave a simple response. Ignoring them when my name was brought up would leave a bad impression, after all. And not getting in the way was the name of the game that day.

Hayama continued after me with “Yeah, it was a little startling.”

“But you seemed really chill, though,” Nakamachi said as she looked at Hayama, maintaining her position beside him.

Not one to lose, Orimoto also lined up beside Hayama, clapping her hands rather dramatically. “Oh, I thought so, too! I jumped a little, too, but you were totally normal, huh, Hayamaaa? But…hee—Hikigaya…was…li…!” Orimoto couldn’t restrain her laughter, and she shook all over. Her laughter spread to Nakamachi, too, and she glanced over at me and snickered.

O-okay… I—I hope my clown act was good for you…(eyes rolling back)

Anyway, even if I was being laughed it, it was fine as long as a mere side item wasn’t getting in the way.

Hayama smiled a little awkwardly as he watched the girls, but then he flicked a glance at the clock and urged us onward. “If we don’t hurry, we won’t have much time to look around.”

“Oh, that’s right. What time does it close again?” Orimoto asked me.

Of course there was no way I’d know. I wasn’t even told which shop we were going to in the first place, so I don’t know, okay…? Why am I doing a mystery tour in my own hometown, non?

Nakamachi thumbed her cell phone. It seemed she was looking it up. “Um, it says eight thirty.”

“No way! Yikes! We don’t have any time, huh?” Looking panicked, Orimoto pulled out her own phone and checked the time.

It’s about seven thirty in the evening now. About an hour, huh? I didn’t know how long it’d take for the girls to go shopping, but it must have been rather tight. Everyone automatically started walking faster.

Based on where Hayama was headed, it seemed he planned to head from here along Nanpa Street toward the PARCO. So then PARCO would be the sole option.

Man, Nanpa Street is a horrible name, huh? There’s also a bridge called Nanpa Bridge around Kaihin-Makuhari—what’s up with Chiba?

We window-shopped around lots of places on the way before eventually arriving at a big intersection. In the big park on the opposite side, I could see young people dancing and skateboarding and stuff.

Now then, next on the schedule was shopping.

We went into the mall, and while we were going up the escalator, a conversation of “How about winter clothes?” or “How about a scarf with a uniform?” started—not including me.

Then we proceeded to the second floor. Up there were all sorts of shops that seemed perfect for high school girls to kill time: women’s fashion, housewares, and miscellaneous. The housewares and miscellaneous stores had sofas and beds, so shoppers could bask in a bit of relaxation. Maybe there’s some effect if the two of you sit on a sofa and scooch close or something, thinking in a Hot-Dog Press sort of way.

But for any other type of clothing or accessory places, I had no idea what to do. What’s the correct way for a boy to spend his time here?

The last time I’d been out shopping, I’d felt embarrassed in that place where they’d been selling women’s things, so now I found myself trying to remember. What did I do then, again?

I’d put on a foolish act, like a game of make-believe.

But it seemed there was no need for that today. Maybe it was because Hayama was with us, or because we were in a mixed group of four, but the staff didn’t seem particularly suspicious of me.

If they had been choosing presents for other people, I would’ve had the space to interject, but since they were choosing things for themselves, I had nothing to opine about. Time passed as I stood there, diagonally behind Hayama.

“How about this, Hayama?”

“Oh, what about this?”

Orimoto and Nakamachi were starting a fashion show with Hayama. He seemed like he was busy dealing with them.

Meanwhile, I was completely at loose ends, so I amused myself by imagining I was bodyguarding a VIP, alert to my surroundings while I suddenly covered my ear and acted like I’d gotten a call on my earpiece as I searched for sniping points. That was when my security net caught someone for real.

It was a familiar-sounding voice. “So, like, trying them on is nice and all, but you can’t really tell when we’re in our uniforms, y’know?”

“You’re the one who said you wanted to look at boots, Yumiko…”

Carefully searching for the source of these voices, I spotted my classmates in a shop diagonally across from us. Yumiko Miura was standing in front of a mirror with a look of dissatisfaction, while Hina Ebina seemed exasperated.

“Maybe I should go with the black ones,” Miura muttered, sort of like she was talking to herself, and then she took some boots that looked like black leather and put them on instead. Standing in front of the mirror again, she hmm’d pensively at herself.

But that seemed to be a hit for Ebina, who was watching, as she clapped her hands, all smiles. “Ohhh, that’s nice. Black leather boots with a school uniform services some real niche tastes.”

“…Never mind, then. And the next time you say something like that, I’ll give you the boot, for real.”

Give her the boot over boots, huh? Mm-hmm.

Looking openly annoyed, Miura pulled off the shoes. Her expression was quite disgruntled, but their exchange seemed to be in good fun.

