Toradora! - Volume 9 - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

“Was the landlady awake~? What happened~?”

“I said don’t worry about it. She said she’d bring up super concentrated essence that’ll make your skin feel bouncy next time.”

Ryuuji, who had come back from the downstairs landlady’s home, responded to Yasuko as he quickly reordered the three people’s worth of scattered shoes at the entrance. Even his landlady, who normally would already be putting out her bedding at this hour, seemed to have been waiting to get word back from Ryuuji to make sure things were fine. He was glad he had some nice-looking mandarins that were good enough to give away as a gift.

He came into the apartment and peeked into Yasuko’s room. Yasuko saw her son’s face as he came back in and smiled. “Hee hee.” Her face was white, as though it had been bleached. The normal flushed color of her lips and eyes had been robbed from her.

“I really worried the landlady… I wonder what’s going on with the shop. I should call in…”

“No, you can’t!”

The one who stopped Yasuko from trying to get out of bed to reach her cell phone was none other than Taiga, still in her school uniform. “You need to stay in bed. Your blood pressure will drop again.” She held Yasuko’s shoulders down and pulled the blanket back up.

“I just called the shop, so you’re okay. I got the owner on the phone,” Ryuuji said.

Looking up at Ryuuji, who was still standing on the other side of the sliding door, Yasuko sighed, Oh no.

“He said you should just rest today. He said he’d call tomorrow at noon.”

“Did he say that this was why he shouldn’t hire older women~?”

“He didn’t.”

“Did he say that Mirano is an old hag and that he should have left things up to an energetic, youthful girl?”

“I said he didn’t say anything like that. Anyway, don’t worry about anything weird like that and just sleep. Even the doctor said that if you just take a break and sleep for a night that you’d feel fine after. I’ll get dinner ready, so if you feel like you can eat, you should.”

“Night, Ya-chan…”

Ryuuji watched Yasuko bury herself in the blankets as she heaved and sighed, then he turned off the room light. Taiga also stifled her footsteps as she got up and left the room, then slowly and quietly closed the sliding door.

It seemed that even Inko-chan had, in her own bird-like way, sensed that something was wrong from the living room. Bluish-green blood vessels were showing in her eyes, which were half-filmed over. Her legs were scaly (it was winter, so her skin was dry) as she hung upside down in her birdcage like a bat. “How’d it go?” she said in a creepily human-like voice, but Taiga stared at her and said, “Shh.” Inko-chan nodded and went silent. It wasn’t as though she understood human words, so the coincidence was alarming.

“Sorry… I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

Taiga brushed Ryuuji’s apologies aside and sat down on the edge of a floor cushion. It was facing the TV and to the right, which had previously been Taiga’s designated seat. She seemed a bit uncomfortable as she stretched out her legs and looked at the tips of her own toes.

She said she had seen Yasuko when she casually glanced into the Takasus’ window after she went home early. It seemed Yasuko had just come back from her lunch job, and Taiga waved a hand from her bedroom window as Yasuko came into the living room. Then, Taiga noticed Yasuko’s strangely blue face when she stood stock-still without replying. The next moment, she flopped right to the ground without even cushioning her fall.

Taiga left her condo right away and ran over to the Takasus’, realized she forgot her spare key at the condo and, according to her, went into a “maddening panic,” and banged on the landlady’s door downstairs like a “rampaging taiko drum.” Luckily, the landlady was home and opened the door, and once they saw Yasuko pale and collapsed, called a doctor immediately.

While the doctor came to their home, Taiga nursed Yasuko, and the landlady tried to get hold of Ryuuji. At that time, Yasuko’s idiot son had been throwing his female classmate’s shoe, getting in a fight with her at the park, and making her cry.

“I wonder if Ya-chan will be okay… She will, right? They said it was just anemia.”

“She’d better be…”

“She looked better than before.”

“I think so, too.”

He had been panting and running as fast as he could. By the time he arrived at home, he felt like he might collapse, too. The landlady was waiting for him at the front doorway the whole time. Yasuko was in an even worse state, and her face was surpassingly pale. She looked green, and her mouth wasn’t moving right. A man and a woman he didn’t recognize were next to her, and they had their hands on Yasuko’s chest and arms. To Ryuuji, it looked as though she’d been caught by some villains and was being dissected. The people weren’t even wearing white and didn’t seem like doctors, and if Taiga wasn’t sitting there, he might have even screamed in his confusion.

Yasuko moved only her eyes as she noticed Ryuuji had come home and then moved only her lips as she apologized, I’m sorry for ending up like this.

She had too much to drink and went to bed at five in the morning. Then she woke up at eight and apparently went to her afternoon job without getting any food or rest while the alcohol was still in her system. It seemed that might have caused her anemia. Her already-low blood pressure was also a problem, and they were just lucky it hadn’t been something more serious. The doctor, in short, had said not to worry, to take iron supplements, to sleep, and to not drink too much.

As Ryuuji soothed his heart and listened to the doctor’s specific directions and medical jargon, he thought he caught a whiff of a certain smell. It was a soft odor, like a mix between the light-brown, mushy, melted food made for the old and sick to eat and cleaning detergent. That slightly nauseating, warm air even followed them here, Ryuuji thought.

When Ryuuji was very small, long before he moved to this town, Yasuko was in the hospital for a long time. Ryuuji still didn’t know what disease she had had, and his memories were vague because he had been too young. When he was surrounded by that smell, he immediately remembered the overwhelming odor that would wrap around his whole body whenever the automatic doors opened, and the emotions that would come with it when he saw the patchwork pattern on the roof of the daycare at the hospital he had been going to, and the duck and alligator wallpaper on the walls.

He remembered the book he had fully memorized, the dark part on the end of a blinking fluorescent lamp, the hair and dust that gathered at the corner of a hallway, the tanks lined up next to the restrooms along the wall that had some mystery use, the plastic name plates on them, the quiet stairs leading to the basement, and the iron door with the terrifying mark.

He didn’t like the boredom, or the unfamiliar kids and adults, or being talked to. His heart would start to race oddly, and his throat would get hot, and he would feel like sobbing and wailing. During that time, Ryuuji had been an anxious, scared, quivering kid.

He was still about as useless now as he was then.

“What should I make for dinner… I guess we don’t have anything… I guess I should go get something that Yasuko can eat today when she wakes up.”

“Then I’ll stay here and watch Ya-chan.”

“It’s okay. You’ve got to be tired, too, so you should go home. I’ll bring something you can eat at your condo.”

Yasuko had said that she was feeling queasy, so he thought about making an easy-to-digest gruel that might be good, or maybe soup. Maybe he would make soup with some noodles. He would give her a Pocari sports drink to hydrate her and her favorite pudding, popsicles, and almond jelly. If he got her a magazine, she might even read it the next day.

He’d do something like that.

He had enough wisdom to select those things, but there was something even more vital he really needed that his current self couldn’t do. He had grown enough to have that wisdom, but he himself was the cause of this situation.

If Yasuko hadn’t started a day job, this never would have happened. If she hadn’t wanted Ryuuji go to college, this wouldn’t have happened. If he hadn’t said things the way he did before, this wouldn’t have happened.

“I said I’m fine. More importantly, I’m worried about Ya-chan, too, so…Ryuuji?”

He held his head. For a moment, he couldn’t remember what was going on and what he was trying to do. His mind went blank, and he was in a stupor…his wallet. Right, his wallet.

Ryuuji grabbed his wallet and stood up. He needed to go shopping for food. He slowly took a step and then started walking.

“Hey…are you okay? Wait.”

He left the living room light on and lent an ear for a moment to the other side of the sliding door. He felt like he could hear Yasuko gently breathing in her sleep.