Well, it was great that they were getting along. But it bothered me a little that Yuigahama wasn’t there. I had this strong impression that the three of them would be together when they went shopping or were hanging out. Did Yuigahama have other plans or something?

“Wouldn’t suede also be nice?” Ebina reached out to a different shelf, then slowly turned back to Miura. On her way around, her gaze met mine, as I’d been watching the whole time. “Oh.”

This was probably the first time we’d looked straight at each other since the school field trip. There was a pause as we both read each other, figuring out how we should act.

Ebina’s pause must have made Miura curious, as she craned her neck around, too. “What’s up, Ebina?” And then she discovered me—or more accurately speaking, Hayama, who was beyond me. And what’s more, that he was with other girls.

“H-Haya…” Miura shot up, mussing her loosely curled blonde hair. But she stumbled over her boots, which she was still in the process of removing, and her momentum sent her tumbling dramatically to the floor.

Panties! Pink! That’s surprising!

That was a close one. For an instant, I wasn’t regretting coming out here…

“H-hey, Yumiko, are you all right?!” Ebina rushed to Miura to help her up.

It looked like she was in pain, moaning with tears in her eyes. She was pressing a hand to her butt; she must have hit it when she fell. Noticing this, Ebina began kindly patting her.

What’s with this picture?

“Nghhh, ugh, H-Haya…” Clearly still in pain, Miura looked over at Hayama with moist eyes.

Oh, that’s gotta hurt. Both in body and soul.

But it’s kind of nice to see a girl who’s usually so confident with tears in her eyes!

It wasn’t the time to be thinking these thoughts, though. With her in this state, it’d take time for her to reboot, but once she recovered, she’d come over to Hayama and quarrel with Orimoto and Nakamachi. Nobody would expect otherwise. If she were to whip out that intimidating aura she’d used on Isshiki before, that’d be trouble for me. It’d probably take forever to resolve, and I’d end up going home late.

I slipped around behind Hayama and kept my voice as low as possible. “Hayama, we should go somewhere else soon,” I said.

“Huh?” He checked his watch.

Uh, it’s not an issue of time. It’s a little scarier.

But Hayama seemed to convince himself of something. “Guess that’s right,” he muttered before turning to the girls. “There’s something I want to take a little look at, too.”

At that, both girls returned the clothing and accessories they’d had to their original places.

“Sure. What do you wanna see?” Orimoto asked.

“Let’s just get going,” Hayama said, evading the question, and started walking off, leading the two.

Once we were some ways away from Miura and Ebina, it was Hayama’s shopping time.

By the way, it seemed there was no shopping time for me. Well, I didn’t particularly want anything right then, so it was fine. The only place I wanted to go was the bookstore, and I wanted to go there alone.

“I want to go take a look at the snowboarding gear,” Hayama said, heading for the up escalator. That stuff would be around the sports equipment shops on the sixth floor.

Then we heard loud voices on the down escalator.

“Irohaaasu. Listen, Murasaki Sports is the only place we need to go, okay?”

“No, no! Oh, wasn’t there a shop called Lion Sports near the west entrance?”

“No, Lion Sports is only baseball stuff. The name’s kinda misleading.”

I spotted a light-brown short bob and darker long hair. In their hands were bags from the sports equipment store we were headed to.

“Huh? Isn’t that Hayato?” Tobe, who came to the bottom first, noticed Hayama. Then he immediately wailed, “Hey, Hayatoooo!”

“What’s wrong, Tobe?” Hayama asked, a little confused at having Tobe suddenly come cling to him.

Tobe tugged at the hair at the back of his head with open discontent and began complaining. “Listen, man! Irohasu said she wants to get new jerseys, so we came to buy them, but we’ve been buying nothing but protein powder…,” he began, but then he must have finally seen me and the girls. At a loss as to what to say there, he took two steps backward. It seemed he’d assumed we were on a double date (lol). “Huh? …Uh, sorry, am I totally in the way? Sorry, sorry! We’ll get outta your hair. Right, Irohasu?” Tobe said, sounding flustered, and he turned around to Isshiki, but Isshiki wasn’t there.

Because she’d already circled around to my side.

She’s fast! Irohasu’s fast! Too scary!

“Hey, what’s going on? Oh, are you hanging out?” Her voice was fluffy, her smile was broad, and her question was a perfectly normal thing to say when you bumped into another student in town. But there was a strange pressure in it. Somehow it seemed to also mean, Wow, you’ve got guts to forget about my request and go hang out with girls.

Uh, I really haven’t forgotten, you know? And I am actually thinking about your request, in my own way…

“Uh, we’re not really hanging out…” As I was wondering how I should explain this, Isshiki grasped my sleeve and looked up at me with puppy-dog eyes. Oh hey, she’s kind of cute—wait, hey, hold on, I can’t!

As she expressed her suspicion, she tug-tugged at my sleeve. I didn’t expect her to tug so hard, and she pulled my shoulder down, tipping me forward a little until I was right at eye level with her. Her gentle, fluffy smile was right by my face. Softly, her quavering pink lips moved. “And hey, who’s that girl? Oh, is she your girlfriend? Wait, there’s two of them, isn’t there? …What’s going on here, huh?”

Scary… Terrifying.

How can such a cold voice come out of such a big smile…?

“Uh, well, like…”

As I was racking my brains trying to come up with an answer that would enable my escape, Hayama addressed Isshiki. “Sorry, Iroha. They’re hanging out with me.”

“Ohhh, is that right? Oh, I just happened to be out, too, so why don’t we hang out together?” She immediately released my sleeve and spun around to face Hayama.

Wow, she’s surprisingly aggressive about this.

Then Tobe, a little flustered, beckoned to Isshiki, like, C’mon, c’mon.

Phew, I’ve been freed…, I thought.

“Come on, Irohasu! Let’s get going! Okay?”

“Guess you two were in the middle of shopping? Then we’ll leave you to it, Tobe, Iroha.” Hayama raised a casual hand.

Isshiki raised both her hands in front of her chest, waving cutely, like, Yaaay! “Okeydoke. See you later!” Then she waved at me, too. “Let’s talk again later, ’kaaay?”

Agh, I haven’t been freed after all. She’s gonna make me explain myself the next time I see her, isn’t she…?

But anyway, the next time I saw her would probably be the day of the election. No—I should have one meeting with her before that.

The purpose of the election speech would be to make her lose the vote of confidence, so the worse it was, the better, but if it made Isshiki come off really badly, too, then it’d hurt her reputation. But still, if it went too well, then she might win the vote, no matter what incompetent trash the campaign speech was. It was a difficult balancing act.

But regardless, this was a one-shot game. I’d make sure to talk to her early the next week… I wonder how I should explain today? Now I’ve got more crap to worry about, I thought as I watched Isshiki and Tobe go.

As they walked away, Tobe was going, “Aw right!” and “Yeaaah!” and stuff, trying to build up a chipper mood to make Isshiki feel better. He’s such a good guy. “Okay! Irohasu, let’s go to Lion Sports! Yeah!”

“Oh, whatever. Aren’t they just for baseball?”

“Huh?” Then came a rather pitiful sound.

“She’s… Wow.” My straightforward impression left my mouth as I watched them go.

Hearing that, Hayama smiled wryly. “Yeah, she’s a bit of a handful for me, too.”

“Oh-ho…”

Oh-ho? Are you bragging? Eh?

But his response was unexpected. “So Iroha will let you see her like that, too, huh?”

“What?” I asked back, not understanding what he meant.

Hayama’s expression abruptly turned serious. “Iroha wants to look cute to a lot of people—not only me. I think she has this personal self-image she wants to maintain. She wants people to love her…so it’s unusual for her to act natural.”

That means she lets me see her true self because she doesn’t want me to love her, though…

Tobe and Iroha went down the escalator, and once they were out of sight, Orimoto and her friend, who had been some distance away, approached. They must have been being considerate, or they’d figured it was a good idea to avoid Tobe when he was all worked up. Isshiki, too, with her oozing suspicion.

We went up to the sixth floor together and headed for the sports equipment store right by the top of the escalator.

“Were they your friends?” Nakamachi asked.

“Yeah, from the soccer club,” Hayama replied.

Orimoto very lazily joined in on the conversation. “I get it! I could tell!”

Is that right…? Looking at Tobe, soccer jock isn’t really the first phrase that comes to mind, though. Though I couldn’t tell you what other sports would suit him. Because I don’t care. But I doubt Orimoto was particularly interested in Tobe, either.

“And you just look like someone who’d play soccer, too, Hayama. Have you been doing it a long time?” It seemed this was the question she’d wanted to ask.

“Yeah. But I only started getting serious around middle school.”

Huh. That’s surprising. I’d figured he’d been in some junior league or something.

I didn’t say that out loud, but apparently, it showed on my face, as Hayama added with a wry smile, “I did lots of different activities when I was in elementary school, so I hadn’t narrowed it down to soccer.”

I see, I thought, and I found myself nodding. My reaction made it seem like I was more interested in Hayama than the girls. Oh, I didn’t really care. I was just that bored, so I’d wound up listening.

It was a little awkward, so I covered my discomfort by fiddling with the gear hanging on the racks and the grippers on the shelf placed diagonally away from them.

Thinking about it now, though, Hayama was a man of some mystery. This was partly because I’d never tried to find out anything about him, but also, he didn’t disclose things about himself. That was something about him that kind of reminded me of Yukinoshita. Maybe that’s the modesty of high society.

This made even someone like me, who wasn’t really interested, sort of listen to him. Of course, the two girls leaped on his remark. “Ohhh, but your middle school was good, right?”