“Hey, Ryuuji.”

“I’m going out for a bit.”

He put on his slip-on sandals and left the front door. He went down the stairs and started walking.

The sky turned dark before he realized it. It was night.

The asphalt took on a glassy glitter under the circular light of the streetlamps. A woman with a small dog breathed white as she passed by Ryuuji’s side. A salary man wearing a mask was talking in a loud voice as he overtook Ryuuji. He wasn’t talking to himself but on a cell phone.

Haah—the white cloud Ryuuji breathed out stuck around for a while as it went up above his face. When he moved his legs, he felt like he was following that breath.

That was why his eyes were clouded and he couldn’t see well.

He didn’t notice the incredibly loud footsteps following behind him, either.

“Hey, your coat?! You even forgot your keys and phone! And your eco bag!”

“Ah…huh?”

He staggered at the sudden impact from behind him. Taiga had run into him like she meant to jump onto his back. When he turned back around, she was breathing white like a runaway engine.

“Get back to your senses! You idiot!”

She thrust the down jacket that Ryuuji always wore at him. Then, for the first time, Ryuuji realized what he was wearing. He had taken off his school jacket and cardigan and was only wearing his school uniform’s shirt and slacks. He had put sandals on his bare feet. When he looked down, he was more surprised by the absurdity of it all than the cold.

“Seriously! Here, hurry and put this on!”

Taiga practically threw the jacket at Ryuuji’s chest. Then, she stuck out her hand at him. She was holding his usual eco bag, which she had probably thrown his cell phone and keys into. Taiga likely grabbed it as quickly as she could and was out of breath from running after him in the cold.

Then he noticed Taiga, whose nose was red.

“What’s…with your feet?”

“Huh? What!”

She wasn’t in a coat. She only wore her uniform with thick tights, and Yasuko’s slip-on sandals. Taiga looked down at her skinny-looking legs.

“I messed up!” she wailed in a low voice. 

“You wear it.”

Ryuuji put the jacket he had just taken from Taiga’s hands right on her shoulders, but Taiga wriggled as though she didn’t want that.

“No! I’m fine! I’m going home, so you wear it!”

Her sandals clip-clopped as she jumped to the side and ran to the end of the road. No, you wear it, Ryuuji tried to say back, but he got caught on his words. He still had the jacket in his hand as he tried to get her to wear it, and then he stood stock-still as though he was spacing out.

He couldn’t get his voice to make a sound.

His throat was dry.

He was just dead tired from that day.

“Ryuuji…?”

He noticed Taiga looking up at him. Her hair moved with the sub-freezing northern wind, and she tilted her head ever so slightly as she opened her eyes wide and asked him how he was doing.

You wear this and go home first. I’ll make something for you for dinner. Thanks for bringing it, ’kay—he couldn’t even form those words with his mouth.

It was as though a lid sealed Ryuuji’s throat. He remained silent as he half-forcefully bundled Taiga in the jacket where she was standing along the wall. Then, without letting her say anything, he turned on his heel.

He had the eco bag in one hand as he walked through the town at night.

What would he buy? He looked at the time on his phone. It was still before eight. It was earlier than he thought. The supermarkets would still be open. He headed to the store-lined streets and looked down at his own toes, which were freezing. He could hear the clip-clop of slip-on sandals.

He knew that was Taiga without even turning around. Taiga had sneakily followed him.

She probably actually thought he hadn’t noticed her yet. When Ryuuji stopped at a crosswalk, Taiga hid herself behind an electric pole a short distance before the crossing. When the light turned green and he started walking, she waited a moment, and then he heard the clip-clop of her feet again.

I see right through you, just go home, he wanted to say, but the lid that covered Ryuuji’s throat was still holding back his heart. Ryuuji forged ahead, and Taiga acted like a spy. Like dunces, the two of them continued to walk through the town at night like neither of them noticed the other.

The reason why he couldn’t say anything was probably because once he started talking, he didn’t know what would come out. That was why he needed to keep his throat lidded.

You never bothered to notice me. Ryuuji wanted to repeat back the words Ami had yelled at him at the park during sunset. In that case, how do you know how I’m feeling right now? It’s not like you’d ever even try to find out.

That was because he would never let her know.

It was hard. It hurt. He couldn’t put that into words. Ryuuji didn’t want anyone to know. He wouldn’t tell anyone. He didn’t want anyone to figure it out. If someone did figure it out, that someone who asked him about it would—

“Achoo!”

That certain someone who cared about him would try to do something about it.

He stopped and turned around. He switched directions and finally managed to tell her, “Go home.” Taiga rubbed at her nose and opened her eyes wide, as though shocked. It seemed she really, genuinely thought he hadn’t figured out she was following him.

“Go home, really.”

“No!”

He repeated his words to her and pushed back at Taiga’s shoulders as though trying to have her go back the way she came. Even though Taiga was small, she was heavy, like she was made of steel, and he couldn’t push her back at all.

“No! You’re acting weird!”

She narrowed her eyes as though menacing him. She said it vehemently and stubbornly.

“Just go home!”

“I said no! I won’t talk to you! I won’t walk with you! I’ll just go with you! What’s so wrong with that?! It’s what I want to do!”

He didn’t want her to open her mouth anymore.

“You’re a nuisance! There’s nothing you can do, so just go home!”

He was fed up with people working so hard they collapsed for the sake of his future. Whether it was anemia or a serious disease, he didn’t want to feel like this ever again.

He didn’t want anyone to ruin their body for his sake—no one, not again, not ever again. He didn’t want to make anyone do that.

“I’m not going home! I’m going with you!”

“I said to go home!”

“I’m staying here! Let me go, you balding pig! Don’t touch me!”

They were at the street before the line of stores when Ryuuji and Taiga started having a pointless pushing match. When Taiga resisted him, Ryuuji half-seriously hit her shoulders and desperately bit his lip. You’re nosy, a nuisance, in the way, noisy, self-centered—all kinds of complaints came springing into his head, but he didn’t say them out loud. He was close to letting an actual shout slip out of his throat.

What am I supposed to do if she dies?!

Like an idiot, exactly like a kid, Ryuuji had jumped to that hasty conclusion and was actually seriously feeling that fear. He was close to yelling, desperately keeping his mouth closed as he bit too hard on his lip and split it open.

Forever ago, an eon ago, an incredibly long time ago—he was terrified. “What’ll I do if my mom dies?” That thought had been the root of his fear.

They had walked while holding each other’s hands in the moonlight, faced each other as they read picture books at night, swung on the swings in the sun as he sat in her lap. He’d been taken in by the words she repeated over and over again, “It’s going to be okay.” 

He’d believed that it would be okay, but suddenly, the time when the spell’s effect wore off had come. Terrifying thoughts circled in Ryuuji’s head again and again and again.

“It’s fine. So just! Go home!”

“Ryuuji!”

He cut Taiga off and pushed her away. He ran away as fast as he could.

Like he was avoiding the light of the stores on the streets where people passed by, he ducked into a dark back path. He desperately escaped into the gaps between the dark houses he had seen from the school window, which looked like the crests of waves on the sea. He panted like a dog and swallowed back the whimper that would occasionally try to find its way out. No matter how he ran and ran, it felt as though the anxiety and fears of his childhood were following after him. If he kept like this, he would immediately be caught in its hands.

This probably wasn’t something he could run from.

Ryuuji’s world had been nothing but Yasuko for so long. Yasuko, too young to be a mother, had held him, and it was as though the two of them had been sent alone together on a safe boat into the sea in the middle of night. Ryuuji clung desperately to Yasuko, and their family traveled the endless waves. He thought letting go of her hand would mean the end. If the one and only person who would hold his hand disappeared, that would be the end of everything. He would be alone for eternity. He had been feared that for so long. 