“Wow. Our middle school clubs really sucked. Right?” Orimoto turned her head toward me, seeking agreement.

Deprecating your own environment in order to elevate the person you’re addressing is, well, the modesty of the middle class, I guess. I returned her nod.

Then Orimoto made an “Ah!” sound as if she’d just remembered something. “That reminds me: You weren’t in any clubs, Hikigaya, but didn’t you get an award for a sports test or something?”

“Yeah.” Oh yeah, I guess I did… But, like, sports tests are ultimately measured by other students, so you can get a record without even trying. With mine, the guy I’d been paired with had given so few shits, and for the more tiring ones like the twenty-meter shuttle run, he’d just picked some numbers and written them down. As a result, I’d gotten a grade-A ranking. But even if my partner hadn’t been like that, it’s not like the bar is that high. A bunch of other kids in the class got A rankings, too.

Of course, I’m sure Hayama did, too.

Picking up some gear, Hayama suddenly opened his mouth. “Don’t you get medals or something for that?” He pulled out a rather vague memory, and that threw open the door to more memories.

“Yeah, yeah! And then at the assembly at the end, when Hikigaya went up to the front to receive his, that really got everyone going!” Orimoto must have been remembering that time, as she started laughing. Nakamachi must have been imagining the scene, too, as she put her hand to her mouth and giggled a little.

Ah-ha-ha. Here comes a dry laugh from me, too.

This sort of thing is common when someone who’s normally inconspicuous suddenly draws attention to themselves in an unexpected situation. Ditto with reading aloud in Japanese or English class. The culture of public humiliation is the penchant of the lower class.

Having a little laugh must have satisfied them, as the girls started picking up various pieces of equipment that seemed to suit Hayama, offering comments like “Snowboarding is great” as they selected items.

As I watched from a couple of steps back, Hayama quietly approached my side. “…You had an unusual time in middle school.”

“Leave me alone.” It was nothing that unusual. I’m sure plenty of people have experienced something similar. In fact, if you were going to talk about uniqueness, then Hayama was much more so.

But it seemed that wasn’t what he was trying to say. He shrugged and continued. “That’s not what I mean… You said when you were in middle school, you liked her?” Hayama said, looking at Orimoto. “She your type? …That’s surprising.”

“Shut up…”

Hayama had a teasing smile on. He’s a sociable, smiley guy, but I think this was the first I’d ever seen him amused like that.

But he didn’t have to point any of this out to me. I was aware of it myself.

If I had to call it anything, I guess it’d be the folly of youth.

Looking back, it was still true that I’d believed I liked Kaori Orimoto, and it was also a fact that I’d confessed to her. But it wasn’t as if there was anything special about her. “It’s not like it was just Orimoto in particular. Not at all. I li… My type included quiet girls and more outgoing ones, too.” Unsurprisingly, I was too embarrassed to actually say the word like. I hesitated, then covered it up.

“That’s not a type.” Hayama smiled wryly.

I was real sick of his fairly grown-up attitude. It felt like an emotion I had no way to express, something like irritation, would come out of me. I pushed it down and slowly assembled a response instead. “…And anyway, just because she was once doesn’t mean she still is now.”

“…That’s true.” Hayama nodded, as if that had convinced him. Our conversation ended there.

But he was still standing there beside me.

Neither of us talking, all I could hear was the store background music and the sound of the two girls chattering.

“In the end…” Hayama abruptly spoke again.

But it seemed hard for him to say, and he cut off there. I looked over at him, thinking he was going to continue, but he quietly looked away to somewhere else not inside the store. Somewhere farther away.

“In the end, I suppose you’ve never really come to like anyone.”

His words clenched at my stomach. For an instant, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t snap back at him, either. I couldn’t even formulate anything of that nature. I had the sense that it was a bad idea to fall silent, so I opened my mouth a crack. But nothing came out.

Seeing I had nothing to say in reply, Hayama showed me a self-deprecating smile. “…And I haven’t, either.” He raised his head to the sky. In profile, he looked like a man ready to confess his sins.

“That’s why we had the wrong idea.” His quiet murmur melted into the air and dispersed.

“Hayamaaaa, what about this?” Orimoto’s voice came from far away.

Hayama closed his eyes deeply just once and immediately opened them again, and there was his usual breezy smile. “What?” he said, ambling over toward the girls. He was holding himself like the Hayato Hayama I knew.

But the Hayato Hayama I didn’t know had worn an expression so sad, I’d almost expected him to cry.

While they were choosing gear, it came time for the store to close. There was one more push in my long task as side item. Once we went outside, it was completely dark out, and even colder.

Hayama checked a clock, then called out to the girls. “Hey, are you hungry?”

“Starved!” Orimoto replied instantly, and Hayama smiled wryly. Orimoto, who was a self-styled forthright personality, didn’t bother acting girlish, even in a situation like this. But this old man thinks that showing some shyness will win you a lot of points.

“So then what do you want to eat?” Hayama asked.

Nakamachi seemed to consider a moment but then said with reservation, “Anything’s fine.”

“What should we eat?” Orimoto spun around to look at me. She seemed to find something funny.

Well, if someone asks my opinion, I will reply. I wanted to go home as soon as possible, so it’d be best to get this over with someplace close by. Meaning I should choose a restaurant close to the mall exit. “Saize, I guess.” I’ve covered the positions of nearly all the Saizeriyas in Chiba, so I came to that conclusion immediately.

But when Nakamachi heard that, she gave me a dull look. “…Uh-huh.”

Hey, just a moment ago, you said you were fine with anything, didn’t you? Come on, what’s this about? You don’t like Saize? Or you don’t like me? In this case, never mind me—just apologize to Saize. Even if you come to hate me, please don’t hate Saizeriya!

Meanwhile, Orimoto was holding her stomach as she burst into laughter, saying, “Saize… He said Saize… Sa…i…ze…”

While I was thinking at this rate, we’d never reach a decision, Hayama intervened. “Well, maybe not something that heavy, so how about that café?”

There was a café right across the street in the direction Hayama pointed. It looked chic and fashionable, so the girls nodded in agreement. Wait, it was because Hayama suggested it that they were convinced, wasn’t it…? If I’d pointed out that place, I couldn’t see this resolving peacefully. You know, it’s something like that law of popularity: You don’t get girls because you’re in a band; guys who get girls form bands.

Anyway, we crossed the crosswalk and went into the café.

It was moderately warm inside, and the lighting was a little dim, creating a nice atmosphere. Once we were all done making our orders, we went up to the second-floor seats.

Perhaps because it was later in the day, the dim café was fairly empty. There were a few people sitting at the table seats next to the stairs and one person at the counter by the window. The tables in the rear were open. With the number of people we had, we naturally ended up sitting over there.

From where I sat, I was facing the smoking section, which was divided from the rest of the café by glass. There was a woman sitting there with her hat pulled down over her eyes and earbuds in her ears, but she wasn’t smoking a cigarette, nor did she have an ashtray near her.

She really did follow us…

Haruno Yukinoshita gave me a stealthy wave so that only I would notice.

Well, it doesn’t look like she’s planning to get in the way, so there’s no real harm if I leave her alone, I guess… It’s not as if she’s done anything to me in particular before. Besides, Hayama would have noticed her, too. But if he wasn’t saying anything, that had to mean he planned to ignore her.

Meanwhile, it seemed the girls never noticed Haruno was there at all. Well, that was a normal assumption. They must not have imagined this university-aged big sister would bother coming to observe her “little brothers’” date. Neither had I, for that matter.

But more than that, most of all, they were absorbed in their chat with the boy in front of them, and they had no eyes for anything else. Oh, and before you ask, yes. That anything else does include me.

The warm drinks seemed to make the girls talkative. I listened in silence as they chatted for a while. I didn’t forget to make listening noises, more or less, as I blew on my coffee to cool it.

As I was raising my head from my drink, figuring it might have finally reached an acceptable temperature, that was right when the conversation reached a break.

Orimoto looked over at me like she didn’t know what to talk about. Huh? What, I have to say something? I worried momentarily, but that concern was needless.

“Ah-ha!” she laughed. She was clearly having a great time here. “But Saize, though, come on!”

“Yeah, it’s kind of weird.” Nakamachi giggled in the same way.

…Uh-huh. So sorry, who were you again? Something-machi?

Due to what had happened in middle school, me being the butt of jokes like this was, well, I could get it. In fact, Orimoto’s actions were perfectly valid. But I dunno about her friend saying stuff like that about me…

Look down on someone once, and then you can say whatever you want. At some point, she’d realized I was the kind of character you could tease however you wanted, and she’d taken that as a green light.

Orimoto, or rather middle school me, had laid the groundwork to make things like this, so I couldn’t avoid it. I would accept my fate. Oh, coffee and life are truly bitter.

With a masculine, astringent, civil smile on my face, my lips twitched.

Hayama, sitting beside me, put down his cup with a clack. “I don’t really like this…”

“Yeah, right?” Nakamachi commented agreeably. Toward what, I don’t even know.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Hayama smiled.

His voice bright as the sun and his tone sweeter than chocolate, as if he was kindly admonishing her for a misunderstanding, he said, “What I’m talking about is you two.”

“U-um…” Orimoto and Nakamachi both made confused sounds, as if they didn’t understand what they’d just heard. I couldn’t pin down where he was going with this, either.

Nobody said anything, and I felt like the store background music suddenly got louder.