But Ryuuji slowly got bigger. He almost drowned several times but became more courageous at swimming through the waves each time. He felt letting go of Yasuko’s hand would be okay. He could swim by himself, eventually find a safe boat all on his own, and then pull Yasuko up with him.

That was what he thought.

Then his mother’s hand had reached out to him as though saying, “You can’t let go yet.”

“Takasu-kun, you’ve never rebelled against your mother until now, right?”

When that happened, he brushed aside Yasuko’s hand.

“Sit with me.” “Be a good boy now.” “Wait until I get home.” “Make sure you study.” “Eat dinner with me.” “Don’t work.” It was the first time Ryuuji had rebelled against something Yasuko had told him. Deciding he wouldn’t go to college and would work was rebellion. He had done it because he wanted to brush away Yasuko’s hand in order to rebel.

He didn’t know which direction to head or where to go, but Ryuuji wanted to try swimming on his own. He wanted to win. He wanted to be superior. He knew that he was taking the “virtuous route.” Ryuuji wasn’t sacrificing college in order to work. He didn’t even know what his aspirations were, only that he was so afraid of finding them that he was using self-sacrifice as an escape. He also couldn’t deny that there was something appealing about the idea of sacrificing his own future as he ran away.

He’d known he was hurting Yasuko by doing that, but he still went through with it. He had gone over the head of his one and only mother. He wanted to become larger and stronger than his mother—strong enough that he would be fine even if she were taken from him.

Did he really have the strength to swim by himself? He didn’t know. It was precisely because he didn’t know that he wanted to try. But he’d endangered himself, and when the adults had offered him their hands, he’d pulled away. Yasuko hadn’t believed that he would be okay, and she’d tried to pull her son back as he left her in the waves. Then Ryuuji was caught again. He was caught by the anxieties and fears from his childhood.

However, this time his fear wasn’t of the cold sea that could steal his mother from him, but that his own faltering swimming would be the cause of his mother sacrificing herself and drowning.

It wasn’t just because of the cold that the fingers he put to his mouth were trembling.

“I-I caught youuuu!”

He felt something latch onto his elbow from behind, and he staggered. Taiga, who was still in sandals, and whom he hadn’t expected to follow him this far, took hold of him with a terrifying force. She spun him around with an intense momentum, and he wasn’t able to hold out as he stumbled.

“Ryuuji! Stop! I said stop!”

“My—”

“It’s fine, so just stop, you idiot! That was close! Didn’t you notice the car coming by you just now?!”

When he still tried to run, she ended up aiming a deadly kick at his behind. It didn’t hurt, but it made him collapse so he finally couldn’t run away.

“It’s all my fault… This is my fault, isn’t it?”

He crouched pitifully before an electrical pole. In his mind, he wailed, Give me a break. He didn’t want to show Taiga his face, so he desperately grasped at the electrical pole and buried his head in his arm.

“What’re you saying?!”

“Yasuko collapsed because of me. It’s my fault. I was wrong.”

“You…you feel like you’re to blame because she pushed herself too hard for you? But, but, um…you couldn’t do anything about it! It was anemia and her health. No matter how much you look after her, she’s human and she’ll get sick every once in a while! There’s nothing and no one to blame! Plus Ya-chan is your mom! No one can stop Ya-chan from doing stuff for you, right?!”

Taiga was breathing hard, and her voice seemed to vibrate desperately. She was saying that even though her own parents probably never did anything for her before. It was because she didn’t understand how a parent’s feelings could build up that she could so innocently just tell him to accept things as they were. When Taiga did that in front of him, Ryuuji felt even more cornered. He was being confronted with his absolute weakness and how spoiled he was.

“How would you know?” His voice grated and pitched up, and his lips trembled. “Yasuko ended up like that because of me. If I had gotten myself more together, she would have actually believed I could do it, and she would have relied on me more, and she wouldn’t have ended up like that.”

“I…I don’t…really get it…”

He felt her touch his shoulder slightly with her small hand, as she was unsure of what to do. Her hand was probably rising and falling near his back as she hesitated.

He tried to push away her hand. Just as he had brushed aside Yasuko’s hand, he tried to ward off Taiga’s, now.

“What am I supposed to do…?!”

“Ryuuji—”

They touched for just a moment.

Her warmth, her body heat transferred over to his frozen fingertips, but it was too intense. Even then, Taiga stayed next to him. His instincts told him that this was his final saving grace. Everything he was thinking about burned away in that moment.

Even though he had been trying to brush Taiga’s hand aside, he ended up gripping it instinctively. In the ring of indifferent light from the streetlamp, Taiga’s eyes opened wide.

She didn’t breathe a word of complaint or tell him to let go. Instead of saying anything, she just concentrated her bottomless gaze on him. It felt as though she were roughly rummaging through the inside of Ryuuji’s head with her giant eyes. She stepped towards him in that overbearing way that no one else could ever mimic. With a strength that was difficult to oppose, Taiga pushed her way in on him. It was as though she tore apart the expansive canopy of dark sky over the sea in his imagination, and her white face was looking through into Ryuuji’s soul.

Through the torn hole, Taiga offered a hand to Ryuuji as he drifted on the waves.

Would he take it?

“What am I supposed to do?! Are parents supposed to push themselves until who knows what happens to them?! How can I get Yasuko to stop doing that for me?! Will she ever get how I’m feeling?!”

He grabbed Taiga’s tiny hand.

“I—I just—”

It was so small that, if he wanted to, he could have broken it.

“I just hate it so much, but I can’t do anything about it…!”

But he didn’t want to hurt her.

He was insistent about that. He didn’t want to cling to Taiga. He could grab on to her hand, cry and wail emotionally, and expose all the pain in his heart—but Ryuuji desperately brushed aside that temptation.

Because if he did that, he was sure Taiga would do something for him. Taiga was the kind of person who would do anything for him—for the person she loved. He couldn’t have that. That wasn’t okay.

He couldn’t let her do something for him.

He couldn’t let Taiga do anything.

He couldn’t let her do something that would make her drown for his sake.

That was because Taiga was important to him. She was someone he could never lose. He had realized painfully clearly during the blizzard.

If she was important, then he needed to act like it and make sure she didn’t do anything for him. That was why he couldn’t show her his pain. He didn’t want her to know what was in his heart.

He’d thought that finding connection was what fueled joy and helped people go on living. He hadn’t thought there was such a thing as not wanting others to understand his feelings.

“I want to show Yasuko that I’m strong…”

Strong? Taiga asked him back and nodded solemnly. Ryuuji’s mouth formed a line as he spoke with his trembling lips.

“I’m not a kid anymore. Even if Yasuko isn’t helping me, I can swim through this world. That’s why she doesn’t need to strain herself for me anymore. All I can do is prove that to her. All I can do is thrust it in front of her eyes.”

Like that, once again, he could only brush aside his mother’s hand. This time, he wouldn’t be a failure. He wouldn’t sacrifice anyone, and he wouldn’t have anyone drown for his sake. 

He used all of his might to open both of his hands and let go of Taiga’s. He righted himself back up again after having been so shaken, and he nodded slightly, There.

It was fine this way.

He had done it, hadn’t he? Just like he imagined.

He held his breath and regathered his strength in his core. He looked down on Taiga’s white face. Taiga was looking at the hand he let go. Her delicate and beautiful face, like a French doll’s, was so perfectly composed that he couldn’t tell what emotion was on it. The midwinter wind, which cut his skin like a blade of ice, flipped Taiga’s soft bangs over. Ryuuji gently brushed away the strands of hair that stuck to her lips.