The tap of a footstep rang out in the silence. There were some people coming up the stairs, slowly approaching us.

“…You’re here,” Hayama muttered, standing up.

Then he raised his hand, and I followed his gaze to Yukinoshita and Yuigahama. They were in their uniforms and with their bags, looking like they were on their way back from school.

These entirely unexpected visitors made me stand up without thinking, too. “Guys…”

“Hikki…” Yuigahama smiled a little sadly, standing there and looking at loose ends. She was squeezing the strap of her backpack tight. Behind her, Yukinoshita just looked at us imperiously. Her cold eyes showed no emotion, and even when our gazes clashed, that didn’t change.

This was torture, and I couldn’t help but turn my head away. “Why are you here…?” I murmured.

Hayama answered, “I invited them.”

The three of us with him reacted with wide-eyed shock. From where those two girls sat, they must have had no idea what he meant. Not only had Hayama spoken harshly to them, now some strangers had shown up, and what’s more, Hayama had been the one to invite them.

As we were frozen and a little confused, Hayama turned back to Orimoto and her friend and continued. “Hikigaya is more than who you think he is.” The smile was gone from his face now. I could hear distinct hostility in his voice. Under Hayama’s sharp glare, Orimoto and Nakamachi froze. “He’s friends with girls who are way better than you. You only see the surface and say whatever you want. Could you not?” He was indicating toward Yukinoshita and Yuigahama.

Orimoto and Nakamachi looked over there, too. And then they breathed little groan-like sighs. They were speechless—probably out of disillusionment, or fear, or simultaneous confusion with this person, Hayato Hayama.

A silence fell; no one knew how to respond.

But then, just one person there…

Was it my imagination, or did I detect someone giggling behind the counter in the smoking section?

Eventually, Orimoto sighed deeply. “Sorry. I’ll go, then,” she said, grabbing her bag.

Nakamachi hurriedly followed her. “Y-yeah, sorry. Me too…” The two of them stood and headed for the stairs that went down to the first floor.

On the way, they passed by Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, and there, Orimoto froze for a moment. She glanced at the two of them.

Yukinoshita didn’t even seem to notice Orimoto, her eyes never leaving me and Hayama, while Yuigahama must have felt weird about being stared at, as she awkwardly twisted around and averted her eyes a little.

“…I see,” Orimoto muttered, as if she’d figured something out, then started walking again.

As Nakamachi went down the stairs, she turned back to us once, worried about Hayama. But nevertheless, she immediately turned away again, avoiding making any sound as she quietly descended the steps.

Once Orimoto and Nakamachi were out of sight, Yukinoshita breathed a little sigh and then slowly began. “You told me we were meeting to discuss the election,” she said sharply, with a glare at Hayama. The flash in her eyes was a more eloquent attack on Hayama than anything she could have said. Hayama was at a loss for a reply and looked away.

“You mean the student council election?” I asked. Yukinoshita refused to respond to my question, while Hayama weakly nodded.

But Yuigahama fumblingly attempted to mediate. “U-um, me and Yukinon were talking about how maybe Hayato could run in the election, and he said we should talk a little today, and then, and then…” She sputtered off at high speed, and at the end, her sentences fell apart.

So they’d brought up Hayama as a candidate after all. That selection in itself was no surprise. I could call it a reasonable choice. But it was baffling that Hayama had accepted. Even if he could never refuse a request, he had his club, and he was the captain, too. If he didn’t give both his all, he would cause trouble on both sides. He should understand that much. So he wouldn’t accept it.

Not understanding what he was really after, I looked at him. Under my gaze, Hayama replied in a listless mutter, “I just figured I would do what I can.”

I wasn’t the one to react to that.

“Hmmm, I see.” The woman who’d been sitting in a corner of the smoking section the whole time stood up, took off her hat, and stepped up before us.

“Haruno…” With her sister right there in front of her, Yukinoshita let a little of her agitation show. I doubt she ever expected to run into Haruno here.

Seeing her reaction, Haruno smiled nastily. “So you’re not going to be student council president, Yukino-chan? I thought for sure you would.” She took one step closer to Yukinoshita, then another, coming to stand in front of her. Yukinoshita bit her lip and lowered her gaze. But even if she averted her eyes, she couldn’t plug her ears, too.

Haruno continued. “You’re just like Mom, making others do everything for you.”

Yukinoshita didn’t say anything in reply to that remark as she tightly clenched her fists.

Haruno leaned close to Yukinoshita and gently stroked her neck. “Well, maybe you’re fine with that. You don’t have to do anything. Someone else will always swoop in to take care of it, huh?” Her long and elegant fingers trailed along the fine white line of Yukinoshita’s neck—slowly, as if she would slice open her artery or strangle her.

When Haruno’s hand reached the base of her throat, Yukinoshita knocked it away.