Quietly, Taiga looked up at Ryuuji, and in both her eyes, he saw quivering lights close to overflowing.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve thought of something I need to do.”

“You can’t go.”

He shook his head at Taiga’s anxious voice.

“It’s fine. I can go.”

Ryuuji took a step forward.

Taiga kept following after him. Even if he told her to go home, she wasn’t the type of person to ever listen to him.

The haberdasheries and stationery stores were, of course, already closed, but there were still residents on their way home, and the two supermarkets on the street were still open. The convenience store was spitting bright light onto the street, and the bookstores were still within operating hours. There were also several izakaya bars and a butcher shop, locally famous for its croquettes, that were open unexpectedly late.

Ryuuji’s goal, however, wasn’t the croquettes.

“So it really is closed…”

“You had something you needed to do here?”

Stopping, he stared at the closed shutters. The store name, Alps, was written in old-fashioned, cursive script on a wooden sign. It looked like a western-styled confectionary store. There was a phone number under the store name.

He pulled out his phone and tried calling it. After it rang for a while, a message ran informing him that it was outside of their business hours and then went to voicemail. He felt a little flustered on the inside as he said, “I-I’m so sorry to call in the middle of the night. Um, I’m the son of Takasu Yasuko, the person you hired to work for you part-time recently. Well, there was something I needed to tell you…ah!”

Beep. The heartless sound of the machine flowed out of the phone and the voicemail cut off. He was just about to tell them his phone number. Ryuuji hesitated for a moment over whether to call again and felt a poke at his elbow.

“What’d you go ‘Ah!’ for? Was that their voicemail? They definitely heard the ‘Ah!’ Is this where Ya-chan is working part-time?”

It happened the moment that he tried to reply to Taiga. 

Clatter clatter. The shutter opened by a few centimeters. From the still-lit-up interior of the shop, a middle-aged man in a cook’s coat bent over and peeked his head out. His eyes stopped on Ryuuji and Taiga.

“Are you the one who just called our voicemail? We could hear you from inside.”

“Oh, yes, that was me. Um…my name is Takasu. I’m your employee’s son.”

Her soooon?! The man shouted with the usual reaction Ryuuji always got. The man pulled up the shutter and came out onto the street.

“I’m sorry for coming when you’re already closed. Um…it’s about my mom, but she recently got sick.”

“Huh, you mean Takasu-san? What happened? Is she okay?”

“She’s more or less fine, but—”

Taiga, who had been listening from the side lifted her eyebrows slightly. She probably knew what he was about to say.

“She started working even though she shouldn’t have for my sake, and though it’s very sudden, I have to ask that you let her go today.”

Whaaaat?! With the same expression and voice as before, the man who was probably the store owner bent over backwards. Taiga also looked at Ryuuji from the side of her eyes.

Yes, he was acting on his own. Though Yasuko had informed Bishamon Heaven that she would be taking the day off, she probably intended to go back to this job like normal the next day. Though he knew it would cause trouble for the store, and he hadn’t gotten permission from Yasuko, Ryuuji had decided to have this conversation about her resigning on his own. He was going to lie to Yasuko and tell her that the store said she didn’t need to come in anymore.

He knew this wouldn’t show her he was strong enough, but he wanted to do something to stop Yasuko from pushing herself too hard, even if it was by force. If he let her go on, Yasuko wouldn’t stop to think about what she was doing to herself physically, and he knew she would just keep increasing the amount of work she was taking on.

“Whoa, I see… That’s going to be a bit of a problem. We were really counting on her.”

“I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble.”

“We can’t do anything about her being sick, but you think she can’t come back at all? We could shorten her hours. Would that work?”

“Well, it’s a little… I’m really sorry.”

“See, the day after tomorrow is Valentine’s. We’re doing our usual hours tomorrow on top of planning to have a special sale on chocolates… What’ll I do, hmm, we only have our artisans… She’s sick, so she can’t force herself, but…hmm.”

Ryuuji shrank back apologetically.

“Could you do it?” The owner of the shop, who seemed to be in quite a bind, said something Ryuuji hadn’t expected. “You’re in high school, right? It’s fine if it’s after school. It’s fine if you only come tomorrow and the next day, too. Please, I’m begging you. We just don’t have enough hands.”

No, I’m forbidden from working—Ryuuji start to turn the man down, but swallowed his words. Didn’t he just decide that he wouldn’t do everything Yasuko said? 

It wasn’t as though he was rebelling against everything she told him. He was doing for his future—it might be one step forward to changing his existence in a significant way.

In order to brush aside his hesitation, he nodded before the store owner could change his mind.

“Then I will…tomorrow and the next day.”

Taiga looked up at Ryuuji’s face like she was surprised. It was fine this way. This was how he would get Yasuko to stop working here. First, he would return everything to the status quo.

If he was honest with her, Yasuko would definitely be upset, so all he had to do was tell her there wasn’t a job for her at the store anymore. The time might come when she’d find out about Ryuuji’s part-time job, but at that moment, it was fine as long as she didn’t find out immediately after she collapsed.

“Oh, thank goodness! Thanks so much, you’re my savior!”

“It’s nothing, I’ll…”

“When can you come tomorrow?!”

The shop owner’s hand stretched out to him. Ryuuji tried to answer the handshake by stretching out his own hand in return, but his hand slipped in vain through the empty air.

“Me?!” 

The store owner had brazenly grasped Taiga’s hand.

“This hasn’t got anything to do with me?!”

“Aren’t you his sister? Well, got that wrong!”

Ha ha ha ha ha, the old man’s joke echoed emptily under the cold sky. “But we just have to have a girl do the selling. We don’t have a uniform for men.”

“I can’t work! Do you have any idea how much of a klutz…if I work, the skies will part and the earth will burn…!”

“You’d just be selling chocolates in boxes, so what’s the worst that could happen?! Just tell me when you can come tomorrow!”

Um, I-I-I… Ryuuji pointed a finger at himself, but the owner’s eyes were passionately focused on Taiga. Taiga was frantically shaking her head, but she glanced up at Ryuuji’s face.

“Then…then, I’ll come with him. We’ll do it together.”

“Hey! Wait! You don’t need to…”

The store owner scratched his chin as he nodded.

“Hm, then it’s settled, but I can only pay one person. Is that fine? I wonder what I’ll do for his uniform.”

“You can do whatever. I’ll just stick around, and he’ll be the one actually working.”

Taiga stood imposingly, looking smug in Ryuuji’s down jacket as she stuck out her chest and pointed at Ryuuji. Stop, you don’t need to do that, Ryuuji tried to say, but she spoke again in a low voice, “You’re the one working. Just hanging around here isn’t a big deal for me. There’s something strange going on with you anyway. That’s why I’m going to be monitoring you. Plus, just earlier you were telling me how much of a nuisance I am and stuff. You said I couldn’t do anything. I’m going to have you take that back. Then you can bow down to my greatness and kindness and crawl along the ground worshipping me like a god.”

And just like that, they closed the deal on the two-day, secret, part-time job.

***

“A job! You!”

Minori pointed at Taiga, looking at her with cold eyes.

“It’s not me so much as Ryuuji.”

Taiga’s finger pointed at Ryuuji’s nose. You! Minori turned her cold eyes on Ryuuji and nodded decisively.

“It’s for just today and tomorrow. I’m selling Valentine’s chocolates. Do you have any secrets on how to sell stuff? He said that if we sold a lot in the two days, we’d get a good bonus, too.”

“Secrets to selling, huh… Hmm, I guess just not to let it show on your face if something bad happens.”

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, Taiga listened to the advice as she pulled on Minori’s sports bag, as though entreating her. 