The two of them continued to face each other for a few seconds. No one could have come between them during that time.

“Yes. That’s right…,” Yukinoshita muttered, and she glared at Haruno, then at Hayama. Hayama breathed a deep sigh and closed his eyes, and Haruno smiled boldly.

Yukinoshita adjusted her bag over her shoulder and turned around. “If you don’t need anything else, then I’m going…,” she told us over her shoulder. Then she started walking off.

The frozen moment was gently set in motion once more. When we all finally exhaled again, Yuigahama snapped out of her daze with a gasp and went after Yukinoshita. “W-wait, Yukinon!”

Once her hurried footsteps down the stairs faded away, only me, Hayama, and Haruno remained.

“Why’d you have to say all that to her?” I asked.

Haruno erased the cruel smile she’d worn until then and breathed a tiny sigh. “You don’t have to ask, do you? It’s the same reason as always.”

“You’re putting in a lot of effort just to meddle.” Haruno had interfered with Yukinoshita’s business before. But there was clearly a line between that and what she’d done today. Before, her aggression had been too tepid to call open provocation. I was asking out of curiosity.

But Haruno tilted her head cutely and played stupid. “Am I?”

Even if you’re siblings—no, because you’re siblings, you will run into conflict. That’s particularly true with these especially talented sisters, who have been compared with each other all their lives. So it was obvious Yukinoshita would have some negativity toward Haruno. Of course, the elder sister, Haruno, was also being measured against Yukino. So then it wouldn’t be strange for her to harbor some of the same feelings, too.

“Yeah, well, I have a little sister, too, so I can kinda tell when there’s something going on between siblings.” That was why I could say this with confidence.

But upon hearing that, Haruno smiled. This one was a completely different sort of smile from the one she’d shown me in the donut shop a while ago. There was not even a shadow of that peaceful expression here now. “You understand everything, don’t you, Hikigaya?” The ironic edge to her words seemed to mock my shallowness. And it was sharp, too, rejecting the intrusion of an outsider.

The pressure oozing from behind that smile gave me goose bumps.

“…”

As I tensed up, Haruno narrowed her eyes. Her gaze was different now, softer. Her tone of voice brightened, too. “Don’t give me that scared look. I really am impressed with you.”

“Thanks…,” I replied, rubbing through my clothing at the goose bumps that wouldn’t settle.

Haruno’s gaze as she watched my gestures was surprisingly soft. “You’re interesting. You’re always trying to read into what people say and do. I love it.”

Her words were a surprise attack, and I choked up with an ngh.

Smiling, Haruno added, “It’s like you’re afraid I have bad intentions. It’s cute.” Her expression was sadistic, with not even a speck of anything romantic. It was exactly like she was regarding a pet. And then that gaze slid over to the person next to me. “There’s nothing interesting about someone who can handle everything flawlessly, now, is there?”

Hayama, who’d been silently listening to the conversation until then, sighed in lieu of clearing his throat. I understood without asking who she was talking about.

When neither I nor Hayama was able to reply, Haruno gave a little shrug, then grabbed her bag, which she had left on her seat. “All right, I know what I wanted to know, so I guess I’ll get going, too. This has kinda gotten boring anyway.” After that parting shot, without looking back, she trotted down the stairs. The all-too-vibrant moment of her departure was very befitting of the free-spirited person she was, and it felt as if no one could stop her.

It felt like just a hint of the perfume she’d worn remained.

Now it was me and Hayama.

This all had been so pointless. I just wanted it over with, so I reached out for my bag, too.

But there was one thing.

Even as I tried not to, I had to say it. “…Don’t get any ideas. That was unnecessary.”

I don’t think I was angry at what Hayama had done in and of itself. What I hadn’t liked was that Yukinoshita and Yuigahama had seen me with Orimoto and her friend.

The fact that no one had to tell me that made me even more angry.

Hayama gave a weak, self-deprecating laugh, and his shoulders drooped. It made him look small, even though he was supposed to be taller than me. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention… I just did what I wanted to do.”

“What you said to those two girls…was that just what you wanted, too?”

I would never have imagined a cruel smile like that from Hayama normally—in fact, it had been what I’d expect from Haruno Yukinoshita. Despite its brightness and prettiness, it had been entirely skin-deep. I understood he’d done that in my defense. But even so, I couldn’t understand why he’d do something like that, why he’d be willing to destroy the image he’d cultivated.

“…It didn’t bother you at all?”

“…I feel awful. I never want to do it again,” Hayama spit, and he bit his lip.

“Then you shouldn’t have done it.” I was utterly disgusted. I don’t understand the ideas good people come up with. They want everyone to get along, so when things come apart at the seams, they try to fix it, but then that opens holes elsewhere. I never even asked to be a part of this.

Hayama sat down in his chair with a thump. Then with his gaze, he prompted me to take a seat. I refused, staying on my feet as I waited for him to speak.