“That’s heavy,” Minori said as she brushed Taiga’s hand away. “And when the manager’s eyes open, you get away as quick as you can.”

“That only applies to your ramen place, Minorin…”

Their classes were done for the day, and they had finished saying goodbye. The bachelorette (age 30) had called out Taiga during lunch, but it seemed the conversation hadn’t really been that fruitful. Taiga wasn’t in the mood to actually listen to a lecture. 

Minori was comparing their faces happily.

“Putting the jokes aside, I think you don’t really have to worry if you’re just a salesclerk.”

There we go—the girl with outstanding reflexes lobbed her empty juice pack. Standing at the center of the classroom, she threw the pack right into the trash bin at the entrance.

“There, nice! You’re not doing kitchen work, so it seems like a great job, right? When it comes to selling Valentine’s day chocolates, today is the main event. If anyone’s going to give someone chocolates, they would buy them today. What’s the place you’re working at?”

“Ummm, what was it again?”

“Alps.”

At Ryuuji’s response, Minori’s voice pitched up. “Whoa.” 

It seemed she was familiar with the store.

“I’ve been there before to buy their tarte Tatin! I see. You’re going to become part of that fancy background at the Alps, huh, Takasu-kun?”

“I know I don’t really fit in…”

“Ryuuji was supposed to be working by himself, but he’s so out of place that the owner almost said no. He said he’d hire Ryuuji if I came, too. Ryuuji was so sad. That’s why I’m going with him,” Taiga explained with strange obstinacy.

“That sounds pretty nice?”

Minori put her sports bag back on and turned a smile like a budding flower to the wall clock. It seemed she needed to head to softball. Next, she pointed a finger right at Ryuuji’s face. 

“Okay! I’m going to be cheering you on, Takasu Ryuuji! Do your best on the first part-time job you’ve had in your life! Take the crimson impact!”

“Right… What’s that supposed to be?”

Scarlet needle! Minori jokingly jabbed her fingers a few times, turned right on her heel, and then left the classroom ahead of them.

Yasuko healed right up after sleeping for a night. While she wasn’t over-drinking, and she promised she would finish work before midnight, Ryuuji really wanted her to take a longer break. On the other hand, her regular customers would make sure she didn’t push herself, and he’d do a better job of that than she would herself. She believed the lie he told her. “I have an exam the day after tomorrow, so today and tomorrow I’m going to study with Taiga and Kitamura and the others at a family restaurant.”

There was one other lie. He told her that the night before, after Yasuko went to bed, there had been a call from Alps saying something to the effect that she didn’t need to come back. Yasuko believed that lie more easily than he’d expected. She looked disappointed for a second, but then immediately lifted her head and laughed. “That happens sometimes. I’ll find another good job. ☆” 

For some reason, she rubbed Ryuuji’s head like a child’s. Even though he was the biggest mommy’s boy under the skies, it was awkward. 

The guilt from lying hit him heavier than he’d expected.

“There are two prices, okay? The bigger box is five hundred eighty yen, tax included. You press this yellow button on the register. The small one is three hundred eighty yen with tax and you hit the blue button. You put the money you get inside and press the transaction button.”

Ka-ching. The register made a familiar sound as it opened and hit Taiga in the stomach, “Ngh.”

“You put the products in this plastic bag or in this paper one. Okay? Think you can do it?”

“Yes. I can do it. I think.”

Ryuuji was full of enthusiasm as he stood in front of the register. In order to practice, the owner said, “This please,” in a grossly high-pitched voice as he handed Ryuuji one of the big boxes and showed him one thousand yen. Without hesitating, Ryuuji pressed the yellow button, punched in 1000, and then hit transaction. The register popped open, and he grabbed the change the register indicated.

“Thank you very much!”

Grin!

“Uh! We’re definitely having Aisaka-san do that part!”

“Thank you very much!”

Responding to the owner’s call, Taiga turned around and broke out into a fake smile. All I’m doing is saying that, she said. 

Yeah, good, the owner nodded. “Over here.” He pushed Taiga to stand right in front of Ryuuji, like he was trying to hide him, which was apparently “Perfect!” What’s that supposed to mean? Ryuuji thought.

After saying that, the owner went back into the store. Busy-looking people passed by Ryuuji and Taiga’s eyes. The wagon piled with pre-packaged chocolates had been put out under the eaves of the store, right into the cold December winds.

Under the midwinter sky, which was starting to darken, it was still a little too early for shopping on the store-lined street. There were some chatty private high school students from a school nearby walking around. “Oh, they’re selling chocolates!” “I guess tomorrow’s Valentine’s,” they were saying as they pointed at the wagon, but they just passed through.

The owner had placed a stove at their feet, so they wouldn’t be shivering from the cold.

“There’s way more than I thought there would be, but…I’m pretty sure it’d be impossible to sell out of these.”

As she stood right under the Valentine’s Day ornament that hung from the eaves, Taiga stared at the wagon and cocked her head. A load of pristine chocolates was piled into the shape of a mountain. They had cardboard boxes full of more chocolates underneath, too.

“Actually, don’t I look exactly like a scammer in this outfit?”

“Hmmm…exactly like one…yeah.”

From a slight distance, Taiga looked at Ryuuji and knit her eyebrows together as though in a conundrum. The part-time uniform the owner had lent him was a pure-white cook’s coat—it was one of those white outfits that pâtissiers wore in the kitchen. Selling chocolates while looking like this made it seem as though Ryuuji himself had made the chocolates at the store. But if anyone were to look at the price stickers stuck to the chocolates, it said in small lettering that the chocolates had come right from a production plant.

“Your outfit looks better.”

“You think so? It looks okay? I wonder if it does. Could you take a picture for me?”

Taiga was in an aproned black velour dress. She pushed her cell phone at Ryuuji after she pulled it out of her pocket. Yasuko might have worn the same outfit, too. With her wavy hair in pigtails, Taiga really did look like a cute French doll.

“Take one for you? If we get caught, he’ll get angry. We’re in the middle of work.”

“I’m not working. I’m just hanging around. Here, take it.”

“Well, I’m working!”

“It’ll just be a second! This is all I want.”

Taiga fluffed up her dress a bit and struck a pose. Unable to do anything, Ryuuji hid the phone under the wagon and took a picture of her like that.

“Lemme see…”

He had thought Taiga would just check the picture, but she quickly turned the phone at Ryuuji. By the time he realized it, it had already made an idiotic noise, bing-koo-ring, and the shutter had gone off.

“Wow. This picture packs a punch. I got you making a really silly-looking face.”

“I’ll tell the guy to fire you.”

“Like I said, I’m not working.”

This girl… Ryuuji breathed out white breath and glared at Taiga for her juvenile attitude.

“Excuse me! Do you have smaller chocolates? Something with three pieces in it?”

A customer who seemed to be a local housewife started talking to them, sticking up three fingers. Ryuuji practically sprung up.

“Uh? Umm, we have the six-piece and twelve-piece ones…”

He answered indistinctly as though there were gravel in his mouth. Actually, he almost felt as though he hadn’t really answered her question.

“I see. Hmmm…milk chocolate.”

The person who talked to them looked at the chocolates for a bit and, in the end, seemed to lose interest. She put back the box she had in her hand and simply walked away.

“Ahhh. She left…”

“Whoa, I got pretty nervous. I just act too suspicious.”

“You have to be more like, ‘Welcome!’ Maybe that’s how you should say it?”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

He nodded to Taiga, and tried to rearrange the boxes of chocolates so they were easier to see in their pile on the wagon.

“Oi, you proletariats!”

“Huh?! W-welcome… Wait, it’s you!”

He felt like falling onto the register. The one standing there with a carefree grin on his face was none other than the familiar, lovable idiot, Haruta. Ryuuji had told Haruta that he was starting work that day, but he hadn’t asked him to stop by.

“This isn’t fun and games! Go home already! Get back before you get hair on the merchandise!”

Taiga used both her hands to shoo Haruta away. Her fingers slapped him right in the nose, but Haruta didn’t even stop laughing.

“Don’t say that, Tiger. I came here to buy chocolates.”

“We don’t have chocolates for caterpillars like you! Now, get home!”

“I’m not the one buying. Right?”

Haruta turned behind him, and a girl smiled back at him. She looked to be a college student. No, that wasn’t the issue. What? Ryuuji opened his eyes wide. Taiga too. They exchanged looks for a moment with their mouths half-agape.

“Haruta-kun, do you want a big one or a small one?”

“This is the point in the story where if I say that I want the big one, I’ll be in trouble later, won’t I?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then the big one~! Whoo~!”

I’d like that one. The girl pointed at the larger box. Under a knit cap, her long, pretty hair grew past her chest. She wore a light grey coat on her thin frame.

“Th-That’ll be five hundred eighty yen…please…”

“Okay. I’m sure I had a five hundred yen coin…umm.”

She pulled a strangely wide wallet from her bag. As she tried to pull out change, receipts, hundred yen coins, and a gold turtle meant to bring good luck fell onto the ground. Haruta picked those up.

“Aw, you’re so messy. Here.”

He intimately put the items into the girl’s pocket. If they weren’t really close, Ryuuji couldn’t think Haruta would be able to do something like that. In other words, what that meant was—

“You…had a sister?”

They had to be related.

Ryuuji asked the question to confirm his suspicion as he handed over the receipt and her twenty-yen change. If they weren’t, then what were they? Taiga didn’t move a muscle. Apparently even her mouth no longer worked.

“She’s not my sister! Hee haw! She’s my girlfriend!”

The girl beside Haruta smiled.

It’s got to be a lie. I can’t believe it. No matter how Ryuuji tried to deny it, there was a special sense of closeness in the eyes of the girl who looked up slightly at Haruta’s face.

He stared intently at the pale hands that accepted the chocolates he handed over. She was a normal—or actually, a rather pretty—girl and older, wasn’t she? 

“Th-th-th-thank you so much!” Taiga lowered her head, and Ryuuji also did the same in a fluster.

After they left, Haruta jogged back to Ryuuji alone.

“I like her. I wanted to show her off to you without hiding anything, Taka-chan,” he whispered into Ryuuji’s ear. He giggled as though embarrassed, smiled, and followed behind the girl who had gone off ahead. Since Ryuuji had shared his unrequited love troubles during the school trip, Haruta must have decided to settle things with the girl he liked.

“How?! The world must be crazy…”

He couldn’t help but agree with Taiga. No, Haruta was definitely a really great guy, and Ryuuji liked him (though that was gross to admit), but what kind of trick had that guy used to snag such a pretty girl like her? How did he even meet her in the first place?

“I can’t accept it unless Haruta met her by like, passing by and helping her while she was drowning…! Damn it, welcome! We’re selling Valentine’s chocolates! Would you like some?! Welcome!”

Ryuuji was mostly jealous as he squeezed his voice out from the bottom of his gut. As though they had unexpectedly been ensnared by that, three people in a row bought chocolates. The third one even bought four boxes all at once.

Ryuuji cut and threw away the receipt that had grown long and unruly as he watched the customer take the scrap of paper and leave. He never thought his face was compatible with the service industry, but it seemed he was getting a pretty good start. The shock from Haruta disappeared from his head instantly, and his mouth loosened up.

“Hey,” said Taiga. “I was thinking about it, but I think it’s better when you don’t smile. How about you make that same face as earlier, like you were the captain of a pirate ghost ship?”

“S-since when did I look like the captain of a pirate ghost ship…?”

“I mean that face you made when you were looking jealous while you watched that idiot caterpillar walk away with his pretty girlfriend. Right, that face.”

“My face looks like this because you phrased that in a hurtful way…”

“Okay, and cross your arms. Close your mouth and stand up straight. Look sulky.”

He crossed his arms and silently stood behind the wagon just as she told him. Then, a pair of women who looked like they were coming from an office passed by.

“Oh, look. The pâtissier himself is selling chocolates…”

“Whoa, he looks so young but moody…”

“But you kind of feel like you can expect a lot out of up-and-coming workers like him and their chocolates.”

“Maybe I’ll buy some for my boyfriend.”

“I’ll buy some for myself.”

He didn’t know what they had associated him with, but as they approached, a passionate, continental melody came from their mouths, “Te te teeelelee rele rereleleelelee.” He didn’t know what to do when they asked, “These are handmade, right?” He didn’t have the confidence in himself to lie.

Without realizing it, Ryuuji had turned into a stone guardian dog… No, he opened his eyes wide like the hellhound Cerberus itself as he watched the two approach. It wasn’t that he’d decided to curse them for stepping into his hellish domain. I’ll sink you office ladies in a freezing bath of dirty blood and earth!

The two saw his face, and though they were slightly frightened, they pointed at the chocolate boxes. 

“I’d like a big one.” 

“I’d like a small one.” 

Ryuuji put the chocolates in a bag and handed them over. “Thank you very much,” he said in an intentionally low voice, and the two of them accepted it seeming satisfied. We bought some! They left.

“See. You sold some.”

“I really did… Actually, can I really do that? The box says wherever processing plant it comes from right on the bottom… Can’t they see…!”

“We’re not actually lying or anything.”

Ryuuji felt like karma would catch up with him eventually. Maybe the sale had just been a coincidence, because customers stopped coming over right after that. Though they were approaching dinner time, and the number of people moving through the streets had increased, those types of customers might not have been the type to buy chocolates from the packed wagon.

“Takasuuu, Tigeeer, how’re you doing?”

Ryuuji looked up when someone called out to him. Noto, who appeared in his personal clothes with a grin on his face, contrarily made Ryuuji’s face strangely leaden and clouded over.

“I just ran into Haruta with his girlfriend over there…and he said you two were bored, so I came to window shop a little…ah ha…what’s with that…he has a girlfriend…a girlfriend!”

“Oh dear, oh my, seems we’ve come across a pitiful bespectacled boy.”

When she saw him all by himself, Taiga put her hands unpleasantly over her chest.

“That long-haired caterpillar and his gal were friendly enough to buy chocolates and to go on their merry way. Now that you’ve stopped here, you’re at least going to buy one box, right?”

“No way I’d ever do that! That’d be way too miserable! Takasu, did you have a clue?”

“Nope, I found out just now.”

“Right! Actually, what’s with that?! I can’t believe how much he’s accomplished right under my nose… Ahh, I hate this, ugh, what am I even doing… Has anyone else come by? Like the master?”

Ryuuji shook his head. Kitamura was probably still at the student council at school right around then, and Noto should have known that, too. What could he actually want to know? 

“Umm, what about Ami-chan or Nanako-sama?”

At that moment, it clicked with Ryuuji. Oh, maybe he’s doing it so I don’t realize how his heart is racing.

“Kihara hasn’t been here.”

He tried to prod and casually draw out what was actually on his friend’s mind.

“Huh?! No, I don’t really care about her! It’s just I was thinking about something! I was thinking Kihara was making a big deal about something again and maybe she’d try giving chocolates to the master or something! I was just like, what if that happened?! I don’t really care though! I don’t care, but like, doesn’t it bother you Taiga?! That she might be doing something like that?!” 

“What about that is supposed to bother me? Actually, why have you got to make a big deal out of it if Kihara Maya gives Kitamura-kun chocolates? Oh, I see. So you like Kihara.”