He breathed a resigned sigh and leaned forward a bit, lacing his fingers together. “…I’ve been thinking for a while…about how to get back what I’ve broken.”

“What?” I didn’t understand what he was stabbing at. But it was clear to me that his ambiguous manner of speaking meant that it was something he wanted to avoid talking about, and that lead me to infer what it was.

“I…kinda hoped you could help, so even though I knew what would happen, I relied on you. And because of that…”

“Hey.”

Don’t say any more.

My tone of voice was rougher than usual. I wasn’t going to touch on that again. It was already over and done with, and what Hayama had been about to say was like grave robbing.

Hayama must have wanted to avoid touching on it himself, as he cut off there and went straight to his conclusion. “You should know what you’re really worth…and not just you. The people around you should, too.”

“What are you talking ab… Huh?” I was so surprised by his remark, all I could come out with was that disjointed reply.

“But that’s hard… I wish I could have done better… This was about all I could do,” Hayama said in a somewhat self-deprecating manner with a twist of his lips. But when his smile dropped, the look he gave me was terribly sad. “…You’ve always done things like this, haven’t you? But could you stop…always sacrificing yourself to make things work?”

“…I’m not you.” The thing tangled in my throat came out all at once. My voice echoed quietly through the café, and I realized there was irritation, anger, and a tinge of sadness in it.

Argh, I really am on edge. My feelings are all mixed up.

I’d pushed them this far; they’d come so close. So why do they go off somewhere else?

I think I really had gotten my hopes up, thinking maybe Hayama understood.

But he didn’t.

Don’t look down on me with your sympathy. Don’t pity me.

Hayama had the wrong idea. I’d given him a hand because I’d felt sorry for him. There was no reason for him to feel sorry for me.

A lump of feelings I could not define left my mouth before I could stop it. “Sacrificing myself? Bullshit. To me, it’s just what I do.”

When I snapped back at him, Hayama listened in silence. It was like he was just letting himself be punched, and that pissed me off further.

“Because I’m always alone. When there’s something that needs to be resolved, I’m the only one who can do it. So obviously, I do it.” There is no one but me in my world. With the events that I face, there has always only ever been me. “So it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If something happens in front of me, it’s my business, and never anyone else’s. Don’t stick your nose in because you don’t see what’s actually going on.”

The world is my subjective view.

If I make a choice and fail, that’s fine. But if those results are snatched away by someone else, that’s something else entirely.

That’s a usurper pretending to be a savior.

Hayama glared back at me.

His fists had clenched at some point, probably without even him noticing. Then he suddenly relaxed them and weakly lowered his gaze. “When you… When you help people, isn’t it because you wish someone would help you?”

That settled it.

He didn’t understand a damn thing.

He was basically saying that all my help, all this time, had been done out of self-interest.

Even if Hachiman Hikigaya was like that—

—I couldn’t let Hayama say anyone else was.

I hadn’t come to this point based on phony feelings, and neither had she.

“No.”

I even stopped glaring at him.

I don’t want that sort of tepid kindness or sympathy. That cliché, tear-jerking teen drama is so disgusting, it makes me want to puke.

In this teen drama, there always exists a loser, and that’s unavoidable. So then there exists a possibility I may at some time be the victor. There may also be a time when the boy in front of me would become the loser.

That’s the zero-sum game we’re in. One person’s pleasure is another’s pain. It’s nothing more than that. You might sing the praises of youth, but one mistake can turn it all upside down.

You’re just feeling nice for a while, so stop treating it like it means you’re above me. Don’t pity me and don’t give me your sympathy. That’s just comfortable complacency.

I snatched up the bag I’d left there.

“Keep your sympathy; it makes me sick. Don’t label me as a charity case. It’s a pain in the ass,” I spit, then turned around and went down the stairs.

As I left the café, I moved my legs way faster than usual, never stopping until I was close to the station. Though it wasn’t like anyone was following me, I kept taking one step after another.

When I reached the bicycle parking where I’d left my bike, I finally stopped.

I looked up at the sky to see the stars shining.

A bunch of the bikes had fallen—the wind must have knocked them over. My bicycle was at the very bottom of the pile.

As I was lifting each one, a word came to my lips. “…Bullshit.”

To whom was that word directed?

I wouldn’t let him call it self-sacrifice.

I’ve maximized efficiency and done the very best I can with the few cards I’ve drawn—he doesn’t get to call that a sacrifice. That was a humiliation greater than anything. A blasphemy against someone who’s lived in desperation.

Who’d sacrifice themselves for you jerks?

Even if I hadn’t put those feelings into form, even if I hadn’t voiced them out loud, even if they had never become words…

…I’d had a firm conviction.

I think it was the one thing I shared with a certain someone.

And now I’d lost it.