Whoa. Ryuuji looked at Taiga from the side of his eye. He saw eye-opening cruelty, like someone taking a giant paintbrush and daubing over the delicate subtleties of the ever-changing heart without consideration. Poor Noto’s face turned a fierce and terrible red.

It was certainly true that Noto’s “support” of Taiga was probably an annoyance to her. He’d gone along with the mood and teased her, which was probably why she was attacking him now. Nothing less could be expected of the Palmtop Tiger. She was especially sensitive to the smell of blood coming from the wounded.

“While you were fighting, you realized that you liked her…so that’s what this is. Hmmmmm. You know what—it looks like that friendly hairy idiot did just fine for himself. So why don’t you get your glasses dirty and put some elbow grease into it, too? I think you two would look pretty great together. How should I know, though?”

“Whaaat?! Wh-wh-wh-wh-what are you saying?! If you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, then maybe you should keep your mouth shut! You’re strange, Tiger! There’s something wrong with you!”

“Oh, now you’re all flustered. Looks like I hit the bullseye. Your face is all red.”

“Actually, seriously stop! Don’t say weird things!”

“It’s not in the least bit weird. It’s a very natural thing to happen. A guy’s stamen and a girl’s pistil—”

“You idiot! There’s something wrong with your head! Whoa!”

“Now then, Kihara Maya is going to be in the same class as you tomorrow and the day after. I hope you’re painfully aware of the weird sense of distance between the two of you every day. I hope you worry about it! And suffer!”

You were just as miserable from your own love issues; I can’t believe you’d do this to someone else, Ryuuji thought.

“So, why’s your face red, too?”

“Huh?! R-Red?! Am I red…?!”

Wasn’t he the person Taiga liked? Wasn’t he the one who was worried and suffering? When Ryuuji thought about it again, he felt shaken for some reason.

“Th-th-th-that’s enough! Damn it! Mister! They’re not actually working!”

At Noto’s roar, the owner inside the shop raised his head, looking concerned. We’re working hard! Ryuuji shook his head and, in that opening, Noto ran away.

The shop owner probably hadn’t taken Noto seriously, but he came out to the front, and his face clouded when he saw how many chocolates were still left on the wagon.

“It’s almost six. Having this many left by now is bad. I know that you can’t help having school friends come by, since you’re selling outside, but if that’s going to happen, at least call over friends who will buy more.”

Ryuuji and Taiga awkwardly exchanged looks. Of course, if this was all they could sell, the profits would be eaten up simply by their own wages.

“Well…even though I’m just hanging out here, I feel some responsibility over this. In that case, it’s time to call in the lethal weapon.”

As though Taiga had thought of something, she opened her cell phone and started calling someone from her address book.

“Geh. You weren’t alone?”

Ami glared at Ryuuji, who was still trying to stand haughtily like a fake pâtissier.

“I’m going home.”

She turned around.

She was out of her uniform, in casual clothes consisting of a down jacket, jeans, and a cap with fake glasses. Ami’s disguise was to no avail, as some passing boys turned to her, saying, “That girl’s cute.” 

“I wonder if she’s a model? She’s tall, too.” 

Her thin frame and the smooth, beautiful hair that spilled from her cap made it obvious she wasn’t just any normal person.

“Well, you did come all the way here. Here, Dimhuahua, take this.”

Taiga brought up her hand from below the wagon and extended her arm out to Ami, whom she had called. After looking around carefully, she handed Ami five chocolates in a stack.

“Huh? No way. I don’t want you doing anything weird to me. I’m so beautiful, I stand out more than I want as it is.”

“Okay, okay, yeah, you’re so beautiful, Dimhuahua. You stand out so much. That’s why I called you here. Now, take this and then say in a really loud voice, ‘I love this place’s chocolates!’”

“What? Are you telling me to be a plant?!”

“Well, more or less.”

“No way! Why would I do something lame like that?! Actually, what’s this guy doing here… This isn’t funny!”

“Yo…” Though it was a bit awkward, Ryuuji tried raising his hand to her slightly. “How’ve you been?”

So, she hasn’t left school yet. 

Ami’s response was just her clicking her tongue and then, “Disappear.”

Ryuuji resigned himself to her cold act. The way he was acting might have been similar to the believers of the ramen shop who lusted after the boiling hot droplets. He might have been fulfilling his masochistic wishes for the stamp of submission, like a bottomless pot of insatiable greed. Ryuuji was the type of masochistic dog who felt an illogical need to respond to the beautiful girl’s coldness and to end up passionately burning with emotion in contrast…not.

He wasn’t just going to conveniently disappear from Ami’s sight. He wouldn’t let Ami manipulate him and get rid of him because he had made a mistake. Unexpectedly, even Ryuuji had complex, unmanageable emotions about that. He felt stubborn and competitive about her acting as though she was the only one who understood things. 

He didn’t know what would happen next, and he didn’t want her to think of him as a failure who had given up. Basically, he might just want to be praised by Kawashima Ami.

Taiga cocked her head curiously as she compared Ryuuji and Ami’s faces. A strange, disquieting air lingered between them.

“I had no idea you didn’t get along to that extent, Dimhuahua and Ryuuji. Are you being so unfair to Ryuuji now because I told you not to be so friendly with him before the school trip?”

“No! Way! We just don’t get along. We’ve broken ties, as you can see.”

Hmph. Ami looked away and turned her back to the wagon as though she were going home, but Taiga grabbed the elbow of Ami’s jacket.

“Well, Dimhuahua, don’t talk about breaking ties. Just be nice already and buy some chocolates, and you can give them to Ryuuji to make up. Valentine’s Day came just in time. It’s perfect for you.”

“What did you say?! Actually, what?! You’re making me buy chocolates?! Aren’t you just having me be a plant?!”

“Then it’ll be my treat. Oh, but only one! And, right, you buy one for yourself, too. Then, you give that to Minorin and make up with her. I’ve been keeping an eye on you… You want to make up with Minorin, but you can’t because of your weirdly flip-flopping Chihuahua heart… If it’s too awkward for you, I can call Minorin over? Ha ha, I can’t believe I’d be the one to create an opportunity for you to be honest when you’re so damn impudent, Dimhuahua. No one can predict how a person will turn out.”

“Hmph!”

Speechless, Ami silently took off her gloves and slapped Taiga with them. If they had been medieval nobles, that would have been a call for a duel. It wasn’t as though Ryuuji didn’t understand why Ami would want to do that after her inner, complex feelings had been found out. But he was scared, so he didn’t butt in.

“Ow! Ow! Dimhuahua! Stop, I’ll release the impressions DVD to the public!”

“Who cares?! Do whatever you want!”

“Then I’ll break you down mentally! Take this!”

Taiga opened up her flip phone.

“Huh? This is…bwah!”

Taiga showed Ami the screen. Ami fell down, dropped her cap, took a glance at Ryuuji, and once again blurted out, “Bwah ha!” It was probably the picture Taiga had just taken earlier.

“Right… Let me see that for a second. What did it end up looking like?”

“You shouldn’t look. I think you wouldn’t be able to recover.”

“Let me see! In that case, delete it!”

“Like I could delete this when it’s so funny.”

Forgetting he was at work, Ryuuji ended up scuffling for the phone with Taiga. They stretched their arms out at each other as though they were playing one-on-one basketball.

“Oh! It’s Kawashima Ami-chan!” said a lone girl, who looked to be a junior high schooler, as she walked by the shop. She was probably on the way home from a nearby school after her club activities. Quite a few girls around the same age started appearing one after another. 

“Apparently she really does live around here!” 

“What, who?!” 

“The model! She’s so pretty! Can I get your picture?!” 

In a split second, a group of girls pulled out their cell phones and started making a scene. Shake my hand! they said. Which school do you go to?!

“Kawashima, you really are famous…”

Ami politely declined the pictures. “What? You did a great job recognizing me. ♥ Thanks so much for supporting me everyone. ♥” She went into her moist-eyed Chihuahua mode, shook their hands, and gave them autographs. The adults who passed by were watching the uproar quizzically, having no idea who Ami was and. 

“Actually, are you buying chocolates from this place?!”

“Ami-chan is buying them! She even has five boxes!”

The chocolates that Taiga had pressed on Ami were completely obvious and still openly visible in her hands. Instantly, the girls closed in on the wagon and started pulling out their wallets.

“I’ll buy them, too! I want to be like Ami-chan!”

“Me, too, me, too! Geh, they’re expensive! But I’ll buy some anyway!”

The housewives among the passersby, who were part of a generation that wouldn’t know who Ami was, also started to glance at the wagon as they heard the girls making a commotion asking for boxes small and large.

***

Of course, even though they didn’t sell out, they sold much more than their day’s quota. Before they went home, Taiga bought four small boxes, and the chocolate mountain became much smaller.

“I’ve been thinking of doing Valentine’s thank-you gifts for a while. I wanted to send some nice chocolates from the department store basement by mail, but now that this happened, I guess this will do.”

“Thank-you gifts? For what?”

Ryuuji and Taiga were on the way home, walking side-by-side together a slight distance apart.

“For Kitamura-kun, Minorin, and you. It’s a thank you for saving my life. They’re pretty shabby, but…I’ll at least give some to Dimhuahua, too. She did end up helping us. I told her one would be on me, but I forgot to give it to her—so, four boxes. I’ll give them out at school tomorrow. You think it’d be too weird to leave them in this packaging?”

“You’re giving some to me? That’s a little weird…for me at least. We’re going to be selling those tomorrow, too, you know.”

“Maybe I’ll do something about the packaging tonight.”

“Just melt them. Just remake them and say that they were handmade. That’s all you need to do to package them.”

They rounded their backs to the cold and stuck their hands in their pockets as they walked their usual route home. A cold wind came from nowhere, chilling them to the marrow. The backs of their throats felt like they were freezing over.

“You know what—” Taiga looked at her toes as she muttered. “Time just flew by. I felt like time wasn’t moving at all at first, but when we started selling, it went by really fast.”

“I felt like that, too.”

Ryuuji also faced down and pulled his scarf up to his mouth. He warmed himself slightly with his own breath. 

“I got tired, but it was a lot better than I expected—the work, that is.”

“Yeah, it really was, though I didn’t do anything.”

“You taped stuff, didn’t you?”

He actually felt regretful at the thought that the job would be done after the next day. He wanted to keep doing a lot more, Ryuuji thought. Actually moving around like this made him feel like he could start seeing a path forward. He felt like his helpless impatience and anxiety had gotten get hazier as he worked that day.

“About yesterday… I’m sorry I said that you were a nuisance.” He had been able to start working because Taiga was there. “Thanks. If I were alone, I would have made up excuses and never been able to work. I think.”

“What’re you talking about? Don’t thank me for something like that. I’m the one who needs to be thanking you.”

“You’re being nice for once. In that case, make sure you do something with those chocolates. If you look up a recipe online, I think you’ll find something that can tell you what to do.”

Ryuuji smiled like she’d made a joke, but Taiga turned to him slightly, and she pouted, “Actually… If I give you chocolates, Ryuuji, would you be happy?”

“Huh?”

Ryuuji looked back at Taiga. As though she understood his confusion, she added, “Because I have no clue.”

“You have no clue about what?” Ryuuji was the one to pout this time. “What kind of brute do you think I am if I wouldn’t be happy getting chocolates as a thank you from you… You really don’t know?”

“I got it… Then…then, I’ll work really hard. I’ll try to make them a little better.” Taiga swung the plastic bag in her hand and nodded as she stared at the four boxes of chocolate. 

When she said “then,” it was like she was saying she was working hard in order to make me happy. 

Taiga was working hard because it would make him happy—because she liked him.

Ryuuji looked at her stubborn face and stopped walking.

Taiga had said that even if she tried her best, it would amount to nothing. She’d tried her best and just ended up falling down a cliff, she’d said. That she would still do her best for him meant that she was prepared to fall down that cliff if necessary. 

In that case—he wanted to grab Taiga’s hand as she fell. He wanted to pull her back up and save her. What could he do if that was how he felt?

Suddenly, Ryuuji felt like the ground at his feet was collapsing. 

He’d thought that if he hadn’t found out how she felt, nothing would have changed. That if he could just forget what had happened, things would go back to the way they were.

But that was wrong, wasn’t it?

Taiga was still falling down the cliff. She was still being hurt, and despite that, she hadn’t called out for help. He would lose her. She would leave Ryuuji on top of the hill in the blizzard and fall, silently, until she could eventually walk out on her own.

Taiga kept walking, not noticing Ryuuji standing stock-still under the midwinter night sky. Her back, bathed in the bright white of the streetlights, moved farther and farther away. Her long hair moved with the sound of her footsteps. In that moment, she might really have been unreachable. She was going off alone. That was the direction Taiga had decided to take.

Then what about me?

Taiga had made a mistake.

She let Ryuuji hear her voice.

If something started stirring because of that mistake, then who would take responsibility for it? Was it okay for him to forget about it? But…

But, but, but, but—he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t just watch as Taiga went off on her own. He couldn’t do anything now that his feelings had been stirred. And even if he could forget about it and pretend it never happened, he didn’t want to do that anymore. He didn’t want to turn a blind eye ever again when Taiga was hurting.

He wanted to save Taiga.

Just like Taiga, he had swallowed back his cry for help. He had wanted to cling to her, and still, he had desperately let go of her hand, because the journey Ryuuji needed to take was his alone.

But when it came to Taiga—when he thought about how Taiga would be at a standstill, hurt, and continuing to try her best, he realized her journey was toward him. Ryuuji wanted to help Taiga as she fell. He wanted to run out into the blizzard and grab Taiga’s hand as many times as he needed to. To make sure Taiga wouldn’t be hurt anymore, to make sure she didn’t fall down anymore, he didn’t want to let go of her hand ever again. He didn’t want to be left alone again.

He wanted Taiga to know that.

Finally noticing that Ryuuji wasn’t following after her, as she held her hair back from the wind, Taiga stopped and turned around. The hem of her white angora coat turned up, and the frills on her long skirt fluttered. Her eyes twinkled brightly. Her light-peach lips moved, and he heard her voice as she said something—Ryuuji! What do you think you’re doing? I thought you were with me, so I was talking all by myself!

That was Aisaka Taiga.

She was in the same class as him. They were coincidentally neighbors. People called her the Palmtop Tiger. She was stubborn, tyrannical, arrogant, a rich mademoiselle, an abandoned child, a klutz, careless, rough, but delicate. She was easy to break and had to be carefully handled. She was as lonely as an aimless paper airplane.

That was Aisaka Taiga.

“Taiga…”

I want to help you, Ryuuji thought.

He wanted to give her something that would make her glow with happiness. No matter what form it took, no matter what it was, he just earnestly wanted to give her happiness with his very own hands.

That was why he didn’t want to pretend that he hadn’t heard her. He couldn’t forget it. Ryuuji wanted to always hear Taiga’s voice. Her true voice.

But Taiga wouldn’t understand that. Taiga wouldn’t understand Ryuuji’s feelings.

Taiga was going off alone. She was holding her tongue and leaving Ryuuji behind.